Digital Spy

Search Digital Spy
 

DS Forums

 
 

Not wanting or having children


Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-05-2013, 16:42
hammerfan
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Bristol
Posts: 1,671
I get asked quite a lot why haven't we had any (usually after I get asked why aren't we getting married), and even when I reply with an answer, I quite often get pressed for more details, which I find annoying sometimes. Why can't some people accept that it just doesn't happen for some couples.
hammerfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Please sign in or register to remove this advertisement.
Old 07-05-2013, 16:49
ladymoanalot
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Rotherham
Posts: 21,501
I get asked quite a lot why haven't we had any (usually after I get asked why aren't we getting married), and even when I reply with an answer, I quite often get pressed for more details, which I find annoying sometimes. Why can't some people accept that it just doesn't happen for some couples.
Because some people think everyone should follow the same pattern in life and live in a certain way. God forbid you decide that you want to live your life for you and not in a way society deems to be the way.

Then of course there are personal matters why some people can not chose a certain path in life, even if they wanted to.

Some people are blinkered and think you should live your life to the same map they followed.
ladymoanalot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 16:50
hammerfan
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Bristol
Posts: 1,671
Because some people think everyone should follow the same pattern in life and live in a certain way. God forbid you decide that you want to live your life for you and not in a way society deems to be the way.

Then of course there are personal matters why some people can not chose a certain path in life, even if they wanted to.

Some people are blinkered and think you should live your life to the same map they followed.
I know, luckily for the population of the planet, not everyone thinks like me or wants to live their life like me!
hammerfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 16:52
jarryhack
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: NE
Posts: 4,306
I have two kids, but I was never particularly maternal. I can't relate to other peoples kids, even my own nephews, I never know what to say or do, even though I love them to bits.... but I have always got on like a house on fire with my own two. I have a very strong bond with mine even though I am not a maternal person.

I would never ask anyone such a personal question such as why don't you have kids! It's so rude.
jarryhack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 16:55
ladymoanalot
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Rotherham
Posts: 21,501

I would never ask anyone such a personal question such as why don't you have kids! It's so rude.
It can be quite fun actually. I often say that I do not want to ruin my figure(it aint that great anyway) and that why would I want to stop getting completely wasted on a weekend, give up getting lashed to change nappies and be puked on?

They often look shocked and disgusted like I am some kind of selfish, badly behaved bitch............. mission accomplished.
ladymoanalot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 16:57
klendathu
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,012
I don't have , nor want any children . Ever .
Our family is cursed as it is , and I have no wish to extend the misery to another generation .

When people ask I just tell the truth
klendathu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 16:58
jra
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 32,546
We don't have any, we are 40 and 39.

My o/h (funnily enough I don't recall being asked the question) is often asked if she has children and when she replies that she doesn't, is asked why.

What I want to know is why people think they have the right to ask such a personal question!
They can ask and you say no. If you want to have children, then do so, but no more than 4 max, as that is just taking the pee, and a drain on our limited resources, in our overcrowded nation, mainly England. IMO, people should be rewarded for not having children, instead of the other way around. In other words, if you want more than the proverbial 2.4/family, then you pay for their upkeep, rather than being a burden on the state.
jra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 16:58
Kittiara
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,887
I get asked quite a lot why haven't we had any (usually after I get asked why aren't we getting married), and even when I reply with an answer, I quite often get pressed for more details, which I find annoying sometimes. Why can't some people accept that it just doesn't happen for some couples.
Exactly the same here. First comes the marriage question, then the one about children. And, as the woman, I am always the one who gets asked.

The "why" question is an awkward one, because no matter what you say, it seems that they're not going to like the answer. One time this woman just kept on pressuring me. Mentions of the ticking body clock, how much joy they give, asking if I am scared of giving birth, how your life is not complete without children... and then the suggestion that it is selfish not to want any, and unnatural!

Some people seem to feel that you're not a real woman if you don't have children. A couple informed me that cats are not a replacement. I know that. I don't treat them as kids. My cats are my cats.

There are definitely some rude people out there...
Kittiara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:00
ladymoanalot
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Rotherham
Posts: 21,501
. Mentions of the ticking body clock, how much joy they give, asking if I am scared of giving birth, how your life is not complete without children... and then the suggestion that it is selfish not to want any, and unnatural!
You can have so much fun with those clowns though!!
ladymoanalot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:01
Kittiara
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,887
You can have so much fun with those clowns though!!
I do like your method of dealing with it, I must say. I will have to remember that .
Kittiara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:02
Pink Knight
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,847
Being the youngest of 7, I watched my brothers and sisters get married and have children.
In the main they were a pain in the derrier, so I thought not for me ever.
Pink Knight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:02
big brother 9
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 11,829
the most amazing feeling in the world is being loved unconditionally by your children simply because you are there, that is such a reward for having children
big brother 9 is offline Follow this poster on Twitter   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:04
lesleyanne
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 3,978
No one has ever asked me why I did not have children, but if they ask me firstly if I have any, I usually just tell them the truth - would have loved them but it just did not happen for me - usually that sets the record straight and we can move on.
That's almost exactly what I say, too.

