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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 4)
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cathrin
03-10-2016
Originally Posted by Jennifer_Jones2:
“Hi Cathrin

Yes. She started off doing the horses then dropped in at the Co-op for the ingredients for a stir fry. She couldn't find any Tofu or plain crisps so lost her rag with the poor girl on the till!

!!”

Hi Jennifer, Glad to hear that I wasn't imagining it! (I started to doubt my sanity too!) Yes I think I saw an outburst against the poor shop assistant....something along the lines that "This is the worst shop I've ever been in"?

Originally Posted by amikolaichek:
“Sorry, it's late, I'm tired, been along day but I don't get the
'PS Is Open-Mouthed the new £26,000?' bit in your post?

It's me, being a bit dim. What have I missed?”

Sorry amikolaichek, my apologies for my vagueness and rambling! I must have been reading too many LJ columns and some of her incoherence rubbed off on me! As Rubbish Name correctly deciphered and clarified from my babblings (thanks Rubbish), what I meant was that Liz has started using the phrase "Open-Mouthed" as regularly as she uses £26,000, giant children, etiolated, blah blah blah....Sorry again for the incoherence.

Originally Posted by rosariofire:
“Cathrin, so good to see you back on here! 😃”

Oh bless you rosariofire and thanks for the welcome back! I have a lot of pages of this thread to catch up on, but I have been following the Dreary itself during my absence and find myself, well, Open-Mouthed with the sheer awfulness of the writing. Can't wait to read the novel, which is sure to be a classic!

Originally Posted by IFonly58:
“SO, to sum up this weeks tosh:

I've just about got enough time to make a list of life lessons for (other) women so that they can live the sort of happy, fulfilling, contented life I have!
Do as I say girls, not do as I do !!”

My thoughts exactly. What young girl with a brain cell in her head would look to Liz for life advice? She seems to imagine The Kids see her as a wise and insightful life guru in the same way that she (but only she, no-one else on the planet) sees the SATC characters!
Jennifer_Jones2
03-10-2016
Perhaps it's a bit profound (blame it on me watching the "West Wing" again) but I think Liz herself is trying to give advice to others that she should have had, so as not to get into the god awful mess someone on her salary has ended up in!

Modern kids do seem to need people to emulate, hence the number of people addicted to Kim Kardashian, a woman desperate for fame who ended up being robbed in a very obvious Paris hotel - so secret that everyone knew it was there. If she had spent a little time doing good rather than wandering about (followed by most of her family and her unbalanced husband) wearing as little as possible, she might be a better example to follow.
fizzycat
04-10-2016
Originally Posted by Jennifer_Jones2:
“I think Liz herself is trying to give advice to others that she should have had, so as not to get into the god awful mess someone on her salary has ended up in!
.”

I think she's just churning out the word count. Her 4th point, about weight and body shape, is the hypocrisy we get from her on a regular basis. It sounds great and I applaud the sentiment but how long will it be before she starts tearing someone to bits because Liz deems her overweight or badly dressed? (Kirstie Alsopp, Clare Balding, all those joggers who knock her off the path with their 'giant breasts' - she doesn't give a damn about anyone's self esteem.)

The financial advice from her is laughable because even in her dire situation, she's carried on with spending on stupid things. She says she's too poor to eat but her prioriy is still to have beauty treatments at a price she could feed herself on for a week or more. Her financial state is nothing new and there's been nothing that acted as a wake up call to her along the way.
cathrin
04-10-2016
I totally agree with the points in the two above posts. There's nothing wrong in principle with someone giving the "Learn by my mistakes/Don't do as I did" type of advice--in fact it can be very insightful and wise. But all the evidence shows that Liz herself hasn't learnt a thing from her own mistakes. She just keeps repeating them over and over again while expecting a different outcome, and blaming the rest of the world when faced with consequences any normal person would have seen coming and acted to prevent a mile back. Which means she has zero insight and zero credibility as a mentor or life guide.

