[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by Wizsister

Why would you have a baby with someone like that?

I fell pregnant early on. Didn't discover what he was really like until we moved in together 6 months later. Fell for all his promises of changing for a year and a half after that.

[gdjman68wasdigi]

Originally Posted by Wizsister

Why would you have a baby with someone like that?

nice girls are attracted to d@@kheads, didnt you know that?

good luck op, i hope you and dad sort it out, if he does drink, take drugs he needs to have a long hard look in the mirror, say to himself

"i am a father"

take a job and sort his life out and provide for his child..

[frost]

Originally Posted by Rachael.

I would never do this. That is one thing that I really hate.

Also I would be more than willing to allow him more access than this so he's basically shooting himself in the foot.

All of this is clearly not true. You've been bitching about him all thread and telling everyone how annoyed you are at the idea of him wanting more access.

[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by gdjman68wasdigi

nice girls are attracted to d@@kheads, didnt you know that?

good luck op, i hope you and dad sort it out, if he does drink, take drugs he needs to have a long hard look in the mirror, say to himself

"i am a father"

take a job and sort his life out and provide for his child..

So true

[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by frost

All of this is clearly not true. You've been bitching about him all thread and telling everyone how annoyed you are at the idea of him wanting more access.

yes I have been bitching anonymously to people on here who do not know us as I am angry at the way he spoke to me today and at the fact he wants joint custody so that he can get housing benefit. There's a difference. I have said repeatedly that I am willing to give him access but not going to just so that he can receive housing benefit.

[gdjman68wasdigi]

Originally Posted by Rachael.

yes I have been bitching anonymously to people on here who do not know us as I am angry at the way he spoke to me today and at the fact he wants joint custody so that he can get housing benefit. There's a difference. I have said repeatedly that I am willing to give him access but not going to just so that he can receive housing benefit.

he wont be able to with "access", your the parent with care, you hold the benefit book, he wont get anything.

they wont house him because the child will have a home, its with you..

thats your situation, you have a home, the child lives with you(at the moment)you hold the book...he wont get anything, hes talking shit

[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by gdjman68wasdigi

he wont be able to with "access", your the parent with care, you hold the benefit book, he wont get anything.

they wont house him because the child will have a home, its with you..

thats your situation, you have a home, the child lives with you, you hold the book...he wont get anything, hes talking shit

Even if he was to rent privately? As this is what he's planning

[gdjman68wasdigi]

Originally Posted by Rachael.

Even if he was to rent privately? As this is what he's planning

they wont house him if he says he has a child, the child is living with you

i assume hes living with parents


im not sure if you had a 50 50 residence each, not sure on that..but as i have said earlier on, i doubt a court would give him joint residence because

hes living with parents
your child is a toddler, the court will see that the child is better with the mother, unless dad is a sensible person with a job, home, responsibilities, they may consider it then

if the child is older, 9,10, 11, 12 that sort of age, dad is more likely to get 50/50, cafcass will do wishes and feelings etc


they wont house him if he has access, they will say the access can take place at the parents house

[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by gdjman68wasdigi

they wont house him if he says he has a child, the child is living with you

i assume hes living with parents


im not sure if you had a 50 50 residence each, not sure on that..but as i have said earlier on, i doubt a court would give him joint residence because

hes living with parents
your child is a toddler, the court will see that the child is better with the mother, unless dad is a sensible person with a job, home, responsibilities, they may consider it then

if the child is older, 9,10, 11, 12 that sort of age, dad is more likely to get 50/50, cafcass will do wishes and feelings etc


they wont house him if he has access, they will say the access can take place at the parents house

He's sleeping on his parents couch. This has put my mind at ease, thank you. Will hopefully get this sorted out without it going as far as court. It sounds like of he was to go down this route then it would make things worse for him so will try one last time to make an agreement between ourselves.

[zelana]

OP how do you get on with his parents?

If they want to maintain access to their granddaughter maybe you could arrange for them to have regular access. It would then be up to your ex whether he wants to spend time with his daughter while she is with his parents.

[gdjman68wasdigi]

Originally Posted by Rachael.

He's sleeping on his parents couch. This has put my mind at ease, thank you. Will hopefully get this sorted out without it going as far as court. It sounds like of he was to go down this route then it would make things worse for him so will try one last time to make an agreement between ourselves.

your welcome, like i said, i have my own seat at the court, my case is all sorted, i try to be nice to the childrens mother, i just discuss arrangments, swaps, birthdays , christmas in a mature and civil way and expect her to do the same.

glad to of been at help, always remember even though he sounds like an idiot(sorry), you must encourage the relationship between them, make sure your daughter knows who her dad is, PLEASE do not alienate her, because when she is older, she will be damaged because of it..

as regards your fella, i feel like shaking him...he needs to wake up

[gdjman68wasdigi]

Originally Posted by zelana

OP how do you get on with his parents?

If they want to maintain access to their granddaughter maybe you could arrange for them to have regular access. It would then be up to your ex whether he wants to spend time with his daughter while she is with his parents.

yes, the court will suggest that, the child should have a relationship with their grandparents

[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by zelana

OP how do you get on with his parents?

If they want to maintain access to their granddaughter maybe you could arrange for them to have regular access. It would then be up to your ex whether he wants to spend time with his daughter while she is with his parents.

