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First Dates Ch4 Thursday 9pm


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Old 21-11-2015, 11:14
ratty0
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After all pairing a vegi with a meat eater probably wasn't going to work.
I don't think this is true - I'm vegetarian and I've never dated another vegetarian. All of my partners have been meat eaters, as is my current one. If you want someone with the same diet I don't think you'd go for a random pairing on TV (unless you want to be 'famous', ahem). I think, from my internet dating days, people usually specify it in their profiles so maybe you'd have to trawl through them all or join a veggie society and look for men there. But there's probably a veggie dating website or something

They occasionally seem to throw in one of those "unlikely to work" dates. A few weeks ago we had the single guy who wanted to start a family one day on a date with a mum. All went well until he found out she had kids and he clearly didn't want a ready made family so backed off. I'm sure they ask the daters for their likes/dislikes and generally try and make a match. Just sometimes throw in a likely clash for entertainment value.
I agree. However some stuff could be genuine - sometimes you don't realise how important something is to you until someone doesn't have whatever quality it is. However the kids thing I think is a pretty basic one. There was also the gay guy who was looking for someone who had a child, and they paired him with Thomas who clearly didn't. I'd be quite intrigued to know what kind of questions they ask you as a dater and how they match you. Anyone know?

Found the turnaround with her sudden realisation about her behaviour thanks to him a bit staged too but then I'm a cynic
Yes I thought that too. She started off being pretty nasty towards him (also saying it was her worst date ever, if there was a window she'd leave through it etc) and then all of a sudden, just because he'd asked if she'd been hurt before, decided she 'needs him in her life' and wants to see him again. If it wasn't a set up then she's a nutcase and he's a complete walkover and/or desperate. I really disliked her either way.
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Old 21-11-2015, 11:58
AKFE
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Mark (as in Abi/Mark) seemed very familiar to me. Does anyone recognise him from something else? Or maybe that date has been trailed during earlier episodes?
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Old 21-11-2015, 13:56
suesuesue
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I don't think this is true - I'm vegetarian and I've never dated another vegetarian. All of my partners have been meat eaters, as is my current one. If you want someone with the same diet I don't think you'd go for a random pairing on TV (unless you want to be 'famous', ahem). I think, from my internet dating days, people usually specify it in their profiles so maybe you'd have to trawl through them all or join a veggie society and look for men there. But there's probably a veggie dating website or something
.
I meant that it seemed a real deal breaker for her. She kept alluding to his "flesh eating" or something like "how's your dead animal?" I'd guess if they fill in some sort of questionnaire or are interviewed about who/what they were looking for , if she felt that strongly about her vegetarianism it would have been highlighted. A bit like some non smokers wouldn't dream of dating a smoker whereas others aren't that bothered.
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Old 21-11-2015, 15:48
pixieboots
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all of a sudden, just because he'd asked if she'd been hurt before, decided she 'needs him in her life' and wants to see him again. If it wasn't a set up then she's a nutcase and he's a complete walkover and/or desperate. I really disliked her either way.
I was at the self obsession in that-you just met somebody, insult them to the hilt and then want to see them again because you think they have a great insight into you. She wanted to be entertained like she was doing him a massive favour by being there. There's nothing as boring as someone who is all me, me, me - nobody's that good-looking.
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Old 21-11-2015, 15:51
LaineyT
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I really felt sorry for Mark the way Abi treated him. She beggers off to the ladies for 10 mins leaving him sat there

She insults him in every way she could think of...smearing food on his face....If Id have been Mark I dont care if it was a telly show Id have walked out when she went to the toilet and then watched her face....oh and by the way she was no oil painting herself.!
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Old 21-11-2015, 20:19
Sammy2
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That Abi was a piece of work. Thought she was teasing/flirting with the "do you get funnier?" and general put downs at first. Did wonder if it was a set up by the programme makers though.
I thought that myself, it was kind of amazing that the guy seemed to stay so interested in her.
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Old 21-11-2015, 20:58
roverboy1965
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He's done nothing and is gallant enough not to tip his beer over her and leave
Ten minutes in the loo I can forgive for obvious reasons, but, after the second insult or put-down that is obviously not done in fun (I never even jokingly insult anyone till they know me well enough to know it's in jest) I'd start to lose interest and it would be finish main, pass on dessert, pay the bill (splitting it) and off to the pub for some better company.

With those cutting insults and that smile as she said them she really struck me as the smiling assassin !!!!!!!
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Old 21-11-2015, 21:38
Prince Monalulu
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I thought that myself, it was kind of amazing that the guy seemed to stay so interested in her.
Oh, I've got a mate (well, ex-mate) who'd probably stick it out with her.
He is very interested in what makes people tick though, by the same token he can be horribly mischievous and has been known to reduce women, who pee him off to tears.
Misread his kindness/curiosity for being a doormat and he can bite back verbally.

