Vampyre.

I didn't get the Mail yesterday as I was busily supervising a talented local artisan as he lovingly applied several kisses of the crispest citrus hue produced by British royalty to the tumbling scullery walls.

(We found a tin of Crown soft lime in the garage so OH painted the kitchen whilst I did the Pollyfilla and neither of us ended up going for the papers)

If it was tied accommodation then Lizbot could be in bother but we may have finally solved the mystery of the "I have no kitchen" ramblings as she also wrote about using the kitchen in the "cottage" and seemed to come and go as she pleased, thus making Nic a lodger rather than a tenant. You can kick a lodger out very easily whereas there are legal steps to evict a tenant. Maybe she's not as dumb as she writes after all.

Kate/Catherine could turn up bald and naked if she wanted to,, it's the turning up or NOT that's concerning. Now by doing the Vogue cover she has willingly made herself into a commodity, similar to an actress or a model and that will only increase the type of reporting that judges her looks/clothes/hair etc. I was under the impression her job was all about promoting good causes sort of thing, but now it appears to be becoming more tailored towards the glitzy side of things and less about the value of service.

Out of our royals Prince Charles is the one I have the most time for, just wish he'd completely drop the hunting bit.

Do think Lizbott's just winding us up. How many times is it her worst ever year ? She wants a response.. Do hope nobody is daft enough to put a cheque in the post.
.

Am I missing something? Didn't she say that Nic had moved out shortly after Christmas?

Yes, Nic has moved out, which causes poor Liz stress because her slave/assistant is not always there at her beck and call. She may have had to move out so the cottage could be sold with vacant possession - sitting tenants are not popular with many buyers.

And if Liz is still paying Nic, it's no wonder she can't afford to eat because I'm sure HMRC would not allow for wages for someone to look after animals for someone in Liz's financial state.

At some point I remember something about her mentioning 'staff'. I got the impression that there's also an assistant too who deals with all of the mail and possibly one other. But as times are tough the others might have gone already.

What I would like to know, feel free to fill us in Liz is about the time spent flat sharing with up and coming actory types, as we don't hear much about all that.

I would have thought that surely somebody at the MoS might be noticing round about now that they are essentially paying her a shedload of money to produce the same dreary, with very limited variations thereon, for what seems like years now. Lizbot even tells us herself that she has so little time, with all the running back and to in her car to paint the horses' hoofnails or whatever it is she does, fighting with all and sundry online, sorting out her finances, etc, etc. Obviously the temptation to dust down all the old listcles enumerating David's many, many, failings (in her eyes anyway) is way too great at the moment!

Other farticle: she drove Nic's Landy into the back of a Ford Focus (because the silly bitch forgot she'd left it in gear on a slight slope), didn't think there was much damage and drove off. Later, two policemen turned up at her house... and she's the aggrieved one. Seriously, you couldn't make it up.

I agree totally.

Leaving aside 'word count' requirements for Liz's Dreary and Farticles, you'd have to believe that someone at the MoS would be questioning the constant recycling in both. Liz goes on and on so much about the million-plus words that she writes each year, but it would be interesting to know how many original ones would be left if someone put a red-line through repetitive sentences and topics.

From a Dreary viewpoint, she'd do far better if she were to hold-up her hands in a moment of epiphany and plead 'mea culpa'. Admit her part in her failed relationships and her total responsibility for her financial meltdown. If she were to do that, I think she might actually be able to reconnect with some of her readers and actually do something worthwhile in terms of helping others caught up in a difficult financial position of their own-making or in an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship.

But... hang on a minute... let me get my binoculars out to see if there are any flying pigs on the horizon. I can't see any so far... I don't see any sign of surrender or admitted responsibility from her whatever, she's still too intent on attacking others.

Yes, and (according to her - the ever truthful Jones) she gave them a bit of lip. NOT a good idea. Still .... sorry to keep harping back to that snippet posted by another DS poster, Fatsia, from Private Eye about Jones telling her creditors that her 'Diary' and other farticles are apparently a work of fiction - I quote (again):

"...But the creditors in her much-chronicled bankruptcy have been given a slightly different vision. Late last year they accepted her proposal to pay off her debts, as documented exhaustively if inconsistently in her column, at the rate of 24.82 pence in the pound. They were also offered this startling confession: "I would like to make my creditors aware that my column and any other article I write is ficticious. It is my job to write about an extravagant lifestyle. My professional persona and my real persona are significantly different, particularly financially.""


Sounds like something to get her creditors off her back ... so who knows what's true and what's sheer fiction? We know that The Baker exists ... but is the whole 'romance' just a work of fiction, fodder to keep her 'Diary' going? Obviously he'd have to collude with that ... but the way she trashes him, well, not so sure that he's 'in' on the plot.

Today's offering is particularly nasty ... especially her repetitious 'I paid'. The Baker doesn't sound as though he's ever been particularly flush with money ... still, who knows? Oh, and wasn't there an mention in the Farticle about her traffic accident, where she mentioned that one of her animals had just expired with cancer? I just hope that THIS time she didn't keep the poor animal alive and suffering well beyond the time it should have been put out of its misery - as she did with one of her unfortunate cats.

Quick question re the Landy accident - she has offered to pay the repair bill for the other car. Why? Did she used to drive the landy on her own car insurance and, not having that car any longer, does she have insurance? It just seemed odd to me because who would pay a bill (that the bank will bounce) if they have insurance?

Amikolaichek - my Gourmet cat soup arrived yesterday. Very little in the packet and sort of odd looking but I have to say that when I put out this morning's breakfast (6 different bowls) that was the first bowl cleaned out!