He's living with his dad and step mum who are ok but don't bother with my daughter and are only keeping my ex so they can get money from him. His mum is brilliant just lives up the street and comes in most days. She knows what he's like and sticks by me 100%.

[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by gdjman68wasdigi

your welcome, like i said, i have my own seat at the court, my case is all sorted, i try to be nice to the childrens mother, i just discuss arrangments, swaps, birthdays , christmas in a mature and civil way and expect her to do the same.

glad to of been at help, always remember even though he sounds like an idiot(sorry), you must encourage the relationship between them, make sure your daughter knows who her dad is, PLEASE do not alienate her, because when she is older, she will be damaged because of it..

as regards your fella, i feel like shaking him...he needs to wake up

I won't I promise will always make sure she knows who here dad is. When I was younger my dad wasn't interested and if it wasn't for my mum arranging for him to see me then I probably wouldn't know he was. Definitely do not want this for my daughter as its not a nice feeling.

[benjamini]

Originally Posted by VOICEINTHENIGHT

My thoughts on this kind of situation: Generally I feel that it is best for a child to have contact with both parents equally. If however there are issues with one of the parents it is best to write down in a list, the reasons why you feel joint custedy won't work.Llist things like excessive drinking, Irrisponsible behaviour, Failure to attend swapover on time. and other issues. If you can I would always keep the whole situation as pleasent as possible but if you do end up in court, or arbetration these 'evidence notes' will add weight to your case. (Remember he may well be keeping a record of your 'sins' too) so be on time and don't pick fights infront of your child, discuss things calmly and if things do stert to become heated walk away.
the other peice of advice I would give: 'Contact Relate' they don't just deal with marriage they can help with all of this sort of thing too (or appoint someone who can help)
I hope you can sort this out.
There is only one person who matters in this case. Your child. do not let your child get hurt by this, do everything you can to keep your child in a good relationship with both of you. for the childs sake. Voicy.

Although ths sounds like good advice it also sounds very antagonistic. Partners when they recieve these types of accusaations often retaliate in kind. Before you know it it is iimpossible for it to be settled amicably, courts become involved and lots of money and huge stress. Its the child that always suffers. Unless he poses a threat or harm to the child, mediation is a good way to go.

[gdjman68wasdigi]

Originally Posted by benjamini

Although ths sounds like good advice it also sounds very antagonistic. Partners when they recieve these types of accusaations often retaliate in kind. Before you know it it is iimpossible for it to be settled amicably, courts become involved and lots of money and huge stress. Its the child that always suffers. Unless he poses a threat or harm to the child, mediation is a good way to go.

Another thing the court will request, and then adjourn again, all this will be helpful to both parties

[Rachael.]

How would I go about mediation? It sounds like a great idea as whenever we try to talk things through it ends up turning into World War 3.

[benjamini]

Originally Posted by Rachael.

How would I go about mediation? It sounds like a great idea as whenever we try to talk things through it ends up turning into World War 3.

Try this

http://www.nfm.org.uk/

[Rachael.]

thank you

[horseychick28]

Originally Posted by frost

All of this is clearly not true. You've been bitching about him all thread and telling everyone how annoyed you are at the idea of him wanting more access.

To be fair to the OP it sounds like she needs to vent and better here than in front of her child. It sounds like he doesnt really want access, my dad didnt even bother showing up in court so it may be that he decides he cant be a***d if he realises he wont get a house out of it.

[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by horseychick28

To be fair to the OP it sounds like she needs to vent and better here than in front of her child. It sounds like he doesnt really want access, my dad didnt even bother showing up in court so it may be that he decides he cant be a***d if he realises he wont get a house out of it.

That's just it I'm saying stuff on here which I wouldn't say to family and friends as its not fair. Sorry to hear about your dad. I think my daughter's father does want to see her but when it suits him. He knows from other times when we've split up that if he cancels an arrangement I just give him another chance straight say. I'm a bit of a pushover

[gdjman68wasdigi]

Originally Posted by Rachael.

That's just it I'm saying stuff on here which I wouldn't say to family and friends as its not fair. Sorry to hear about your dad. I think my daughter's father does want to see her but when it suits him. He knows from other times when we've split up that if he cancels an arrangement I just give him another chance straight say. I'm a bit of a pushover

He doesn't deserve you, or you child. He sounds vile

[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by gdjman68wasdigi

He doesn't deserve you, or you child. He sounds vile

he does this often gets bored of the relationship, walks out on me, messes up on seeing our girl, comes back a few weeks later asking if he can come back as he misses us and like a fool I've always said yes. If he does it this time I'm praying I can find the strength to say no. If he keeps acting the way he is I'm sure I won't find it a problem doing so.

[benjamini]

Originally Posted by gdjman68wasdigi

He doesn't deserve you, or you child. He sounds vile

He sounds lazy and apathetic. Thats not to say he will never improve and turn out a good dad. Itss odd how many parents improve when they have something to prove.

[Rachael.]

Originally Posted by benjamini

He sounds lazy and apathetic. Thats not to say he will never improve and turn out a good dad. Itss odd how many parents improve when they have something to prove.

I hope he can. Just needs to grow up and realise what an amazing daughter he has (sorry I know how much DS users hate when parents brag about there children).