DS Forums

 
 

Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 4)


Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 16-03-2016, 14:06
Ade_Lw
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 791
Interestingly, for the first time for ages I have not had a reply to Liz printed.

I wrote that I thought Nigel (from Dorset) was undoubtedly Liz in disguise - nobody real would think like that and not be locked up in a secure unit!
Hang on a minute, so we're thinking Lizbott is swooning Nigel ?
No wonder she's always typing, just how many extra people is she : Nige, Kittiya, Eyebrow queen ? Not forgetting FRS
Ade_Lw is offline   Reply With Quote
Please sign in or register to remove this advertisement.
Old 16-03-2016, 14:21
Ade_Lw
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 791
Perhaps her next Dreary entry will begin something like this:-

In which the psychic's predictions have incensed me.

Well, dear reader, I went to see the psychic in good faith and now I'm absolutely distraught.

I'm convinced he's a fraud. He was dressed like a gypsy, had several astrological charts all over the place and massive crystal balls on the table. The place was almost as dark as
David's bathroom before I bought a new light for it.

He looked at my palm, gazed into one of his crystal balls and seemed to go into a trance.

I see that you are not really as kind as you pretend to be. You buy gifts for people in order to boast about it and then write unkind things about their being ungrateful. You betray people in print and do not care about their feelings. The spirits tell me you are self-obsessed.

I gasped incredulously. How could he have the audacity to say such unkind and untrue things about me?

I see a man with a large rolling pin. You treat him like dirt yet he always comes back for more abuse. Be very careful as he may eventually see the light and dump you. If you
keep spending money like water, you will have none left and this man's flat will be the only place you will have to live in but if, he dumps you, you will have nowhere else to go.

I was so furious that I told him he was a charlatan and I wouldn't pay him any money for all this claptrap. Unfortunately, I was so beside myself that I ripped up his astrological charts, punched his face, upturned the table and kicked his crystal balls all around the room.

The police were called and I was charged with damage to property and GBH.

My case comes up next month.
LOVE THIS
Ade_Lw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-03-2016, 14:33
Ade_Lw
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 791
seventhwave, I'm sorry, maybe I have a dirty mind, but when you said 'And there's the column that the Baker pressed her against ...' er - did she mean an actual 'architectural' type column, or the Baker's, um, mighty - how shall I put it? Rolling pin?
Think you'll find the "oven" was pretty grand as flats go, complete with columns. Don't have the foggiest about the Bakers bean stalk, not in anyway curious to know about the size of his portions.
Ade_Lw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-03-2016, 15:57
Ade_Lw
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 791
Yuck!
No it was up against a pillar in her London 'cupboard'. Not many tiny poky flats have pillars, and this one even had a balcony. Cupboard indeed. Here are some images of the Ziggurat building in Farringdon where the Mail rented her an apartment. Miniscule.
Sorry mate I didn't see your post and have said something along those lines
Ade_Lw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-03-2016, 16:55
Jennifer_Jones2
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 147
I wrote that I thought Nigel (from Dorset) was undoubtedly Liz in disguise - nobody real would think like that and not be locked up in a secure unit!


Well Nigel suddenly turned up out of nowhere, apparently totally besotted with her and offering her everything she seems to want. It just seems to me that his responses are worded to get reactions from her readers. The wording used in his messages seems to be also far more the sort of thing a woman would use, rather than a man. Any thoughts, anyone?
Jennifer_Jones2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-03-2016, 19:05
amikolaichek
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Islington, London
Posts: 460
I wrote that I thought Nigel (from Dorset) was undoubtedly Liz in disguise - nobody real would think like that and not be locked up in a secure unit!


Well Nigel suddenly turned up out of nowhere, apparently totally besotted with her and offering her everything she seems to want. It just seems to me that his responses are worded to get reactions from her readers. The wording used in his messages seems to be also far more the sort of thing a woman would use, rather than a man. Any thoughts, anyone?
Barbara Cartland? http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgur...bnw=139&w=1536

Oh ....oops!
amikolaichek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-03-2016, 19:59
Polomini
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 503
I always thought Nigel from Dorset was either tongue in cheek, or a lovesick swain in the mould of Benny from Crossroads (hmm, that dates me...!). Anyway, pretty harmless and rather sweet.

Nothing like Ms Jones, in other words.
Polomini is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-03-2016, 21:57
Ade_Lw
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 791
I wrote that I thought Nigel (from Dorset) was undoubtedly Liz in disguise - nobody real would think like that and not be locked up in a secure unit!


