The 'David kidnapped my cat' story went out on 30th October.

Nic moving out was covered in a diary from 7th August - although as we know the diary is usually several weeks in arrears of her actual life (she's accustomed to being in arrears you know). For example, the diary that talked about her birthday was published on 2nd October but her birthday is 5th September.

On that basis we can assume that the diary will catch up with the cat-napping around the end of November.

Edited to say I've just re-read this and it appears I need to go and get a life now

I don't think I've ever read anything more boring than this week's diary.

Even when she's losing her home she has nothing of substance to say.

But why even consider just moving a mile down the road, meaning that none of her travel problems with her work would be lessened? Added to which, she has absolutely no friends in the area! Why not hire a van and move small belongings or auction them too?

(Mind you, I might have sold the main house and moved into Waterfall Cottage!)
Last edited by Jennifer_Jones2 : 20-11-2016 at 00:29

Oh Jennifer Jones, nobody will let her hire a van! She has no money of any description remember. Or any friends. Not even My Friend Isobel or David.

I myself have moved house several times without using moving services and so have most of the people I know. Especially not just down the road.

What I find distasteful about this week's whine is the loving detailing of all the things she claims she will have to leave behind - what, she can't shove the autographed Audrey photo in the back of the car? Or carry it on the fricking bus for that matter? - which looks rather a lot like a desperate plea for readers to stump up cash to pay for her move.

And again, again, again, what about David in all of this? He has a flat. She refuses to live with him - despite planning a wedding etc - because she prefers to be a victim.

Oh dear.

The listing of all the designer stuff she can't afford. Has anyone who's looked at the estate agents photo's seen any of it? I think a 'red velvet bergere suite' would stand out like the proverbial sore thumb. The ''poor me, I'm out on my ear'' moans, and can anyone tell me how a dog could 'eat' four of these without having severe intestinal problems..

Why does she have to get a posh moving firm who charge 2k when a man with a van would do it for a few hundred? Also, what happened to the 2 bed in Belsize Park and did David give her his cat back yet?

Just found what I think might be the house she was going to rent ''on the green in Reeth''.
£875 a month, but I'll bet anything you like the landlord found out about her bad credit record, wanted to charge her more and put loads of stipulations to the rental contract. It featured in the 1970's film of All Creatures Great and Small apparently, so with her 'love' for animals, I expect our Lizzie would jump at it.

http://www.jrhopper.com/full-details...D=100315000812

Nice eh? Liz doesn't deserve it. If her dogs eat chairs, can you imagine what state that lovely kitchen would be in after 6 months of Liz and her menagerie in residence?

And the Oscar for THE MOST PRODUCT PLACEMENT in one piece of turgid self-pitying cra … sorry … wonderful ‘feel good’ bit of prose goes to …. (wait for it) … LIZ JONES. Everyone applaud madly now.

We have: Anglepoise lamp. The Eames chair, bought from Selfridges. And the Vi-Spring bed – also bought from Selfridges. (Urgh - TOO much information about making love on the Vi-Spring bed ... hope she used a mattress protector . The Bill Amberg bed-head. Plus Eileen Grey bedside tables. Oh, yes, the Silver Glam lamps from Atelier Abigail Ahern in Upper Street in Islington. Hope you all got that - Atelier Abigail Ahern in Upper Street in Islington! (Christ, the number of times she mentions the place, they must give her one hell of a discount.) And her mum’s Bergere suite (no, me neither).

She didn't mention the artist who did the oil painting of the deceased nag 'Lizzie' - tut-tut, glaring omission. Or who sold her the painting of Krishna in a silver photo frame.

And to continue: Her red Iittala vase. Also the Eero Saarinen marble tulip table. Plus the Smeg cooker and fridge. Chest of drawers from Nicole Farhi Home (just off Bond Street, for those of you feeling the urge to rush there to purchase a chest of drawers -you can find Bond Street on Google Street view or something).

Her Arne Jacobsen dining chairs (she used to have eight, but one of her untrained dogs ate half of them, probably as a change from gnawing on sheep and the odd cat ... (Now, kindly meant note to future landlords considering renting to Jones and her menagerie - 'THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK' doesn't anywhere come near to THE DOG ATE MY SOFT FURNISHINGS. And, I almost hesitate to mention it because of my innate delicacy ... but her dogs 'stress wee' too ).

Perhaps the Suzuki Garage, Handelsbanken and Bishop’s Move may be less happy with their ‘product placement’ but hey ho, no such thing as bad publicity …!

Meanwhile, as mentioned by another DS stalwart above, WHY THE HELL was she even considering renting a place in North Yorkshire, when she whines and bitches about having to travel to London, Gatwick, wherever for ‘work’?

Oh dear oh dear ... I think I am going to start crying in a moment. But to cheer myself up, maybe I'll limp along Upper Street later and treat myself to something nice from Abigail Ahern. Perhaps being on crutches just might get me a wee discount. Or - maybe (being realistic) I'll stagger into Sainsbury's and buy myself a bottle of own-brand gin.

This thread is hilarious. She really did go all out with the product placement this week!

That house is beautiful and you get soooo much for £875 a month. That's less than half the price of a two bed in Belsize Park. All those pale carpets though....does the landlord know about Liz's incontinent collies?

Why does she want extra bedrooms if she's got no friends?

Surely if she'd rather leave all her furniture behind than stoop to getting a local man with van to move it, this is the perfect time to downsize and get one of the 1 or 2 bedroomed cottages there are so many of around the area?

