Honestly, I know I won't sleep nights now through worrying about her financial plight. How awful to think that all that lovely money she got for boring everyone on Sleb BigBrother has to go to the nasty HMRC ... and of course, that money's taxed first too.

I know she's asked her devoted readers not to send her money, but still ... I've a jam jar of one pence pieces sitting on a kitchen shelf. Must be all of ... I dunno, maybe three or four quid or thereabouts? Enough to buy Lizard a few bottles of Garnier Fructis or a nice acrylic cardie from Primark? I could drop it off at the Mail offices.

By the way, who was the American woman hotelier who said that 'only little people paid taxes'?

Perhaps we should send her some bottles of Garnier Fructis, Nescafe and a bus ticket now she has fallen on hard times

Leona Helmsley said, "only the little people pay taxes", during her court case for non-payment of taxes...she even charged her girdles back to her business! Her husband, Harry Helmsley, was a big NYC business/commercial real estate tycoon, and Leona was his second wife, a right b****h too....she eventually did time in the slammer, and time behind bars did nothing to sweeten her disposition...when her son, Jay, died suddenly from a heart condition, she sent a bill to his widow for the transporting of his body, and eventually kicked the widow and children out of the house they'd lived in now that the son was dead...some piece of work....

And a bottle of Lambrini as she won't even be able to afford Prosecco.

sorry...haven't introduced myself,, but have been reading the comments posted here...can never seem to find my log-in information for any of the sites I visit, so I'm relegated to being a lurker...anyway.....have been enjoying the very funny comments and very realistic, common sense observations of so many people here....I'd feel sorry for Liz for her insecurity, supposedly low self-esteem, etc., etc., except it's hard to feel sorry for somebody who keeps repeating the same mistakes over and over and over, and keeps expecting a different outcome...I think it was Einstein who said this is the definition of insanity.... Liz is making a salary in the mid six-figures, and yet continues to moan and bitch...she claims to be anorectic, yet she looks pretty hefty to me...she buys all the "right" clothing, toiletries, home goods, foods/coffees/wines, etc and I wonder just who is she trying to impress if she has no friends as she claims? don't you buy this stuff is you want to show other people you have taste, class, distinction and can afford such goods? yet Liz is always saying she has no friends...her family are another subject -- they've all run for cover from her and rightly so....yet, I HAVE enjoyed some of her interviews and fashion pieces...when I saw her on an episode of Mary Portas' opening her own clothing line in House of Fraser, Liz dissected the Portas line of clothing very articulately, adroitly and knowledgeably, so she does know how to combine nouns, verbs, and adjectives together...yet in the CBB, she was boring, uncommunicative, and that episode in the bathtub I found appalling, not funny at all....I think she REALLY felt and believed what she said, but maybe had to "turn" it by saying she meant it to be funny because so many people were appalled by it....after all, she only said, sitting in a tub of water, what she's written about for years....if I ever met her face to face, I think I'd be tempted to smack the s**t out of her to try and knock some sense into her....

sorry for the tangent, but now that I've found my password onto the site, I'm just letting loose about Liz!

Absolutely, though she's always seemed to have been more of an animal collector rather than an animal lover, and then of course gets Nic to look after them! I'm astounded that she claims to have an editor Whoever it is should be named and shamed, at least her agent did the decent thing and dumped her. Glad she appealed to all her loyal supporters (cough) not to send her money, the Royal Mail would have to arrange Sunday deliveries again like she claimed then did previously and like they apparantly have just done for the Tax man. Where are the missing millions? No, not money, words - if she's writing a million words a year then it's certainly not in the MoS.

"Her editor" would be the editor of the DM.

I can only assume the million words she is turning in - not just writing, turning in, which is for publication - are for the novel. Either that or everything she writes is not fit for publication and what we see is the best of a half-million pound bad lot.

She really IS Carrie Bradshaw, living the high life on the income from a single column and an occasional book, but alas, Eternally Perfect David/Grubby Meat Eating Meanie David is not Big.