I really thought she was ripping the pee out of him, winding him up, smiling while she insulted him, the more I think about it the more annoying I find it now.
Why did she find it quite so entertaining, having a pop at him.

I hope her parents still about to 'slap her legs' over her behaviour.

The food smearing thing, wasn't that after he'd done something similar to her, she just paid him back with interest IIRC.
We don't know how long there were there, could have been there for hours chatting, before the interview 'need you in my life' friendzone thing.
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Old 21-11-2015, 21:54
acid rain
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Liked the students. I'll get flamed for saying it but Richard the Oxford boy could be playing a genius game. Maybe he doesn't attract much female attention but putting it out there that he isn't physically attracted to them will have some girls thinking CHALLENGE! His date certainly seemed to sit up and take notice after that piece of news

That Abi was a piece of work. Thought she was teasing/flirting with the "do you get funnier?" and general put downs at first. Did wonder if it was a set up by the programme makers though. After all pairing a vegi with a meat eater probably wasn't going to work.
They occasionally seem to throw in one of those "unlikely to work" dates. A few weeks ago we had the single guy who wanted to start a family one day on a date with a mum. All went well until he found out she had kids and he clearly didn't want a ready made family so backed off. I'm sure they ask the daters for their likes/dislikes and generally try and make a match. Just sometimes throw in a likely clash for entertainment value.

If that was the case with Abi and her "match" then unfair on him especially as he's newly divorced and needed a boost not a put down. Found the turnaround with her sudden realisation about her behaviour thanks to him a bit staged too but then I'm a cynic

As someone who happens to be indifferent to others, I can assure you it's very much real for me and anyone else with the orientation.

People like me have no reason to use the label as a tactic, you're obviously someone who couldn't imagine anyone different from yourself actually existing.
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Old 21-11-2015, 22:17
Prince Monalulu
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As someone who happens to be indifferent to others, I can assure you it's very much real for me and anyone else with the orientation.

People like me have no reason to use the label as a tactic, you're obviously someone who couldn't imagine anyone different from yourself actually existing.
She sat at the bar and seems taken with a bloke who sings bits of a musical he's written himself, I'd have thought she was pretty interested by that point.
They seemed to have a fair bit in common, and chattered away happily enough, I thought she was clearly interested and the asexual thing made no difference to her attitude.

Didn't she also say she had some asexual friends, if so, the condition wouldn't have been a huge leap for her to get over, at least for him to get into the friendzone.
Found both of them hard to 'read' though.
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Old 21-11-2015, 22:23
amyawake
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He saw right past her defences and had her eating out of his hand by the end of the evening. He's very astute.
Agree. She thought she was better than him but clearly got knocked down quite a few pegs and realised his worth.
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Old 21-11-2015, 22:25
amyawake
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I happen to also be asexual. It isn't an 'attitude to sex', we simply don't fancy anyone.

Nobody gets a choice in who they do or don't fancy.
I am curious and interested in asexuality ....is it that you have never been in love? I am thinking that, if you were in love, then maybe you would want to get physical, e.g. to hug, kiss etc.

That said, I have had romantic feelings...even been in love without desiring the person physically but that had more to do with how I felt about my body (low self esteem).
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Old 21-11-2015, 22:28
amyawake
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it was a joke about how loads of women stop having sex after they get married not a deep and meaningful comment
Some even go on to become lesbos!
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Old 21-11-2015, 22:41
amyawake
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sorry - repeat post
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Old 21-11-2015, 22:44
amyawake
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She started off being pretty nasty towards him (also saying it was her worst date ever, if there was a window she'd leave through it etc) and then all of a sudden, just because he'd asked if she'd been hurt before, decided she 'needs him in her life' and wants to see him again. If it wasn't a set up then she's a nutcase and he's a complete walkover and/or desperate. I really disliked her either way.
It wasn't just that he could see she had been hurt but that he saw why she was behaving as she did, i.e. it was largely defensive and to try and put the man down in a bid for self protection. Clever man! I am not sure whether it surprised her that he could see through her or that it was the first time she was able to see herself so clearly.

I don't think she was a nutcase, just someone who is very picky picky. How was he a complete walkover? Granted he took her insults on the chin but that was because he had some class about him but he was very direct with her about why she behaved like that. Takes guts to do that!
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Old 21-11-2015, 22:45
acid rain
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I am curious and interested in asexuality ....is it that you have never been in love? I am thinking that, if you were in love, then maybe you would want to get physical, e.g. to hug, kiss etc.

