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Old 07-05-2013, 19:38
ladymoanalot
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I used to daydream alot, people complained my head was in the clouds too much
Now that seriously rings a bell, teachers and parents!
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Old 07-05-2013, 19:40
Kittiara
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I think I've heard that too, that your selfish if you don't have kids. I don't really understand why its selfish if you decide that you don't want to risk bringing someone into the world who you may not be able to bring up properly or cope with - surely thats more selfish or wrong?. Heck knows you hear of some awful parenting stories, people jailed for neglecting their kids and people say they clearly couldn't cope and should never have been parents, yet if you dont have any then your tutted at? that seems strange. Thats not to say I'd ever do anything bad to a child, never, I'd seek help if there was any chance of that, of course. Its more the opposite for me, I'd be worried I wouldn't be able to be a good enough mother for the child and they'd resent me for it. Mind you I've barely had any relationships, so it'd be such a major pipe dream even if I did think I wanted any... eh.
Same here. For me it's a combination of there being only the smallest of chances that I could have a child anyway, plus the fact that I have never felt maternal. I feel awkward around babies. Mothers always want to hand them to you and I am afraid that I will drop them or hurt them or they'll start crying! I don't go "oooh" and "ahhh". I am a bit better when I can actually communicate with them.

I don't feel like I would be a good mother. Apart from the lack of maternal instinct, I wouldn't deal with the noise and the constant pressure. And I need my alone time and space. As a parent, your life revolves around the child and if I would get all stressed out, I would be concerned that it would be bad for the child. That I'd become one of those mothers who constantly screams at her kids.

I don't regret not having children. I don't feel as though I am missing out on anything. I quite enjoy the occasional interaction with kids from friends and family (so long as they can talk), but I am just as happy handing them back!
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Old 07-05-2013, 19:41
Kittiara
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Now that seriously rings a bell, teachers and parents!
Same here!
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Old 07-05-2013, 19:47
Mrscee
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I don't know anyone in my life who didn't have children and think it would be none of my business to ask anyone why they didn't..it would be like asking me why I did..I did have somebody my age who has just had a child ask me why I had mine when young and said that at 41 all mine are grown up..then just walked away..
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Old 07-05-2013, 19:57
Maxatoria
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Me + kids will just ensure i spend a long time in prison as i hate screaming brats and my solution to making them quiet would ensure i spend the rest of my life behind bars so i know that not having kids is a good idea and once i explained it to a few people that crying and whimpering kids make me just want to smash their faces in, it soon becomes obvious to them that while i'm a nice guy and not a psycho dude other ways the risk of me snapping is too much and i'd rather not take the risk
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:09
1fab
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Asking people why they don't have children is just an indication of gross insensitivity on the part of the asker. Same as asking someone with one child why they didn't have any more. Do they really want to hear the details of someone's infertility/miscarriages, etc.?
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:10
IzzyS
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Same here. For me it's a combination of there being only the smallest of chances that I could have a child anyway, plus the fact that I have never felt maternal. I feel awkward around babies. Mothers always want to hand them to you and I am afraid that I will drop them or hurt them or they'll start crying! I don't go "oooh" and "ahhh". I am a bit better when I can actually communicate with them.

I don't feel like I would be a good mother. Apart from the lack of maternal instinct, I wouldn't deal with the noise and the constant pressure. And I need my alone time and space. As a parent, your life revolves around the child and if I would get all stressed out, I would be concerned that it would be bad for the child. That I'd become one of those mothers who constantly screams at her kids.

I don't regret not having children. I don't feel as though I am missing out on anything. I quite enjoy the occasional interaction with kids from friends and family (so long as they can talk), but I am just as happy handing them back!
Good for you as long as your happy thats the main thing, after all it is your life and your body at the end of the day. Your life completely changes after having a child, as far as im led to believe, so to do it partly out of guilt due to what others say, seems kind of wrong to me.

Yes, I think I'd be concerned about how to deal with bad behaviour as well - I remember on a few ocassions as a child I screamed at my mum and it got ugly I didn't mean to, I just got so frustrated and upset and I still do all I can to avoid getting into confrontations. I'm not very good at communicating with people offline, so it would certainly concern me how to be a good mother. Sometimes people say that when you give birth, everything just falls into place and you instinctively know how to act and be and you feel that love, it all just happens but what if it didn't? and what if your on your own and didn't have enough money to provide a decent upbringing and everything else?.
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:19
ff999
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I'm childless and am sometimes asked if I have children. When the questioner finds out I'm single too, the questions stop. Clearly I'm seen as a sad old spinster.
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:22
ChickenWings
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I don't want kids, luckily as I am a gay male, that is enough of a reason for most people. Although I did have one person ask why before and I didn't really know what to answer. I don't think the reason I don't want kids is because I'm gay, but... I don't know, it's a useful get out clause at times? That's bad, isn't it?
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:25
d0lphin
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I wouldn't dream of asking someone why they didn't have children in case it's persoanl but on a number of occassions if I've asked someone they have volunteered the information (didn't want them, couldn't have them)
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:28
ladymoanalot
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I don't want kids, luckily as I am a gay male, that is enough of a reason for most people. Although I did have one person ask why before and I didn't really know what to answer. I don't think the reason I don't want kids is because I'm gay, but... I don't know, it's a useful get out clause at times? That's bad, isn't it?
Being gay is no barrier these days, so unfortunately you are still in my club on the excuse front
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:30
miss-kitty
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I've always been a very maternal person, I knew from a young age I did want children, emotionally I can't understand people not wanting children, simply because I cannot imagine not having mine.