If her income is REALLY half a million for so little published work. I want that job. Except I don't because I don't want to sell out my loved ones for it.

If I had her salary for one year I could pay off my house and STILL live the high life.

Methinks the stupid bint ought to downsize if she can't afford to pay her tax. Hasn't she got a 'cupboard' in London as well !!. (that's probably lizard speak for a two bedroom apartment). I've got news for her, I got one of those letters from the tax man myself, informing me I owe back tax, even though I'm on a state pension, with a small monthly pension my husband left. I can't downsize as I live in a terraced ex council house (my own thank goodness, or the council would have hoiked me out of it as it's a three bedroom)), and I don't have two horses running round in a paddock, with the services of a vet, I've just got a cat.

Honestly, all these super rich people, living in the lap of luxury, and not paying their taxes make me sick. I couldn't afford the services of an accountant to tell me how I can dodge paying, so it looks like they're going to be taxing me some more on my small monthly pension come next spring.

If her novel is of average length - 80,000 to 150,000 words (I doubt whether she'd manage the latter), that is a hell of a lot of drafts to come up to a million words. She's not writing ten novels' worth of stuff in a year by any stretch of the imagination.

More than 3000 words a day apparently, or seven average sized news stories. Reporters on normal newspapers could learn from Liz's so-amazing output and drive.

Perhaps Liz actually writes ALL the stories accredited to Daily Mail Reporter and the Sidebar of Shame. Which are essentially templated anyway.

Jabegy that sucks; Liz can only dream of what it actually means to a person without assets. Rich people often shriek about how many thousands more they owe compared with poorer people, without comprehending that 1000 pounds to you is like a million to her, and you can't downsize or sell off your designer wardrobe.

But I have a solution. Simply let out your two spare rooms to Liz for what Liz might consider a Trifling Sum - one for her and the Baker and one for the horse and Nic. You should be in clover within a month.

Of course there's the pesky tendency of Liz not to pay her bills, especially not to Lesser Sorts, but if you play your cards right the deposit alone will sort you out and then you can evict her. At least the Dreary would become more exciting. LOL.

ETA: The Cupboard might only have one bedroom or even fewer, but given that someone was trying to sell a studio in her building for nearly a million pounds in March, and that renting in it is more than 2000 pounds a week, it's hardly valueless even if it really IS a cupboard.

have just read in DM about an Australian couple who lost their three children ages 8, 10 & 12, plus the maternal grandfather, on MH17...maybe Liz should read their story, and the release the parents have given out about having their family wiped out...it might help her realise how lucky she is and put things in perspective for her. One can hope, anyway.

Sadly, I think Liz Jones would probably twist such a story in some way to make it about how unfortunate she is still to be suffering her miserable existence. Just think what she wrote about that poor girl in Bristol who was murdered.

I'm quite surprised we haven't had the " in which vile trolls gang up with ex against me" column yet. I predicted it about five weeks ago, so the time is right,
Maybe the bankruptcy thing has eclipsed it.

Too right. It would end up being all about how she doesn't really understand families because hers was so dysfunctional, no pony, body dysmorphia, and how her crippling low-self esteem prevented her from having children of her own because no boys liked her/lost her virginity when she was 47/ Love Of My Life David Scrace played squash with another, breaking her spirit, yadda yadda eventual sperm theft, and how LUCKY that normal family is to have had a tiny fragment of normal happiness even though their beloved normal children were killed, when she with all her luxury and pets can never feel the normal way they normally felt.

This week would be perfect. See, she's already primed the ground with the shock revelation of her awful financial difficulties. That means the vile trolls and exes ganging up comes across as *deliberately kicking her when she's down*.

