Aha Cathrin! Let me draw aside the mysterious veil of mystery regarding Jonesey's appalling dialogue! It's all about word-count. "I am" counts as two whilst "I'm" only counts as one! When you're a paid-by-the-word hack like her, it's very much a case of "never mind the quality, feel the width!". Oh, and regarding her use of suicide terminology as a basis for humour... well... let's just hope she rots in Hell, eh?

It's not her a*se that resembles a Viennetta, it's her brains...

Stuck in the eighties, full of useless additives and totally unedifying.

Were she, say, Lisa Riley, I would indeed say "Finally, her vast arse is out the door". If you'd read my previous posts you'd know I'm no misogynist.

duplicated post, sorry!

....I forgot this priceless nugget: "Yeah, for having a go at me earlier, when I told you that my sister had said you are going out with me in order to write about me". If a fourteen-year-old wrote this in a creative writing project, the teacher would gently advise them to read it out loud and see if it flows, makes sense, sounds like a sentence anyone would actually say out loud. ("You are going out with me in order to write about me?" Do people ever really talk in these clunky, grammatically-correct phrases?) ....And then the teacher would encourage them to tweak it to make it work and sound like real dialogue.

Liz writes dialogue as if she's never actually engaged in a real conversation. ...Which would be bad enough if she were writing fiction, but these are supposed to be real conversations!

I love CollieComber's theory about the wordcount! Of course! Why didn't I think of that!

Unless you have 'issues' that can be exploited in return for TV-ratings my understanding is that you won't be 'invited'. Unless you're a 'basket-case' who's prepared to fall apart on national TV or can act as a s trigger for the 'implosion' of others, why would they offer you a position and grease your palms with filthy lucre ?

From a C5 CBB perspective I'd say that Lizard was a let-down when compared to others. From a DM and self-perspective, I'd say that Liz has succeeded massively.

1. She wasn't voted out first and got across the DM-brand.

2. She didn't get dragged in to controversy... her 'deaf ears' ensured that.

3. She managed to get across the caring, 'fluffy' side of her personality in terms of animals, without any challenge.

I was hoping that she's fall on her sword and would be perceived as what she is, but bizarrely I believe that she'll probably come out of this smelling of roses and get a pay-rise.

Life's a bitch for some, and a beach for others isn't it ?

Have to agree with Mr C. that unfortunately BB has temporarily made Liz into the nation's new sweetheart for those that have never seen her before or believe that if you play the 'animal lover' card enough then by definition you must be a wonderful blameless person. I truly find it stomach churning to see so many supportive comments on the DS BB forum and the Mail online from those who truly believe she is a new comic genius due to the 'hilarious' bath scene. For those old enough to remember the eighties tv version of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy it was indeed highly reminicent of Marvin the Paranoid Robot's manic depresive rants. There will be no stopping her now, looking forward to her forthcoming summer season on Blackpool North Pier. (she might even get Frank Carson's old dressing room).

Yes Mr C and Seabird, the old trout is somehow now the new Oscar Wilde.Nauseating isn't it.
My husband found the bath scene funny, but then he's never read all that tripe in her articles.

I did finally get to laugh at LJ though.(I know )

http://www.channel5.com/shows/celebr...es/the-final-2

Watch at approx 4 mins. We all knew she wanted to be a model right? Seeing her sashay along, hands on hips, on her own personal catwalk was a sight to behold.
Everyone else had a brolly but Lizbot needed her hands free so she could strut!

I loved her in Big Brother.

Me too.

I can give opinions as well.
Are you reading this Daily Mail?
I'd be cheaper too.

I cant believe no-one has commented on this weeks cocaine snorting diary. Don't you feel sorry for her? Anyone?

I haven't read it - I've stopped being a reader as I am bored by the whole column. Reading it to take the piss has lost its appeal - it's just not interesting.

I used to like reading Liz's articles purely to laugh along with those taking the piss in the comments. However, since her diary became all about David and the comments started to get so heavily moderated very few were being let through, I gave up too.

