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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 4)
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Suzy_Cat
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by busy_bee:
“There is one glaring difference (apart from all the other stuff previously mentioned) between chez Jones and that other house on the market linked to above....

It looks lived in and real. Cosy. Welcoming... and above all, somewhere you could imagine yourself living!

Jones' pad looks fake, styled to within an inch and sparse. I cant imagine being able to relax in it.”

There is no way LIz's house is styled. If it is, she should get a refund. You don't style your property for sale with fairy lights. Ever. Or dog blankets on the couch. Ever. That's her house, that's how she lives in it.

There are certain things (not the couches, not the randomly placed fairy lights and Union Jack rugs) that I like about the way this house looks BUT I live in a city and like a fairly urban look. This is a country home and to appeal to the country home buyer it really does need to look more like the other house.
amikolaichek
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by Ade_Lw:
“Oh no, that's sullied my favourite painting for ever ”

Oh Ade, that's awful. So how about this one instead?

https://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/p...e-rokeby-venus

Let your imagination run away with you ... it's Liz reclining on her bed (the one with those horrible drab-looking grey pillow cases and duvet cover) and she's admiring her beautiful self in the little mirror held up by the winged ... (my imagination failing me a bit now) ... a sort of' humanoid' bat straight from some nearby belfry? Or a very small 'beauty therapist' (the wings are actually one of those 'Drone' things, in order to get her around fast to clients), and she's doing a 'house call' to 'freshen-up' the Midnight Storm roots, de-fur the Jones furry bits, do some quick Botox, fill-in creases, bleach teeth etc. for Liz, so that she can be her immaculate groomed self when The Baker/Organic Veg Delivery Man arrives, craving forgiveness.

And - yes, I know you're now asking - I've worked out that the reason that the drone-propelled beauty therapist is naked is because Liz has finally got her boiler working again and alas, it's working TOO well and it's bloody HOT in that bedroom ...

BUT - am I imagining it, or is there a look of discontent on the face reflected in the mirror? Did the Myla knickers not come back in time from the dry cleaners? Did the Drone transported beauty therapist ever so tactfully mention one or two split ends on the Midnight Stormy tresses? And who might that be banging on the front door? Surely, SURELY not another impatient posse from HMRC?

(Think it's time for another pill ...)
Ade_Lw
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by BellaFiga:
“The Jones property looks almost Dickensianly chilly and unwelcoming. All that stone flooring and floorboarding in the North of England. Actually maybe she was going for a Bronte parsonage look.”

Can see what you mean. I wondered if (maybe subconsciously) she's drawn to these large drafty old places because they remind her of her childhood, you know that dreadfully underprivileged childhood ? Where she was cruelly denied her own pony, forced to play with pre-loved barbies and worst of all had to come back home for the evening when her poor grandpa died - thoughtless man ! How could he wreck her important social plans when she finally had the chance of getting a boyfriend ? Do you know not getting a fair crack at that boy ruined her whole life and that's why HMRC are taking her house away ?
So unfair
Ade_Lw
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by amikolaichek:
“Oh Ade, that's awful. So how about this one instead?

https://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/p...e-rokeby-venus

Let your imagination run away with you ... it's Liz reclining on her bed (the one with those horrible drab-looking grey pillow cases and duvet cover) and she's admiring her beautiful self in the little mirror held up by the winged ... (my imagination failing me a bit now) ... a sort of' humanoid' bat straight from some nearby belfry? Or a very small 'beauty therapist' (the wings are actually one of those 'Drone' things, in order to get her around fast to clients), and she's doing a 'house call' to 'freshen-up' the Midnight Storm roots, de-fur the Jones furry bits, do some quick Botox, fill-in creases, bleach teeth etc. for Liz, so that she can be her immaculate groomed self when The Baker/Organic Veg Delivery Man arrives, craving forgiveness.

And - yes, I know you're now asking - I've worked out that the reason that the drone-propelled beauty therapist is naked is because Liz has finally got her boiler working again and alas, it's working TOO well and it's bloody HOT in that bedroom ...

BUT - am I imagining it, or is there a look of discontent on the face reflected in the mirror? Did the Myla knickers not come back in time from the dry cleaners? Did the Drone transported beauty therapist ever so tactfully mention one or two split ends on the Midnight Stormy tresses? And who might that be banging on the front door? Surely, SURELY not another impatient posse from HMRC?

(Think it's time for another pill ...)”

