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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 4)


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Old 17-07-2016, 14:51
BellaFiga
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I thought it was just a lot of staring at each other and breathing in and out whilst not moving the vital organs very much. Sounds like a recipe for either cramp, or the giggles, or both.
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Old 17-07-2016, 16:45
amikolaichek
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I thought it was just a lot of staring at each other and breathing in and out whilst not moving the vital organs very much. Sounds like a recipe for either cramp, or the giggles, or both.
WHAT? And doing that ALL DAY? Not a break from staring at each other and instead watching 'Corrie' or 'Bargain Hunt' or 'Cash in the Attic' for a bit?

Whatever happened to the good old 'Missionary Position', five minutes (max), done and dusted, and then a nice cup of tea and maybe an order to local takeaway to deliver a beef vindaloo or a lamb rogan gosh (all organic, vegan, line-caught, of course) ?
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Old 17-07-2016, 17:37
BellaFiga
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Whatever happened to the good old 'Missionary Position', five minutes (max), done and dusted, and then a nice cup of tea and maybe an order to local takeaway to deliver a beef vindaloo or a lamb rogan gosh (all organic, vegan, line-caught, of course) ?
I couldn't agree more. There's nothing worse than being flipped all over the place like a bloody pancake.
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Old 17-07-2016, 18:55
Ade_Lw
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It always amazes me that Liz, who frequently paints herself as still practically a virgin because no boys have ever liked her, and certainly insinuates that she's only ever had sex with Kevin the Osama Bin Laden Lookalike, her ex husband, the Rock Star, the Baker and maybe one other, will on alternating weeks announce that hers has been a glittering life of assignations with famous hotties while swanning round on the Riviera.

This article makes me sigh because she seems to think, on realising that "men" don't care whether she's waxed to the earlobes and sporting false lashes, that this is a BAD thing. And proceeds to engage in passive aggressive nastiness to the long suffering Baker, who is doing his best nonetheless to "please" her. (I really hate that whole spiel by the way. Why does he have to "please" her? She does nothing to please him - she does things she thinks SHOULD please him which is entirely a different matter. Also, if you're going to marry someone you need to be able to deal with them as a person, not a god to be feared and propitiated.

It's also incredibly boring.
You always get this contradictory idea that she's prim, up tight and ultra fussy, yet gets down to business as fast as a whippet even when she doesn't actually like the bloke. Odd. Very odd.

Sting has got alot to answer for, he's been on about his sex life for years and some how has given off this idea that TantrIc can sex is all about being shoe horned together for hours at a time like some kind of human crab creature wriggling about in a side ways fashion to get to the fags, food and other necessaries. Sounds like torture ! An ordeal for everyone involved - especially the take away delivery guy who will never knock on your door again out of pure fear, having had to almost poke his eyes out after the last time !!!! (just for you Amikolaichek !!!)
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Old 17-07-2016, 20:37
CyanideCindy
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Is she heading for bankruptcy, as she has previously said, or still in an IVA?

Her house went on Rightmove at the end of February. It's now late July.
How long is someone who's in the process of going bankrupt allowed to market the property before it goes to auction?
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Old 17-07-2016, 20:37
amikolaichek
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I couldn't agree more. There's nothing worse than being flipped all over the place like a bloody pancake.
Oh ... right, BellaFiga ... trying to imagine Jones and The Baker being flipped around in a Tantric sex jolly like a dual pancake. FOR 24 HOURS? Presumably with lots of up and down and sideways and backwards and upside and down etc. etc. - flipping every which way. But I must ask, how the hell do they stay ... er ... connected? No, um, 'slippage' or something? I have often made pancakes for the amusement of my kids, and later grand-kids - flipped pancakes. Some of them, due to my clumsiness, landed on the kitchen floor. Let us pray that the same doesn't befall The Baker -am I right in believing that he has a 'Bad Back'? And Jones, of course. We all know she has a 'Hearing Dog'. Maybe she'll now announce a 'Physiotherapist Dog'.

I am trying to steel myself to Google 'Tantric Sex' ... I might be ancient, but always happy to learn something new.
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Old 17-07-2016, 20:38
splodges mum
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Hey Lizzyros

Believe it or not I do know about the Internet. Does it matter if you read a paper version or on line, you are still a DM reader. I have to say that there seems to be an awful lot of Liz clones on this thread.
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Old 17-07-2016, 20:55
amikolaichek
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You always get this contradictory idea that she's prim, up tight and ultra fussy, yet gets down to business as fast as a whippet even when she doesn't actually like the bloke. Odd. Very odd.

Sting has got alot to answer for, he's been on about his sex life for years and some how has given off this idea that TantrIc can sex is all about being shoe horned together for hours at a time like some kind of human crab creature wriggling about in a side ways fashion to get to the fags, food and other necessaries. Sounds like torture ! An ordeal for everyone involved - especially the take away delivery guy who will never knock on your door again out of pure fear, having had to almost poke his eyes out after the last time !!!! (just for you Amikolaichek !!!)
Thanks,Ade_Lw. I've often had a takeaway delivery of some Chinese/Thai/Indian nosh from local Islington restaurants - and always very nice too.

I really can't get my head round visualising some poor delivery guy (with a vegan, organic, line caught takeaway) at the door, answered by Jones/Baker ... sort of ... glued together. (By the way, never liked 'Sting'). Beforehand, do they shuffle down, still connected, to put the plates in the oven to warm? And get out the knives and forks (designer knives and forks, of course)?

