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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 4)
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BellaFiga
17-04-2016
I almost feel sorry for her after reading today's purging. And yet, and yet....

Just going through her list of woes:

1. I thought Nic moved out, so how can it be Nic's boiler?
2. OK yes, it's sad her ceiling fell in. Although it's probably exaggerated for effect.
3. Didn't this exact scnenario happen a few months ago? Surely it can't happen again exactly the same?
4. Again, I call bollocks. Running cold water will not be affected by the heating system, surely.
5. 'the journalist accused me of only paying 25p in the pound of what I owe HMRC, which is not true. The deal is I pay 100p in the pound.' Come again? Nobody pays 100p in the pound you doofus.
6. You haven't heard from David, possibly because you are a total cnt to him.
7. Animal gets old. Yep we've been down here before.
8. Take your fcking anxiety pills if you need to. This being too anxious to take them just looks like attention seeking.
9. Lots of people don't have a car. Deal with it.

It sounds like she's have a dreadful time but I think she is ladling it on with a very big spoon for effect. Going down to the stream for water indeed...
puffin1962
17-04-2016
She is sure making that house sound attractive to potential buyers
fizzycat
17-04-2016
Originally Posted by puffin1962:
“She is sure making that house sound attractive to potential buyers ”

I wondered if she's doing it to deliberately sabotage the sale. Is the thought process something along the lines of 'If no-one wants to buy the house, they'll have to leave me alone'? She seems blinkered enough to reality to imagine it that way.

The study/office is directly underneath the bathroom so the ceiling collapse (if it happened) could point to an issue with the plumbing. The estate agent's blurb doesn't mention a sink in the kitchen, but they tend not to as a sink is taken for granted in even the most run-down of properties.
Lizzyroz
17-04-2016
Silly woman should be grateful she's not a refugee in a leaky boat fleeing from a war zone. She really has no idea that other people's problems are so much worse than hers and her problems are nearly all of her own making. Profligacy with money being the main one.
seventhwave
17-04-2016
I can understand her not wanting to take anxiety medication, a common side effect of which is ... making you feel more anxious. (Yeah, I don't know how that is supposed to work.) I tried several types and gave up because it was making me feel about a hundred times worse even when given more tablets to counter the side-effects!

The rest? Well, others have said it better than I could. As for the farticle: truly nice people do nice things, because they are nice. They don't expect a "return on their investment" nor constantly bring up past acts as proof of how "nice" they are
pixieboots
17-04-2016
So she's no car now despite living in the sticks, maybe if she asked DD nicely.......
No, another bridge burned by spite in print.

She could do like most mature, independent women do when money is tight and your merc/bmw has been repossessed-buy a little banger and drive it til it, or you, drops. If she sold a couple of handbags on ebay she could pay for it and tax and insure it too. The irony is most farming communities will rally round if somebody is struggling but of course nobody can help Liz now as you never know what you'll end up being accused of in print. The same reason nobody would rent land to her. Probably the same reason DScrace hasn't called.
It wouldn't matter so much if she was creating the great British novel but she's banging out diary columns and features for the Mail, its hardly Virgina Woolf. She has brought this on herself with her nastiness to the people around her. I feel a bit sorry for her as I would feel sorry for anyone if they were losing their house but she did the classic city slicker mistake of believing everyone in the country is a stupid yokel while they smiled and nodded along and fleeced her when they got a chance.
seventhwave
17-04-2016
What is she saying she was "sacked" from? The weekly paper?
Yve_Hamilton_Br
17-04-2016
Now the Tom Cat odour has dissipated a bit, it comes to my mind that a piece fell down from a celing in the room she was working in then and (supposedly) just missed Hilda - you are right, Bellafiga.

Surely HMRC won't decide what she has to pay until the house (her only asset) is sold? They may insist it goes up for auction, in which case I see no money for a charming little cottage.

She has no car - yes the leased Merc went back, but she has a Land Rover that Nic uses, doesn't she? Mind you, she drove Nic's own car into the ground and never replaced it.

I think that's what gets to me about her - she wouldn't know the truth if it bit her in the backside!
amikolaichek
17-04-2016
Originally Posted by BellaFiga:
“I almost feel sorry for her after reading today's purging. And yet, and yet....