That's another one of my favs ruined for good now - bit of a Venus groupie THAT WAS VENUS WITH A "V" AND NOT A "P"
BellaFiga
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by Ade_Lw:
“...you know that dreadfully underprivileged childhood ? Where she was cruelly denied her own pony, forced to play with pre-loved barbies and worst of all had to come back home for the evening when her poor grandpa died - thoughtless man ! How could he wreck her important social plans when she finally had the chance of getting a boyfriend ? Do you know not getting a fair crack at that boy ruined her whole life and that's why HMRC are taking her house away ?
So unfair ”

Absolutely. If I'd been denied new jodhpurs, I too would have moved into a draughty barn of a place and had a vicious text based relationship with a baker. There but for the grace of God.
Ade_Lw
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by BellaFiga:
“Absolutely. If I'd been denied new jodhpurs, I too would have moved into a draughty barn of a place and had a vicious text based relationship with a baker. There but for the grace of God.”

Exactly.
It's what you do, in it
BellaFiga
19-04-2016
And Then I Would Have Blamed Everyone Except My Cat.
Ade_Lw
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by BellaFiga:
“And Then I Would Have Blamed Everyone Except My Cat.”

Yup, dish it out. It can never ones own fault.
Why don't people understand ? It's really simple : Lizbott = blameless
Ade_Lw
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by BellaFiga:
“Absolutely. If I'd been denied new jodhpurs, I too would have moved into a draughty barn of a place and had a vicious text based relationship with a baker. There but for the grace of God.”

Oh yeah, the other thing that needs to be cleared up here (sigh....poooooor Lizbott

people always think the very worst of her ) what the casual observer here

might see as "..a vicious text based relationship..." is actually only a tiny bit of GENTLE RIBBING which must never be reciprocated ok.

So calm down people. Do I have to constantly repeat myself or what ?

Lizbott = pure as fresh snow flake, blameless, always innocent, generally unappreciated
amikolaichek
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by BellaFiga:
“And Then I Would Have Blamed Everyone Except My Cat.”

Well, I MIGHT have GOOD REASON to blame my cat (and previous cats) for the wrecked state of my lungs ... did, I ask myself, they DO IT ON PURPOSE?

But no ...my pussies loved me, I'm sure they did. Shared my duvet, sat on my lap to watch soap operas on the telly, saw off unsuitable men with the Feline Death Stare or it that didn't work, tripped them up on the stairs, and were adept at nicking the smoked salmon from a sandwich just as suitors were about to transport it into their gobs (we're posh here in Islington - and of course, it was line-caught, organic, vegan smoked salmon), and once, memorably, my most recently departed cat hauled a perfectly roast pheasant off the table and onto the floor just as my guests came into the dining room - oh how we - (OK, I) - laughed.

Sure, they had 'little lapses' - the neighbour's canary, murdering our local beloved blue-tits, crapping on next door's carefully nurtured salad and herb bed. And several times, the Practice nurse at the GPs' surgery, doing a blood test or a 'flu jab, has looked at the scars decorating both my forearms and delicately asked if I 'self harmed' or ever had 'suicidal thoughts' and suggested that if I had a 'little chat' with a GP, I could be referred to a counsellor ...? And the septic leg ... three months and four or five courses of nuclear strength antibiotics to clear that up. And the ONLY one unpleasant neighbour (now long gone) I ever had in the 24 years I've lived here, who apart from being a moaning, whining pain in the arse (remind you of anyone?) reckoned she had a 'cat phobia'. My then puss not only killed a pigeon, but got it into horrible neighbour's kitchen through back door, dismembered it and most artistically arranged bird's feathers, innards and entrails all over the woman's floor. As an exhibit, forget those Damien Hirst pickled cows, 'The Pigeon Deconstructed' would have won the Turner Prize, paws down.

No. No. It was ALL my parents' fault, over seventy years ago, because:
'Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow' ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-9YStmD5HE

We got a cat instead ... and I'm still cough cough coughing. Miss having a puss around, though. Looking after the courtyard goldfish isn't quite so satisfying ... Yup, I blame the parents. Maybe I wouldn't have been allergic to a 'bow-wow'
Ade_Lw
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by amikolaichek:
“Well, I MIGHT have GOOD REASON to blame my cat (and previous cats) for the wrecked state of my lungs ... did, I ask myself, they DO IT ON PURPOSE?

But no ...my pussies loved me, I'm sure they did. Shared my duvet, sat on my lap to watch soap operas on the telly, saw off unsuitable men with the Feline Death Stare or it that didn't work, tripped them up on the stairs, and were adept at nicking the smoked salmon from a sandwich just as suitors were about to transport it into their gobs (we're posh here in Islington - and of course, it was line-caught, organic, vegan smoked salmon), and once, memorably, my most recently departed cat hauled a perfectly roast pheasant off the table and onto the floor just as my guests came into the dining room - oh how we - (OK, I) - laughed.

