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Old 15-04-2013, 19:01
Jerrica09
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This is my last post on this thread http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1817733

"I have agreed to have her euthanised tomorrow. I was a total mess at the consultation, I tried to keep it together because I didn't want to stress Emily out, but I'm so shocked, this just came out of nowhere. She's being put to sleep at 12 tomorrow so I brought her home for tonight instead of leaving her there. I am ashamed to say that i was going to cancel for a few days, it was my son who told me it needed to be done before she got distressed. The vet gave her a painkilling injection and a steroid injection to help her breathe more easily tonight.

So we're just going to spoil her, let her sit on the table and steal bits of our dinner, let her sleep on my sons bed. All the things she doesn't usually get to do. I can't go five minutes without bursting into tears. I want to be with her tomorrow, but I don't know yet how I'll cope."


I'm posting here because I'm panicking about whether I've made the right decision. When I brought her home she ate some food, but was just nearly sick. She tried to jump up onto my bed but didn't make it and I had to lift her - but I'm still wondering whether this is right??

Yesterday she was slightly poorly, tomorrow she will be gone.

The vet was very kind and ran through all the options, but they would involve vet visits which stress her out, medications which she might not react well to, and so on. But I can't get my head around the fact that we lose her tomorrow. I'm posting this because I'm so tempted to call and cancel for a few days, but I know it's selfish. I just can't believe this is happening!

Does anyone think it might be a good idea to get a second opinion, or to ask to go over the options again?
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Old 15-04-2013, 19:48
MarellaK
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This is my last post on this thread http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1817733

"I have agreed to have her euthanised tomorrow. I was a total mess at the consultation, I tried to keep it together because I didn't want to stress Emily out, but I'm so shocked, this just came out of nowhere. She's being put to sleep at 12 tomorrow so I brought her home for tonight instead of leaving her there. I am ashamed to say that i was going to cancel for a few days, it was my son who told me it needed to be done before she got distressed. The vet gave her a painkilling injection and a steroid injection to help her breathe more easily tonight.

So we're just going to spoil her, let her sit on the table and steal bits of our dinner, let her sleep on my sons bed. All the things she doesn't usually get to do. I can't go five minutes without bursting into tears. I want to be with her tomorrow, but I don't know yet how I'll cope."


I'm posting here because I'm panicking about whether I've made the right decision. When I brought her home she ate some food, but was just nearly sick. She tried to jump up onto my bed but didn't make it and I had to lift her - but I'm still wondering whether this is right??

Yesterday she was slightly poorly, tomorrow she will be gone.

The vet was very kind and ran through all the options, but they would involve vet visits which stress her out, medications which she might not react well to, and so on. But I can't get my head around the fact that we lose her tomorrow. I'm posting this because I'm so tempted to call and cancel for a few days, but I know it's selfish. I just can't believe this is happening!

Does anyone think it might be a good idea to get a second opinion, or to ask to go over the options again?
I personally would probably leave it a few days if your cat is not suffering at the moment. You can spend some quality time with her and basically come to terms with what is going to happen. Rushing into a decision like this can leave you filled with guilt and regret even though the ultimate outcome is inevitable.

I was happy to nurse my dying cat at home for a few days in full knowledge that I didn't have much longer with her. As you and your son have said, you may prefer to end her life before she starts to suffer but I will always have an ethical dilemma with ending the life of any animal who still has potential to enjoy some quality time.

I don't know if a second opinion is really necessary but it might be worth having a further discussion to go through other options such as good quality palliative end of life care.
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Old 15-04-2013, 19:54
ribtickle
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I've read the developments in the other thread, and I am very sorry to hear the news. It has all happened so fast, and out of that you'll be struggling to come to terms with it. There's been no time to adjust. I agree with what MarellaK has posted.

From what you have described, were this my cat, I would probably be considering euthanasia, and it sounds like she is poorly after coming home from the vet's but maybe the journey and tests didn't do her any good and hopefully she will perk up a little overnight. There wouldn't be any harm in getting a second opinion, not necessarily because they may offer some treatment option, but it might help you. You'd need to gauge whether she is up to any more unnecessary travel.