Well Nigel suddenly turned up out of nowhere, apparently totally besotted with her and offering her everything she seems to want. It just seems to me that his responses are worded to get reactions from her readers. The wording used in his messages seems to be also far more the sort of thing a woman would use, rather than a man. Any thoughts, anyone?
Who knows ?
She does like to play games at her readers expense, also any opportunity to let us all know just how sexually desirable she is, so Nige could be as real as a vegan egg. Or even Lizbott's size 8 behind. That was a tad bitchy !!!! (This device is convinced I meant to type blotchy, maybe it knows something I don't, ha)
Ade_Lw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-03-2016, 19:30
amikolaichek
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Islington, London
Posts: 460
Who knows ?
She does like to play games at her readers expense, also any opportunity to let us all know just how sexually desirable she is, so Nige could be as real as a vegan egg. Or even Lizbott's size 8 behind. That was a tad bitchy !!!! (This device is convinced I meant to type blotchy, maybe it knows something I don't, ha)
Hmm, not sure your device got it wrong, Ade_Lw - if Jones is wearing Myla throngs FAR too small for her, her derriere might well be blotchy and perhaps even with the extremely painful 'cheese wire' condition ... (think about it).
amikolaichek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-03-2016, 19:11
Ade_Lw
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 791
Hmm, not sure your device got it wrong, Ade_Lw - if Jones is wearing Myla throngs FAR too small for her, her derriere might well be blotchy and perhaps even with the extremely painful 'cheese wire' condition ... (think about it).
No no no, way too much information !! Don't make me think about it - EVER
Cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would want to wear those contraptions.
They are NOT sexy, just gross. Believe me not all blokes want to see bums hanging out:blush


Just call me Ade if you want :
Ade_Lw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-03-2016, 19:54
Ade_Lw
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 791
Actually now you've got me started:
I blame the likes of Liz Jones and all those stupid magazines, I call them Repression Propaganda, cos they keep woman feeling down about themselves, and she really keeps this horrible lie going that all women must present themselves without any body hair or they are slattern. My partner showed me an ask the Dr letter in a publication called Glamour some years back. The enquiry was should this woman under go a full wax before having a gyny exam ?? WTF ?? The male Dr replies he didn't mind but everyone loves a Brazilian. So extrapolate that to a bloke going for a prostrate exam, no bloke in his right mind would be thinking should I get a back, catch and sack wax before I see the Dr.

This shows just how crazy this has become and Jones is right at the front of all this nonsense. Leave women to be real women, not hairless dolls.
Rant over
Ade_Lw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-03-2016, 20:25
amikolaichek
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Islington, London
Posts: 460
Actually now you've got me started:
I blame the likes of Liz Jones and all those stupid magazines, I call them Repression Propaganda, cos they keep woman feeling down about themselves, and she really keeps this horrible lie going that all women must present themselves without any body hair or they are slattern. My partner showed me an ask the Dr letter in a publication called Glamour some years back. The enquiry was should this woman under go a full wax before having a gyny exam ?? WTF ?? The male Dr replies he didn't mind but everyone loves a Brazilian. So extrapolate that to a bloke going for a prostrate exam, no bloke in his right mind would be thinking should I get a back, catch and sack wax before I see the Dr.

This shows just how crazy this has become and Jones is right at the front of all this nonsense. Leave women to be real women, not hairless dolls.
Rant over
Rant away, Ade. I couldn't agree more. As a freelance journalist, including being the women's editor for a large group of regional papers during my working life, (1960s-1989) the 'depilation down there' subject rarely came up. I was also the Agony Aunt, plus Beauty Questions Answered columnist (all under different names), so I do know of what I speak! Often only time a lady underwent any such procedure was just before giving birth (along with other undignified stuff). Modern midwifery doesn't favour this now, thank goodness.

By the way, if you can find some old 'Victoria's Secret' ad. shoots, going back decades, the models were not only far healthier and larger looking that today's lot, but beneath the gauzy undies, it was quite obvious that no 'de-furring' had gone on. And to my mind, the girls looked wonderful - healthy, and natural.
amikolaichek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-03-2016, 21:17
Ade_Lw
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 791
Rant away, Ade. I couldn't agree more. As a freelance journalist, including being the women's editor for a large group of regional papers during my working life, (1960s-1989) the 'depilation down there' subject rarely came up. I was also the Agony Aunt, plus Beauty Questions Answered columnist (all under different names), so I do know of what I speak! Often only time a lady underwent any such procedure was just before giving birth (along with other undignified stuff). Modern midwifery doesn't favour this now, thank goodness.
G
By the way, if you can find some old 'Victoria's Secret' ad. shoots, going back decades, the models were not only far healthier and larger looking that today's lot, but beneath the gauzy undies, it was quite obvious that no 'de-furring' had gone on. And to my mind, the girls looked wonderful - healthy, and natural.
Am totally with you Ami mate. I feel sorry for women these days, so much pressure on them to look a certain way, it is there for men too, but most blokes my age don't feel under quite the same pressure. I certainly don't And I would never expect my other half to live up to all the ridiculous pressure from magazines and adverts.