Just going through her list of woes:

1. I thought Nic moved out, so how can it be Nic's boiler?
2. OK yes, it's sad her ceiling fell in. Although it's probably exaggerated for effect.
3. Didn't this exact scnenario happen a few months ago? Surely it can't happen again exactly the same?
4. Again, I call bollocks. Running cold water will not be affected by the heating system, surely.
5. 'the journalist accused me of only paying 25p in the pound of what I owe HMRC, which is not true. The deal is I pay 100p in the pound.' Come again? Nobody pays 100p in the pound you doofus.
6. You haven't heard from David, possibly because you are a total cnt to him.
7. Animal gets old. Yep we've been down here before.
8. Take your fcking anxiety pills if you need to. This being too anxious to take them just looks like attention seeking.
9. Lots of people don't have a car. Deal with it.

It sounds like she's have a dreadful time but I think she is ladling it on with a very big spoon for effect. Going down to the stream for water indeed...”

I think what Jones meant by 5. above in BellFiga's post is that, according to Jones, HMRC are insisting Jones pays back every penny of BACK TAX OWING. Therefore, say she owes £x amount in BACK tax, then she pays £x amount. That is - 100 pennies in every £. This, don't forget, is back tax that she allegedly OWES, not the tax you and I currently regularly pay monthly through PAYE or yearly when we send in self employment tax forms. HMRC ALWAYS come top of the list of creditors (unless, say, a firm goes bust, when the employees come top, then HMRC)

I stand to be corrected, but I believe Jones has an IVA. With this, IF 75 per cent of creditors owed money agree, a sum will be arranged to be paid off, as agreed by 75 per cent of creditors, with the Insolvency Practitioner arranging this. The other 25 per cent of creditors, even if they don't agree, have to fall in with this. The Insolvency Practitioner is duty bound TO KEEP A VERY STRICT EYE on the person's expenditure, including access to bank accounts, savings, etc. etc. See:
https://www.gov.uk/options-for-payin...y-arrangements And believe me, they watch like hawks, they have to ... a good friend has an IVA still in operation (it lasts five years) and he says it's like being under surveillance from the FBI.

So, it IS theoretically possible (but not at all likely!) that HMRC has agreed to take 25 pence in the £ of what Jones allegedly owes HMRC in BACK, unpaid tax, not the tax that she's hopefully now paying, as we all have to, on our current earnings. Perhaps more financially literate DSs here will know? But I sort of doubt it ... it looks like her debt is money owing to HMRC in back tax. And HMRC may demand back every penny (and if they settle for just 25 pence in the £, then she's damn lucky - personally, I don't believe HMRC will agree to that).

I've never had an IVA or gone bankrupt, but (sorry to repeat myself here on DS) back in the 1990s, due to my complete misunderstanding of 'Residency' regarding liability to UK tax, I found myself owing a LOT of back tax (three years worth). My darling husband had suddenly died in my arms while we lived abroad, I returned to live in the UK, almost off my head with grief, and then found out I had this tax liability.

My accountants were brilliant - kind and understanding, they'd known my late husband for decades. And so, I have to say, were the people they dealt with at HMRC. I was completely honest, co-operative, held my hands up (to sheer ignorance, grief - plus, accountants pointed out that - suddenly and traumatially widowed, I wasn't quite 'with it') and I paid up - one hundred per cent of what I owed, i.e. I owed £x and I paid up £x ... plus, an extra ten per cent on top of £x owed - a fine - accountants said I was lucky it was 'only' ten percent HMRC could have imposed a 100 per cent fine (gulp!)

Yes, I know, quite different to the problems of Jones, whose downfall seems to be her profligacy, living way beyond her means. Even though those 'means' involved earning eye-watering sums of money! But not 'putting a bit away' for tax liabilities etc. is just stupid. Someone else, of course, to blame, as ever ... her accountant, poor devil. plus all those horrible people who do her down etc. etc. blah blah blah when she's just such a lovely, kindly person .... (see today's 'Farticle').

I do actually feel a little bit sorry for her - probably awfully hard to stop living beyond one's means, splashing out on posh bags (mere snip at £1,060 or whatever) and dry cleaning one's undies , collecting animals, and buying country houses ... (by the way, WHO in their right mind installs a new kitchen without - er - a kitchen sink being amongst the first priorities?) And being so damn 'generous' to everyone, then making sure, through her Drearies an Farticles, that they're never allowed to forget it, including her (on? off? )fiancé?

Oh, goodness, sorry to go on so. My inheritance from my darling late husband was somewhat decimated by my tax liability, but I paid up immediately - MY fault for not checking tax status when returning to live in UK. Since then, I've lived within my means - I budget, don't squander on designer 'names', am happy to use Elvive for my greying hair, use the NHS for numerous health problems (and UCLH is bloody WONDERFUL, by the way), love my family and friends - as I always did when I was a journalist and NEVER used them as 'column fodder' or to settle old scores.