Still trying to be brave enough to Google 'Tantric Sex'.
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Old 17-07-2016, 20:59
Ade_Lw
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Hey Lizzyros

Believe it or not I do know about the Internet. Does it matter if you read a paper version or on line, you are still a DM reader. I have to say that there seems to be an awful lot of Liz clones on this thread.
Am fascinated, what's a Liz clone ? To me she will always be the Lizbott, usually savage but today actually giving someone a compliment - wow !
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Old 17-07-2016, 21:00
amikolaichek
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Is she heading for bankruptcy, as she has previously said, or still in an IVA?

Her house went on Rightmove at the end of February. It's now late July.
How long is someone who's in the process of going bankrupt allowed to market the property before it goes to auction?
It's an IVA, CyanideCindy. See https://www.insolvencydirect.bis.gov...127&CaseType=I

For five years, if you are subject to a IVA, you will have your finances scrutinised closely.
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Old 17-07-2016, 21:06
Ade_Lw
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Thanks,Ade_Lw. I've often had a takeaway delivery of some Chinese/Thai/Indian nosh from local Islington restaurants - and always very nice too.

I really can't get my head round visualising some poor delivery guy (with a vegan, organic, line caught takeaway) at the door, answered by Jones/Baker ... sort of ... glued together. (By the way, never liked 'Sting'). Beforehand, do they shuffle down, still connected, to put the plates in the oven to warm? And get out the knives and forks (designer knives and forks, of course)?

Still trying to be brave enough to Google 'Tantric Sex'.
Can't really say as the glued together business is not my idea of lovely Tantra. But it does seem to have become (wrongly) the general concept, you know like foxes get stuck together and start howling in pain. The very thought of the gruesome twosome in such state answering the door for a take away has me crying with laughter so much so so that the dog am baby sitting got quite upset !
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Old 17-07-2016, 22:29
Jennifer_Jones2
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She could always keep a large bucket of cold water that the delivery boy can chuck over them if they are stuck - you know, like you do with dogs when they get stuck!
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Old 17-07-2016, 23:07
Ade_Lw
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She could always keep a large bucket of cold water that the delivery boy can chuck over them if they are stuck - you know, like you do with dogs when they get stuck!
Too funny am helpless
It must be the heat, like an oven down here....... It's the thought of them sidling up to the front door like siamese twins, desperate for the food having been at for the full 24, unable to disconnect and too famished to care.
Thanks Lizbott, best laugh have had in ages. My baby sat dog has just been picked up luckily other wise he'd be back running around panicked at me howling with laughter (also fuelled by the distinct aroma of a neighbour with a take away curry).
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Old 17-07-2016, 23:23
CyanideCindy
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It's an IVA, CyanideCindy. See https://www.insolvencydirect.bis.gov...127&CaseType=I

For five years, if you are subject to a IVA, you will have your finances scrutinised closely.
Thank you amikolaichek.
I don't post on here nearly as much as I used to - I'm all Lizbotted-out. I was just curious as to why the taxman has not yet forced a sale on her house.
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Old 18-07-2016, 08:06
Lizzyroz
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Hey Lizzyros

Believe it or not I do know about the Internet. Does it matter if you read a paper version or on line, you are still a DM reader. I have to say that there seems to be an awful lot of Liz clones on this thread.
Hey Splodgemum

Why are posters on here Liz ''clones'' when we disagree with her?

I think your meds seem to have worn off.
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Old 19-07-2016, 18:23
lomo123
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Too funny u guys. Still laughing at the tantric haverings.
Is this for real, or a total p take.?!
I take it the country pile is still on the market since it,s not been mentioned, and what of Nic, are they still on the outs?.
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Old 19-07-2016, 18:27
LindaDanvers
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I think your meds seem to have worn off.
Or they've had one more little drinky too many, if they are who I suspect they are.
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Old 20-07-2016, 18:40
splodges mum
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Liz writes a load of rubbish and can be quite vile at times. All I have been trying to say is that there are a lot of nasty comments which makes contributors as bad as her. Yes I do take meds, cancer needs them. No I don't drink and no I am not Liz.
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Old 22-07-2016, 09:23
Suzy_Cat
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I have a heart condition. If you hit me, it's murder.
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Old 22-07-2016, 13:54
LindaDanvers
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I have a heart condition. If you hit me, it's murder.
Needed the chuckLe you gave me just then.
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Old 24-07-2016, 03:26
sunstone
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I have to say I find today's farticle disturbing.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/ar...-wine-day.html
I think as a thread with mainly mature thoughtful posters,we have most of us had some experience of alcohol dependency from one side of the coin or the other,so maybe not the place to get into that whole debate
.I did, however find a couple of lines rather true.
The bottle is my only friend
. Without it, life is impossible.
I hope this is just attention seeking carp,along the lines of the "profoundly deaf since childhood" If there is a genuine problem,then as people have said before,where is the duty of care from the MoS?
Have a feeling I am falling for the **** though.
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Old 24-07-2016, 06:22
BellaFiga
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If it's true, it explains a lot of the bilge she's written in the last couple of years.
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Old 24-07-2016, 07:02
Bellagio
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Remember what she said to the IVA people: what she writes in her articles is fiction and does not reflect her actual lifestyle.

Of course, that itself could be a lie...
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Old 24-07-2016, 07:33
sunstone
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Maybe the only way to get away with the wine expenditure to the IVA bods is to claim addiction.Who knows.
She does seem to visit the recycling place a lot for a single person on a perma fast.
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Old 24-07-2016, 08:00
Bellagio
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Oh, and the Dreary ? If that's the worst row they've ever had (and it's not, of course) then she's nothing to complain about.

Wait...
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