Didn't she say something ages ago about the paddocks being on a long lease to the Evil Farmer Stalker or someone like that? Or am I mixing it up with something else?

I thought Liz and Nic initially sweet-talked their neighbour into letting them use some of his land for the horses. The horses later moved into the far-off distant fields that Liz is always moaning about having to visit.

So shall we start a sweepstake on how long it will last?

PS Hope all are ok.

Todays diary : is it an omen to have a poor injured bird crash through a window into your home ? Possibly, more for David if you ask me. He's the one who will be picking up the piece in the end.
Should he, could he, would they ???
Sounds like Nic's better, so that's good.

Yes and perhaps Nic and her horses have moved, as they don't merit a real mention.

I wonder where her furniture and animals are going? I don't know of a cat charity that has any space - it's a really bad year this year - David's is a council flat, isn't it, in which case his lease will prohibit 3 collies - problems!

What next, I wonder? I was interested to read David complains unless his cappuccino is scalding hot. There was an article in one of the papers during the week that too hot drinks are one of the main causes of throat cancer, along with smoking. Hope, for his own sake, he gets himself checked out.

The return of the gruesome twosome, the codependent combo, the pensionable pair! So romantic! Swoooon!

I see Liz has suddenly developed RSI from her million word a year typing job. I say "suddenly" because I don't think she's ever mentioned it before, and while we know she's not one to grumble, every other ailment seems to get an airing on a sort of roster basis. So that's new.

Has it occurred to LIz that she could, you know, *bring her own bed and bedding to David's flat*? I mean, they could stick his on the back of a van and take it up there for the bailiffs to seize instead, if that's her issue. How are they to know Liz does not have a thin grotty duvet and awful pillows? This is a woman with two pairs of knickers and one dress, allegedly. The photos selling the house don't indicate a person with much in the way of STUFF and nothing in it looks particularly expensive either.

I remember kicking a ball through a window when I was young and it left a perfect impression of a ball...just like a cartoon. NOT!! That just didn't happen Liz did it ??

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=bi...fRB8sQ_AUIBigB

It does happen with birds - the above link goes to google images. I think it's because of the oils and dust on their feathers.

Think she's ran out of options. He,s the last one.
As the OP says, you would throw out his stuff, and replace with hers. Men don't usually care about furniture etc.
Do Hmrc take animals and sell them on, genuine question.

Well I would expect them to take a first class hunter or racehorse, as they can be valuable and HMRC have a duty to sell assets to get money to repay her debts. I seriously doubt they would take two infirm and elderly ponies - I think her advisor was having her on or didn't fully understand what sort of ponies she was talking about. Ditto the crumbling collies - we aren't talking highly trained sheepdogs!

Wonder if they will take her Victoria Beckham dress and Louboutin shoes?

"It does happen with birds - the above link goes to google images. I think it's because of the oils and dust on their feathers.[/quote]

I have seen these as well but only if the bird has bounced off the glass..she said it crashed right through. I try to make allowances for her poor writing but I suppose out of a million words a year she gets a few things confused...

That's only if they crash into the window without breaking it. I tend not to believe Liz, even if she says the sky's blue.

Not something she's likely to say, it's always going to grey and overcast in her world.

Hasn't this nonsense made up the bulk of the dreary's content every week for at least a couple of years now? I honestly can't even remember what she used to write about before David and the endless text messages!

No one's mentioned the other Lizbott articles so here goes...
The comment piece was about Celeb Big Brother (is anyone watching it ? Haven't even bothered a glance at it this time), and some other sexually fuelled parade of egos type programme was on Liz's mind, as some girl has lost her beauty queen title after going to far on film. But as usual instead of it being an interesting observation about what drives someone to go on TV to get emotionally and physically naked, it turned into the usual sad self pitying lament about GREED. Oh dear, these poor reality stars are forced on to our screens to pay off their debts and of course to Lizbott this is nothing to do with being a grown up, she sees it more as a terrible affliction like leprosy that one is simply helplessly struck down by. However, I see it very differently. Being an old grump all I see is greed : I want, I will have, and someone else can pay for it when I have my financial meltdown. Simply dreadful.
So good to have a Monday morning moan

