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Old 17-02-2013, 21:30
gdjman68wasdigi
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I hope he can. Just needs to grow up and realise what an amazing daughter he has (sorry I know how much DS users hate when parents brag about there children).
I don't, I'm totally proud of my kids
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Old 17-02-2013, 23:21
Xela M
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Wow, OP I could have written your posts almost word-for-word. Have we been married to the same guy?!
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Old 17-02-2013, 23:31
Rachael.
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Wow, OP I could have written your posts almost word-for-word. Have we been married to the same guy?!
Really? Its so frustrating isn't it. I don't think so as he made it clear that "marriage was a waste of time". Very committed he was (I would insert sarcastic face if I knew how to).
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Old 17-02-2013, 23:38
Susan_A1951
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I am so sorry for the OP's predicament.

But -unless I have missed it - what is the situation about child support? The OP has a child by what sounds like a feckless father. Is he paying any support for this child? A child is for life - and by any calculation - he is responsible until the age of 18.
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Old 17-02-2013, 23:46
Rachael.
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I am so sorry for the OP's predicament.

But -unless I have missed it - what is the situation about child support? The OP has a child by what sounds like a feckless father. Is he paying any support for this child? A child is for life - and by any calculation - he is responsible until the age of 18.
No he doesn't pay a penny. He doesn't see why he should as I receive CB & CTC for our child. He also does work on the side.
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Old 17-02-2013, 23:54
Xela M
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My ex doesn't pay a penny either! In his eyes, she's now my responsibility and he doesn't see why he should pay me to bring up my kid.

I hope one day he realises what an idiot he has been all along and starts being an actual father, but at the moment I don't see this happening.
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Old 17-02-2013, 23:56
Rachael.
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Disgusting attitude. I really hate him since starting this thread. I should have done this a long time ago
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Old 18-02-2013, 00:04
Susan_A1951
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Well - my reaction is that if a father wants a share in a child's life - then they ought to pay for it. Why on earth should a single mother have to claim off the state? We didn't make this child - he did.

Get into a family court to sort out access. Go to Social Security and get his wages garnished until his child reaches 18.

You are bringing up a child that its father is responsible for. Go after him for every penny -and he may think twice before fathering other kids that the state brings up.

It's called responsible parenting.
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Old 18-02-2013, 09:27
gdjman68wasdigi
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My ex doesn't pay a penny either! In his eyes, she's now my responsibility and he doesn't see why he should pay me to bring up my kid.

I hope one day he realises what an idiot he has been all along and starts being an actual father, but at the moment I don't see this happening.
i thought you said you were a solicitor, surely you would know what to do, you know how the system and courts work, if you want money from you ex, just contact the CSA, they will add an attachment of earnings to his salaryand you will get your money

also if your dating a "judge" surely he will point you in the right direction

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Old 18-02-2013, 09:31
gdjman68wasdigi
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Well - my reaction is that if a father wants a share in a child's life - then they ought to pay for it. Why on earth should a single mother have to claim off the state? We didn't make this child - he did.

Get into a family court to sort out access. Go to Social Security and get his wages garnished until his child reaches 18.

You are bringing up a child that its father is responsible for. Go after him for every penny -and he may think twice before fathering other kids that the state brings up.

It's called responsible parenting.
im a father, im very hands on, my two live with me half time. i dont pay CSA but we both contribute, and help each other out

i think the op needs to try and talk to her ex, involving the csa should be a last resort because they are known for their high level of stupidity

however, if he fails to support or be involved in the childs life, then the op should contact the csa and she will get something from him,

our solicitor poster should also do the same if she has a problem getting an ex to pay
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Old 18-02-2013, 09:55
avasgranny
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I don't, I'm totally proud of my kids
Well said. For what it is worth I think you sound an amazing dad. I hope you manage to get things sorted out for the sake of your wee one Rachel. Can I ask that you ensure that Granny and Granddad stay involved in your child's life even if daddy doesn't? Children need Grandparents and grandparents need the children in their lives too. Thanks.
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Old 18-02-2013, 10:09
gdjman68wasdigi
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Well said. For what it is worth I think you sound an amazing dad. I hope you manage to get things sorted out for the sake of your wee one Rachel. Can I ask that you ensure that Granny and Granddad stay involved in your child's life even if daddy doesn't? Children need Grandparents and grandparents need the children in their lives too. Thanks.
^this^
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Old 18-02-2013, 10:14
riceuten
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That's what I thought. I would rather just sort it out between ourselves. He is immature and irresponsible his main priority is getting drunk with friends. He has never provided for our daughter and when we lived together refused to change a nappy, get her dressed etc as "it's the mother's job".

He mentioned if he gets joint custody it will help him get a house (?). This annoys me as I feel he is using our daughter just so he has his own place to live.
It's true he'll only get consideration for a 2 bed flat if he has joint custody, but, frankly, I can't see any compelling reason why the courts would award him this, especially in view of his alleged behaviour, which alone would effectively disqualify him from this.

