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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 4)
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Mrs BBV
10-01-2016
Originally Posted by seventhwave:
“Apart from her remarks about suicide, which I won't dignify with commentary, is it wrong that I found this week's output less offensively nasty than last week's? Particularly her equation of DScrace dropping his phone in the toilet with "waterboarding", and responding to the risk that he was fragile enough to fall down the stairs to her basement by snarling "I REFUSE TO BE YOUR CARER!" at him (rather than expressing concern for his health or, you know, taking some safety precautions?

She complains about not being able to afford anything from "Browns on South Molton Street", which is apparently a designer outlet, but ... according to their website, their prices are about on a par with the obscene amounts that she regularly claims to spend on clothes anyway. So why is this place prohibitively expensive all of a sudden, when she can somehow stump up the cash to spend the same money on the same clothes but from other shops?



I was under the impression that the ex-girlfriend was his daughter's mother (whereas he and "Diminutive Gong Li" just have the son) but if so, why would she be surprised at him sending their daughter a Christmas present? Isn't that what fathers usually do at Christmas?”

I think she refers to Browns as she's not welcome in some of the high end stores in London. Can't remember the name of one but it's opposite Harrods and she assassinated them in print for not giving her a cash refund on some J Brand jeans when she lost the receipt. Funnily enough I don't expect she's that welcome in Victoria Beckham etc either. She's has boasted before that she got a 30% discount in most London stores but that might be when she wrote about fashion as opposed to the great long whinge her articles are now.
seventhwave
10-01-2016
Originally Posted by Mrs BBV:
“I think she refers to Browns as she's not welcome in some of the high end stores in London. Can't remember the name of one but it's opposite Harrods and she assassinated them in print for not giving her a cash refund on some J Brand jeans when she lost the receipt. Funnily enough I don't expect she's that welcome in Victoria Beckham etc either. She's has boasted before that she got a 30% discount in most London stores but that might be when she wrote about fashion as opposed to the great long whinge her articles are now.”

Didn't she say that VB is especially adamant about banning Liz and has had security staff throw her out more than once (despite Liz frequently name-dropping VB's clothes in a bid for freebies?)

On an unrelated note, I've found out that an article Liz wrote in 2011 (about the conditions that gold miners work in and the importance of buying Fairtrade) was used as a question in the following year's GCSE English papers. It wasn't too bad as Liz goes, except for where she just HAD to mention that "the miners take pity on me and relieve me of my heavy Michael Kors bag", but I hope it's the first and last time she'll find herself featured in exam papers ...
tszujme
11-01-2016
Except possibly for psychiatry students...
IFonly58
11-01-2016
I think Zelda should do them a favour by sorting out their unbelievably toxic relationship, which seems to revolve around her slagging him off, and him descending into some catatonic acceptance of her bullying.
Both of them on stress pills ?? - -wake up, do each other a favour and get out !
Interesting that her "grave-dressing" of the relationship is going the same way as her previous marriage -in which she presents her partners as pitiful creatures trailing in her designer-clad shadow while she powers ahead of them literally and metaphorically (did I remember that she once called herself a "colossus striding the media" after she split from her husband)...so cue some cringe-inducing fake flattery from hipsters, trendy pop stars... and Louise Redknapp (actually, that one I can believe, although she was probably just being polite as Louise is, by all accounts, one of the nicest people on the planet).
They all seem to have loved her on CBB, but IIRC she came over as a bit of a wet blanket and as quiet as the proverbial church mouse..
amikolaichek
12-01-2016
Originally Posted by IFonly58:
“I think Zelda should do them a favour by sorting out their unbelievably toxic relationship, which seems to revolve around her slagging him off, and him descending into some catatonic acceptance of her bullying.
Both of them on stress pills ?? - -wake up, do each other a favour and get out !
Interesting that her "grave-dressing" of the relationship is going the same way as her previous marriage -in which she presents her partners as pitiful creatures trailing in her designer-clad shadow while she powers ahead of them literally and metaphorically (did I remember that she once called herself a "colossus striding the media" after she split from her husband)...so cue some cringe-inducing fake flattery from hipsters, trendy pop stars... and Louise Redknapp (actually, that one I can believe, although she was probably just being polite as Louise is, by all accounts, one of the nicest people on the planet).
They all seem to have loved her on CBB, but IIRC she came over as a bit of a wet blanket and as quiet as the proverbial church mouse..”