Sure, they had 'little lapses' - the neighbour's canary, murdering our local beloved blue-tits, crapping on next door's carefully nurtured salad and herb bed. And several times, the Practice nurse at the GPs' surgery, doing a blood test or a 'flu jab, has looked at the scars decorating both my forearms and delicately asked if I 'self harmed' or ever had 'suicidal thoughts' and suggested that if I had a 'little chat' with a GP, I could be referred to a counsellor ...? And the septic leg ... three months and four or five courses of nuclear strength antibiotics to clear that up. And the ONLY one unpleasant neighbour (now long gone) I ever had in the 24 years I've lived here, who apart from being a moaning, whining pain in the arse (remind you of anyone?) reckoned she had a 'cat phobia'. My then puss not only killed a pigeon, but got it into horrible neighbour's kitchen through back door, dismembered it and most artistically arranged bird's feathers, innards and entrails all over the woman's floor. As an exhibit, forget those Damien Hirst pickled cows, 'The Pigeon Deconstructed' would have won the Turner Prize, paws down.

No. No. It was ALL my parents' fault, over seventy years ago, because:
'Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow' ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-9YStmD5HE

We got a cat instead ... and I'm still cough cough coughing. Miss having a puss around, though. Looking after the courtyard goldfish isn't quite so satisfying ... Yup, I blame the parents. Maybe I wouldn't have been allergic to a 'bow-wow' ”


The Artist formerly known as Puss
Yve_Hamilton_Br
19-04-2016
Amikolaichek - there are pussies you could have.

Sphynx (which are not bald but feel like a peach)
Peterbald
It's either Cornish Rex or Devon Rex
Siberian Forest Cat

All supposed to be hypoallergenic.
Ber
19-04-2016
Originally Posted by Ade_Lw:
“Oh yeah, the other thing that needs to be cleared up here (sigh....poooooor Lizbott

people always think the very worst of her ) what the casual observer here

might see as "..a vicious text based relationship..." is actually only a tiny bit of GENTLE RIBBING which must never be reciprocated ok.

So calm down people. Do I have to constantly repeat myself or what ?

Lizbott = pure as fresh snow flake, blameless, always innocent, generally unappreciated”

Its not her fault we mere mortals can't understand her keen sense of humour and witty repartee
amikolaichek
20-04-2016
Originally Posted by Yve_Hamilton_Br:
“Amikolaichek - there are pussies you could have.

Sphynx (which are not bald but feel like a peach)
Peterbald
It's either Cornish Rex or Devon Rex
Siberian Forest Cat

All supposed to be hypoallergenic.”

Oh yes, thanks for those suggestions, Yve_Hamilton ... and I would love to have another cat, if I could be sure it would 't be an allergen. BUT, most importantly, IF I were not so very old to take on a cat. For it'd be highly likely the puss would outlive me - and while my daughter and family love cats, HER husband is wildly asthmatic if near cats, dogs, and my son already has a cat that'd be murderously hostile towards a newcomer. No-one else comes to mind, really, to take on an 'orphaned' cat and I'd hate to think of it having to go to a cat rehoming place and wait ages there - or - worse - be put down as does happen these days by certain animal charities flooded with unwanted animals.

My late cat was a particular worry (even before UCLH found out about the dangerous allergy I had), as EVERYONE hated her- with, I'm afraid, reason - she was extremely vicious, especially towards children, which wasn't surprising, since she'd been a badly abused kitten by a nasty brat of a child during her first year or so of life, before being dumped with wonderful Cats Protection for rehoming - and I adopted her (I like a challenge!). We did have almost nine years together and she grew to trust me as far as she could, as she was treated with kindness, gentleness and understanding all that time, even though she never completely reciprocated! Of course, I adored her!

When I was so ill last year and reckoned I'd not long to go, I redrew my Will and 'bequeathed' cat to a gentleman friend, with a 'bribe' of a respectable sum of money PROVIDED he took her on (with my childrens' full agreement, along with relief, must add).

Well, I recovered, cat had to be PTS anyway because of a virulent and rapidly growing cancer (before I knew about my allergy), and I recently told gentleman friend about the Will and asked him if he'd have given my orphaned cat a home. His reply was an emphatic 'NO! - he bore some scars from her too!

Gone a bit off-topic. Anyway, I love hearing about friends' cats and seeing cute photos - so consider myself an elderly 'Cat Auntie' these days.