At the end of 2006 I had a cat diagnosed with renal failure. I had no idea he had it and I'd been lucky never to have had a cat with it before, so I'd been naive to the signs. Depending on what his blood results were found to be the vet recommended euthanasia that very day, and the pressure was on because they were closing that afternoon, a Saturday, and would then be shut for 3 days over New Year.

Then they rang me with damning blood results, and wanted me to agree over the phone to let them proceed with putting him to sleep, with me absent and paying over the phone right then like I'd ordered a pizza. I refused and insisted on travelling through in torrential rain, keeping them there beyond 3pm, and I managed to have 5 minutes alone with him, was with him to the very end, and brought him home afterwards to bury him in the garden. But I have never felt I did the right thing putting that particular pet to sleep, because it was all so rushed.

What I'm trying to explain is that so long as your cat is comfortable, and is not in pain or clear distress, then it might be okay to wait a few days - for your sake, so that you (and your son) can have time to say goodbye.
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Old 15-04-2013, 19:57
dragonrapide
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I am so sorry for you. We had this decision to make on both our cats. It was dreadful. For me it was not an option to let them suffer (at different times). I just knew the time was right and felt our lovely furry boy and girl knew themselves when the time was right too. The vet said there was nothing else to help.

Somehow I managed to stay with them although in floods of tears. I tried to hide it from them. The vet made the cat comfortable on the table and then I wrapped my arms around kissing their head until they fell asleep. It was very peaceful. My husband and son were with me both times. This helped of course.

They are still with me every day in my mind. I still feel them around me even though it was about 10 years ago.
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Old 15-04-2013, 20:08
Yeah_Jackie
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You have made the right decision. The poor thing is struggling to breath. Whether you are with her or not is down to you but it is the last human kindness you can show her. Whether you are with her or not you will be devastated. Her needs have to come before your own.

You know all this. It is a hideous predicament. I went through it last year. I still mourn the loss now. Some days more acutely than others. We were together a very long time.
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Old 15-04-2013, 20:17
Badcat
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Can the vet come round and put her down at home for you?

I lost my cat a few years ago to a very aggressive type of mouth cancer and when it started to grow back days later the vet let us take him home, have him with us for a few days and then actually came over to put him down at home so he wouldn't get stressed going back to the vet (and didn't even charge us for the home visit). He also told us not to bother to come in and pay until later the following week.

Am forever grateful for our vet doing that.... was such a lovely gesture. so very sorry for you, it's a horrible thing to have to do but it will mean she won't be in pain anymore.

*sends hugs from me and a purr from my kitty*
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Old 15-04-2013, 20:20
Yeah_Jackie
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My old boy went at home too. That really was the least I could do. He hated the pet carrier.
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Old 15-04-2013, 20:35
Jerrica09
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I don't know if I have that option, they didn't mention it. I'm going to call in the morning. I forgot to ask about financial arrangements. Today cost 130 and it's a lean month for me. I just realised I may not have the cash to pay for this until Friday. I felt relieved for a minute that I would have more time with her, but she actually seems worse since she came home. She still has her eyes out on stalks at the sight of any food, but I tried to feed her small pieces of chicken and she started spitting it out. She actually seems physically uncomfortable now. Maybe it was the scan and being shaved today, but if they'll allow me to bring her in tomorrow and pay later I'll have to do it.
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Old 15-04-2013, 20:53
bazaar1
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So sorry for your news. On the financial side, the PDAs and blue cross etc often help out with costs if you are not int their area, they did for me a few years back when my kitten broke his leg and needed emergency vets appointments! Might be worth a call?

For what it's worth I think you are doing the right thing, holding onto her would be good for you, but what about her?
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Old 15-04-2013, 21:08
avasgranny
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Oh babes my heart goes out to you, your son and your wee cat. It is a terrible heartbreaking choice to have to make. Can you have someone with you to support you tomorrow? It would be a blessing if she passes tonight at home in her sleep. Much love. x
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Old 15-04-2013, 21:24
queenshaks
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Thinking of you Jerrica

Really, really sad. I wish you had financial help to give you choice.
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Old 15-04-2013, 21:42
Jerrica09
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Thanks everyone.

