I count 14 "do's and don'ts" for the privilege of being allowed to spend Christmas with her.

This "relationship" has to be made up right? Nobody in their right mind would actually go along with this cr*p?

Given rumours of Liz's relationship with Nic, do you think her eye might really be on Ashleigh?

I got the impression that the Christmas houseguest was sent packing before (or phaps on) Christmas Day.

I think you may be right, as she states she was alone on Christmas Day.

I don't think she is lesbian, God knows we'd all have heard every single detail of the hell and torture of it by now and how no other woman has ever suffered from being gay like she has. There's no way she'd leave a rich mine like that untapped.

Oh gosh yes ... remember her rant about her niece's gay friend and how she, Liz, is more qualified to speak about LGBT issues than an actual gay person is?

Totally agree, alaninmer. Two of my best friends and my brother are on the autism spectrum - and yes, they'd be totally horrified to think they'd caused upset to anyone.

Jones gets more awful every week. She doesn't care WHO she hurts - friends, family, lover. Seems to me she hurts them for hard cash - to keep her pathetic 'Diary' and her job going. Despicable.

Love her Rule #11 ("Never complain, about anything"). If she followed her own advice, her Diary would be about two lines long. Think she would be better off training a new dog than trying to have an adult relationship.
Also, who else is agog at just WHO this mysterious "movie star" she has suddenly claimed she has been smitten with for years can be ? No-one ? Thought not. Yet another flight of fancy just as her relationship is crashing on the rocks.

One she has, to my knowledge, never so much as hinted at before now ?

I'm just staggared that she keeps up this pretence about when she met up again with David. It wasn't a couple of years ago, it was in fact way back in 2005, the Mail may have removed it from their website but fortunately it doesn't own the internet
Here's the link: http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-137367589.html

and here's the article:

""Liz,' the northern voice on the other end of the phone said. 'It's David Scrace.' This is someone I hadn't spoken to for 22 years. My first proper, proper love, someone I would have given anything in order to make him love me back.

We arranged to meet for lunch. I spent hours getting ready.

Would I be a disappointment after all these years? He had sent me a text saying he hoped he wouldn't be a disappointment.

Because he had never dumped me, I had never got over him. He was my, 'What if?' I remember what it was like, loving him.

It was a fierce longing I have never felt since.

When we met I was 20, 21 and he was 32. If he had only succumbed to my charms, I could have had a happier life, been, well, normal. I would probably even have a giant teenager by now.

I got to the restaurant early.

'Your guest is already here,' said the ma"tre d'. I looked over at the small man at the bar. He had really long, grey hair but the twinkle in the eyes was still there. We hugged. We sat down. I told him I wanted some answers, closure. He looked scared.
For Cathrin.....

'Did you know I loved you?' I asked him. 'No, I didn't have a clue,' he said. 'But even your best friend guessed,' I persisted. 'He never mentioned it,' he replied. (What do men talk about?) I asked him if I had actually told him how I felt, would he have gone out with me? 'No,' he said. 'You just weren't my type. You really had a lucky escape. I'm a complete waste of space.

It would have ended badly.' He told me he had got married in 1985, had a son, Ben, now 18, and then his marriage broke up because he had an affair. He lived in France for few years, but is now back in London, with a new girlfriend, Paola, who is two years younger than I am. 'Did you realise our trip to see Siouxsie and the Banshees was a date?' I asked him. 'Um, no. I don't remember even going, to be honest.' He commented on the fact I must be really successful. 'Yes, well, I threw myself into work when I couldn't have you,' I said, which was true. Plus, my self-esteem had taken a mortal blow.

When I got home, I cried for my 21-year-old self. If I had known then what I know now - that David would marry two years later, that I would wait 20 years before I found someone who loved me back - I would have given up there and then. If I think of all the time and effort I put into making him love me - the squash lessons, the concert tickets - and for what?