By the way, I am a teensy bit incredulous that Jones has seventeen cats plus Prudence. Especially when I recall a Dreary, or it may have been in one of her books, where she wrote about driving from old house in Exmoor to new place in Richmond with all the cats in carriers yowling in the back ... SEVENTEEN CATS in carriers? Was she driving a bloody lorry? Also, from the sound of it, these were (if they existed) feral cats - and good luck with catching those. even if she did actually put out food for them.
Yve_Hamilton_Br
20-04-2016
Well, there are details of the ones I help on Facebook - Safe Haven Egypt and Egyptian Cats Rehoming. I've done rescue work with various groups here but came cross these by accident and was horrified. People dump animals in the street when they no longer want them, their ignorance of animal welfare is appalling, the pet shops cram several animals into tiny rusty cages with no litter trays, food or water. Then the government and others poison or shoot the strays in the streets!

Fortunately we are gathering a good group out there who have just started regular inspections of these pet shops, we rent a flat to keep the rescues in where they can recover and save up to move the ones we have helped to the US or UK mainly, where they are in lovely homes. You can see some of ours on JustGiving. I had actually thought of asking Lizbott to help with publicity, but speedily thought better of it! I've got a couple here but (as I'm not much younger than you) have made arrangements with a friend of mine who works with the Mayhew to rehome mine when the times comes. She has a book to read on each cat's likes and dislikes!
seventhwave
21-04-2016
It is very sad to hear about Prince. No doubt we will be getting Lizzard's eulogy to him very soon ...
Ade_Lw
21-04-2016
Originally Posted by Yve_Hamilton_Br:
“Well, there are details of the ones I help on Facebook - Safe Haven Egypt and Egyptian Cats Rehoming. I've done rescue work with various groups here but came cross these by accident and was horrified. People dump animals in the street when they no longer want them, their ignorance of animal welfare is appalling, the pet shops cram several animals into tiny rusty cages with no litter trays, food or water. Then the government and others poison or shoot the strays in the streets!

Fortunately we are gathering a good group out there who have just started regular inspections of these pet shops, we rent a flat to keep the rescues in where they can recover and save up to move the ones we have helped to the US or UK mainly, where they are in lovely homes. You can see some of ours on JustGiving. I had actually thought of asking Lizbott to help with publicity, but speedily thought better of it! I've got a couple here but (as I'm not much younger than you) have made arrangements with a friend of mine who works with the Mayhew to rehome mine when the times comes. She has a book to read on each cat's likes and dislikes!”

WELL DONE XXXX so lovely to hear of your effort helping these poor animals
Ade_Lw
21-04-2016
Originally Posted by seventhwave:
“It is very sad to hear about Prince. No doubt we will be getting Lizzard's eulogy to him very soon ...”

Isn't it a shock :
Sort of referenced him on here few days back. Liked his music RIP
Yve_Hamilton_Br
21-04-2016
Will Liz even now be arranging for the reprinting of her rotten book about Prince?

Thanks, Ade, for your kind comments but it's the Egyptians themselves who are getting involved and reserve the praise. I buy equipment and medications which I send over each time we know someone going, but I think the people (especially the women) who live there are very brave. The Turks are good too - they have built a special garden for some of their ferals to live in and the Imam of one of the big mosques lets the cats in the mosque so they don't get cold. There's a lovely photo of Muslims praying and cats sitting watching!
BellaFiga
22-04-2016
Originally Posted by seventhwave:
“It is very sad to hear about Prince. No doubt we will be getting Lizzard's eulogy to him very soon ...”

And she'll manage to shoehorn in her lack of jodhpurs, you mark my words.
Suzy_Cat
22-04-2016
Originally Posted by seventhwave:
“It is very sad to hear about Prince. No doubt we will be getting Lizzard's eulogy to him very soon ...”

Yes, that's worrying. Will it be a) Prince, like me, was a misunderstood genius from the wrong side of the tracks or b) Grief for Prince is the exemplar of what is wrong with this patriarchal world my ex husband who was also brown yadda yadda everybody loves Prince and hates Sinead O'Connor who sang one song by him once ages ago why is the patriarchy so terrible PS Vogue is bad.
BellaFiga
22-04-2016
PS Would they do this if I were a rich white man?
Bellagio
23-04-2016
Originally Posted by Yve_Hamilton_Br:
“Will Liz even now be arranging for the reprinting of her rotten book about Prince?”

Not if she's got any sense: she stole someone else's interview and reworked it to seem as if she'd sat down and talked with him.
vampyre
23-04-2016
Mercedes Benz will be delighted to read tomorrow that their car seats are bad for your back.
AligatorCat
23-04-2016
So that's the only reason the Mercedes had to go back... (where is the *rolls eyes* smiley when you need it?)

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