We both read lizbott's column, me more than her, and think the same: prize prat
Ade_Lw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-03-2016, 22:39
Trophy_Selling
Forum Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 21
Rant away, Ade. I couldn't agree more. As a freelance journalist, including being the women's editor for a large group of regional papers during my working life, (1960s-1989) the 'depilation down there' subject rarely came up. I was also the Agony Aunt, plus Beauty Questions Answered columnist (all under different names), so I do know of what I speak! Often only time a lady underwent any such procedure was just before giving birth (along with other undignified stuff). Modern midwifery doesn't favour this now, thank goodness.

By the way, if you can find some old 'Victoria's Secret' ad. shoots, going back decades, the models were not only far healthier and larger looking that today's lot, but beneath the gauzy undies, it was quite obvious that no 'de-furring' had gone on. And to my mind, the girls looked wonderful - healthy, and natural.
Couldn't agree more. Since becoming single I have woken up to the fact that women are largely expected to be bare 'down there'.
. I find it unnerving and hope that my non conformist ways don't scupper my chances if/when I decide to date again.
Trophy_Selling is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-03-2016, 23:01
Ade_Lw
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 791
Couldn't agree more. Since becoming single I have woken up to the fact that women are largely expected to be bare 'down there'.
. I find it unnerving and hope that my non conformist ways don't scupper my chances if/when I decide to date again.
Listen Trophy, there are still loads of blokes who don't care about all that stuff, as I said I would never expect my partner to have to do stuff like that.
If you meet some guy and he doesn't get it, then he won't ever get you. Keep on being the person you enjoy being, and you're gona find a bloke who loves you to pieces.

What ever you do though, don't take dating advice from Lizbott !

Good Luck mate
Ade_Lw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-03-2016, 13:50
amikolaichek
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Islington, London
Posts: 460
Listen Trophy, there are still loads of blokes who don't care about all that stuff, as I said I would never expect my partner to have to do stuff like that.
If you meet some guy and he doesn't get it, then he won't ever get you. Keep on being the person you enjoy being, and you're gona find a bloke who loves you to pieces.

What ever you do though, don't take dating advice from Lizbott !

Good Luck mate
Found a site - see http://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-be...ecret-catalog/

On examining some of the pretty, healthy looking girls featured, one can notice, on, ahem, close examination, that with a few, beneath the lower lingerie, they were 'as nature intended'.

No doubt the Lizard would be appalled.
amikolaichek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-03-2016, 01:40
sunstone
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,869
I suspect the reason LJ goes for the porn star look is more to do with having white hair all over. She can hardly ask for a midnight storm in the harrods salon for her nether regions.
sunstone is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 20-03-2016, 04:59
tk096
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 400
There are no words.
tk096 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-03-2016, 06:51
Bellagio
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SW Surrey
Posts: 2,328
Have just read the Dreary.

Speechless.
Bellagio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-03-2016, 07:48
amikolaichek
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Islington, London
Posts: 460
Have just read the Dreary.

Speechless.
Me too. But not for long ....
amikolaichek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-03-2016, 08:16
seventhwave
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,856
Meanwhile in her farticle she again peddles the idea that people insult her because she's white, cisgender and heterosexual, not at all because of what she says and does. Maybe when Lizbot's a rich Hollywood screenwriter she'll appear on Jimmy Kimmel Live and do "Celebrities Read Mean Tweets"
seventhwave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-03-2016, 08:29
Peskypoo2
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 10
Spot on! Almost word for word. Read this week's diary grinning because of this
Peskypoo2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-03-2016, 09:34
Trophy_Selling
Forum Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 21
Listen Trophy, there are still loads of blokes who don't care about all that stuff, as I said I would never expect my partner to have to do stuff like that.
If you meert some guy and he doesn't get it, then he won't ever get you. Keep on being the person you enjoy being, and you're gona find a bloke who loves you to pieces.

What ever you do though, don't take dating advice from Lizbott !

Good Luck mate
Cheers Ade, lovely words. Happy Sunday

Last edited by Trophy_Selling : 20-03-2016 at 09:35. Reason: Autocorrect
Trophy_Selling is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-03-2016, 09:37
Trophy_Selling
Forum Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 21
I suspect the reason LJ goes for the porn star look is more to do with having white hair all over. She can hardly ask for a midnight storm in the harrods salon for her nether regions.
Rankness.

What a dreadful dreary today.
What horrible horrible things to write about David. If he doesn't dump her today then there is something very amiss with his self esteem.

Imagine our surprise if the psychic turns out to be right.
Trophy_Selling is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-03-2016, 10:02
Suzy_Cat
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 505
Today's Dreary is so puffed up. Nobody would write this stuff down uncritically unless they a) knew they had a positive outcome coming, ie they already had the movie deal etc etc or b) were delusional.

And yeah, good one, "psychic". Don't dump David, just don't marry him, and hang on to him till someone else comes along. Gross.
Suzy_Cat is offline   Reply With Quote
 
Reply




 
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:38.