Also, as mentioned in the posts above, some of her advice is so massively hypocritical in the light of her own vitriolic snipings (the stuff about body size jumped out at me too, given her vile potshots at Holly W and Kirstie A). How can anyone take her seriously as a champion of normal-sized woman (as she so often tries to claim) when the many, many nasty comments she's made about other women's size are there online for all to see?
Jennifer_Jones2
04-10-2016
I don't think Liz can even see her own problems, let alone learn from them. So far, we know she has a novel and a film script possibly being published and now she appears to be writing a self help book too. Presumably she thinks this will sell and bring her money to live on. Personally, if I were a publisher, I have to say I wouldn't accept such a book from her, precisely because it's been made very public that years of advice have done nothing at all for her and, if advice couldn't help her on her vast salary, what use is it to the rest of us?

I think she does have a very large mental block about her situation, hence her attempts to write and sell anything to enable her to stay in her house and I think that's all that is in her head. That's why we hear so little of her looking for somewhere else to live, the future of the various animals. I think David may be being kind by offering her somewhere to live but they won't last 5 days sharing a house.
lomo123
04-10-2016
I don't know how she can be bothered going through all that driving about and hassle looking after horses miles away.
She'd be better throwing in the towel, and making life a lot simpler for herself.
Better even to move in with him, could be a stop gap till she got back on her feet.
Jennifer_Jones2
04-10-2016
Ah, but that would mean the girl from Essex with the hand knitted jumpers etc etc having to admit defeat!
Thornfield
05-10-2016
Originally Posted by lomo123:
“I don't know how she can be bothered going through all that driving about and hassle looking after horses miles away.
She'd be better throwing in the towel, and making life a lot simpler for herself.
Better even to move in with him, could be a stop gap till she got back on her feet.”

I agree.

She desperately needs to rehome all the animals. It's obviously been too much for her since day one but I know from personal experience some people have such a blind spot when it comes to animals there is no getting through to them. They'd kill themselves slaving away and losing money first than admit they aren't fit to keep their pets.

And that LJ insists over and over she champions "normal" women when she regularly tears into anyone who's body and image she disapproves of says to me she has a huge, huge problem with cognitive dissonance in general.
Jennifer_Jones2
05-10-2016
And she has such a chip on her shoulder about coming from Essex and how awful things were at home and at school. It just seems more than a tad unbelievable, unless she was a very peculiar child? I know she had a large family, but the youngest in a large family usually does quite well as there are more people to look after them.
lomo123
05-10-2016
I haven't read her autobiography, just snippets on here. Don't think reading between lines that she had a bad/rough/cruel childhood.
It sounds better than most having riding lessons, and loving parents.
I'm the same age as her, if her wiki info is correct!, and no one I know had much, couple of kids in my class at school parents drove cars, had their own homes, but the majority of us had hand knitted jumpers. It wasn't anything to be ashamed of, it was all we knew.
Rubbish Name
06-10-2016
But she was forced to wear hand me downs! And her Afghan coat was the wrong colour! And her father bought her fake pearls and no ponies at all!

We don't understand how haaaaaard it was for her.
amikolaichek
06-10-2016
Sorry amikolaichek, my apologies for my vagueness and rambling! I must have been reading too many LJ columns and some of her incoherence rubbed off on me! As Rubbish Name correctly deciphered and clarified from my babblings (thanks Rubbish), what I meant was that Liz has started using the phrase "Open-Mouthed" as regularly as she uses £26,000, giant children, etiolated, blah blah blah....Sorry again for the incoherence.



Cathrin, you are totally forgiven. But you left out one classic and much used Liz phrase: 'Soft buttery leather ..' or is it 'Soft buttery suede'? Or both? Nice to see a much (self) vaunted 'vegan' sticking to her principles.