I had reminded him that at the party I held in 1983, just so that I could invite him, he had got off with my friend Wilma.

'How on earth is she?' he had said as I paid the bill. I asked if he thought I had changed. 'You still have the same hairstyle. To be honest, I hadn't even remembered your name,' he said, walking out of my life all over again."

Publication dated 9th October 2005."

As I'm sure I've remarked before, that's not love, it's a crush. If only Liz would see fit to realise that her life would not have been any different if he had Noticed Her and done whatever the 80s version was of having a relationship carried out completely via text message. Because it seems highly unlikely that she would not have been bitterly disappointed in him just as she is today, even if she hadn't developed expectations of big diamonds and poncy scented candles. It seems that she's always been fiercely ambitious and fundamentally miserable. David meanwhile is not a fantasy, he's a person, and if she doesn't care for him maybe she should let him go, or at least stop vilifying him in print. I suspect it's meant to be amusing, but it's not.

Interestingly enough, when I was 19 or 20, I too fell madly in love with a slightly older boy, except he actually won my attentions by groping me on the couch at a party. We had a short fling and then he was gone. I was CRAZY for him. Crazy. For a couple of years. And then life continued and I met other people and had other relationships, and a year or so back I got a friend request from ... who? Why is that name familiar? OH! And there he is looking like men who smoke far too much pot look in their 50s, with some FB friends who are obviously his children, and the sense of distance is profound. I remember how mad I was for him with a soft sort of glow, and some embarrassment for my young silly self, but I don't feel the slightest desire to reconnect beyond the occasional "like" (he doesn't post a lot).

These things happen in life. These kinds of crushes are really special in their way, but they're not reality, and we grow up.

We've all had unrequited crushes on people when we were young, but most people use these as part of a maturing process and move on. Liz seems to use his (innocent) lack of awareness of her then as a stick to beat him with constantly, and to brow-beat him about how he robbed her of her chance of a normal life.
I know she plays fast and loose with her age (and facts in general), but in 1983 she would be 25, if you can believe she was born in 1958; not the 20, 21 she claims, so it seems a bit strange for someone that age to be acting in that way....
As the Psychiatrist in Fawlty Towers said: "There's enough material there for an entire conference".

I'm a new poster but long-time lurker and I have no idea why I'm still reading the dreary because it's more and more appalling each week. The things she writes about David are horrifying and I don't know why the Mail keep her on when she gets barely any comments compared to a few years ago and when she's just rehashing the same things over and over.

What I can't make up my mind on is just how "real" LJ and her relationship with David is. I want to agree with the posters here who think they have an arrangement where she gets to write about him and he gets expensive gifts like the blasted gold Dunhill lighter in return, but what does it say about David that he's willing to be humiliated in the second best selling paper in Britain week in week out for some tacky trinkets? On the other hand, if the relationship is real then that means David is a victim is of horrendous emotional abuse and seems to be fearful of cutting ties with LJ because she offers him some financial security and companionship in his aging years. Neither scenario says anything good about David's mental health because anyone else in his position, whether it's scenario A or scenario B would have told LJ to shove it ages ago.

I suppose the main reason I'm still reading is to see how long this can go on because something's gotta give. Hasn't it?

It shouldn't be possible but she's getting even more vile. The diary this week is disgusting to the point I've decided to boycott all her ramblings. She's now so nasty I feel wrong acknowledging her "work" and giving her any attention of any sort for a moment.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the farticle and the idea of Jonesy setting herself up to advise other women about how to avoid massive debt.

Is there any coherent time-scale for her witterings? Because she's harping on again about the £1 spending limit but recently she was booking stupidly expensive treats for the man she either is or isn't engaged to. Does she blend past and present in some kind of Jones Time or is the whole bloody shebang just made up?

The latest article does show how stupid she is with her career. OK the editor of Grazia did not bother to reply to her stupid article suggestion. Most people would just "suck it up" but instead she burns her bridges by slagging the editor off in a national newspaper. It also shows how much she is persona non grata in the industry - she is banned from many fashion events and cannot even get acknowledgments from ex-colleagues in the media.