Goodness - feeling better for that essay! Going to stagger off to make a cup of coffee (on crutches at the moment - left hip fallen to pieces). Still, at least I DO have a kitchen sink - thought of limping off to nearby 'River Walk' with my kettle would be a bit daunting
Ber
17-04-2016
Not having a kitchen sink could cause massive problems when selling a house. Residential mortgages are only given on 'habitable' properties, which means (amongst other things) the property must have a kitchen - and a kitchen is defined as having a fixed sink point with hot/cold water and a drain.

So, if there wasn't a kitchen sink the salesblurb would have to mention it.
puffin1962
17-04-2016
Originally Posted by seventhwave:
“What is she saying she was "sacked" from? The weekly paper?”

I think she means that she was sacked from her weekday job as a "fashion" journalist and commentator at DM after CBB

These days she only has the dreary and farticle once a week for MOS other journalists cover fashion and DM has hired Katie Hopkins for the weekday comments
amikolaichek
17-04-2016
Just had an AMAZING idea that would solve all Liz's problems ... as she's 'writing a film script' WHY not make it into a 'KITCHEN SINK DRAMA?' They went down really well in the 1950s/early 60s, and think of the heartbreak, the pathos, she could inject into her movie treatment. Perhaps watch an old VHS tape of 'Look Back in Anger' - the original 'Kitchen Sink Drama'. (Stealth boast coming here - John Osborne and I corresponded for a few years - a really lovely bloke to chat to, though probably not 'husband material', according to his, all deceased, ex wives).

After all, think of Liz's KITCHEN SINK movie. And everything is very 'retro' right now, including remakes of old films. So - go for it, Liz, it'd be heart-breaking but lovely film, it really would. The ceiling falls on the dog. But not you, God forbid,, how lucky. One of the other dogs eats a sheep/lamb and a nasty farmer chases it with a gun and shoots Liz's letter box. HMRC people are hammering at her Yorkshire front door constantly whining about back tax and trying to fend off seventeen yowling hungry cats attacking their ankles (but not Prudence - she's far too well behaved, thanks to her previous life with DominoDarling).

The lovely pink Nylon covered sofa has been chewed, wee'd on and worse and ... The Baker ... sorry, now the Organic Vegetable Delivery Man (and NO shame in that - good for him -hi, Dave [waving]) hasn't TXTd for over a week. Oh, the anguish - Jones has heaped criticism, opprobrium on him for a year or so BUT HE HASN'T TXTD HER?

But the best, most anguishing scene of Liz's KITCHEN SINK DRAMA movie script, is the heart-wrenching almost unbearable to watch scene ... where she has to creep out of window at the back of the house (to avoid the HMRC people still hanging round her front door, fighting off seventeen feral cats), clutching her (is it now FOUR pairs?) of Myla knickers to swill around in the River Swale? BECAUSE SHE HASN'T ACTUALLY GOT A KITCHEN SINK to rinse out her scanties ..and those dry cleaning bills - read them and weep. .And, oh yes, forgot she has hasn't got any 'gas', to heat up the water she hasn't got in her non existent kitchen sink. .

Just unbearable. Really is. But great 'Kitchen Sink' drama. But, so far I recall, 'Look Back in Anger' DID actually have a sink in the kitchen. And an ironing board but I'm sure our Liz is FAR to grand to ever do her own ironing .... But I'm just being nit-picking now.
BellaFiga
17-04-2016
I'm reminded of when Scarlett O'Hara went back to Tara and they had nothing and she ate a carrot or something in the fields and threw up and then said SHE'D NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN AS GOD AS MY WITNESS. Except of course Scarlett didn't blame everyone else for her troubles and just fcking got on with it.
ianradioian
17-04-2016
She must make it all up as she goes along, just to fill the weekly coloumn, surely? No one can have this never-ending "poor me" car-crash existence? I read it each Sunday thinking ' what's she bashed out on the typewriter for this week ' lol.
Still; it does its job for the paper; we've all read it!
newbaby
17-04-2016
Originally Posted by amikolaichek:
“Just had an AMAZING idea that would solve all Liz's problems ... as she's 'writing a film script' WHY not make it into a 'KITCHEN SINK DRAMA?' They went down really well in the 1950s/early 60s, and think of the heartbreak, the pathos, she could inject into her movie treatment. Perhaps watch an old VHS tape of 'Look Back in Anger' - the original 'Kitchen Sink Drama'. (Stealth boast coming here - John Osborne and I corresponded for a few years - a really lovely bloke to chat to, though probably not 'husband material', according to his, all deceased, ex wives).

