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Old 15-02-2013, 10:47
stud u like
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Eight years is nothing in the grand scheme of things. When I was 16 my first boyfriend was 36.

When I discuss with my friends the ages of their first boyfriends, hardly any one was going out with someone their own age.
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Old 15-02-2013, 11:55
Jerrica09
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I wouldn't be happy with this. If he was a 17 year girl I wonder if people would be as comfortable? I agree with the poster above. Invite him to your house so you can meet him first. It's quite a big age gap but not terrible and you cant stop them having contact but I think it's just him travelling away to see someone older, by himself that would make me uncomfortable.
Yes they would! There have been plenty of equivalent threads about a teenage girl and a man in his 20s - or older. Wasn't there one recently about a mid 20s guy asking about dating a 16 year old?

The majority of DS users are very enthusiastic about a teenage girl dating an older man, don't worry about that
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Old 15-02-2013, 11:56
Jerrica09
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I agree. I hate that double standard.
Show me an example of that double standard.
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Old 15-02-2013, 12:05
hotmat3k
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Yes they would! There have been plenty of equivalent threads about a teenage girl and a man in his 20s - or older. Wasn't there one recently about a mid 20s guy asking about dating a 16 year old?

The majority of DS users are very enthusiastic about a teenage girl dating an older man, don't worry about that
Certainly! Once someone becomes adult age, then it's down to their choices. However, if the OP wants the best for his son, then engaging in what his son wants to do rather than putting blockades up will help in the long run. It could well be this relationship could go miles or nowhere. If I was a parent, I'd want to make sure I'd put enough safety nets around my kids to ensure if anything sour happens, they can fall back on it. Young adults are bound to make mistakes as they're not wise or mature enough to understand their choices. Life is about making mistakes and learning. The OP should just get his son to run things through about his plans and who this person this to make sure it doesnt sound too good to be true.

People (especially here!) make things too complicated! It just makes matters worse.
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Old 15-02-2013, 12:17
caz06
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i wouldnt worry to much, the advice i would give is try and find out a bit more about this guy, how serious things are ect, and if you trust your son then trust him, chances are with the distance, money to travel back and forward, and how often they'll see each other, it probably won't last very long
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Old 15-02-2013, 12:18
Casual
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Just make sure he takes plenty of condoms and water based lube.
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Old 15-02-2013, 12:21
spimf
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Could you suggest this guy comes over for a week and stays in a local hotel, and they can meet up for dates through the week and see how things go, you can meet him, and then maybe allow your son to spend the weekend in a hotel with him if everyone is comfortable with that?

He's essentially a young adult, and for all he will always be your baby, if you try and lay down the law, he's likely to just rebel against you, do what he wants anyway, but end up resenting you.

Having said that, obviously you need to make sure he is safe, so I would be making sure the guy comes to scotland to meet you first.

Hope everything works out ok
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Old 15-02-2013, 12:26
flagpole
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seems like being gay is a bit of a red herring.

say you had a 17yo daughter who was potentially seeing a 25 year old man from ireland. what would we do then. my guess is you'd want to meet them?
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Old 15-02-2013, 12:36
PinkPetunia
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seems like being gay is a bit of a red herring.

say you had a 17yo daughter who was potentially seeing a 25 year old man from ireland. what would we do then. my guess is you'd want to meet them?
I think the age gap is a bit irrelevent too .If it was a 40 year old woman seeing a 40 year old stranger I would be still ensuring she was cautious and safe .
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Old 15-02-2013, 12:58
wackywearhouse
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Why don't you get one of his friends to go with him? Other then that, you can't really do anything
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Old 15-02-2013, 14:39
jsmith99
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..........I would feel he would be potentially in a vulnerable situation staying at the house of someone he's met once in essentially another country.
.................
That's very true, but has absolutely nothing to do with the couple's ages or sexuality. Or even the geography.

It's something many, maybe most, people do for the first time at some stage in their lives. Sometimes it ends happily, sometimes it ends in tears. But very rarely does it end in a way the parties don't get over in a few days at most.

[............The majority of DS users are very enthusiastic about a teenage girl dating an older man, don't worry about that
I wonder what proportion of DS users could be classed as 'older men'?
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Old 15-02-2013, 14:48
Elphie_Lives
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Although it's all probably ok, I'd suggest you all take a trip to Ireland but let him have his space with his boyfriend, that way you're not too far if it all goes wrong straight away but you're letting him know you support him. Or like others have said suggest he comes and stays at a hotel and you have a family dinner or something.

I met my gf online at 17, she's in England. I travelled down stayed over for a few nights and we're still together 4 years on.

You can't stop him seeing this guy but you can let him know you support him and will be there if anything goes wrong.
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Old 15-02-2013, 14:56
lyndalahughes
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So they've met once, but how long have they been corresponding for?

Me and my boyfriend used to chat on Skype up to 12 hours some nights, most nights were around 4 hours and met him two months later (he was in another country). We got to know each other very well indeed and when we met it was like we'd met before. We think of our daily chats as 'dates', but rather than chatting across a restaurant table we were chatting via webcam. I know some think it's odd, but it's a modern way of dating for many these days.
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Old 15-02-2013, 15:12
YoungAtHeart
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So they've met once, but how long have they been corresponding for?

Me and my boyfriend used to chat on Skype up to 12 hours some nights, most nights were around 4 hours and met him two months later (he was in another country). We got to know each other very well indeed and when we met it was like we'd met before. We think of our daily chats as 'dates', but rather than chatting across a restaurant table we were chatting via webcam. I know some think it's odd, but it's a modern way of dating for many these days.
I am curious but how did you meet in this way? Was it through a dating website or something?