This is what I was told - she has a large tumour in her abdomen, and fluid in her chest and abdomen. She could have some fluid syringed out to temporarily help, and she could have chemotherapy to try to shrink the tumour. I'm worried that I agreed to euthanasia too quickly. It all happened this afternoon. I would rather be in debt and have her here, as long as she was happy and comfortable. She's only 10 years old. I'm so angry with myself that I neglected her care. I had pet insurance for 6 years and didn't use it. No insurance for three months and this happens. I have no credit card, and my debit card will not allow me to spend money I don't have. I don't know what I can do. I'm so upset that I've let her down so badly.

I'm going to call the pdsa and the blue cross in the morning just in case.
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Old 16-04-2013, 02:02
MarellaK
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Please don't go down the route of chemotherapy because, even if it works, it will only buy a few more months and I really don't think you can afford the costs. My Tabitha was not as visibly ill as your cat when she was diagnosed - her lungs were clear and all her organs were in good order almost right to the end - but still she could not withstand the chemo and I had to make the decision to euthanase her just 19 days after she had been through so much horrid treatment, including surgery, all for nothing. My final bill was well over 3000 though insurance paid for most of that. However, even with insurance I had to pay 20% of the costs because Tabitha was over 10 - as your cat is too so you would still have a lot to pay even if you had kept up with your policy.

I think that if your cat cannot be palliated for a few days at home and you believe that she is suffering then you should go ahead with the euthanasia tomorrow. The other option is to allow the fluid to be aspirated which will buy your cat a little extra quality time with you so you can more easily accept what is happening. If it was my cat I believe that would be what I would choose to do but you must be happy with any decision you make.

I'm really sorry but abdominal tumours in cats are nearly always terminal and all the expensive and unpleasant treatment only potentially gives the cat a few extra months, maybe 18 at most and, in my Tabitha's case, didn't work at all. Knowing what I know now I would never submit any of my other cats to such invasive treatment but I would not rush to euthanase them either if I felt I could give them good palliative care at home.

Please don't feel guilty because I felt tremendous guilt for not recognising that my cat was so sick but. looking back, she really was very good at concealing her illness and was still eating well and going out and about. I don't feel so guilty now but it consumed me for a long time and, if anything, I now feel guilt at putting my elderly cat (she was 16) through such awful treatment albeit with the best intentions at the time.
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Old 16-04-2013, 03:27
Maisey Moo
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My heart goes out too you and your furbaby. I lost one of my first rescue cats about 6 wks ago. I too felt guilty that I hadn't noticed she was ill at all. she had liver or kidney failure. Why I feel guilty I didn't take her sooner. The outcome would have been the same but she only was realy ill for a couple of days. Speak too your vet later on and explain how you are feeling and don't be pushed into anything you don't think is right. Thinking of you . where all here for you if you need us
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Old 16-04-2013, 06:29
bazaar1
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Please don't go down the route of chemotherapy because, even if it works, it will only buy a few more months and I really don't think you can afford the costs. My Tabitha was not as visibly ill as your cat when she was diagnosed - her lungs were clear and all her organs were in good order almost right to the end - but still she could not withstand the chemo and I had to make the decision to euthanase her just 19 days after she had been through so much horrid treatment, including surgery, all for nothing. My final bill was well over 3000 though insurance paid for most of that. However, even with insurance I had to pay 20% of the costs because Tabitha was over 10 - as your cat is too so you would still have a lot to pay even if you had kept up with your policy.

I think that if your cat cannot be palliated for a few days at home and you believe that she is suffering then you should go ahead with the euthanasia tomorrow. The other option is to allow the fluid to be aspirated which will buy your cat a little extra quality time with you so you can more easily accept what is happening. If it was my cat I believe that would be what I would choose to do but you must be happy with any decision you make.

I'm really sorry but abdominal tumours in cats are nearly always terminal and all the expensive and unpleasant treatment only potentially gives the cat a few extra months, maybe 18 at most and, in my Tabitha's case, didn't work at all. Knowing what I know now I would never submit any of my other cats to such invasive treatment but I would not rush to euthanase them either if I felt I could give them good palliative care at home.

