I've had severe bulimia for about 10 years, and, after two inpatient admissions in the last couple of years, I'm well into almost a year of recovery. It's been far from perfect, I've had several pretty bad periods of relapse in that time. But now I binge & purge maybe once a fortnight? Sometimes less. (Compared to all day, everyday - as was the case for years)

So, being this far into recovery I thought that by now the constant urge to binge eat, and the relentless obsession with food, would have at least lessened. I mean, I've weight restored to well within the healthy BMI range, and I eat regular, balanced meals - so, it's not like it's physical hunger driving them anymore. But, I literally think about food ALL the time. And, no matter how much I eat (a three course meal, for example) I never feel satisfied. I just want more. I almost miss binging & purging at times. I miss not having to stop myself.

Anyway, I wondered if anyone can tell me from experience when/if it gets easier?

Bugger - I meant to post this in 'Advice'

Can a mod possibly move it please?

Have you alerted it petal?

Alert your opening post and I'm sure a mod will move it. Other than that sorry I can't help.

Hi there,
I have no experience of this but i just wanted to say well done for changing what is a dangerous and very hard thing to overcome. All i will say (and its probably rubbish) is ten years is a very long time to have a habit (for want of a better word) ingrained into you so maybe its not so unreasonable to still be struggling some after only a year?
I think if you havent already it would be a good idea to speak to your dr or health care professional about the struggles you're facing and they may be able to help you.
Once again well done on your achievement, i think you're very brave.

Take Care and keep it up xxx

Hi
I am alledgedly 8 years into recovery for anorexia, and identify what you say about missing parts of your eating disorder. I know bulimia and anorexia are different but in common is the almost all consuming thoughts of food all day and also the nature of keeping it a secret, and something that takes up so much of your time thoughts and energy is something you will miss when its gone as you now have that space to fill. I had anorexia for 10 years and it consumed me for that time. I think this is why a lot of ED recovered people work in counselling for people with EDs - as a way to let food and EDs still run their life albeit in a slightly healthier way
In terms of getting easier, I have found it helpful to take the AA approach, they say each day 'today I will not have a drink', I say 'today I will allow myself to eat' because I guess psychologically it is easier to me to think I only need to get through a day of it and thats that.

I groaned when people told me this early on in recovery, but fresh air and exercise really do help. I found cycling with music on was quite distracting from the 'food food food'voice in my head

also have you looked to see if theres any support groups in your area?
http://helpfinder.b-eat.co.uk/

another trick if you arent feeling satisfed when eating is to use small cutlery so it takes you longer to eat, which may help send signals to your brain and tummy you are full?

good luck and well done on what you have achieved so far - you should be really proud of yourself cause its not easy by any stretch of the imagination

You're being way too hard on yourself. Unfortunately, you're not going to be fully recovered within a year if you've had it severely for 10 years. I was diagnosed with ED-NOS 5 years ago (I had symptoms of bulimia and anorexia, more so for anorexia but I couldn't receive an anorexia diagnosis as I was still having periods). I never had any in-patient treatment so I wouldn't say I was severe, but I still struggle occasionally (I'm having a bit of a relapse at the moment). It took me 3 years before I felt I was recovered enough to say that food and my weight didn't dominate my life anymore. Eating disorder recovery can take a long time and it's hard work but it does get better. You sound like you're doing very well to only be purging once a fortnight. The key is to work on it slowly, maybe think to yourself this time I'm going to try and go 3 weeks without purging, then 4 weeks etc. Don't beat yourself up though if you can't manage it. Everyone relapses.

As for not feeling full, do you drink enough? I've been trying to drink more recently (partly because I don't drink enough, partly as a way to stop myself binge eating) and it really does fill you up. So maybe try drinking more with your meals. You need a distraction technique as well if you haven't already - as I said, I'm having a relapse so I'm using them like crazy. It can be something as simple as listening to music, going for a walk or starting a new hobby, just anything that will stop you thinking about food. Eventually your distraction technique could become your new coping mechanism as an eating disorder is essentially just a really bad coping mechanism for the stresses of life. For example, mine is dancing and music, I use them to distract me from negative thoughts but I also use them regularly enough to help me cope with life to try and stop me from getting the negative thoughts in the first place, if that makes any sense.

Have you tried Overeaters Anonymous? I've heard good things about them but I can't join as there isn't one in my area. And as shmisk said, support groups might help you. Are you having any CBT or counselling? CBT is good, there are some websites you can use if you can't go to any sessions. Or hypnosis? I know someone who's just started it for overeating. I'm thinking about trying it myself.

