I couldn't find the original version of the homeless story (the one where the agent bailed her out). Strangely, that version, which we all clearly remember reading and discussing on this thread, seems to have been mysteriously erased from cyberspace. But I did find this exchange of posts between myself and fitnessqueen last year which illustrated my point:

cathrin: IIRC, there was even one occasion--I bet our Bellagio will be able to remember the details--when she was being horrible to a hotel receptionist (I know, I know, that doesn't really narrow it down much, does it?) ...and when she repeated the same tale again a couple of weeks later, a new animal tragedy was suddenly retrospectively introduced into the story to provide added pathos...anyone remember the occasion I'm talking about?


fitnessqueen: I think it was the time she was "homeless" (ie she couldn't check into a hotel because she was virtually bankrupt and her card wasn't accepted. Luckily, like all homeless people, she had her agent on hand to bail her out).She then rehashed the story a few weeks later but wailed "my horse has just died" or something like that at the nasty receptionist. I also have a feeling it was the horse that she had never mentioned until it died....

I've just been reading the reviews of her book on Amazon! Blimey! Everyone is saying the same thing: that the only entertaining thing about the book is the way all the rehashed stories contradict each other and change details from the original versions! I guess that's rule number one in the art of rehashing old tripe over and over again: don't change details, or you will be easily caught out by sharp-eyed readers who remember the original tripe (especially if it's been rehashed a hundred times already).

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...oom-night.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/ar...LIZ-JONES.html

Spot the difference

""I had reached my low spot through my own stupidity. I had spent too much money and was temporarily broke (my agent eventually turned up to bail me out)."

Paging astor... paging astor...

I'm just dying to hear your explanation for the barefaced, utter lie from my previous post: as I said before, if she'd been forced to tramp the streets of London all night, we'd still be hearing about it, (like being stood up on Millennium Eve).

BTW, the amazon reviews are positively murderous.

Originally Posted by Bellagio;66860722 the barefaced, utter lie from my previous post: as I said before, if she'd been forced to tramp the streets of London all night, we'd still be hearing about it, (like being stood up on Millennium Eve).

BTW, the amazon reviews are positively [I:
“murderous[/i]. ”

...And yet, however bad they are, they can't possibly do justice to the sheer awfulness of the book. I just read the first chapter (free sample on Kindle) and it really is spectacularly dreadful.

The funny thing is, by putting all this stuff into a book, Liz has effectively done her critics' job for them. All these years, one of our biggest criticisms has been this retelling-anecdotes-with-changing-details trick. Now she's doing the same thing in a book, with all the online articles still up and easily checkable, she's just asking to be slated by the very people who read the columns these anecdotes appeared in and immediately spot the contradictions. A writer might get away with this if they just told a story a couple of times. But because Liz trots everything out over and over again, there really is no hiding place.

But it's more than that. It really is abysmally written, with absolutely no self-awareness, sensitivity, empathy or warmth. And I don't know what she was aiming to achieve by putting all that deeply personal and inappropriate stuff about her poor mother in the very first chapter--perhaps she saw it as a way of getting the reader's sympathy (for herself) from the word go? --But it really does get things off to an amazingly bad start, because all you can think about when you read it is how horribly intrusive it is.

I, too, am waiting for some of her loyal fans to explain what they love about this book, and perhaps to give us some examples of the wit and charm they're always telling us they find so delightful....

I do believe... yes, I really do believe I've found an example of this towering wit we're always being told about by her supporters. Probably best if you're sitting down because it's a corker, really it is.

Ready ? Here it comes...

"My parents got a bulldog, but it went into a mad frenzy in the garden and attacked Nick. He was put down (the bulldog, not Nick)..."

Oh, my sides... they are splitting. Such wit... such humour. It's just as well Noel Coward isn't with us any more, or he'd certainly be shaking in his shoes.

Here's another. For context, LJ had sent the fashion designer Ossie Clark an interview she'd edited to give hi time to respond before it was published. Clark responded by taking out an injunction to prevent the article being published, landing LJ in the merde.

"I learned something: to place a curse on anyone who slighted me. Ossie Clark was later murdered by his gay ex-lover, so you can see it worked."

Rolling in the aisles, eh.

I think I've found one of the few pieces of truthful information ever uttered by Ms Jones - that would actually appear to be her birth date. For some reason, the record has been transcribed as Elisabeth A Jones, rather than Elizabeth, and it's registered at Chelmsford.

I'll be giving the book a wide berth - I'd prefer to keep my blood pressure at a normal rate!

Stop it Bellagio! It's too much for me to take. It's almost as hysterically funny as all the other times she's used this exact same Hilarious Device....

The chicken requires home visits from Tara the small animal vet (the animals are small; Tara is normal-sized);

I attacked the Sainsbury’s Man who wore his shoes in my house to step on the mat. ‘But it’s a mat!’ he wailed. ‘I need you to sign for the delivery!’ I told him I refused to sign as I had not unpacked the shopping yet. He went away mumbling ominously.

