For those of you who have a dog as a pet, if it could talk and act exactly like a human being, what do you think they would be like with you?

I know one of mine would say the following..........

"Why can't I roll on a dead seal?"
"No, I don't want a bath, thank you"
"I'll have some of that steak, if you don't mind"
"Budge up a bit, there's room on that sofa for a small one"
and
"Hurry up with my tea"

What do you mean - vegetable stew?

I had an 8 year old female german shephard- I had to go away for work for 5 long months- our 2 yr old shih tzu met me at airport with hubby and had forgotten me completely - when we got home- and parked- I could see our gs playing with her ball in garden- I opened passenger door- and was chatting with hubby- when she heard my voice our lovely gs ran up the garden and jumped into the car onto my lap licking me and crying- after 5 long long months my baby had not forgotten me-

soon after we discovered she had cancer of the larynx a month later she had deteriorate considerably and we had no option but to reluctantly let her go-

but on the day she welcomed me home after not seeing me for 5 months - i hope she was saying- I missed you mummy, welcome home

Ball Ball Ball throw throw throw, Ball Ball Ball throw throw throw, food food food out out out, Ball Ball Ball Ball treat treat treat treat, sleep sleep sleep wasn't me it was the cat my farts don't smell, Ball Ball, Let me lick your face, Lick Lick face face....BALL? CHAAAAAAASE,

But our dog does communicate adequately eg if he wants a drink he will stand by his bowl and understands most of what we say eg I ask where is my son and dog looks at him and goes to him and barks.i could give many examples of our adequate communication.

I think my dog would be a bit like a teenager, able to communicate (well just!) but sometimes chooses not to

But generally I think she'd be another, "Where's my ball? Where's my dinner? When's my walk? Can I sit on your lap? I'm going to sit on you lap!"

Or the classic.... "OMG you're so unfair, why can't I eat that squirrel? God, you're ruining my life" *sulk*

"Sell the cat"

"what do you mean this is your bed?"

"mum, please tell the baby to stop hitting me in the head with the marker pen, i don;t feel like moving away which would be the smart thing to do..."

My Mum's Sprocker Spaniel would say something like "Feed me NOW. What do you mean I've just had my dinner. No, I don't think so. That must have been another dog you're thinking about. I've not been fed in such a LONG time. I'm absolutely STARVING. Feed me NOW!!!!"

I think Mollie might say "why did you bring this puppy home mum?" "mum why ??????" Lol poor old Mollie, Betty pup is too quick and wants to play all the time.

"you want me to EAT? NOW? are you kidding me? i'm watching my bird!"

also, last night "I want to lick your leg"

"want to go in the river... Really want to go in the river... do you have a ball with you?
want to go play in the river"

If my dog could talk:
I would not have bought an answer phone.
I would have to lie when he wanted to know just what was in that tin/packet of dog food.
I would have to ask him why he can pee more liquid than he drinks.
I would have to ask him "Do you really enjoy licking certain parts of your body"?
I would have to ask him "Who were you expecting to be knocking at the door at this time of night"?

This is an odd thing isn't it. My Bella is a peeing machine. She does drink a lot, but not THAT much.

Bella would constantly be asking when dinner time is. She is obsessed by food and every hour on the hour she would eat if she could.

My other dog Bailey does talk. When we snuggle he does these weird moans. I swear he is telling me to tickle under there and up here and down the back. He would also keep asking for his toys, for a cuddle, for a snackeral and for a walk.

Nice one

My teenage girl dog would say:

I'm here, its me, notice me, play with me, stroke me, tickle my tummy, stop moving around so I have to follow you, don't pay any attention to him (other dog), it's all about me, me, me

This is a brilliant thread.

Zach would say: feed me <pause for frenetic scoffing> now @*&% off!

My gs Bella would say rub my belly now
She howls when she wants a belly rub

Are we going out yet?
Are we going out now?
Are you sure we're not going out?
I'm sure you looked as though we might be going out.

(Me - I was just getting something from the kitchen).

Oh...
Are we going out yet?
Are we going out now?
Are you sure we're not going out?
I'm sure you looked as though we might be going out.

Ad infinitum ....

(Oh for pity's sake - come on then. (Gets coat on / lead etc).

Yippee we're going out!

(Where's your ball (I've had to ask this every day for 10+ years).

Oh - yes I forgot - scurrys off to find it. Ready!

The novelty never wears off for her and the pleasure that I see in her every time is so heart-warming.

If the dog could talk:
"This lead wont take it's self out you know.
Leave that channel on I was watching that.
Now this lampost really is my very favourite one.
Sorry it is this lampost that like best.
I never chewed your rotten slippers 'cos I am a vege.
Woof Woof Woof and don't make me tell you again.
You can have that one, you will need a bigger scoop though".

I can only imagine ours would say,

I love the taste of my bollocks,

"Why is he always touching himself?"

"Get away from our house"(someone walks past)
"Someones at the door"(someone knocks)
"Let me out im desperate for the loo"(being let out she also pulls a grumpy face if we dont hear her)
"Whats in your bags"(comes back with shopping)

and when we call her an Animal (she thinks she human) she looks all round as if she says "ANIMAL? i dont see no animal in here

Shes a 12 year old springer spaniel

This always makes me laugh

http://mydarndog.com/dogcatdiary.html