This is my latest poem. Its a bit melodramatic but oh well, pretty much more of the same, I guess thats whats whirling around my head at the moment(?!) *shrug* I'm not sure if it works but I spent a fair while working on it and I think this is as good as I can get it to be.
The Inner Bully by IzzyS.
While the blood keeps dutifully flowing,
breathing begrudgingly rising and falling,
the mind forevermore keeps wondering, yet not knowing,
pondering - wishing and hoping, questioning -
what is next to come? what will be? will there ever be a change to anything?.
Each day presents a new chance, or so they say,
to wipe the slate clean, get up and try again
but try what? every day is simply more of the same surely,
one more day after one more day?.
So it can feel, so you deem it to be, the same in so many ways,
worries, habits, wishes, hopes and fears,
the question is - when will I take control?.
'But I don't feel I can', the voice inside complains weakily,
'I can't stomach ridicule', the dialogue continues,
'...and failures are inner disasters from which you may never fully recover.'
This is the way I tend to be and I imagine I'm not alone -
internally, I suppose im protecting myself from becoming a fool,
but yet the truth lurks nearby,
silenced but ever present,
like an untouched tool,
gleaming, asking to be used,
yet my doubts over-power me.
you'll never be fully happy if you don't risk getting out there,
it is for your own good you break through, open up, take but the smallest of risks,
so the truth moans, patience running thin.
The head feels so very disillusioned,
frustration and disappointment annoyingly rule supreme
but I just can't grasp the courage, to let down my hair,
reveal more of how I think and what im like,
to speak out, take risks, try new things,
socialise and find my place, where I truly belong,
wherever that may be.
Mockery frightens me so and that is a powerful fear,
the wish to protect yourself from things you don't want to hear,
ultimately meaning your letting yourself down - and why?
because of the 'what if's?' that may not even have been,
its so frustrating, I could cry.
If nothing changes, I'm simply left,
to deal with disappointments, frustrations, introversion
and all manner of routine humdrum-ness.
So I suppose as much as I complain things may never change,
its ultimately me and my over-cautiousness that lets me down,
I must try not to listen to that inner voice so much,
and do what comes to mind more;
then perhaps a new sense of freedom will occur...
and days might be relished more emphatically, opportunities truly grasped!
hope and determination may take over at last!
If I can attempt to make this change,
I beckon all similar to follow suit,
as you never know what may be -
the mockeries, judgements, criticism we may be so very scared of,
may not even end up being,
the fear of such being the bigger bully overall,
and life may be much happier with a stronger feeling of contentment
being the ever breathing, ever living person we are.
A person not afraid to open up, if but briefly
and make peace with themselves.