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Old 16-02-2013, 22:13
YoungAtHeart
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Quite..thank you. I don't appreciate stupid comments that are that rude and could result in my thread being closed...

So..it looks like the panic is over and my son has changed his mind about this guy. Seems he's been mulling over my concerns for a couple of days and has decided against travelling to Ireland.
I thought you would handle it in just the right way due to the fact that he confided in you in the first place.

I'm pleased for you OP and for your son
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Old 16-02-2013, 23:52
cjsmummy
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Sounds like you've raised a good, sensible boy op. you sound like a good mum too, so is trust your instincts if something like this comes up again, be honest with him and tell him your concerns but at the end of the day, trust him to make the right decision, or to make, and learn from, mistakes. He obviously feels he can talk to you, which you should be proud of!

Fwiw, at 18 I went to oz alone, fell out with my room mate and moved in with a guy (and his sister) who I'd known 2 days! He was 30 and just split from his gf (and mother to his 3 kids), but i was in love! i had a ball, then we spilt and I had the broken heart, which still stings today (he was the one I wish had worked out) but I'd not change any of it. My poor mum must of been having kittens at home with various phone calls from me, but she never once showed it, and I'm still here, alive and well!
Thank you.
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Old 16-02-2013, 23:54
cjsmummy
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I thought you would handle it in just the right way due to the fact that he confided in you in the first place.

I'm pleased for you OP and for your son
Thank you also.
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Old 17-02-2013, 00:05
howard h
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Surprises me that there's worry about a student lad going away for - well, nookie - with a lad a tad older, when you're probably quite happy to let him pass his test and drive away in a car that can do 150!

He can't get pregnant...and a heavy snogging session isn't a head-on car crash. Let him enjoy. If he doesn't - it's one of life's little lessons!!
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Old 17-02-2013, 01:16
Hugh_
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Well it seems the situation has sorted it self out but anyway I shall add my piece.

I truly believe where ever possible young people should stick with young people. Be that peer groups, relationships ect. Where a younger person is drawn to and older person for a relationship one can only hope there is a caring and understanding parent around to offer advice and support.

It seems in this case a close parent was there to listen and support the younger person and what most will see as the best out come as happened.
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Old 17-02-2013, 02:33
cjsmummy
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Well it seems the situation has sorted it self out but anyway I shall add my piece.

I truly believe where ever possible young people should stick with young people. Be that peer groups, relationships ect. Where a younger person is drawn to and older person for a relationship one can only hope there is a caring and understanding parent around to offer advice and support.

It seems in this case a close parent was there to listen and support the younger person and what most will see as the best out come as happened.
Thank you. It's been very nice having so many people understand and I am also very happy my son has understood my worries.
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Old 17-02-2013, 02:50
wef0undl0ve
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I dated a 28 year old when I was 17
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Old 17-02-2013, 09:43
shmisk
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Thank you. It's been very nice having so many people understand and I am also very happy my son has understood my worries.
I guess this bloke is what prompted him to come out so at least some good has come from him!

Hopefully notCJ will find someone local and nice soon.
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Old 17-02-2013, 10:09
Karis
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Fwiw I know a guy who went to Rome aged 18 + came home with HIV. Had an affair with an older guy + was persuaded to have sex without a condom. Not kinky in that instance just unsafe.
That has nothing to do with gay relationships. Everyone should be given enough information on safe sex and have it drilled into them.

Of course, there are a lot of dangers in having sex these days, so it's all about being very careful and choosing your partners wisely.
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Old 17-02-2013, 10:33
PinkPetunia
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Quite..thank you. I don't appreciate stupid comments that are that rude and could result in my thread being closed...

So..it looks like the panic is over and my son has changed his mind about this guy. Seems he's been mulling over my concerns for a couple of days and has decided against travelling to Ireland.
Good for him. It shows he listens and its good to know he can communicate with you and learn . You have raised a good lad if he is willing to learn .Glad it all worked out as I too would have great concerns over the whole story .
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Old 17-02-2013, 13:58
geniusgirl
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Calling advice from people 'stupid' because it's not what you want to hear.