Please don't feel guilty because I felt tremendous guilt for not recognising that my cat was so sick but. looking back, she really was very good at concealing her illness and was still eating well and going out and about. I don't feel so guilty now but it consumed me for a long time and, if anything, I now feel guilt at putting my elderly cat (she was 16) through such awful treatment albeit with the best intentions at the time.
Excellent post, so for your loss Marella.

Jerrica, don't feel guilty. You DID know something was wrong, you were worried and said yourself your instincts were shouting out, that shows that you did everything right. Cats are very good at hiding things, we didn't know our old boy had anything wrong until it was too late, they seem to go: fine fine fine fine ill. Suddenly. It's horrid for us, but at least we have the power to help relieve pain, and if needed euthanise, if it was you and you had no hope, you were in pain, would you want to be going through chemo and operations for a few extra days/months? I wouldn't, I might do it for my family, but I most certainly would rather go quick, peacefully and painlessly.
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Old 16-04-2013, 09:42
Jerrica09
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Hi, I cancelled today's appointment. She's active still (more so since the injections from the vet) and happy and affectionate. I don't think a couple of days of pampering at home will hurt at this point. Plus I was a wreck yesterday and she noticed, she kept coming up to nuzzle me and I don't want her worrying about me in her last few days. So it's happy face on!

Can I ask - if the vet comes out to euthanize, how do you make cremation arrangements afterwards? In my town the vet is the cremation service as well. Google didn't bring anything else up. I suppose I would just take her in after. I would prefer that, and I know she would.

Thanks for all your support yesterday, your comments really helped me
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Old 16-04-2013, 09:49
molliepops
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Any animal with changed behaviour is in distress in some way so for me no choice you will be doing the right thing in having her put out of her pain. The very last loving thing you can do for her IMO.
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Old 16-04-2013, 10:08
Jerrica09
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I know. I'm just about to book a home visit for Thursday
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Old 16-04-2013, 10:11
bazaar1
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Hi, I cancelled today's appointment. She's active still (more so since the injections from the vet) and happy and affectionate. I don't think a couple of days of pampering at home will hurt at this point. Plus I was a wreck yesterday and she noticed, she kept coming up to nuzzle me and I don't want her worrying about me in her last few days. So it's happy face on!

Can I ask - if the vet comes out to euthanize, how do you make cremation arrangements afterwards? In my town the vet is the cremation service as well. Google didn't bring anything else up. I suppose I would just take her in after. I would prefer that, and I know she would.

Thanks for all your support yesterday, your comments really helped me
Most vets offer individual cremation or 'group' so you need to speak to them to see if they can offer anything, if not they may be able to recommened a provider.

Only you know your cat, and if you believe she is ok for a few more days, then so be it, but make sure its for her that you are doing it, not you. You sound like a lovely, caring owner so just trust your instincts, if they say she's ok for a few more days then I'm sure she will be, as long as you know she's not in pain then go for it, a few more days can be treasured.

Is she eating now? I think that'll be the key, if you can't get her any food in then you'll know.
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Old 16-04-2013, 10:16
MarellaK
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Hi, I cancelled today's appointment. She's active still (more so since the injections from the vet) and happy and affectionate. I don't think a couple of days of pampering at home will hurt at this point. Plus I was a wreck yesterday and she noticed, she kept coming up to nuzzle me and I don't want her worrying about me in her last few days. So it's happy face on!

Can I ask - if the vet comes out to euthanize, how do you make cremation arrangements afterwards? In my town the vet is the cremation service as well. Google didn't bring anything else up. I suppose I would just take her in after. I would prefer that, and I know she would.

Thanks for all your support yesterday, your comments really helped me
In my case I made arrangements for the vet to come out to my home and the plan would have been for him to take her body back to the surgery with him where he would arrange collection by the cremation company. I needed to give 24 hours notice for a home visit (I live quite a distance from the main surgery which was treating my Tabs) and I kept postponing because she seemed to be happy and comfortable at home in her last few days. In the end, she didn't get up out of the bed on the 4th morning so I ended up taking her to the vets myself with a very close friend who was so kind and supportive. I really couldn't have gone on my own.