After all, think of Liz's KITCHEN SINK movie. And everything is very 'retro' right now, including remakes of old films. So - go for it, Liz, it'd be heart-breaking but lovely film, it really would. The ceiling falls on the dog. But not you, God forbid,, how lucky. One of the other dogs eats a sheep/lamb and a nasty farmer chases it with a gun and shoots Liz's letter box. HMRC people are hammering at her Yorkshire front door constantly whining about back tax and trying to fend off seventeen yowling hungry cats attacking their ankles (but not Prudence - she's far too well behaved, thanks to her previous life with DominoDarling).

The lovely pink Nylon covered sofa has been chewed, wee'd on and worse and ... The Baker ... sorry, now the Organic Vegetable Delivery Man (and NO shame in that - good for him -hi, Dave [waving]) hasn't TXTd for over a week. Oh, the anguish - Jones has heaped criticism, opprobrium on him for a year or so BUT HE HASN'T TXTD HER?

But the best, most anguishing scene of Liz's KITCHEN SINK DRAMA movie script, is the heart-wrenching almost unbearable to watch scene ... where she has to creep out of window at the back of the house (to avoid the HMRC people still hanging round her front door, fighting off seventeen feral cats), clutching her (is it now FOUR pairs?) of Myla knickers to swill around in the River Swale? BECAUSE SHE HASN'T ACTUALLY GOT A KITCHEN SINK to rinse out her scanties ..and those dry cleaning bills - read them and weep. .And, oh yes, forgot she has hasn't got any 'gas', to heat up the water she hasn't got in her non existent kitchen sink. .

Just unbearable. Really is. But great 'Kitchen Sink' drama. But, so far I recall, 'Look Back in Anger' DID actually have a sink in the kitchen. And an ironing board but I'm sure our Liz is FAR to grand to ever do her own ironing .... But I'm just being nit-picking now.”

Everything But The Kitchen Sink - forget the film, I'm thinking a reality show on one of those obscure Freeview channels.

In today's piece in the main body of MoS, there's a reference to an e-mail about taking part in a "documentary" of some sort (stamped heels from LJ that there was no payment, she makes a fuss and say she doesn't get out of bed for less than £1,000 a day, e-arguments ensue, etc, etc: her foot-stamping results in the £1,000: of which I am sure she will earmark 40% for tax after HER expenses...). Ann (or is it Anne? can't be bothered to look it up) Robinson is looking for people to contribute to a programme about cats...

As to the paying back business, I'm certain LJ is not paying back 100 pennies in the pound to past creditors. But whatever the IVA arrangement is, I'm sure it doesn't allow for fripperies and frivolities which might preclude meeting the agreed monthly amount plus keeping funds aside for meeting current liabilities.

Quite different to an IVA, but a family member found themselves in some financial problems (understatement of the year), and entered into a debt management arrangement whereby all debts were consolidated and a monthly amount paid, taking into account income and expenses (and there were strictures about what expenses where acceptable, including a daily food allowance) and a manageable amount being transferred every month. I was granted Power of Attorney and argued about the acceptable expenses when it came to the point that more or less full time care was required, a special diet needed, heating on 24 hrs a day. A mighty battle but I won in the end as it was all legitimate, but I had to write down every last piece of projected expenditure. I imagine there are elements within an IVA which mirror this.

Oh, there's an "and": not the Diary (broken boiler again? Nic in situ again? Midnight Storm hair washed in cold beck water? Collapsed ceiling?) but the reference to giving an employee a weekend at Babington House (scene of the first wedding, I think?) and then the gracious employer grumbling that she only ever received sick notes in return. Too much to think that the employee was genuinely ill in the weeks/months afterwards and, therefore, zilch to do with the gratitude LJ expected.
sunstone
17-04-2016
Fantastic posts here again as always.Gosh if the MoS give her the push we need a new thread of some sort of fantasy life
The farticle the first time around confuddled me..you run out of delivered gas so the boiler dies..eh?
Well you do have to PAY for delivered gas. Still the steps from no gas to knackered boiler to no running water are a mystery.
Having visions of her with olde worde milk maid churns lookiing like that picture she did near the water made me giggle though
sunstone
17-04-2016
Also to add Newbaby,she wasn't the employer at MC (or wherever ), that decided office hours ended early on friday..I think that used to be common practice ,certainly was when I started work in the eighties. Lady bountiful is all she sees...never care and support,be it family friends or work colleagues. I call **** on any actual kindness.
amikolaichek
17-04-2016
Forgot to put this link in my piece about how Liz might recoup her fortune, with her 'Kitchen Sink' movie script:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink_realism

It's all so so sad ...I'm weeping into my Prosecco right now. WILL those silk Myla panties survive being 'rinsed out' in the fast-flowing river at the bottom of Liz's estate? And ... does, ahem, Liz actually have to BATHE her beautiful body in said river? And wash her Midnight Storm tresses at the same time - but not, of course, in Garnier Fructis - even Liz has to keep up standards. I believe Fairy Liquid does a pretty good job as a shampoo substitute. Wonder if all those HMRC people lurking around the place have their camera phones charged up and might wander down to the river ....?