I'd not realised (I'm ancient and maybe my marbles are a bit scattered these days) that '£26,000' was a commonly used Jones description of the cost of her purchases. Her off-licence bill? Or the dry-cleaning expenditure (those two pairs of Myla, or is it Marc Jacobs, knickers?) Or the organic M & S fish for the alleged feral/house pussies? Or perhaps restitution to the farmers who own the unfortunate sheep mauled by her untrained dogs? Or new neon-pink sofas to replace the ones said dogs have chewed up? Or repeated top to toe depilation procedures? KNEE WAXING? Has anyone ever HEARD of 'knee waxing'? Does/did The Baker, in the throes of passion, suddenly pause, sadly deflated, wailing 'Sorry, it's no good .... I can't, I just can't ... because you have ... hairy knees?'

Never mind. I've always been a charitable soul .... so, am just wondering if some equally charitable do-gooder might start up a 'Go Fund Me' or 'Crowd Funding' website or whatever, to SAVE Jones from having to sell her lovely Yorkshire home. I'm sure all her neighbours would gladly chip in. If it gets going, I'm definitely IN - will PayPal a whole fifty pence.
dummy_mummy
09-10-2016
Fairly new to this forum (hello all) - finding the threads a much better read than dreary's and farticles

For those of us who didn't get to read this week's dreary last week, it's there today...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...tips-edge.html

What a thoroughly unpleasant person Jones is!
dummy_mummy
09-10-2016
Her article about Streetcat Bob and James Bowen, on the other hand, is one of her better pieces.
seventhwave
09-10-2016
Doesn't seem to be a new Dreary up this week. I don't have the paper magazine so don't know if there is anything in there ... Have they finally pulled the plug?
Jennifer_Jones2
09-10-2016
The Dreary I saw in the early hours a week ago is now published as this week's effort! It's been changed slightly, but still terminally boring and I note the Wail are not accepting comments.
Paula Panzer
09-10-2016
Originally Posted by seventhwave:
“Doesn't seem to be a new Dreary up this week. I don't have the paper magazine so don't know if there is anything in there ... Have they finally pulled the plug?”

It's here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...tips-edge.html
Harriet Vane
09-10-2016
Originally Posted by Jennifer_Jones2:
“The Dreary I saw in the early hours a week ago is now published as this week's effort! It's been changed slightly, but still terminally boring and I note the Wail are not accepting comments.”

The comments are, as usual for the Dreary, being 'moderated'. So the usual random selection will appear in batches over today. DM play very fast and loose with the term 'moderation' when it comes to Miss Jones. LJ's Lovechild seems to have no problem getting his slightly sinister stuff through every week, my own success rate is roughly 1 week in 4, and I know others here who fare worse than that.
Harriet Vane
09-10-2016
And as for today's 3 efforts...
Telling your bosses in print that you are probably no longer able to do a part of your job is not the smartest move ever. Although like me they are probably scratching their head as to exactly where these 'celebrity interviews' are. I cannot recollect a single one recently. Didn't she used to do them for the DM, from which, as she has once again reminded us, she was fired after the CBB stint?
Elsewhere, apparently not paying your taxes is somehow different from fiddling them. Not in my world it isn't. And Bob's owner is lectured on how to look after animals from the woman who doesn't seem to week on week how many she owns. Or indeed how she is going to feed them when she is down, again, to her last couple of quid. The anti feminism rant I struggle to ujderstand, since they are variously described as flapping their bingo winged arms and shoving their beautiful assets under their bosses noses. Which rather makes the point that they come in all shapes and sizes, but it is only Liz who thinks that what they look like has anything to do with the philosophy.
Oh, and there goes another group of women staring 'open mouthed' at her!
seventhwave
09-10-2016
Originally Posted by Paula Panzer:
“It's here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...tips-edge.html”

Isn't that last week's though? The one where Liz threw a tantrum at the shop assistant?
Harriet Vane
09-10-2016
Originally Posted by seventhwave:
“Isn't that last week's though? The one where Liz threw a tantrum at the shop assistant?”