If your vet doesn't need much notice then you may prefer the procedure to be performed at home, it's certainly less traumatic for the cat, avoiding a stressful car journey, and I'm sure the vet will arrange the cremation so you won't need to worry - except for the cost.

I hope you and your cat can enjoy your last few days together. Take photographs. I still think of, even treasure, my Tabitha's last few days at home and I'm really glad that she came home before she died. It certainly helped me to accept that she really was dying and that persevering with treatment was futile.
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Old 16-04-2013, 11:25
Jerrica09
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She just had some melted icecream, and earlier she licked the jelly off some meat chunks. She's stretched out on my sons bed now and looks peaceful.

She is winding down though. She was so keen to go out earlier that I decided to let her but stay with her. She just sat on the front doorstep for less than a minute and came in again.

I booked the home visit for Thursday, and my son wants her ashes to come home, so I don't think I'll be eating next week! But if it's a comfort to him I'm happy to do it.
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Old 16-04-2013, 11:50
Yeah_Jackie
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I really feel for you and your friend's suffering. I understand just how painful it is.

In my case, I arranged for a home visit with the express purpose of ending the suffering of my dear friend. The procedure itself was very peaceful. He had a little tranquiliser to go to sleep and I had time to say goodbye and wish him well on his journey. He had another little injection and his suffering was over.

The vet took him away in a Moses type basket after I had wrapped him in his favourite blanket.

I had the option of individual or group cremation and opted for the former so I could have his ashes. Those were returned to me within two weeks in the casket / urn I chose for him and to this day he sits on the window sill overlooking the garden where I can speak with him everyday. When the weather is better he will sit in the garden. (This probably all sounds a bit nuts!)

I had a bad week missing him last week and this has brought it all flooding back but I know I did the right thing for my pal.

All in cost was less than 200. It wasn't really money I had but it was no less than he deserved after a lifetime of companionship.

Be strong for your girl. She needs you now more than ever.

Thinking of you.
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Old 16-04-2013, 12:54
Jerrica09
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I really feel for you and your friend's suffering. I understand just how painful it is.

In my case, I arranged for a home visit with the express purpose of ending the suffering of my dear friend. The procedure itself was very peaceful. He had a little tranquiliser to go to sleep and I had time to say goodbye and wish him well on his journey. He had another little injection and his suffering was over.

The vet took him away in a Moses type basket after I had wrapped him in his favourite blanket.

I had the option of individual or group cremation and opted for the former so I could have his ashes. Those were returned to me within two weeks in the casket / urn I chose for him and to this day he sits on the window sill overlooking the garden where I can speak with him everyday. When the weather is better he will sit in the garden. (This probably all sounds a bit nuts!)

I had a bad week missing him last week and this has brought it all flooding back but I know I did the right thing for my pal.

All in cost was less than 200. It wasn't really money I had but it was no less than he deserved after a lifetime of companionship.

Be strong for your girl. She needs you now more than ever.

Thinking of you.
No, that sounds lovely I'm sitting in the back garden with her now, she loves the sun. I don't think it's a big risk as the garden is walled and I don't want to keep her indoors for three days if I don't have to. She's using steps to get up to my and my sons beds so she's not a flight risk. She's still eyeing up the sparrows like they'd make a good lunch!
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Old 16-04-2013, 13:28
Yeah_Jackie
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Enjoy your time with her like she seems to be
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Old 17-04-2013, 11:42
Jerrica09
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She has pretty much stopped eating today. She had a dab of soft cheese from my thumb, and a dab of pate, but didn't want anymore. I don't know whether I should keep offering, as she is the kind of cat who will take food out of politeness rather than because she wants it.

She can't manage anything higher than the stairs now either. I suppose the effects of the steroid jab have worn off. This morning when I woke up I found her lying on the landing between my bedroom and my sons bedroom. She's not trying to get on our beds, and though I'm tempted to pick her up I don't want to risk making her feel worse. So I'm keeping quiet, keeping all doors open so she can go where she likes, little bowls of food in every room just in case, and just letting her sleep. I'm dying to pick her up for a cuddle, but that can wait till tomorrow afternoon.

Does anyone have any tips for how I can make her feel comfortable?
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