Sorry, feeling a bit dense, but what is 'IIRC', please?
vampyre
12-01-2016
Originally Posted by amikolaichek:
“Sorry, feeling a bit dense, but what is 'IIRC', please?”

If I recall correctly.
amikolaichek
12-01-2016
Originally Posted by vampyre:
“If I recall correctly.”

Thanks, vampyre.
Bellagio
17-01-2016
I know there's been strong competition down the years, but today's Dreary may well be the worst written and least logical ever.
Emmabelle
17-01-2016
Blimey! The Nic meltdown was a long time coming...
seventhwave
17-01-2016
I know this is like criticising the paint job on the Titanic, but: would one's bank REALLY email you with news of impending repossession? Surely for something as important as that they would do it over the phone or, more likely, would phone or write to request a meeting?

At least today Liz seems to have remembered that the guy was indeed stalking Nic and not her! (Or rather not remembered ... since her first and only thought when Nic vanished for hours was for Liz's inconvenience, NOT that Nic might be in any danger with the stalker so close by)
Suzy_Cat
17-01-2016
The Farticle is infuriating. Liz, they would equally criticise a man or a rich woman for spending their money on anti-Kate Winslet coats, holidays and special toothpaste *if they also refused to pay their bills and spent half their time bragging about their wealth, half their time squalling about their desperate poverty*.

I don't understand why she doesn't understand. You pay your mortgage and your bills FIRST. After THAT you look at how much money you have left and spend accordingly. If you do not have any money left over then you do not buy your "boyfriend" gold Dunhill lighters and iPads and bespoke suits. It's really not that hard.

The crack about the hair is hilarious. Oh no I can't dye my hair at home for I am a fashion maven and I need a proper hairdresser like Jamie Oliver needs flour. Well, I strongly suspect Jamie Oliver would broker himself some sort of flour contra deal with an advertiser if he couldn't afford flour, and if that didn't work, he'd probably reinvent himself as a paleo guru. Seriously. Dita von Teese claims to colour her own hair and she's famous for her looks and style. Liz is not. Given that, at her age, she's probably fairly grey, going to a hairdresser (or enlisting a friend) for good even application is a good idea. but it's a single solid tint that any suburban hairdresser could do. It doesn't have to be Harrods. I guarantee there are fash mag hags all over the show who colour their hair out of a box.
seventhwave
17-01-2016
No Liz, Jack Monroe doesn't "say what she likes because she's left-wing/a lesbian/a mother." She, unlike you, has experienced actual, crushing poverty and had to live off the recipes she publishes. People may be somewhat more receptive to her words than yours because she doesn't presume to tell the genuinely impoverished what they can afford to eat, whilst stuffing her own maw with £5 "artisan" bread and dinner from designer vegan restaurants
fizzycat
17-01-2016
I'm genuinely puzzled about the house. Selling by auction isn't likely to raise anything like she paid for it (or that's my experience anyway). And if she really did have the kitchen demolished and not yet replaced, that's another chunk off the value so she's going to have a lot more than the auction price to pay off.

She also said before Christmas, if there's any truth in anything she writes, that she'd been ordered to put it on the market. Being a nosey cow, I've been watching for it appearing on a sales site or estate agent/property auctionsite and there's nothing so far. (But I did learn the energy efficiency rating of the house and she was crazy to buy it without investing a substantial amount into insulation and improvement!)
Neio
17-01-2016
So if we're to believe the Dreary, the Lizzard left a Christmas present and card for the guy she's painted in the national press as a drunken, dangerous stalker, and then she's surprised (and chilled to the bone apparently) when he returns it?