You've already made your mind up, get out of here.
You need to log off before you make more of a fool of yourself.
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Old 17-02-2013, 14:21
orange1234
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OP If he was going to Ibiza for 2 weeks with his mates and you didn't know he was gay would you be as controlling?

I can't see why everyone is getting so het up about "coercision" - he's a 17 year old male, he'll be expecting sex just as much as the 25 year old is.
Agree.

^^ This is the advice the OP should be giving

Stop being over protective. It's not your job as a mum to interview his liaisons - whatever their age or orientation..

If you are worried, then ask for the address and phone number of where he is staying and ask him phone you regularly. Your conversation should be about him not what he is doing and with whom. Respect his wishes and let him enjoy himself safely.

So..it looks like the panic is over and my son has changed his mind about this guy. Seems he's been mulling over my concerns for a couple of days and has decided against travelling to Ireland.
Panic... Sounds like you've off loaded your judgemental concearns and attitude onto your son and maybe brow beaten him into submission. You certainly seem pleased you have gotten your way......

I feel sorry for your son having such an overbearing and over protective mother. Don't be surprised if he tells you nothing next time. Which is now likely!

Btw, most of gay guys I know /met have a mother just like you. - Just saying!
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Old 17-02-2013, 14:23
j4the1
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You can always see your son by skype.
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Old 17-02-2013, 14:45
cjsmummy
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OP If he was going to Ibiza for 2 weeks with his mates and you didn't know he was gay would you be as controlling?



Agree.


^^ This is the advice the OP should be giving

Stop being over protective. It's not your job as a mum to interview his liaisons - whatever their age or orientation..
z
If you are worried, then ask for the address and phone number of where he is staying and ask him phone you regularly. Your conversation should be about him not what he is doing and with whom. Respect his wishes and let him enjoy himself safely.



Panic... Sounds like you've off loaded your judgemental concearns and attitude onto your son and maybe brow beaten him into submission.

I feel sorry for your son with such an overbearing mother. Don't be surprised if he tells you nothing next time. Which is now likely!
Perhaps panic wasn't the correct word.Judgmental?? Overbearing? Nope..I'm neither of them. Thanks for your ahem..advice though...and he says he's changed his mind because he wants to get back with his ex...
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Old 17-02-2013, 14:59
orange1234
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Perhaps panic wasn't the correct word.Judgmental?? Overbearing? Nope..I'm neither of them. Thanks for your ahem..advice though...and he says he's changed his mind because he wants to get back with his ex...
If it wasn't panic that brought you here with your delight at him changing his mind what was it?

Concern, level headed and non judgemental would have led you to give advice on safe sex practice, not inflict him with your personal views, causing him cancel and rekindle with an ex.

You are actually welcome to the advice, which I hope you will take on board especially if you are not judgemental and overbearing as you say.

No mother wants their son to be gay and no son or daughter chooses to be gay - why would/could anyone do that?

Being gay is normal though, it may not be the majority but normal nonetheless.

Your son may go back to his ex (which rarely works out) and his homosexuality will present itself again next time he meets someone he fancies. Don't fool yourself -if his ex is a girl, that he is now cured of being gay and cured of fancying older guys.

Hopefully when it happens again next time (if he tells you that is) and now you have the information, I hope you handle it differently to the way you have.
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Old 17-02-2013, 15:51
Christa
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If it wasn't panic that brought you here with your delight at him changing his mind what was it?

Concern, level headed and non judgemental would have led you to give advice on safe sex practice, not inflict him with your personal views, causing him cancel and rekindle with an ex.

You are actually welcome to the advice, which I hope you will take on board especially if you are not judgemental and overbearing as you say.

No mother wants their son to be gay and no son or daughter chooses to be gay - why would/could anyone do that?

Being gay is normal though, it may not be the majority but normal nonetheless.

Your son may go back to his ex (which rarely works out) and his homosexuality will present itself again next time he meets someone he fancies. Don't fool yourself -if his ex is a girl, that he is now cured of being gay and cured of fancying older guys.

