I found out a cousin had died because Mum updated her Facebook status with it before ringing me.

I see a lot of people begging on Facebook lately in behalf of some poor relative/friend. Usually for presents for their kids after some natural disaster or other has supposedly bleft them destitute.

Just wait 16 years then it will go out one night and later find they are due a little rug

I've seen a photo of someone's child at a nativity play, with the obligatory 'my little angle' comment. I know it's an easy spelling error to make but it's still funny!

My resident attention seeker:

Cun take this ne more. no1 cares bout me and never haz. never gonna b happy. duno y i bother. better off dead.

I would feel sorry for him but these status updates are a daily thing and are usually followed by something along the lines of ne sexi ladies want a wee r8? He often talks about killing Irish people, so he's not exactly a nice person which would explain why no one cares about him...

Someone did actually reply to the above status:

Oh, are you STILL here?

well with me being Irish, I love him already! Why does he want to kill Irish people? Or am I asking the wrong person

What's with all these lost teddy/doll/blanket updates? I can't help but think there's a scam going on.

He lives in Belfast and says kat a lot.

The one who brought us "I can't believe Jans still dead" is such a bloody moron.

She's been getting weird phonecalls at work, on the works phone, someone pretending to be a family member, then hanging up. All very strange and a bit stalkerish, she's still however updating her Facebook status to tell everyone she's off to work, how long she'll be there, what time she finishes.

She's a stalkers dream! :-\

I think her & SHG would be the bestest friends ever!

A what?

The village idiot on my list is always posting nonsensical drivel.

His latest was along the lines of:

"Cumin home n c 2 polise nokin on sum1s door at this tym of nyt [it was 8pm]. looooool looks lyk sum1 in trbl agen ay ay? wish the pigs wud jst leve him alne, looool hes nt anserin looooool haha"

I would block him but I do so enjoy reading the replies, especially when he continues to talk to himself in his own comments. In deed, on this one he was the first to reply to himself. He replied, 7 minutes later, with:

"loooooooooL, bet they r out of heroin at the police stashin, gtta gt it frm sumwere ay ay lads haha loooooooool"

Then several of his mates posted more drivel, roughly along the same lines.

Oh dear, I'm really sorry to hear that!

I had a similar thing happen a few months ago. One of my uncles posted a status saying that his brother (i.e. my other uncle) had passed away. Now this uncle had been estranged from the family for years and, to the best of my knowledge, I'd never actually met him before. But my Dad, who'd obviously grown up with him, was a bit annoyed as the status was posted before he even knew about it.

Though he didn't actually find out about it like that. One of my other uncles made the really considerate and sensitive decision to message my 15 year-old sister over Facebook chat to get her to break the news to my Dad for him!! The message went something like: "Hi there. Please could you tell your Dad his brother David has passed away. Thanks." This left my sister with the hugely difficult task of telling my Dad his brother had died.

How cold and insensitive is that?! No phone call or a personal visit or anything - nope, just a message over Facebook chat, and not even a direct one at that! What a lovely family I've got eh?

Poor form.

Anyway, a new one looking for sympathy this morning:

"Happy Christmas Dad!" accompanied by a picture of his gravestone. Doesn't care enough to go Christmas Day though eh?

Oh god I have one of those too. And what's worse is that she's using it to get attention from chaps she fancies, so that they post the "u OK hun?" or just "xxxx". She also takes pics of her kids by his gravestone which I feel is a bit - uurgh. My father's dead too but you won't see me posting that on FB.

That reads like something straight out of a comedy series.

I would have said you made it up were it not for the fact that I have someone on my list who did the exact same thing, only with their gran and grandad!

Another different yet equally dull Boyfriend Bore:

Wen u wan t2 wak up nd go fer brekki, but u ave this fer a boyfriend... ‪#‎wakeup‬ ‪#‎imbored‬

*photo of her behind her boyfriend in bed, he's asleep shirtless in front of her and she's peeking over his shoulder frowning* (not shirtless thank jesus)

Christmas has brought an abundance of `look at me! I'm out! At a pub!` statuses from people who don't get out much, teamed with endless selfies of fairly unattractive people.

The level of self absorption and narcissism is actually depressing me so I'm not going on it for a while.

Every party I've been to this year - when I go to the loo it is FULL of girls taking bathroom selfies. Corny. And don't get me started on the Christmas jumper pics..... sheesh!

Not that I'm bah humbug or anything - far from it! But clichés are clichés....

I have had one of these today...

She has then commented underneath as if she is talking to the gravestone.

"For sale collection of adult dvds" this girl then goes on to name them in great detail.
Its not really something that I would want to broadcast to my friends and family that I was selling lesbian latex nuns go wild.

Are you sure she wasn't just re-enacting this? (warning: offensive verbal content)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYZ-lUUb2QE

Not about a status but a personal rant because I almost got locked out of my own account today by Facebook's stupendous security settings.

I logged as usual today and I got the "device not recognised" crap, which is stupid because according to my login records it's the same location, browser and operating system I've had all week. Anyway, I get prepared for the captcha and a question about my DOB or something similiar. However, those genious developers at Facebook have developed a security question where you have to correctly identify your friends from their uploaded photos! Not only that, but they weren't pictures of my friends, but of their bloody kids! It was pictures of babies for christ's sake. I've not got many facebook friends, but it's still over 100 and I don't even pay attention to most of their statuses, let alone their family portraits. Anyway, I had to guess and somehow I passed. Next time I may not be so lucky.

They are also constantly pestering me for a mobile number. I know Facebook accounts are popular targets for hacking, but Facebook have got to develop a better safeguard than this.

Hotmail is similar, I've lost my old original Hotmail address as they asked me for recent received mails, er, how do I know, I've been locked out! Stupid question.

I got this when I tried to log in from abroad once.

It asked me to verify who was in certain pictures. I think it gives you 3 options. All well and good if it shows pictures with faces in them but I got a picture of someones hand, a picture of a footstep on a beach and a picture of three people, all of them listed below, so I wasn't sure which one it wanted me to pick.

Again, I had to purely guess which ones it wanted. Not sure if it works on an average because for me it showed 6 pictures in total and I know 2 of them were made up. Either I'm very lucky or the system just thinks "close enough".