As soon as she mentions money worries or the animals out come her deluded supporters posting fawning messages on the Diary, one even wants to be her new best fwiend (try it luv, you will be column fodder within a week). I am willing to bet that the dreadful tragedies of the last week will not even have registered with her, she may casually muse that at least some were travelling First Class and away from all those children who were no doubt over excited at going on a plane. The statement from the Australian parents was beyond heartbreaking, how you pick up your life after that God only knows, such bravery, dignity and elequence when everything in you must, at that moment, desire only to to join them. Surely, in light of the Jo Yeates article outcry, Liz will not be allowed to comment on this.

I like the idea of sending some Garnier Fructis to her - probably best to send it to the 'cupboard'?? Along with a note saying 'Free Prudence. Return her to her legal owner'.

I do wonder if she's actually been told to back off the ex, as she suddenly went from constantly bleating on about the ex to not mentioning her at all. And as for the bankruptcy, well who knows. She did all this back in 2010 (talked about coming close to bankruptcy - I'm not sure if it actually happened - and wrote a load of articles about how she'd learned to manage her finances) so it could just be a cynical way to re-cycle some old articles, after all she is running seriously short of ideas.

If she was that worried about back taxes, she could just go and see HMRC. They're usually quite reasonable, until you try ****ing them over, and then they get tough. In her case, given that she's still writing about expensive holidays and buying the 'little man indoors' expensive gifts, they would want go go through all her financial paperwork. Who knows what they might find?? Though I personally think bankruptcy is the least of what she deserves after all the misery she's heaped on various people.

I second that, Lilaeth. Back in the early noughties, I had tremendously complicated tax affairs ... had lived overseas, husband suddenly died, I came back to UK, load of stuff needing sorting re tax. I have to say, HMRC couldn't have been more helpful and all round nice. Of course, I met them half way - never arrogant or high handed, never rude or dismissive and always made sure they knew that I was truly grateful for their advice (I was).

Perhaps Lizard might think about this? Bearing in mind she often seems to bark at those she considers beneath her (beauty therapists, hotel receptionists, etc. etc.) I'd suggest that she doesn't try this with HMRC. Or her accountants.

By the way, I'm now waiting for a Dreary in which, despite her plea that her editor wouldn't like it, she'll be drivelling on about old ladies sending her their widows' mite etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah. Not sure I actually believed it first time round ...

It was at least in part, a blatant lie: she wrote that on the Monday following the publication of the Dreary - a Sunday - she received hundreds of letters offering help and cash. An excellent trick considering the PO stopped Sunday collections back in 2007.

Also, and may the Lord look sideways on my soul, I called the shop from which she claimed a worker sent her a scratch card: no-one with the name she gave worked there.

Oh yes - last time she claimed "poverty" old people were sending her money from their pensions that they could ill afford - all the time while she lived in the "hovel" in Dulverton (farmhouse that was on the market for £1.9 million), driving her BMW, having Conran sofas delivered and feeding her cats on M&S organic prawns not to mention paying wages to her staff, alternative horse therapist and paying for a bat sanctury - "poverty" is really such a relative term

So she's not bankrupt this week but buying the baker dinner at a new Heston restaurant and the baker gets a wool suit from Burberry

in which I don't realise I used a column planned for two weeks from now last week:

So it was the Baker's birthday and everything was wrong wrong wrong. He failed to remember some random thing from 100 years ago, even though we have only gone out for a year, offered to take me to a nasty proletarian event, mocked my dirty feet and failed to fit the suit I bought him from Burberry, because of course I didn't really go to Savile Row. I just namedropped it. If I'd ever been to Savile Row I would know about a thing called bespoke tailoring, for which Savile Row is famous, and that they could indeed make a suit tiny enough for the Baker. I'm sure there are women who are smaller than the tiny baker and they get suits from Savile Row. Of course they're really rich. I'm only quite rich due to my generosity.

I cannot live without my fancy pillows and life of luxury. The only thing standing between me and a good life is the Baker.

*presses send*

*Nic hands Liz copy of last week's column*

Oh, shit.