That said, I have had romantic feelings...even been in love without desiring the person physically but that had more to do with how I felt about my body (low self esteem).

I haven't been in love. But, asexuality is just not fancying anyone. That's really all it means. To not lust/desire anyone.

I think a lot of people make the mistake of confusing lust for love. Fortunately I'll never suffer that confusion. But I'm not that interested in love. I'm happy to just stay a spinster.
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Old 21-11-2015, 22:46
amyawake
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and again...repeat post - took ages to 'send' and then I guess it did so many times.
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Old 21-11-2015, 23:47
acid rain
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and again...repeat post - took ages to 'send' and then I guess it did so many times.

Yes, it took ages for my message to send as well.

I forgot to add in my last post, that there are plenty of aces that fall in love emotionally, they just don't have the lustful feelings that the general public do.
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Old 21-11-2015, 23:52
acid rain
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She sat at the bar and seems taken with a bloke who sings bits of a musical he's written himself, I'd have thought she was pretty interested by that point.
They seemed to have a fair bit in common, and chattered away happily enough, I thought she was clearly interested and the asexual thing made no difference to her attitude.

Didn't she also say she had some asexual friends, if so, the condition wouldn't have been a huge leap for her to get over, at least for him to get into the friendzone.
Found both of them hard to 'read' though.

Yes, I was going to say that.

As he was talented, intelligent and educated, he was a catch in my opinion.
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Old 22-11-2015, 03:36
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Why did she find it quite so entertaining, having a pop at him.
'Banter', innit.
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Old 22-11-2015, 05:01
weelass2010
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It wasn't just that he could see she had been hurt but that he saw why she was behaving as she did, i.e. it was largely defensive and to try and put the man down in a bid for self protection. Clever man! I am not sure whether it surprised her that he could see through her or that it was the first time she was able to see herself so clearly.

I don't think she was a nutcase, just someone who is very picky picky. How was he a complete walkover? Granted he took her insults on the chin but that was because he had some class about him but he was very direct with her about why she behaved like that. Takes guts to do that!
He had some class, and he broke down her defences. She wasn't happy in the bathroom because she knew she had been rumbled . Fair play to him for taking all that shit from her (and I'm a lady ) He could be what she is looking for
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Old 22-11-2015, 09:23
suesuesue
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As someone who happens to be indifferent to others, I can assure you it's very much real for me and anyone else with the orientation.

People like me have no reason to use the label as a tactic, you're obviously someone who couldn't imagine anyone different from yourself actually existing.
I'm not "obviously" anything. You don't know me, what I do, who I mix with but I can assure you my outlook is far from narrow. My comment was tongue in cheek, it's called humour. When I typed that I was thinking of the comedian who used to portray Gok Wan as a straight bloke playing gay in order to get women to strip. No one believes for one minute that's true, just a funny take on motive.

Going back to the students, conversation seemed to have gone flat when he announced "there's something I want to tell you" and interest picked up again. Of course I don't think he had an agenda and was lying. Lots of people are asexual just many don't feel comfortable voicing it due to the response they may get.
Still stand by the idea that it could be a ruse used effectively by someone to spark interest from another
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Old 22-11-2015, 10:50
amyawake
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I haven't been in love. But, asexuality is just not fancying anyone. That's really all it means. To not lust/desire anyone.

I think a lot of people make the mistake of confusing lust for love. Fortunately I'll never suffer that confusion. But I'm not that interested in love. I'm happy to just stay a spinster.
It seems that you also associate being in love with having lust/physical feelings. They do for most people but I was trying to relay how I have been in love without that counterpart.

Being in love is not always (necessarily) about 'fancying' someone i.e. physical attraction (although it is for most people). It is possible to be swept up in ecstasy on seeing that person, be on a high but not want to hold or kiss them. I know it sounds odd...but it has been a frequent, real experience for me on many occasions.. not quite a sibling love either (i.e. like brother/sister). It is very pure and mysterious - having a magical depth for not being fully explored.
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Old 22-11-2015, 11:08
Fayecorgasm
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I haven't been in love. But, asexuality is just not fancying anyone. That's really all it means. To not lust/desire anyone.

I think a lot of people make the mistake of confusing lust for love. Fortunately I'll never suffer that confusion. But I'm not that interested in love. I'm happy to just stay a spinster.
if you have neither experienced love or lust you can no more judge other people by saying people mistake love and lust than you can be judged on your feelings .
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Old 22-11-2015, 14:03
amyawake
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if you have neither experienced love or lust you can no more judge other people by saying people mistake love and lust than you can be judged on your feelings .
Good point!
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