Hopefully when it happens again next time (if he tells you that is) and now you have the information, I hope you handle it differently to the way you have.
??? Who's being judgemental here?

You've labelled cj as 'overbearing and over protective', 'browbeating' her son into 'submission' on nil evidence.

Then you've decreed 'no-one wants their son to be gay' along with a recent Tory MP.

Says who? I wouldn't mind in the slightest if my child was gay...

Finally you state that going back to an ex 'rarely works out' - when sometimes it does & sometimes it doesn't; and oddly assume the ex might be female, again on no evidence.

All in all there are some very odd posts on this thread & I'm glad cj's situation has resolved itself.
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Old 17-02-2013, 16:07
Jane Doh!
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OP If he was going to Ibiza for 2 weeks with his mates and you didn't know he was gay would you be as controlling?


Stop being over protective. It's not your job as a mum to interview his liaisons - whatever their age or orientation..

If you are worried, then ask for the address and phone number of where he is staying and ask him phone you regularly. Your conversation should be about him not what he is doing and with whom. Respect his wishes and let him enjoy himself safely.



Panic... Sounds like you've off loaded your judgemental concearns and attitude onto your son and maybe brow beaten him into submission. You certainly seem pleased you have gotten your way......

I feel sorry for your son having such an overbearing and over protective mother. Don't be surprised if he tells you nothing next time. Which is now likely!

Btw, most of gay guys I know /met have a mother just like you. - Just saying!
Any mother would act the same. It's called being a responsible parent, not "overbearing" or "over protective" or "controlling".

He is very young and this is a person he has met only once before.

Regarding your last sentence, what the hell has that got to do with anything? I don't believe it's true either.
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Old 17-02-2013, 16:15
YoungAtHeart
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Is orange1234 the same person as lindalahughes?

It's only a lindalahughes was just saying similar rude accusations at the OP and was obviously trolling. Her posts have now been deleted from the thread and I assume that this user has now been suspended or banned.

However, now orange1234 seems to have taken up the gauntlet instead.
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Old 17-02-2013, 16:30
Paul237
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I'd be wary of what he's saying. When I was younger I wanted to meet someone off the net and my mum made it quite clear she didn't want me to. So I said I wasn't going to (just to shut her up) then went anyway.

Admittedly it was a different situation, though, as I wasn't travelling to another country.
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Old 17-02-2013, 16:43
orange1234
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??? Who's being judgemental here?

You've labelled cj as 'overbearing and over protective', 'browbeating' her son into 'submission' on nil evidence.

Then you've decreed 'no-one wants their son to be gay' along with a recent Tory MP.

Says who? I wouldn't mind in the slightest if my child was gay...

Finally you state that going back to an ex 'rarely works out' - when sometimes it does & sometimes it doesn't; and oddly assume the ex might be female, again on no evidence.

All in all there are some very odd posts on this thread & I'm glad cj's situation has resolved itself.
That's my opinion as I see it. The OP's son was all for exploring his sexuality, then the OP stepped in and it all changed.

I don't see being gay as a choice anyone would make if they had a choice (not that one can choose). I don't know anyone who would choose it. Do you? Why would they?

You say "you wouldn't mind in the slightest" - well good for you! I wish more people held that view. I do believe though, that while you don't mind in the slightest - the gay person may, and would consider choosing otherwise if they could. Since they can't then discrimination is just that.

Any mother would act the same. It's called being a responsible parent, not "overbearing" or "over protective" or "controlling".

He is very young and this is a person he has met only once before.

Regarding your last sentence, what the hell has that got to do with anything? I don't believe it's true either.
"Responsible" is giving advice on safe sex. it's not vetting their sons or daughters choices and voicing their prejudice on age gaps.

Wake up 17 in 2013 is not the same as 17 in 1950. Do you know how much porn a teenager watches daily? How many conversations about sex they have on line ? The internet provides all the information any teenager would want to know about with videos too boot.

The last sentence...seems pretty clear to me. What don't you understand?
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Old 17-02-2013, 16:59
PinkPetunia
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If it wasn't panic that brought you here with your delight at him changing his mind what was it?