Only for the few awake in the small hours - read back the last couple of pages in this thread and all will be revealed...
ianradioian
09-10-2016
I read it and shouldn't have bothered.It's either made up flim-flam to fill a column weekly, or it really is a reflection on this Womans life/lifestyle.
What a horrible nasty attitude to have if true: no wonder her life is a constant car-crash.
However, if a lot of ots untrue fiction- it's probably all made up rubbish anyway- she might be sitting back having a good laugh at writing a fictional column and getting everyone going!
Rubbish Name
09-10-2016
I don't understand the triple asterisk bit in the Liary. HMRC have told her she can't afford to get married, but she knows a woman who killed somebody in a car...? Anybody?
amikolaichek
09-10-2016
Hmm, I am puzzled. Today’s ‘Diary’ states, and I quote: ‘The meeting with HMRC where they had my columns in front of them, queried how I could afford to stay at the Plaza Athénée**, and told me I couldn’t afford to get married***.’

Oh, OK. But I go back to May this year and a vigilant DS ‘Fastia’, who quoted from Private Eye: "...But the creditors in her much-chronicled bankruptcy have been given a slightly different vision. Late last year they accepted her proposal to pay off her debts, as documented exhaustively if inconsistently in her column, at the rate of 24.82 pence in the pound. They were also offered this startling confession: "I would like to make my creditors aware that my column and any other article I write is ficticious [sic]. It is my job to write about an extravagant lifestyle. My professional persona and my real persona are significantly different, particularly financially."

Ah well. The truth will out (one day). Meanwhile, IF her Diary today is even vaguely true, I’m so sorry for her sister. She’s obviously collateral damage in the car-crash that’s Jones’s financial affairs - sister originally moved into the Exmoor converted stable/bat house/pig pen or whatever, then Jones decided she wanted Nic to have the place. I understand there was some legal action, which resulted in Jones having to buy the sister a place to live. One assumes it was bought on a mortgage, in Jones’s name, so of course, it’s part of her assets up for grabs by her creditors.

As for all the stuff she’s had to sell ….her ‘Wang jacket, a Temperley slip dress, Louboutin sparkly shoes, Tod’s clutch, my desk, my Bang & Olufsen TV, Bang & Olufsen hi-fi, the spare alloys from my Mercedes …’ Well, that must have made a HUGE dent in her debts (at least she didn't flog her Myla knickers) – but still name-dropping , as always! Just surprised she didn’t include anything from Abigail Ahern. Or the (slightly chewed) neon pink sofas. And selling her Vogue collection ... oh, the heartbreak.

As for her disgusting behaviour in her local Co-op. Who the HELL does she think she is? Again, people ‘open-mouthed’ at her. Does she really think readers are impressed by her nasty rants? No wonder comments on today’s Diary were quickly terminated.

Haven't read her other two articles yet. Saving that 'treat' for this evening ...
Harriet Vane
09-10-2016
Originally Posted by Rubbish Name:
“I don't understand the triple asterisk bit in the Liary. HMRC have told her she can't afford to get married, but she knows a woman who killed somebody in a car...? Anybody?”

The triple asterisks appear to partly refer also to the end of the preceding paragraph, 'Working so hard I have fallen asleep at the wheel three times.' Which I note is different from the ALMOST fell asleep that she has categorised it as in the past.

She appears to think that driving whilst that tired, and / or drunk, - according to her confession in that regard a couple of months ago - is somehow OK, because she hasn't (yet) killed anybody. Anyway, that is the £1000 banger illegally on the road if she is still driving it, since it does not have a working seatbelt. Not for the first time, I find myself praying that somebody in Yorkshire's finest reads this thread and does something about getting her off the road. She thinks nothing of stopping for a hedgehog, but I honestly don't think she would care less if it happened to a human that she mowed down next time she falls asleep at the wheel.
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