Then we had the other article. With the deleriously grinning Lizbott with robot Someone call the men in white coats quickly, she's cracked

Her comment piece about CBB (VERY topical Liz!) boiled down to her usual moaning about how others have it easy while she- the hardest working person in history - is constantly thwarted of the riches due to her by an uncaring world. And as for her rationale that she chose to enter CBB as a sanctuary from an uncaring world- I think we've heard from her many times, it was only to get some easy cash to pay off her debts. And we can see how that worked out so perhaps she should have heeded her own advice.
Her other piece about the Robot was a bit of shallow nonsense., but I suppose it helped her pay off some more bills, and it was interesting to see a picture of a shiny skinned, expressionless, empathy-free creature who can only communicate in the most simplistic terms electronically - with a ROBOT !! Boom Boom!

The diary is literally full of poo this week.

Shocking bit of racism at the end of the dreary in which she calls someone an Osama Bin Laden lookalike!!! How did THAT make it to print!!!

The woman could get away with murder while they Fail inexplicabily have her back.

Sounds like Lizbott is packed and ready to go with her remaining one mug, one teeshirt, and most importantly one wine glass.
By the wsy Liz, sane people train their dogs, especially if they need other folk to babysit them. Why put someone else through all that stress of unruly dogs in THEIR house ? It's an abuse of your friendship to dump your small pack of degenerates onto them.

Reading the farticle, but was stopped in my tracks by the photo, and specifically, her nose. I don't recall it being that bent, or asymmetrical, before. Maybe time to lay off the Bolivian Marching Powder ?

She has been referring to the particular ex like that for years.

How do the Mail get away with printing this?

Nice gig, up at Turnberry, jobs a good un.

Hard to know where to start when it comes to this week's 'Dreary'. Dressed in rags, just one t-shirt? Heaven forfend that HMRC have taken possession of her two pairs of Myla knickers! And is there more than a teensy show of jealousy of Nic - with her car, her new Apple laptop, trip to the Lake District? As for her comment '... but David’s visit also means, though, that I will have to spend Thursday cleaning (I did give Nic a pay rise a few years ago to clean once a week, but now her horses are so far away she, and I quote, ‘Can’t be in two places at once’).'

Um ... isn't Nic looking after Jones's horses too?

As for the 'Farticle' about Donald Trump, usual spiteful swipe at the appearance of Trump's daughter. As for the photos, far from just a t-shirt, Jones appears to be wearing one of her 'buttery suede' jackets. Below the waist, who knows? Perhaps (hopefully modestly) draped in those 'rags' she's apparently reduced to?

I wonder if a future farticle will be full of pathos about how old age pensioners (maybe even the ones she claimed sent her money some years back), have sent her bundles of clothes? Nice roomy size 18 elastic-waisted polyester pants, from Next (oh, the horror), and six packs of M & S 'cotton rich' knickers, plus some 'pre-loved' charity shop blouses and perhaps even some 'home knits' - cardies, sweaters, all a bit worn and with the odd moth hole, but still lovely and cosy if facing the cruel Yorkshire (or Brixton) gales.

Meanwhile, her Yorkshire mansion still seems to be on sale. Someone I know who genuinely is looking for a country property,( but not sure he still is as of yesterday, after the surprise Referendum result and property prices all over the place) was told the vendor wanted a quick sale. He asked about the cottage that goes with the property - was it tenanted or did it have vacant possession, and was told that a 'caretaker' lived there who would move when the entire property, incl cottages, sold. So assume the caretaker is Nic ... but I thought Liz claimed to have 'moved' Nic to miles away, where the horses are. Confused.

The Caretaker's probably the Baker.

I actually quite enjoyed the Trump piece. Snide but punching up, and a lot of self mockery re the shoes etc. The sort of thing she used to be good at.

As for the literal rags piece, I suspect that for Liz, "rags" means "something very high quality I bought six to ten years ago that is a little rubbed in places".

More importantly, WILL the Baker recoil at her unwaxed nethers? Note to Liz: he's an old hippy, he spent most of his adult life negotiating lady gardens, as have all men over 40. If you didn't buy into nonsense in a desperate attempt to appear ten years younger you'd know that.