Would the driver of the Ford Focus have said, ‘You need to get a smaller car’ to a posh man in a tweed cap?

Quite probably, yeah.

The whole "all men are against me and judge me always" thing is so so so over.

Yeah, it's all of us, not just the men.

Lizard and cars never works out well.
Wrote off BMW driving it at high speed through a flood.
Admitted to slowing down and brushing her hair while driving (on motorways?) to wind up other (male) drivers.
Had to go to the school thing because of so many points or something.
I think Rachel Cooke might have alluded to it being tough on the nerves to be in a car with her.
But when you live in a world where everything is your way and you seem unaware of the existence of a proper way, it at least gives you fodder for the now ridiculous columns that are the Diary and Right Minds.

There will also be a lot of missing context. For example,there may have been something on the lines of "Please don't make me put it through my insurance as I can't afford for it to go up. Here's my rubber cheque." before his response.

Hi all

Going back to the diary, point 9 suggests that DD said that lizbot looked like she had had 10 children.. in the exchange that we have seen, lizbot was very derogatory to DD and implied to DD that each child adds 10 years..

Oh dear... yet another twist of truth.. or would that be a lie?

😉

I had no recollection of DD or anyone suggesting Lizard looks like she has children, but I think it's a very odd thing to come out with anyway, more suited to Lizard that most other people.

Sorry .. was trying to post while feeding cats.. apologies if that sounded odd.. what I meant to say was that DD said nothing of the sort... it was lizard (in the fb exchange) who said that children add 10 years, yet it is twisted in the diary entry... 😕

I took it the way you meant it, it is just she's getting odder with the stuff she's spouting including putting in print that David said she made up a conversation that never happened.

Ah..... OK. It does seem to be getting very odd.. her grip on reality seems a long way off..

Glad the cats enjoyed it, Jennifer_Jones. I do think it's an unfortunate name for a cat food! After all, oxtail soup contains ox, chicken soup chicken etc. etc. Can't remember if I told you I sent a little message to manufacturers of 'Cat Soup', asking which sorts of cats they stewed to make it? Never had a reply!

Have you never wondered about baby oil or Fairy liquid?
Or had a massive row with a vegetarian who would not believe emu oil does indeed come from dead emus.

Ooh, never heard of emu oil before - just looked it up. Daren't look up Fairy Liquid - Ocado just delivered a new bottle this morning.

As for baby oil ... reminds me, does anyone else here subscribe to the endearingly bonkers Gwyneth Paltrow's 'Goop'? I don't remember ever signing up for it, but nevertheless, it drops into my email box regularly. 9th May's 'lifestyle magazine curated' by Gwynnie is 'The Sex Issue'. I read a little until my blushes could no longer be spared, but I did get the details of the contents of, um, unguents to make things go, er, smoothly ... for those worried about 'parabens' etc., do not despair ... the future is: think 'yams'. Never got as far as seeing if she had any thoughts on baby oil as I am a very elderly lady and too much excitement not good for my hypertension and I dreaded the consequences if I got to the stuff about 'sex toys', even if I took an extra beta-blocker.

On, hastily, another topic, I know we've debated this before on DS, but I recall Jones often enthusing about 'soft buttery leather' or 'soft buttery suede' stuff she's bought. Jones the vegan (who eats eggs). By the way, does anyone know what happened to that business she started, with a partner, selling milk (in Selfridges, I think) from organic, free range etc. cows with their own pensions plans, retirement homes and so on? Can't recall the name of the business - wonder if it's still running?

Butter soft leather used be exclusively to describe or denote lambskin leather and it's not usually the skin used for bags, but I suppose maybe in her world it is. To be fair it gets used by sales blurb a lot and rarely correct.
This is the woman who for a number of consecutive weeks wailed about how mean her debtors are to her, she meant creditors.

I believe every business she has been involved in has gone bust.

I also (not being funny here) wonder when was the last time she had her eyes tested? She had a sight defect corrected by laser years ago but she's is so shockingly estranged from reality that she may not realise that does not stop age related sight deterioration. If nothing else it would explain how someone so vain manages to look so dreadful all the time.

Good Food Nation, set up by Isobel Davies and LJ: milk and eggs sold exclusively at Selfridges or through Isobel Davies' organic veg box business. Company is listed as dormant. The milk part (Cow Nation) ceased due to "technical difficulties". Eggs (Hen Nation) continue to be sold via the veg box set-up...not certain if the eggs are still available from Selfridges.

The organic veg box business (called something like Farmaround?) is the company for which DS is now a delivery driver.

The Good Food Nation website is still up and running, if a little out of date. The 'Blog' page hasn't been updated since 2013, and there's much amusement to be had from the 'Who' page:

"Liz Jones is the most famous, best read columnist in the UK.

Her first job was on Company Magazine, and she then worked at the Evening Standard before joining The Sunday Times, where she worked for 11 years. She became editor of Marie Claire, editor of Life and Style at the Evening Standard before becoming that paper's chief interviewer.

She is now a columnist for The Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday. She is patron of Equine Market Watch, and lives in Somerset with her four rescued collies, 17 rescued cats, rescued horses and sheep. Her books include Liz Jones's Diary and The Exmoor Files. She is divorced but has now remarried, to one of the collies."

So most famous and best read columnist? Hahahaha, no.
Columnist for the Daily Mail? No.
Lives in Somerset? No.
I'm confident that the number of animals has changed one way or the other, and the most recent book (2 yrs ago?) doesn't get a mention.