I won't start on her treatment of the animals, as I'll get too annoyed.

I'll believe Louise Redknapp was friendly (by all accounts and appearances she seems nice) but two men young enough to be Liz's grandsons hitting on her? Dream on. And yet more foreshadowing to the regurgitation of the "Rockstar" columns but replaced with "Movie Star"

She criticises DScrace for being a vegetarian who eats fish, yet is a "vegan" who eats eggs and goat cheese. Niiiiiiice

She really is getting worse. Does she think people will find it funny or endearing her castigating the Baker for failing to keep up with her power-walking because he's doubled over with pain? Or having a go at him for leaving his prescription tablets laying around? He must be really desperate for comfort in his old age to put up with all that.

And how is it that she's limited to spending £1 a week or whatever nonsense she claimed and yet she's buying the most expensive brand of paint and staying in a private members club (I've been to the Hospital Club for business meetings - it's not cheap).

As for the farticle where she makes light of suicide, claims to have malnutrition, offers her financial advice (on how you can be supposedly on the breadline and yet buy endless namechecked designer schmutter and beauty treatments?) and claims Nic's stalker as her own, words fail me.

I love that she thinks we'll fall for the "hit on by hipsters" fantasy. Do hipsters read the MoS or watch Celeb Big Brother? Hmmm. How did she hear them anyway, seeing that she's borderline/profoundly deaf?
I do believe her dry-clean only pants may be on fire. Again.

I feel sorry for the baker for one minute, then I remember that he went into this with his eyes wide open.
Agree with everything said about the carp written in the dreary and contradictory farticle today, can't afford to eat when she's globe trotting/buying expensive treats and dining in all these fancy places? pfft.
The woman can't even keep her lies straight from one sentence to the next. So he sent her stocking fillers to his daughter..but his ex girlfriend will be shocked to receive them..ermm okay.

I think you may be right
Second mention of the posh lunch with the movie star..oh dear,not sure I can last through a total rehash of fake rock star.

Apart from her remarks about suicide, which I won't dignify with commentary, is it wrong that I found this week's output less offensively nasty than last week's? Particularly her equation of DScrace dropping his phone in the toilet with "waterboarding", and responding to the risk that he was fragile enough to fall down the stairs to her basement by snarling "I REFUSE TO BE YOUR CARER!" at him (rather than expressing concern for his health or, you know, taking some safety precautions?

She complains about not being able to afford anything from "Browns on South Molton Street", which is apparently a designer outlet, but ... according to their website, their prices are about on a par with the obscene amounts that she regularly claims to spend on clothes anyway. So why is this place prohibitively expensive all of a sudden, when she can somehow stump up the cash to spend the same money on the same clothes but from other shops?


I was under the impression that the ex-girlfriend was his daughter's mother (whereas he and "Diminutive Gong Li" just have the son) but if so, why would she be surprised at him sending their daughter a Christmas present? Isn't that what fathers usually do at Christmas?

In today's Diary she says

"What worries me is he is now taking a variety of tablets. I'm not worried that he is ill but that he leaves them, in a pile, on surface."

Aaaaargh - those 'dry clean' pants again! Of which she only owns two pairs with which to cover her nether regions. Wish you hadn't mentioned them, Rubbish Name ... 'cos it doesn't bear thinking about but try as I may, I speculate upon them, can't help it. Of course, they MUST be 'designer' pants. And being dunked every other day in tetrachloroethene, year after year after year... What does the Lizard do if, say, there's some sort of 'accident' (no need to go into details) and the only other pair being at the dry cleaners ...? Only asking.

M & S do bargain packs of four or five pairs of good, sturdy 'cotton rich' knickers for a few quid ... And they don't need dry-cleaning. Just a session in the washing machine. Assume she DOES have a washing machine.