I agree to see him again (not SM, but the Rock Star).


Ah, who could ever tire of such rib-tickling fun?

Shocking.

Didn't she say something similarly tasteless about someone else she fell out with the other day...something about googling their name and the word "dead" regularly?

Hang on (Kindle searching - did I really invest 4.99 in this tosh?)

Yes, here we go:

"I have just typed 'Evelyne Prouvost dead' into Google, in a vain hope. I'll try again tomorrow. Whoever said I'm not an optimist?"

Yes, that was the bit I was thinking of. Jaw-dropping. Does anyone else find it absolutely shocking that some editor OK-d this sort of thing for publication?

I forced myself to read to the end of the sample first chapter, but boy was it hard going! The stream-of-consciousness way she rambles on and jumps from one subject to another is incredibly irritating and hard to follow. At times it's genuinely impossible to grasp what she's on about. I find myself thinking of that character in the Fast Show who used to sit in an armchair mumbling away and just occasionally making a few words of sense.

There was a fairly glowing review of the book in The Standard the other day which made me wonder if the critic had ever read any of her stuff before.

I'm a newbie who signed up just because of this thread. I always check on this thread everyday as its the best thread around and really sums up the old bat Liz. Seriously, never ever change!!

Again, hands up time - this is indeed Our Girl (correct mother's maiden name). Many thanks for that.

Dunno about that, but she used to work for the paper, and still contributes occasionally... not that this would in any way influence a reviewer, of course.

Bellagio, I'm sure when Astor or any other Liz apologists turn up they will have a really good reason why there are so many glaring errors and contradictions in 'honest' liz's book. As well as not mentioning her famous RS boyfriend. When she's been using the RS BF as a hook for the past 2 years, I think leaving him out is a bit forgetful of her to say the least.

[quote=DeliriumTremens;66876720]Bellagio, I'm sure when Astor or any other Liz apologists turn up they will have a really good reason why there are so many glaring errors and contradictions in 'honest' liz's book. As well as not mentioning her famous RS boyfriend. When she's been using the RS BF as a hook for the past 2 years, I think leaving him out is a bit forgetful of her to say the least.[/QUOTE]


I can't believe that whilst plugging this re-hashed drivel none of the interviewers have pressed her on this ridiculous fantasy, surely that would be a scoop - if he was real, and a bigger scoop proving it was a whopping great lie. All that is mentioned is 'Liz has been dating a mystery rock star for three years', so much for investigative journalism.

In some inexplicable way I was led to the link below. And I judder between disbelief and head-shaking wonderment that someone with such issues (a word I loathe) earns a crust - well, a daily baker's dozen of baguettes - as a journalist. This is not confessional or a justifying of confessional: it's a whole heap of further contradictions, and teeters on the edge of falling apart...completely, totally. IMHO.

It's beyond sad, really. And I'm not an apologist for LJ!

And she's going (has gone?) to Bosnia. Surely not....

http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardia...ork?CMP=twt_gu

Have you read The Book yet ?

It is truly, truly, toe-curlingly, buttock-clenchingly awful. One extended, barely coherent, contradictory wail of "why meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ?"

I loved her declaration of "I don’t really have any friends" and then saying in the next paragraph "I always picked up the tab when I met friends for a drink or dinner". Poor, poor homeless, friendless Lizzie


I don't want to give her a single penny, but I'm so tempted. I do worry that I will end up stamping on the Kindle enraged though, so i think for my sanity (and Mr Kivi's Kindle's sake) that I pass!

She claims her motto is 'Poor Me' in her book. And the whole book would back that up. Self pitying, charmless, offensive, full of whinge and self -made drama. Its pathetic. Kiviraat, read the reviews on Amazon and seriously - you've read most of it already. It consists of dreary diary entries, her moans columns and various other whingy columns she's written (and been paid for ) over the past 18 months. Now its in book form, if you buy it, she gets paid AGAIN. Mind you, you can already buy some 'used' copies.

Warning - the following may seriously damage your eyesight and rend your mortal soul in twain:

Gollum ?

Blood and sand!!

Well you did give a warning,so I shouldn't moan. ( I do need a stiff G and T now though).

Thanks for the reports on the latest "memoir". There is no way I could stomach that much drivel.

The latest dreary is more carp about how normal women are stupid,vain,grasping..unlike LJ:yawn: And she still can't do spontaneous sex.( because she is superior to us mere rutting animals no doubt).
The two feral dogs have arrived from Romania, so look out for more thrilling instalments of sheep bothering and angry farmers.
No farticle today, I suppose because she has been so busy flogging the new masterpiece.

[QUOTE
No farticle today, I suppose because she has been so busy flogging the new masterpiece.[/quote]

The only update I can see is that the Fail has now removed the offending picture of LJ's mother from the so-called 'article' about her dementia and replaced it with others:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...aring-her.html

Well at least it seems someone's actually reading the feedback (shame it's only when there are book sales in the balance that action is taken)

What the hell was she thinking.