Shagged by a Jackal. I saw that on The Omen.

It's probably already been said, but using a close relative's death for attention seeking purposes actually makes me a little bit sick. I have middle aged FB so don't really expect it but had a "friend" who posted an hour after her mother's sudden death and has continued to post poems, statements asking why she was taken/she misses her so much/having a bad day etc ever since. I find it very distasteful when someone on my teenage daughter's FB uses a death for attention and sympathy but even more so when it is someone in middle age. At the start maybe high emotion could be blamed but three months down the line and still going then it's a different matter. You wouldn't go out seeking attention and sympathy for the loss of a loved one in real life so I don't see why it suddenly becomes acceptable via FB.

Bit concerning. She's possibly an orthodox Jew and the father is her rabbi

I took it to mean she's not sure of the first childs paternity but luckily Rabbie/Rabies/Rabbi is the dad of her second.

Rabies is probably his name, her ex was nicknamed Weedonator.

Charming.

"From now on I'm going to please myself! **** the haters, they're just jealous because they've got nothing interesting in their own lives. It's kind of funny but sad at the same time. Oh well, lmfao."

It's funny because these are usually all posts from teenage girls who have fallen out with a friend and think they suddenly have "haters".

There's something incredibly depressing about the thought of this person bringing up a child. That's based on the first line of the post. I can't even understand the second part!

"Hi I'm a 28 year old female who has been std free for 10 years. Do you want to meet up"?
I found this in my other messages folder from back in 2012. Assuming it's not a wind up I thimk they may want to work on their pick up lines a bit.

Reminds me of The Simpsons: "Legionnaires Disease-Free For 2 Days!"

There's a girl on my timeline who keeps bragging about how many job interviews she keeps getting. It Looks like she's boasting to her out of work scrounging friends!

If she's not being offered any of these jobs then there's not much to boast about.

She kept going on about a work trial the other week. I don't think she got the job as that was the last i saw of it. This is coming from the same person who i've seen post "I've been disowned by one brother and sister in law for talking to my other brother and sister in law"

She sounds like someone who needs to go on Jeremy Kyle.

Another one from 'works at full time mummy'. Yes, we get it already!

Argh I hate parents with that attitude! I dont want children, however I am perfectly happy with my life, kids would ruin my life because I don't want them and I'm perfectly comfortable with the person that I am. A child will not make me a better person. I am proud of what I have achieved in life.

I could keep going but only childless (by choice) people will understand me *smiley winky face thing*

And calm.

oh lordy no help me, DS folk, I need a Braille keyboard as I've gone blind

feet up. jono makin de tay. angles in whittoz. fukin luvly. hav 2 go bak down de sowshul in de mornin tho. u hav 2 make an appoyntmint dey seyd. im heyour now i seyd how abowt dat. no verdy sordy u hav 2 mayke n appoyntmint. de fukurs r goin 2 giv me de turd agree xxx

AAAAAARGH my eyeballs are bleeding!

They are going to give her a turd agree How do they do that? Inspect it?

And what is angles in whittoz? I cant make that out at all.. angles should be angels, but whittoz?

It's from Dublin, so it's a nickname. Think "Whitto's". Everyone in Dublin has their surname abbreviated to end with an "o" or an "er". Think "Doyler, Macker, Jono" etc.

angles in whittoz?! My eyes are bleeding too!

Ah I see!

Oh, and "de turd agree" is "the third degree"

"So proud of my gorgeous girl who didn't wet her big girl knickers last night! Love her the world and back!'

Unfriended immediately.

One of my ex short term boyfriends from a very long time ago is making me cringe at the moment - he has a new-ish girlfriend, probably been with her since the middle of last year, and they're in London for a few days. He has posted probably about 40 pics since yesterday morning, endless selfies of the two of them pulling stupid faces outside landmarks, as well as boring places like the train and the pub. Wherever they go it's the same, really cringeworthy - selfies of them pouting and posing.

On his birthday last year he posted a pic of all the items his girlfriend had bought for him, and listed them one by one - about 20 things. It was really boastful.

Another thing that really gripes me is that he always puts two kisses like this "Xx" after every status, even ones that don't mention his girlfriend. Why? Who are those kisses for?!

Do I detect a hint of a green eyed monster here or just general bitterness?

Not at all. He's a soppy wet lettuce. Not my type at all - hence why it was only a short term thing. But I am addicted to his cringey Facebook antics!

Please don't ever un-friend them.. My facebook friends are literate. Yours make such good (!) reading