I remember when I was 35, one of my team found out my age and asked me 'aren't you ever going to have children?'. I was so gobsmacked by her question that I was lost for words. For all she knew it could have been a really sensitive subject for me, but she just came out with it in front of a load of people.
lesleyanne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:05
ladymoanalot
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Rotherham
Posts: 21,501
the most amazing feeling in the world is being loved unconditionally by your children simply because you are there, that is such a reward for having children
Not everyone wants that though. I certainly don't. The thought of another person being that needy and me having to pander to those needs fills me with horror.

.
ladymoanalot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:07
CBFreak
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 17,156
the most amazing feeling in the world is being loved unconditionally by your children simply because you are there, that is such a reward for having children
I get that from my cat and got it especially from my Dog. I don't need children to feel that love.
CBFreak is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:11
jra
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 32,546
Not everyone wants that though. I certainly don't. The thought of another person being that needy and me having to pander to those needs fills me with horror.

.
Join the club. I'm not willing to devote at least 16 years of my life to another person, so I've opted out, at least for the time being. And this is bearing in mind at my age, I'll be 65, before my first born has reached adulthood, assuming I had a child tomorrow. Some of us have voted with our feet, so to speak.

ETA. Luckily my dad has never pressurized me about the issue. If I want children, it is my decision, not his.
jra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:19
LoopyDog
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Swindon
Posts: 1,313
People can be so rude. One lady, upon finding out I didn't have or want children, went on to give me a lecture along the lines of I must have them as I would be missing out otherwise. Even my dad said that I should have one child to "see if you like it". The pressure is off a little now as my sister dropped a sprog last year and my friends know that I would rather lick a tramp than be in a room alone with a child let alone squeeze one out of my ladyparts.
LoopyDog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:21
ladymoanalot
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Rotherham
Posts: 21,501
Join the club. I'm not willing devote at least 16 years of my life to another person, so I've opted out, at least for the time being. And bearing in mind at my age, I'll be 65, before my first born has reached adulthood, assuming I had a child tomorrow. Some of us have voted with our feet, so to speak.

ETA. Luckily my dad has never pressurized me about the issue. If I want children, it is my decision, not his.
My parents are not kiddy fond anyway. My mum always said she never really wanted a family but it just happened and although she has no regrets about me ( well apart from about 15 years ago when I was an arse) she never really craved children.

Mum told me that if I did have children she would have no responsibility and would not babysit etc. So luckily I have never been questioned about it. I think they are quite glad really!!
ladymoanalot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:22
jra
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 32,546
and my friends know that I would rather lick a tramp than be in a room alone with a child let alone squeeze one out of my ladyparts.
Well, that's being honest at least.
jra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:27
jra
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 32,546
My parents are not kiddy fond anyway. My mum always said she never really wanted a family but it just happened and although she has no regrets about me ( well apart from about 15 years ago when I was an arse) she never really craved children.

Mum told me that if I did have children she would have no responsibility and would not babysit etc. So luckily I have never been questioned about it. I think they are quite glad really!!
What I don't get is the assertion, that kids are a must, a reason for living, that many people have. It might not be, as in both our cases.
jra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:27
DianaFire
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 4,776
Not everyone wants that though. I certainly don't. The thought of another person being that needy and me having to pander to those needs fills me with horror.

.
And it goes on for YEARS. I seriously wouldn't give houseroom to a pet for the same reason. Just don't want responsibility for a dependent life.
DianaFire is offline Follow this poster on Twitter   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:35
luckylila
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,344
Really interesting thread, and some really interesting responses.

My OH and I are 40ish and don't have kids because neither of us have ever wanted any. Our life together is really relaxed, fun, happy and enjoyable - the thought of having to give all that up and spend all our time looking after a kid fills us both with horror.

I used to be a nanny so I do have experience of childcare and I just didn't enjoy it at all. I find kids boring, annoying and exhausting.

A lot of my friends who are parents seem to be constantly stressed and their relationships with their partners don't seem as fun anymore. Also, they don't really seem to be 'enjoying' their children very much of the time. They usually seem exasperated and a bit short-tempered with them.

My childlessness is my choice so I'm not bothered if people ask me about it, but I think it's a pretty stupid question to ask because it's a medical issue for lots of people.
luckylila is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:37
moobly
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 184
Even my dad said that I should have one child to "see if you like it".

I really don't get this. It's not like you can give it back if you don't like it!

I think that if you don't think you'd like having children, you probably shouldn't have any! I fit into this group. I haven't been given too much hassle of late, but am 31, recently married, and expecting it to begin. On overdrive.

The usual (for me) response of, "but it can't take it down to the pub and get it shitfaced" shuts people up.
moobly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:40
Indigo Louise
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,876
That's almost exactly what I say, too.

I remember when I was 35, one of my team found out my age and asked me 'aren't you ever going to have children?'. I was so gobsmacked by her question that I was lost for words. For all she knew it could have been a really sensitive subject for me, but she just came out with it in front of a load of people.
She must be a right ignoramous - thank god I have never encountered someone like that.

For so many people it might be a sensitive issue/infertility and that is no one's business unless you decide to open up.

I have met a couple of people who have said Good for you not having kids - they are hard work (etc etc) Again I just put them right and say the truth - would have loved 'em but it never happened.
Indigo Louise is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 17:41
jra
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 32,546
I really don't get this. It's not like you can give it back if you don't like it!
Indeed. I can't return a child to the store within 28 days for a full refund, if not happy. A child is for life.
jra is offline   Reply With Quote
 
Reply



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

 
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 22:27.