In every other way I totally respect peoples choice to be child free. It's not for every one!
I don't want a cat, but I don't see people telling me to have one because they think I should.

There is a lot of pressure on women, people see us as here to breed, and that is not the case, I have noticed how many people have said their O/H has never been asked! Proving people think the maternal instinct is stronger than the paternal, which in a lot of cases simply isn't true.
My B-I-L wanted children, my Sister didn't particularly, and then it happened, and she loves her child now, and wouldn't be with out him, she can't work out why she always said she didn't want any kids. BUT it doesn't happen that way for everyone!
Which is another thing people seem to think, 'oh, you'll change your mind when you actually have one' !!!


I'd never dream of asking someone why they don't have children, it's none of my business, and for all I know they might want children and can't for some reason.

I'll confess again, to not really understanding why people choose not to have children, but only because I am so maternal I can't imagine not wanting to. Not because I think everybody should have children.
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:33
ChickenWings
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Being gay is no barrier these days, so unfortunately you are still in my club on the excuse front
Yeah, the person who asked why before was like "just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't have kids! Adopt! Use a surrogate! You have choices!" and I was like "but... I still.... don't want them"
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:35
jarryhack
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I've always been a very maternal person, I knew from a young age I didn't want children, emotionally I can't understand people not wanting children, simply because I cannot imagine not having mine.

In every other way I totally respect peoples choice to be child free. It's not for every one!
I don't want a cat, but I don't see people telling me to have one because they think I should.

There is a lot of pressure on women, people see us as here to breed, and that is not the case, I have noticed how many people have said their O/H has never been asked! Proving people think the maternal instinct is stronger than the paternal, which in a lot of cases simply isn't true.
My B-I-L wanted children, my Sister didn't particularly, and then it happened, and she loves her child now, and wouldn't be with out him, she can't work out why she always said she didn't want any kids. BUT it doesn't happen that way for everyone!
Which is another thing people seem to think, 'oh, you'll change your mind when you actually have one' !!!


I'd never dream of asking someone why they don't have children, it's none of my business, and for all I know they might want children and can't for some reason.

I'll confess again, to not really understanding why people choose not to have children, but only because I am so maternal I can't imagine not wanting to
. Not because I think everybody should have children.

I'm confused by your post
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:39
Kittiara
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I've always been a very maternal person, I knew from a young age I didn't want children, emotionally I can't understand people not wanting children, simply because I cannot imagine not having mine.

In every other way I totally respect peoples choice to be child free. It's not for every one!
I don't want a cat, but I don't see people telling me to have one because they think I should.

There is a lot of pressure on women, people see us as here to breed, and that is not the case, I have noticed how many people have said their O/H has never been asked! Proving people think the maternal instinct is stronger than the paternal, which in a lot of cases simply isn't true.
My B-I-L wanted children, my Sister didn't particularly, and then it happened, and she loves her child now, and wouldn't be with out him, she can't work out why she always said she didn't want any kids. BUT it doesn't happen that way for everyone!
Which is another thing people seem to think, 'oh, you'll change your mind when you actually have one' !!!


I'd never dream of asking someone why they don't have children, it's none of my business, and for all I know they might want children and can't for some reason.

I'll confess again, to not really understanding why people choose not to have children, but only because I am so maternal I can't imagine not wanting to. Not because I think everybody should have children.
I can understand that. My sister knew from her teenage years that she wanted a child. The last years she's longed for one, but she decided to wait, because of her age. She had her baby in December at the age of 23. Still young, but she is in a position to look after her daughter.

So, I know that some women are very maternal, and I am sure that you are a wonderful mother!

I don't have anything against children. I just have no desire at all to have one of my own.
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:42
Kittiara
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Good for you as long as your happy thats the main thing, after all it is your life and your body at the end of the day. Your life completely changes after having a child, as far as im led to believe, so to do it partly out of guilt due to what others say, seems kind of wrong to me.