Concern, level headed and non judgemental would have led you to give advice on safe sex practice, not inflict him with your personal views, causing him cancel and rekindle with an ex.

You are actually welcome to the advice, which I hope you will take on board especially if you are not judgemental and overbearing as you say.

No mother wants their son to be gay and no son or daughter chooses to be gay - why would/could anyone do that?

Being gay is normal though, it may not be the majority but normal nonetheless.

Your son may go back to his ex (which rarely works out) and his homosexuality will present itself again next time he meets someone he fancies. Don't fool yourself -if his ex is a girl, that he is now cured of being gay and cured of fancying older guys.

Hopefully when it happens again next time (if he tells you that is) and now you have the information, I hope you handle it differently to the way you have.
The OP was being a loving and caring mother .Good for her .If anyone is being judgmental here it is you , judging the OP and projecting things on her that she never even did .Showing concern for a loved one be they 17 , 27 or 47 is simply watching out for those we love /
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Old 17-02-2013, 17:00
Jane Doh!
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"Responsible" is giving advice on safe sex. it's not vetting their sons or daughters choices and voicing their prejudice on age gaps.

Wake up 17 in 2013 is not the same as 17 in 1950. Do you know how much porn a teenager watches daily? How many conversations about sex they have on line ? The internet provides all the information any teenager would want to know about with videos too boot.

The last sentence...seems pretty clear to me. What don't you understand?
I have children so I do understand what teens do and what they talk about.

Being a responsible parent doesn't just mean talking about safe sex. It's about guidance as well, and many other things.

The final sentence is not clear, hence my questioning it.
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Old 17-02-2013, 17:29
orange1234
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The OP was being a loving and caring mother .Good for her .If anyone is being judgmental here it is you , judging the OP and projecting things on her that she never even did .Showing concern for a loved one be they 17 , 27 or 47 is simply watching out for those we love /
You accuse me of projecting onto the OP. Lets look at the facts. The OP came on here inferring there was something wrong with her son having a liaison with a 25 year old.
Gay teenage son seeing 25 year old"
Then she gave her son her views and later came on here and said "Panic over" he's changed his mind. What part of that is not true?

If the OP had left alone and just gave safe sex advice and gave safety concerns then the chances are he would have had his liaison. Instead after his mothers lecture he decided to try to hook up with his ex (where he has been before and it didn't work out, - hence being the ex.)

I would consider that a parents primary role is unconditional love and education, not the voicing of personal views leading to changing of minds. IMO people need to experience things like their own sexuality rather than be temporarily influenced in another direction. Just my opinion.

I have children so I do understand what teens do and what they talk about.

Being a responsible parent doesn't just mean talking about safe sex. It's about guidance as well, and many other things.

The final sentence is not clear, hence my questioning it.

Safe sex eduction is guidance. Making sure safety is considered is guidance.

The final sentence is not clear, hence my questioning it.
You seemed to understand it insofar as disagreeing with it

what the hell has that got to do with anything? I don't believe it's true either.
Don't be coy, spit it out. What are you disagreeing with?
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Old 17-02-2013, 17:44
Jane Doh!
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Safe sex eduction is guidance. Making sure safety is considered is guidance.
Irrelevant as I have never suggested otherwise.
You seemed to understand it insofar as disagreeing with it

Don't be coy, spit it out. What are you disagreeing with?
I didn't say I didn't understand it. I asked what the hell that has to do with anything.

Is it just my posts you are struggling to read properly?
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Old 17-02-2013, 17:48
PinkPetunia
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You accuse me of projecting onto the OP. Lets look at the facts. The OP came on here inferring there was something wrong with her son having a liaison with a 25 year old. Then she gave her son her views and later came on here and said "Panic over" he's changed his mind. What part of that is not true?

I

?
Lets look at facts .The OP showed concern for a 17 year old meeting a 25 year old man in a strange country .
As a Mum and a friend I too would show concern . I never heard her infer there was something wrong with a 25 year old , I heard concern that he was practically a stranger in a strange country .
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