Why stay there, as others have asked, when she has no attachment to anything or anyone in the area? She's not likely to be able to afford anything with fields for the horses, so rental for that will be extra. Where will she live when she marries David?

What rental car is she talking about? I thought she'd only been 'allowed' by HMRC to spend up to £1000 when she bought one. So what's the rental car? (Is it for Nic? And where is Nic?)

Why does she not expect to have to make deposits and/or pay up front when she cheerfully advertises her disdain for paying bills in practically every column she writes?

Our man with a van move from Brum to Scarborough earlier this year cost us less than £1000. And we managed to bring our furniture and other belongings with us.

Oh, the heady feeling of success. Got a comment published after her farticle about bras. But the one I wrote about her Jeremy Clarkson stuff re his new programme, not published. Maybe because I mentioned something about being, these days, a 'hate crime' or whatever to say something about men being trained to fight Germans.

(By the way, I don't drive, couldn't give a flying whatsit about Clarkson & co., but I thought her entire farticle was so horrible about men in general.)

You beat me to it. She doesn't NEED a four bedroom house. Unless of course three of the bedrooms are for the "puppies" and cats.

Nor does she need a dining room if she doesn't eat or entertain friends. David being out of the picture (with which the dreary should soon catch up, but the bitter rant about men today seems to confirm) means she doesn't need a kitchen either. All she needs is a bedroom and somewhere to plonk her laptop. And somewhere without decent carpets or furniture for whatever animals she intends to take with her.

Still, let us ... OK, moi ... be thankful for small mercies. At least she's not wittering on about renting somewhere in Islington - ha ha, she could buy a little place in Yorkshire for the equivalent of a couple of years' rent here ... although - a wee little cheap and cheerful Yorkshire cottage might have (oh, the horror, the horror) a PINE FITTED KITCHEN).. What a huge shame she sold that lovely house in Gibson Square (not far from my place). And it is a beautiful house. It'd now be worth ... well, several £millions plus. Oh dear.

Be still, my bleeding heart ... wonder if she's now gone for the North London flat she was banging on about a Dreary or so ago (I'm seriously losing track), 'cos the landlady wanted a lot more deposit etc. because of the Jones's menagerie. Anyone worked out which is the property? Meanwhile, thanks to the amazing DSpy upthread who posted what's possibly the place in Yorkshire she's after. SO convenient for London, of course!!!!! I trust the owner has done due diligence and realised what she'd be in for if she rented to Jones.

Given the conditions listed - 6 months' rent upfront etc. - it looks as if they have.

and even then not guaranteed to rent to her


and she blames it all on her advisors

Does anyone else think it's suspicious that she keeps on saying "You’d think I’d killed someone" ? Either she thinks anything else she can do is OK, or she has a guilty conscience.

Gorgeous property, but I still don't understand how LJ can afford to be even looking at places like that given how she is "bankrupt" and "destitute"...unless of course she is techincally neither of those things but it spices up the diary to keep telling us she is.

Quite, Roesia. Going back to old DS posts, Fatsia posted this, extracted from a Private Eye comment::

"...But the creditors in her much-chronicled bankruptcy have been given a slightly different vision. Late last year they accepted her proposal to pay off her debts, as documented exhaustively if inconsistently in her column, at the rate of 24.82 pence in the pound. They were also offered this startling confession: "I would like to make my creditors aware that my column and any other article I write is ficticious. It is my job to write about an extravagant lifestyle. My professional persona and my real persona are significantly different, particularly financially.""

You are paid for product placement.
She is just indulging in the vulgar (like so much about her) act of bragging.

She's needling someone. It's what she does, refers to something she judges to be 'bad' over and over again and if she does it often enough, the person is identified. (Jeremy and India)
She is a very nasty person in print, but unlike many other columnists who write hateful inflammatory things she does not have a reputation of being nice in person. I don't think she has a conscience, guilty or otherwise.

Doesn't the reference to "killing someone" have something to do with someone else having a car accident? The bankruptcy is a more or less standard way of getting rid of the terrible mortgages, loans, credit cards etc debts. She must still have her mega salary from the MOS that goes to the Debt Man and he gives her so much a month to live on. I think he would find it hard not to give her extra to move with and pay the auction bills as that is a once only cost. I am amazed if he will cover the rent in Belsize Park though!

During my life as a journalist (columnist, not a reporter) I never got paid for product placement - or received any freebies.apart from the usual samples of cosmetics sent out to all newspaper/magazine writers. Though (confession good for the soul) I did receive a pair of red wedgie heeled shoes from M & S in 1981 and a nice cake from some local baker that I mentioned. Oh, and I did get a discount card from some stores but seldom used these (despite friends wanting to 'borrow' the card).

To think what I missed. I could have been on half million a year or something from the Daily Wail/WoS by slagging off my family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, servants, advisors, accountants, receptionists, cashiers, garage attendants etc.etc. etc. However, I''ve still got my integrity, poor but happy ... And I've still my nice house in Islington.

*** I know a young woman who ran over someone and killed him. She is still driving around North Yorkshire like a maniac. I haven’t killed anyone. Neither have I ever fiddled a tax return or an expense claim.

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Is she implying that the young woman ran someone over deliberately? Accidents do happen!

A one-time colleague of mine went out at lunchtime and a small child ran out from behind a parked car. He was wide awake but there was nothing he could do about it. I have never seen someone so gutted. He was not charged. Liz, on the other hand, reminds us constantly of how often she falls asleep at the wheel.

Mmh, yeah reading that again (didn't think anything at the time) she's definitely hinting at someone.
Well actually she says she knows someone who s still driving about after killing someone.
Wonder who it was ?.