I think LJ ran out of steam a while ago. The DM need to find a new troll, because Katie Hopkins and Samantha Brick don't cut it either.

Did anyone see last week's Diary, the one with the red suit story? IIRC, during an evening at Liz's house, D suddenly disappeared, and returned wearing his red suit, the very same one he'd worn on some significant night(significant to Liz) , that is) in 1983.

Is it just me, or do the men in Liz's life behave in a way unlike any man ever encountered in the real world? I can just about imagine Liz hanging on to an item of clothing for 30 odd years because she'd worn it on some special night, and popping upstairs to change into it 30 years later, expecting her partner to gasp with recognition and be instantly transported back to the past. But a man doing this? Really? I've never known a male who would (a) keep a suit for 30-odd years, (b) remember specifically that he happened to be wearing it on some significant occasion, and (c) change into it for dramatic effect!

And how about the way the Diary keeps subtly chipping away at his friends and his ex? How can he not mind that?

Oh, and the now-traditional "threat to stab" motif cropped up again a couple of weeks ago in the MoS column....this time it was a threat to stab him if he smoked around her animals (although, strangely, she doesn't seem to mind him smoking in bed!). I've never known anyone throw around references to stabbing so freely.

They also don't speak like any man ever encountered in the real world! D'Scrace has sold his soul for some of her £500k + per annum and unfortunately the continued attacks on his friends and his ex are part of the price.

It's hard to judge which one of them is the more odious. She, so desperate to re-write history that regardless of how undesirable and desperate her Mr Perfect of 30 years ago is now in real life she can only see him through the filtered lense of the eyes of the love sick virgin she was when she lived next door to him. He, abandoned his wife because he was jealous of his own children and hooks up with a stream of wealthy but desperate women plummeting to the depths of seeing Liz humiliate him week after week for his wallet-dodging ways. Nobody really cares what he and Liz were up to at that party, the only fascination is that how she keeps her job and the salary but surely even the MOS realise that just writing about the world's most boring man every week doesn't warrant the hefty fee?

Is this really true? Because if so I've rarely heard anything more disgusting and sad.

In the Diary, 19th January:

Why did you have an affair when you were married?’ I asked him, out of nowhere.

‘I suppose I didn’t want to do the whole family thing. My wife was suddenly a mum, I was no longer the centre of her attention. I wanted to be Jack-the-lad.’


Most women would be repelled by this behaviour, Liz just feels triumphant that another woman no longer has him. Absolute slimeball.

There are very few men (or women) who could still fit into clothes they wore 30 years ago. Perhaps though it was a Santa outfit

WOW.

What an absolute creep. A bastard of the highest order. Seems he and Lizard are perfect for each other.

Absolutely. At least he is definately the 'centre of attention' for Liz, too much so, for the rest of his life wether he stays with Liz or not she will write about him and of course The Diary will be on line for eternity to haunt him. No doubt she will be announcing their 'engagement' soon, he won't even have a say in the matter.

How many comments? I don't think she cares if they are good or bad. She just counts the number of comments. Vienetta wins.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/ar...-sweaters.html

I noticed Lizard has taken another pop at Claire Balding. That's at least twice LJ has gone for the poor woman. What did Claire ever do to deserve that?

And today's yawnfest had her apparently being 'shot in the thigh' by teenagers with an air rifle back in the day. This is blatantly not true, there is no way on earth she'd have omitted to tell us this before.

...And of course there's the obligatory long, immaculately-worded, grammatically correct, flowery text from Mr S. He seems to have started texting in the exact same quaint, old-fashioned, maiden-aunt language as the FRS used to. ("My darling (famous) Lizzie. Thank you for being you and for being my girlfriend.")
Oh dear.

And how about the illustration! Jet black pony-tail, broad manly shoulders, cat nestled cosily on lap....it's EXACTLY the same picture that we used to get for the ex-husband!