NOT that I approve of that sort of stuff, naturally . Still, keeping an eye on YouTube ...
sunstone
17-04-2016
I also wanted just to go back to the BMI drivel.I am 5 foot nine and 7 stone.yes horrid.
Having a BMI of 14.5 not a good look and would love to look as healthy and hearty as LJ
Ber
17-04-2016
Originally Posted by amikolaichek:
“Forgot to put this link in my piece about how Liz might recoup her fortune, with her 'Kitchen Sink' movie script:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink_realism

It's all so so sad ...I'm weeping into my Prosecco right now. WILL those silk Myla panties survive being 'rinsed out' in the fast-flowing river at the bottom of Liz's estate? And ... does, ahem, Liz actually have to BATHE her beautiful body in said river? And wash her Midnight Storm tresses at the same time - but not, of course, in Garnier Fructis - even Liz has to keep up standards. I believe Fairy Liquid does a pretty good job as a shampoo substitute. Wonder if all those HMRC people lurking around the place have their camera phones charged up and might wander down to the river ....?

NOT that I approve of that sort of stuff, naturally . Still, keeping an eye on YouTube ...”

It will be just like a real life enactment of Botticelli's 'The birth of venus'.
Squatch
17-04-2016
Originally Posted by Lizzyroz:
“Silly woman should be grateful she's not a refugee in a leaky boat fleeing from a war zone. She really has no idea that other people's problems are so much worse than hers and her problems are nearly all of her own making. Profligacy with money being the main one.”

Off topic, but I need to point out the the vast majority of these migrants are just economic migrants, not refugees fleeing war zones. They are no different than any other illegal immigrant. Most if them are also young single men.
Yve_Hamilton_Br
17-04-2016
I thought I saw a post or sentence somewhere saying that she had fallen out with the estate agent? Can't find it again now, but the property has been removed from the "For Sale" list.

All over photographing daffodils! She will end up being forced to auction the house and getting even less for it.
Suzy_Cat
18-04-2016
Originally Posted by Squatch:
“Off topic, but I need to point out the the vast majority of these migrants are just economic migrants, not refugees fleeing war zones. They are no different than any other illegal immigrant. Most if them are also young single men.”

Maybe LIz should try that tactic then. Hop on a boat to Australia, fleeing her lack of job, end up on Manus Island or Nauru for an indefinite period. It's not exactly a soft option.
amikolaichek
18-04-2016
Originally Posted by Ber:
“It will be just like a real life enactment of Botticelli's 'The birth of venus'. ”

Oh YES, Ber. Brilliant. Here is pic of Jones arising, freshly washed, Midnight Storm tresses and all, from the river .... not sure who are the people to the left and right of her - HMRC employees ...?
http://www.italianrenaissance.org/bo...irth-of-venus/
Suzy_Cat
18-04-2016
Originally Posted by amikolaichek:
“Oh YES, Ber. Brilliant. Here is pic of Jones arising, freshly washed, Midnight Storm tresses and all, from the river .... not sure who are the people to the left and right of her - HMRC employees ...?
http://www.italianrenaissance.org/bo...irth-of-venus/”

None is David, that's for sure. He hasn't texted in NINE DAYS! And we're supposed to infer that this means no contact at all, since surely she'd have, you know, spoken to him on the phone or in person otherwise and sorted it out. It really is quite bizarre that you would be planning on marrying someone you can't or won't actually speak to or spend time with. It's also quite bizarre that a "fiance" or even long term boyfriend, as David technically is, would be completely absent while his wife to be or long term partner was being thrown out on the street and washing her hair in the creek water. Why doesn't she get on the phone? Why doesn't she move in with him? Don't tell me it's all about light bulbs and mess. Beggars can quite literally not be choosers and her supposed destitution hasn't got her living under a bridge yet. She has a boyfriend with a flat to whom she was recently planning a lavish, hand-painted-invitation wedding.

If you are in a relationship with someone you can't talk to or spending your time ignoring them because you think THEY should ring you first, then you really should not be in that relationship.
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