Interesting to see that she's now even alienated Nic, one of her only friends (although it's never clear at any given time whether she's supposed to have friends or not...). It'd be very interesting to see Nic give her side of events.

Does anyone really believe she spent nearly 20 straight hours writing to churn out this week's Dreary, the latest regurgitated Farticle, part of her eagerly awaited (not) novel, and this screenplay (is this something she's just decided to write herself? I don't believe someone else would have commissioned it on the basis of what we've seen of her writing output)?

As for the Farticle, how does she not get that people don't criticise those other people posting about their latest acquisitions (although they probably do, for showing off) is because they don't then go pleading poverty after reeling off lists of designer purchases and treatments they've bought. And, as has been mentioned above, Jack Monroe has experienced genuine poverty, raising a child on benefits. And is it jusit me, or was there a nasty undertone of homophobia in her singling out Jack and the gay men on Instagram too?
alaninmcr
17-01-2016
Originally Posted by fizzycat:
“I'm genuinely puzzled about the house. Selling by auction isn't likely to raise anything like she paid for it (or that's my experience anyway). And if she really did have the kitchen demolished and not yet replaced, that's another chunk off the value so she's going to have a lot more than the auction price to pay off.”

I think it's quite usual for a house to be auctioned off if someone can't pay their mortgage. It's not clear though who is demanding the house be sold. It could be part of her arrangement with HMRC, so she's really stupid if she isn't following the agreement to the letter,

Also, does anyone know exactly what the relationship is with Nic. Is she a paid companion?
seventhwave
17-01-2016
Further to my previous, I wasn't aware at the time of posting that Jack Monroe has now requested we refer to them as "they" rather than "she". Sorry about that

Originally Posted by Neio:
“So if we're to believe the Dreary, the Lizzard left a Christmas present and card for the guy she's painted in the national press as a drunken, dangerous stalker, and then she's surprised (and chilled to the bone apparently) when he returns it?”

She doesn't think for a moment how Nic might feel about her encouraging the guy to stay in touch. (I don't recall if he got an ASBO or a restraining order or anything like it ... but if he did, surely the law would not look kindly on Liz's overtures when Nic works at Liz's home and is likely to be there if the stalker visits?) And when Nic goes AWOL, at no point does it occur to Liz that Nic might be in danger - knowing that the stalker is just down the road and has been over to the house today!


Originally Posted by Neio:
“And is it jusit me, or was there a nasty undertone of homophobia in her singling out Jack and the gay men on Instagram too?”

No, there definitely is. She openly states that she thinks that Monroe and the gay men get away with saying/buying whatever they like without criticism simply because of their sexuality, while Poor Liz is persecuted for being straight. She already thinks she has the right to speak over LGBT people (Remember when she got righteously angry at her niece following a gay vlogger instead of talking to Liz, who OBVIOUSLY knows much more about being gay than an actual gay person does?)
Yve_Hamilton_Br
17-01-2016
Whatever she paid for the house, I seem to recall she also took out a bank loan on it, not that long ago. I would think that swallowed up any possible equity and that's why the bank are forcing the sale. They may e mail her as a quick way of contacting her, but also send her a letter. Wouldn't surprise me if the car was next to go!

I just do not understand how anyone who has an accountant or financial advisor can get themselves into this sort of situation. Perhaps this explains why she seems to be clinging to David like a life raft - somewhere to live?
Ber
17-01-2016
I have a vague memory from my years of watching homes under the hammer that it's very difficult to sell a house with no kitchen (and/or bathroom) as you wouldn't be able to get a mortgage - therefore it would be a cash sale only. Hence, IMO, needing to go to auction.
fizzycat
17-01-2016
Originally Posted by Yve_Hamilton_Br:
“Whatever she paid for the house, I seem to recall she also took out a bank loan on it, not that long ago. I would think that swallowed up any possible equity and that's why the bank are forcing the sale. They may e mail her as a quick way of contacting her, but also send her a letter. Wouldn't surprise me if the car was next to go!