Apologies for this sidetrack btw, I am just curious
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Old 15-02-2013, 15:46
lyndalahughes
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I am curious but how did you meet in this way? Was it through a dating website or something?

Apologies for this sidetrack btw, I am just curious
On a social network website, he had only signed up two days previous, we sent very long messages to each other for two days before we decided to Skype, then did that for two months before meeting. Neither of us were really looking for a relationship, but we both clicked straight away and when that happens you either go for it or spend your life wondering what if. We're getting married next year.
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Old 15-02-2013, 15:56
YoungAtHeart
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On a social network website, he had only signed up two days previous, we sent very long messages to each other for two days before we decided to Skype, then did that for two months before meeting. Neither of us were really looking for a relationship, but we both clicked straight away and when that happens you either go for it or spend your life wondering what if. We're getting married next year.
Oh wow and congratulations! on your impending marriage. I didn't realise there were social networking sites designed for this purpose other than the usual dating websites.

But as the OP's son is only 17, I would be surprised if the current love interest is 'the one' but hey, who knows?
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Old 15-02-2013, 16:02
Glowbot
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seems like being gay is a bit of a red herring.

say you had a 17yo daughter who was potentially seeing a 25 year old man from ireland. what would we do then. my guess is you'd want to meet them?
I wouldn't let them date at all, that's a big age gap and 17 is still a child.
The only meeting would be with a polite warning.
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Old 15-02-2013, 16:04
TYCO
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In reality this guy probably just wants to use your son for however long he's going to go over for.

No sane 25 year old (at least with any dignity) is going to seriously consider a serious relationship with a 17-year-old.

At 17, most people are very naive and your son probably thinks he's met the love of his life. So your son is going to act like an idiot and do stupid things until he has got this out of his system.

My prediction is this guy is going to be fed up with him after 3 days and your son is going to be hurt badly (emotionally), possibly come home early and it'll be left up to you to pick up the pieces.

That said, situations like this are an essential part of growing up. Just be thankful he's been honest with you thus far, many kids do stuff like this and their parents have no idea! Just make sure he knows how to take care of himself and give him plenty of advice on safe sex too.
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Old 15-02-2013, 16:04
lyndalahughes
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Oh wow and congratulations! on your impending marriage. I didn't realise there were social networking sites designed for this purpose other than the usual dating websites.

But as the OP's son is only 17, I would be surprised if the current love interest is 'the one' but hey, who knows?
Many thanks.

You never know, some like to play the field before settling down and others find the right one for them straight away, only time will tell. I know I wish I didn't have to kiss so many frogs before I found my Prince, but c'est la vie.
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Old 15-02-2013, 16:35
Elphie_Lives
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In reality this guy probably just wants to use your son for however long he's going to go over for.

No sane 25 year old (at least with any dignity) is going to seriously consider a serious relationship with a 17-year-old.


At 17, most people are very naive and your son probably thinks he's met the love of his life. So your son is going to act like an idiot and do stupid things until he has got this out of his system.

My prediction is this guy is going to be fed up with him after 3 days and your son is going to be hurt badly (emotionally), possibly come home early and it'll be left up to you to pick up the pieces.

That said, situations like this are an essential part of growing up. Just be thankful he's been honest with you thus far, many kids do stuff like this and their parents have no idea! Just make sure he knows how to take care of himself and give him plenty of advice on safe sex too.
What a bizarre thing to say. You don't know anything about the guy maybe he does think it has a future, the OP's son isn't going to be 17 forever
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Old 15-02-2013, 16:50
RAINBOWGIRL22
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2 weeks is an awful long time to go and stay with someone you barely know.

That's the issue I'd have about the whole thing..

Someone else asked how it was being funded OP? Could your son be persuaded to go for a shorter trip?
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Old 15-02-2013, 17:28
JayPee86
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I know this, I'm just scared. It's such a big age difference.
not really in the grand scheme of things.

i worked with two guys, one 19 and one was 34 and they have now been together for nearly 5 years.
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Old 15-02-2013, 17:33
stud u like
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In reality this guy probably just wants to use your son for however long he's going to go over for.

No sane 25 year old (at least with any dignity) is going to seriously consider a serious relationship with a 17-year-old.

At 17, most people are very naive and your son probably thinks he's met the love of his life. So your son is going to act like an idiot and do stupid things until he has got this out of his system.

My prediction is this guy is going to be fed up with him after 3 days and your son is going to be hurt badly (emotionally), possibly come home early and it'll be left up to you to pick up the pieces.

That said, situations like this are an essential part of growing up. Just be thankful he's been honest with you thus far, many kids do stuff like this and their parents have no idea! Just make sure he knows how to take care of himself and give him plenty of advice on safe sex too.
Plenty of gay guys start their relationships with a man at 17 and are still with them when they are forty.

Love is love. I notice there is no mention of love in your argument.
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Old 15-02-2013, 18:09
jackol
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Eight years is nothing in the grand scheme of things. When I was 16 my first boyfriend was 36.

When I discuss with my friends the ages of their first boyfriends, hardly any one was going out with someone their own age.
But what did he want off you?Certainly wasnt planning on a long and lasting relationship was he?He wanted you for your youth
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Old 15-02-2013, 18:10
WhisperingGhost
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I'm gay myself and at 25 I wouldn't have looked twice at a 17 year old. I would've thought it weird. But people are different I guess. It just wouldn't sit right with me if it was a relative of mine.
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