CSA have a reputation to go for easy targets - if your ex is in erratic employment, or unemployment, they are less likely to go after him with all guns blazing than if he has a full time job. It's pure laziness on their part.
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Old 18-02-2013, 10:26
Rachael.
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My girl will always see her grandparents. I lost a grandparent last night and I know how important they are in a child's life. Thanks everyone for all the advice its put my mind at ease was just worried that he would try and take her from me. I can now see this will not happen.
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Old 18-02-2013, 10:29
gdjman68wasdigi
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My girl will always see her grandparents. I lost a grandparent last night and I know how important they are in a child's life. Thanks everyone for all the advice its put my mind at ease was just worried that he would try and take her from me. I can now see this will not happen.
very sorry
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Old 18-02-2013, 11:28
avasgranny
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Me too.
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Old 18-02-2013, 17:19
simonmoore
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That's what I thought. I would rather just sort it out between ourselves. He is immature and irresponsible his main priority is getting drunk with friends. He has never provided for our daughter and when we lived together refused to change a nappy, get her dressed etc as "it's the mother's job".

He mentioned if he gets joint custody it will help him get a house (?). This annoys me as I feel he is using our daughter just so he has his own place to live.
If you had put a condom on in the first place you would not be in this mess! Sorry to be blunt and I do feel or you but the guy must have some qualities about him as you had a child with him and took him back on occasions before!
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Old 18-02-2013, 18:49
Rachael.
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If you had put a condom on in the first place you would not be in this mess! Sorry to be blunt and I do feel or you but the guy must have some qualities about him as you had a child with him and took him back on occasions before!
Whether I choose to have a baby or not is my decision. I'm a young naive girl and I'm the first to admit that.
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Old 18-02-2013, 19:06
TWS
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If you had put a condom on in the first place you would not be in this mess! Sorry to be blunt and I do feel or you but the guy must have some qualities about him as you had a child with him and took him back on occasions before!
unless you have never nade a mistake or a bad decision i dont think you have a right to judge
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Old 18-02-2013, 19:07
gdjman68wasdigi
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unless you have never nade a mistake or a bad decision i dont think you have a right to judge
a jeremy kyle quote, i thought that was a bit harsh really

none of us are perfect
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Old 18-02-2013, 19:21
Rachael.
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^ ^ Thank you. Beginning to wish I didn't post here now as I can imagine I'm going to have some judgemental people with their views.
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Old 18-02-2013, 19:23
avasgranny
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You should try the pets forum instead.
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Old 18-02-2013, 19:27
benjamini
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Whether I choose to have a baby or not is my decision. I'm a young naive girl and I'm the first to admit that.
May be he is also young and naive.
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Old 18-02-2013, 19:27
Jerrica09
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Thanks I'll have a look at this. I'm hoping its just been am empty threat. He's already lost access to another daughter as he kept cancelling his arrangements.

Also my child is one so therefore can't really decide her rights. As I have previously stated I am not trying to stop her father seeing her.
I'm pretty certain a court will not force an under four year old to spend nights away from her mother. This is what my friend was told by his solicitor when he was enquiring about joint custody. If you don't agree to it, it very likely won't happen.

And if he is so immature, will he really go to the bother of taking you through court?

Even if he does the fact that's he's not living independently, and does not financially support his child are two ways he has shot himself in the foot to start with.


he does this often gets bored of the relationship, walks out on me, messes up on seeing our girl, comes back a few weeks later asking if he can come back as he misses us and like a fool I've always said yes. If he does it this time I'm praying I can find the strength to say no. If he keeps acting the way he is I'm sure I won't find it a problem doing so.
In that case a court hearing may be a good thing for you and your daughter. If he violates terms of visitation now while she is young (which is what he would get, not custody) he could be out of your hair within a year. On the other hand he could rise to the occasion and turn out to be a good Dad.

Don't get caught up in family fights. If his sister is a stirrer, avoid her or be polite but keep her at arms length. If he tries to get into a row with you, don't rise to it. Be very brief. If he texts 'My sister says you're going to take her away from me', simply reply 'No, that is not true.' Don't give them anything to work with!

Good luck with it all
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Old 18-02-2013, 19:30
Rachael.
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I'm pretty certain a court will not force an under four year old to spend nights away from her mother. This is what my friend was told by his solicitor when he was enquiring about joint custody. If you don't agree to it, it very likely won't happen.

And if he is so immature, will he really go to the bother of taking you through court?

Even if he does the fact that's he's not living independently, and does not financially support his child are two ways he has shot himself in the foot to start with.




In that case a court hearing may be a good thing for you and your daughter. If he violates terms of visitation now while she is young (which is what he would get, not custody) he could be out of your hair within a year. On the other hand he could rise to the occasion and turn out to be a good Dad.

Don't get caught up in family fights. If his sister is a stirrer, avoid her or be polite but keep her at arms length. If he tries to get into a row with you, don't rise to it. Be very brief. If he texts 'My sister says you're going to take her away from me', simply reply 'No, that is not true.' Don't give them anything to work with!

Good luck with it all
Thanks. I don't think he will go through with it as I'm allowing him to see her as often as he likes so he would be wasting his time. As for the sister I'm not even going to mention his name in front of her from now on.
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