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Worst Facebook status updates (Part 2) |
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#1826 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 5,931
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Someone wrote (along the lines of): If I put my hands in my pants and then touch my face will I get genital warts on my face? Or Face aids?
Why are these people on my 'friends' list? No wonder I rarely go on the site |
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#1827 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: wales
Posts: 851
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Sadly a woman aged 30 died suddenly over the weekend and has left behind 4 young children which is very sad but it has highlighted something I hate !
Attention seeker " OMG ABs devastated why her ? life isn't fair ya goin 2b missed hun can't stop crying " People of course asking what's wrong and what's happened , she answered she had heard about the girl passing away then when asked did she know her attention seeker said no she didn't know her but was sure she would know someone who would know the girl ! Someone pointed out the wording of the status did seem like she knew the girl and a bit attention seeking and her response was "I cant help if I love2much " |
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#1828 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6,202
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One of the larger ladies on my friend list put one of those inspirational picture things. The wording is the typical "real men like curvy women" type thing (not those exact words but same meaning) with a cartoon of a woman. She has huge breasts, a tiny waist, and wide hips.
Its basically an exaggerated hourglass figure. All the comments on it are crazy! There are loads of larger women posting how true it is and how they would rather be themselves like that and not skinny. Then on the flipside there are people commenting how the cartoon is being taken the wrong way. Its meant to be some kind of assurance that larger women are more beautiful but the picture has a skinny face and waist, with just the breasts being big. None of the women idolising it actually look like that! Eta just seen the best reply to it a guy posted a picture which has a topless bloke on the left with a huge beer belly and man boobs with the caption underneath "sexy" and on the right has a picture of a topless bloke with an 8 pack and lots of arm muscles. Underneath him it says "not sexy". The main caption at the bottom reads "real men have curves too". At least the guys tongue in cheek one is funny. |
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#1829 |
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Inactive Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 5,292
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A few people on my facebook wall are trying to flog some xft fuel additive that's supposed to make you do 500mpg,reduce emissions and prolong engine life. Made from a secret formula by the nazis to help win the war apparently, and for only £500 I could be selling this stuff and be making £30k a year
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#1830 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6,202
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A nomination for fb mother of the year award
"Is putting this new craze of rasperry ketone and toxi flush to the test!" Cue loads of whats that hun posts followed by these replies Friend 1. "Id steer clear of it. Its not been tested on humans yet just rats Friend 2. "I tried it and it made me really ill, had to go into hospital" Friend 3. "Let us no how it goes, i wanna lose weight too" Original poster "6 days on i feel great. Bloatedness has gone and ive lost 4lbs. Feel like i have more energy and sleep better. Only downside is a bit of constipation" Friend 4. "What is this?" Posters teenage daughter "dieting pills. How much are they i wanna give them a go" Daughter again "thanks mum, just ordered them, cant wait!" Omg is this for real? Mum tries a new, quite dangerous sounding diet tablet and then has no problem letting her 17 year old daughter order some! She has been told it hasnt been trialed on humans, nobody has heard of it, and the only person she knows who has ended up in hospital because of it! |
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#1831 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 3,434
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Oh, god, I'm depressed. How on earth do I know chavs like this? ![]() Quote:
Just heard the worst news ever, some people probably don't agree with my sisters choice to have another baby but then again it's none of your Fukin business.. But to get your boyfriends friend to accidentally on purpose punch my sister in the stomach is out of this world.. Now she's getting stomach cramps!! I swear to Fukin god if she's lost this baby I will smash your Fukin fuked up face in!! Get ready you little sket
And guess what? Some sane posters have suggested for her to call the police, get the police involved. No, no need to sort the police out, even though her pregnant sister has been punched in the stomach. "Ill deel with her masen".*shakes head*
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#1832 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: DAVEVILLE, Daveshire DA1 1VE
Posts: 33,621
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My news feed is full of screen caps from that damn guess the emoji game. Bloody annoying.
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#1833 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Back of the shed.
Posts: 14,029
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**** **** ****** Is happy with her new phone, it does everything!
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#1834 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 469
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A while back I posted that my cousin in Australia had announced on Facebook that she had cancer. She went into remission and a few weeks back announced it had returned.
Last night she posted on Facebook, "Sometimes the news is just too terrible to bear." Cue lots of concerned posts asking if she was OK etc. Maybe she'd been given an awful timeline for her illness etc. Anyway, she left us all hanging on for around twelve hours before posting to say her cat was sick and may need to be put down. ****'s sake. |
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#1835 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 7,744
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Wan 2 buk holidayz wit bf but wow will ah sign on?
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#1836 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,203
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Quote:
Wan 2 buk holidayz wit bf but wow will ah sign on?
"I would like to book a holiday with my significant other but what shall I do about my commitment to the job centre and going to sign my name so I may be in receipt of job seekers allowance " is the rough translation |
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#1837 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 10,991
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Quote:
luckily im fluent in chavinese
"I would like to book a holiday with my significant other but what shall I do about my commitment to the job centre and going to sign my name so I may be in receipt of job seekers allowance " is the rough translation Not doing the image of people on benefits any good there... |
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#1838 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,203
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Quote:
So, she's on job seekers, but wants to go on holiday....
Not doing the image of people on benefits any good there...
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#1839 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 10,991
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Quote:
I think ill demand a refund from the chavinese instructor then
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#1840 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 2,194
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Quote:
So, she's on job seekers, but wants to go on holiday....
Not doing the image of people on benefits any good there... |
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#1841 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 10,991
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Quote:
So people on job seekers and other benefits shouldn't enjoy themselves ? ,,,,, ok
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#1842 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,474
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Quote:
Wan 2 buk holidayz wit bf but wow will ah sign on?
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#1843 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,099
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Quote:
From "Jans still dead"...
"weighed myself on my friends scales and i may of lost half a pound "Look in your other pocket, you may have put your 50p in that one..
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#1844 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 3,434
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A flood of posts today speculating that the Malaysian missing plane is an alien abduction......... oh jesus kill me now.
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#1845 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 469
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Genius
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#1846 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 966
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Quote:
I have one who alternates between posting what she considers inspirational, empowering, spiritual pictures (several an hour) and full blown, one sided rants to whoever has upset her this time, but isn't on her facebook and therefore can't see it.
"If you can not face your own. Truth. Please. Don't connect with me because I live by the truth I face me" Just when I was musing whether I should unfollow her, I got a text from a mutual friend who isn't that familiar with facebook asking what he could do to stop being inundated with all these pictures. Might be the same person I know |
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#1847 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 7,744
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"Ah gunna b a mummi agen!!!!!!"
She's 18 and on her second baby...she doesn't know "hundri peacen da fyrs bb's dado" but "dis one iz deffo ma rabbies bb" |
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#1848 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,203
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Quote:
"Ah gunna b a mummi agen!!!!!!"
She's 18 and on her second baby...she doesn't know "hundri peacen da fyrs bb's dado" but "dis one iz deffo ma rabbies bb" I . Don't. Even............. |
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#1849 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6,202
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Quote:
BIB..nope
I . Don't. Even............. I think? |
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#1850 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 3,434
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Quote:
"Ah gunna b a mummi agen!!!!!!"
She's 18 and on her second baby...she doesn't know "hundri peacen da fyrs bb's dado" but "dis one iz deffo ma rabbies bb"
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can't stop crying "
a guy posted a picture which has a topless bloke on the left with a huge beer belly and man boobs with the caption underneath "sexy" and on the right has a picture of a topless bloke with an 8 pack and lots of arm muscles. Underneath him it says "not sexy". The main caption at the bottom reads "real men have curves too".