I just do not understand how anyone who has an accountant or financial advisor can get themselves into this sort of situation. Perhaps this explains why she seems to be clinging to David like a life raft - somewhere to live?”

I didn't realise there was a bank loan secured on the house - that would explain why she's been told to put it up for auction. My bewilderment was based on knowing first-hand from when husband number 1 left me in massive debt that a building society will reposess then sell by auction and not expect the defaulter to sell the property themselves.

So she's been told to sell by either the bank or HMRC. MIght be a good idea if she did something about it other than writing 8-hours worth of poor me witterings.
pixieboots
17-01-2016
I don't believe that after nearly 40 years of journalism that she cannot churn out 800 words of the shite she writes now in under an hour. I could write her column in 30 mins and still troll more people than she could ever dream of, any of us could. Its good writing that's difficult to do.
Leaving a bottle of whiskey for that neighbour must have upset him and his family, she said herself he is vulnerable so after taking him to court and putting a restraining order on him why would she initiate contact again. He drives a flippin land rover so he's hardly likely to be in dire need of a Christmas cake.
She did that to get material imo, hence Nic's "you want me to hit you" remark.
ianradioian
17-01-2016
Her column is either a total made up load of old fanny; or her life really is a real- life car crash!
sunstone
17-01-2016
Buying the stalker a bottle of whiskey? pfft. Wine for all the neighbours, like lady bountiful ,and she wonders why she is broke!
I bet the burnt potato wasn't any old spud she put in the oven, but some precooked effort that cost as much for one as for a whole bag of normal ones.
Would her IVA thing allow her to continue to pay Nic? I have no idea why Nic moved to N,Yorks with her anyway, unless it is their "close" friendship.
Neio
17-01-2016
Originally Posted by sunstone:
“Buying the stalker a bottle of whiskey? pfft. Wine for all the neighbours, like lady bountiful ,and she wonders why she is broke!
I bet the burnt potato wasn't any old spud she put in the oven, but some precooked effort that cost as much for one as for a whole bag of normal ones.”

I bet it was too. Lizard strikes me as one of those people who pays twice as much for pre-sliced vegetables. When she's not buying vegan eggs.

And for all she brags in the farticle about having to have her hair dyed in the most fashionable salon, in every picture I've seen of her hair, it looks awful - just a solid, ageing jet black (sorry, 'midnight storm') that looks dry and brittle. If she was paying for some amazing highlights or something I could imagine it would be worth it, but I don't believe it would look any worse done at the local regular salon or even with a home kit, and might look a lot better.
IFonly58
17-01-2016
Liz. .why on earth would you buy Nic's stalker whisky? Either to let himself get drunk and cause trouble so she can have something to write about?. Also she is NOT being made bankrupt if there is an IVA in place.
Love her assertion that she was "working" from 6am till 1am-most of her time seems to have been spent walking the dogs, dropping off presents, texting/fighting with Nicole and fretting she might have to get up and feed her animals.
Her Farticle is particularly bile-drenched this week, as well as being spectacularly incomprehensible. Exactly who are the green-eyed people who live in these "..Housing Association flats.." - is that you, David ?
And to answer your question..the people managing your IVA are the arbiter of what you can spend your money on now, as you obviously haven't a clue.
Lizzyroz
17-01-2016
Originally Posted by Yve_Hamilton_Br:
“I just do not understand how anyone who has an accountant or financial advisor can get themselves into this sort of situation. Perhaps this explains why she seems to be clinging to David like a life raft - somewhere to live?”

Clinging to him like a life raft in order to get column inches out of him more like.

If she moves in with him, where will the menagerie go?
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