Yes, I think I'd be concerned about how to deal with bad behaviour as well - I remember on a few ocassions as a child I screamed at my mum and it got ugly I didn't mean to, I just got so frustrated and upset and I still do all I can to avoid getting into confrontations. I'm not very good at communicating with people offline, so it would certainly concern me how to be a good mother. Sometimes people say that when you give birth, everything just falls into place and you instinctively know how to act and be and you feel that love, it all just happens but what if it didn't? and what if your on your own and didn't have enough money to provide a decent upbringing and everything else?.
It doesn't always happen like that, unfortunately. The everything falling into place thing, I mean. My grandmother had postnatal depression both times after giving birth, and she has never been able to warm to my mother. Similarly, my mother recently confessed to not loving me.

Which would be frightening - what if you cannot love your own child? It may be rare, but it definitely happens.
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:48
ladymoanalot
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Yeah, the person who asked why before was like "just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't have kids! Adopt! Use a surrogate! You have choices!" and I was like "but... I still.... don't want them"
How thoughtful of them to inform you of what you already know. Did you pay them professional fees?
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:50
miss-kitty
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I'm confused by your post
Bah! It was supposed to say I knew I did want children! Woops!

Now edited so that it makes sense!
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:54
Dare Devil
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the most amazing feeling in the world is being loved unconditionally by your children simply because you are there, that is such a reward for having children
To you that is the 'most amazing feeling in the world. Not to me. Everyone is individual and likes and dislikes different things. What works for you, doesn't work for everyone. What is your idea of a wonderful life, can be someone else' version of life of hell.

And anyway, I'm not a believer in unconditional love. If a close family member went on to become a rapist, paedophile, murderer, terrorist or mass murder, could you really say you'd still love them?

I don't want children, knew in my teens I didn't want any. Early 20s now and still feel the same. I don't mind kids and kids seem to like me, but I like that I don't have the responsibility to look after a child 24/7 for years and years. It's a huge responsibility and one I don't ever want.

I'm also single. Some people seem to think you are not a complete person with a partner or "other half". Well, I am. I am me. I'll never marry either. I completely disagree with marriage.

It annoying when people ask, why I'm single, why I'm not in a relationship and if I'm happy being single (I love it!), why I'll never marry, why I don't want children.... just mind you own business for gods sake! what works for you, doesn't work for me. I am who I am, I'll do want I want and on my terms.

I feel sorry for couples who dont have children, especially when they get old because when one of them croaks the other one is left with nothing.
So there's no such thing as having friends or other family members other than son, daughters and grandchildren?

At least when you have kids the chances are you will have your children and grandchildren popping round to see you.
There's no guarantee that the children or grandchildren would want to see their parent or grandparent. There may be a family feud. Things aren't simple. Things aren't as black and white as you think they are.
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Old 07-05-2013, 20:55
miss-kitty
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I have to confess I was recently surprised by a male friend of mine.
He has no wish for children, and although he has never said as much I got the impression he didn't particularly like being around them.
An event was moved to my house for various reasons, where of course my children are, and he was brilliant with my 1 year old, rather luckily as she was quite taken with him!

Just proves that it's not always because people don't like children, they just don't want any of their own.
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Old 07-05-2013, 21:01
ladymoanalot
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I'm also single. Some people seem to think you are not a complete person with a partner or "other half". Well, I am. I am me. I'll never marry either. I completely disagree with marriage.

I have a other half and I also do not see the appeal in marriage (do not disagree with it as people want it) but I always get asked about marriage as i have been with him 6 years........ no thanks, why change the dynamics of something that is proven to work well for me!?
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Old 07-05-2013, 21:03
solarflare
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I have to confess I was recently surprised by a male friend of mine.
He has no wish for children, and although he has never said as much I got the impression he didn't particularly like being around them.
An event was moved to my house for various reasons, where of course my children are, and he was brilliant with my 1 year old, rather luckily as she was quite taken with him!

Just proves that it's not always because people don't like children, they just don't want any of their own.
I'm brilliant with my 2 year old niece. My brother says it all the time! I love her to bits and I'm so glad he had her.

But I still don't want any of my own...
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Old 07-05-2013, 21:05
Leicester_Hunk
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I have a mate who got married at 22 and was adamant he and his wife didn't want children. He went to the doctor to see about having a vasectomy. The doctor said something on the lines of "Don't be so bloody stupid". Anyway they now have three boys
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Old 07-05-2013, 21:07
Indigo Louise
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It doesn't always happen like that, unfortunately. The everything falling into place thing, I mean. My grandmother had postnatal depression both times after giving birth, and she has never been able to warm to my mother. Similarly, my mother recently confessed to not loving me.

Which would be frightening - what if you cannot love your own child? It may be rare, but it definitely happens.
Sorry to hear that for you.

One of my friends told me that when she had her second child all she wanted to do was to kill her first born and then her self.

Luckily she got through it and no one died, but it proved to me anything can happen.
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Old 07-05-2013, 21:09
jarryhack
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Bah! It was supposed to say I knew I did want children! Woops!

Now edited so that it makes sense!
ha! I read it a few times and thought I was going daft
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