I also understand what you say about missing it. I've been feeling exactly the same recently, even though I know rationally I'm just hurting myself. I've accepted that it's going to be something I will struggle with for the rest of my life but I know that my life is better without it. That ultimately keeps me going. Good luck, you can do it.

Firstly Well done on the hard work you have done to achieve what you have so far, you are taking back control of your life.

I too had an ED when but I was controlling what I ate as something I could control, a type of coping mechanism as my life, studies and relationship was going to pot and the more I tried to get a grip on life, it seem to spiralled further out of control. Basically if i controlled what i ate I was in control of my life. I was very ill for 3 years. The only way I got better was to halt all those stressful activities which started with the relationship ending (something snapped), I then moved home (400 miles away from the life i was leading and a slower pace of life) and I woke up one morning 3 weeks after moving home crying uncontrollably wanting something to change, so went to my doctor, he got me to open up about the whole thing and got letters sent off to my university to suspend my studies until I was better. For me doing other things and a new routine really helped, getting a new routine helped my sleep patterns, forcing myself out to meet new friends, I got a part time job, new hobbies including helping out at my mums nursing home with some activities for the residents. I only took these new things on when I felt I was strong enough and could deal with it, each was a mile stone, I made sure never took on too much and said NO! I walked everywhere which helped me to think things through. Fresh air and exercise works! It was not instant thing, I was still losing weight upto 5 months after the snapping event and crying, but after that things started to turn, I started to put on weight gradually as the urge to control started to subside slowly, but i was happier as my life was a damn sight better. All these activities help distract me from the urge to control what I ate. I talked to my doctor, I confirmed to friends what they suspected, I had a very good support network from family and friends. It took time, I eventually felt strong enough to go back to the studies part time, I dealt with the ex 10 months after walking out (it was not all my fault That I now know, there was alot of emotional blackmail/mental abuse from him which contributed to my ED which made me think i was losing my mind). Although I am active now, with alot of hobbies, enjoying cooking and baking (I make and sell cakes to my friends), I am still living with the fall out 11 years later. I go through phases when I am really busy and will not eat for long periods during the day, but I make sure i stop for a meal and i make dinner in the evening and eat it with my family. I have had some stressful times like applying for grants, but I made sure no matter how stressful it got, I talked about it while making time out of the day and the stress for meals, nothing is going to get any worse if i don't stop for lunch and do the crossword for an hour. In science it is easy to work through the day with out stopping, it is harder to stop for an hour to eat without looks from other scientist, it is a hard condition to break but i did it for 6 years. I still look for patterns of behaviour that might suggest that I am relapsing. It took 8 years for my periods to go back to normal. I have decided to change careers to become a teacher as I love teaching, so for the past two years have been gaining experience in teaching and have had a few knock backs but I am good as these feeling of rejection has spurred me on and the feelings of rejection pass in no time. The control of eating is no longer an emotional crutch but it is not totally gone! Which i accept.

I agree with all the advise from everyone else. The advice I would give you is you need to try one new thing at a time, but give it a month to see if something new works or not. It is trial and error and there is no one stop magic bullet cure. You need to give yourself a break, remember this is a long term recovery, you have conditioned your body to be a certain way through a routine for 10 years but small steps in your patterns of behaviour, your routine and your mind set will have long term benefits. Food is your obsession, and the urge to binge eat is something your body is conditioned to do. Think about elite athletes too, they have trained for up to 20 years obsessing over training and nutrient, when they retire they don't suddenly stop, they decrease their routine with time so they can go back in the normal world. We all have things that we do everyday, breaking that pattern is a long term process as it is hot wired in our brains. But our brains are remarkable as they pliable and is capable of change but over time. Keep talking to your friends/doctors/family, that way you feel you are not alone in dealing with it. The support groups sounds a good idea if you don't want to burden friends/family all the time. The fresh air and exercise is a great mind clearer. Remember dont replace one obsession with another, keep everything in balance. Keep hydrated as sometimes people mistake thirst for hunger. Just remember small steps will get you to where you want to be, healthy and have a good relationship with food! The more you eat healthily and in normal patterns/mealtime, the less your body in time will want to binge as you are getting everything your body needs rather than it saying it is starving I want food now.

Good luck!

PS sorry for the long post!