i often dated men with a significant age difference than me but even I am creeped out by the fact that she was 15 when they met and waited till she was 16 to marry. It feels like grooming and that is WRONG. If they had met when she was 18 an adult in the eyes of the law and he was 55 wouldn't be over the moon but would not freak out.
If your 16 year old daughter wanted to marry a 50 year old what would you do
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After I had stopped crying, I would hope I would be able to talk to my daughter about waiting until the relationship was a bit more settled before getting married...
I cannot speak for my hubby though. I can't see him accepting something like that.
I cannot speak for my hubby though. I can't see him accepting something like that.
Originally Posted by What name??:
“16 is very different to 12. You are meant to be stupid and hormonal and pushing for independence at 16.”
“16 is very different to 12. You are meant to be stupid and hormonal and pushing for independence at 16.”
Oh I know!
I'm dreading it 
Have a nervous breakdown probably as I'd think I'd failed her miserably. I would wonder what she could find in a 50 year old man that she couldn't find in someone nearer her own age.
I wouldn't trust the man at all because IMO it is creepy for someone of that age to want to be with someone so young and I wouldn't trust his judgment, morals or integrity.
If, after talking myself hoarse, she still wanted to go through with it, then I'd have to go along with it. I wouldn't ostracise her or anything because I just couldn't with any child of mine.
I'd let her know that she's loved unconditionally no matter what and I'd be there to dry her tears when it all came crashing down around her like it inevitably would do.
I would try, with everything I have and everything I am, never to say 'I told you so'
I wouldn't trust the man at all because IMO it is creepy for someone of that age to want to be with someone so young and I wouldn't trust his judgment, morals or integrity.
If, after talking myself hoarse, she still wanted to go through with it, then I'd have to go along with it. I wouldn't ostracise her or anything because I just couldn't with any child of mine.
I'd let her know that she's loved unconditionally no matter what and I'd be there to dry her tears when it all came crashing down around her like it inevitably would do.
I would try, with everything I have and everything I am, never to say 'I told you so'
Originally Posted by patsylimerick:
“I'd talk at her at such length and in such detail and with such vigour that she'd either agree never to see him again or, if I overdid it, to enter a convent.
My daughter's approaching 12 and I have two younger sons and I'm currently perfecting the art of talking them into submission. 'Let's go to the bedroom for a chat', they now realise, means that they're going to have to listen to me for a LONG time. Usually it works, thus far.
”
“I'd talk at her at such length and in such detail and with such vigour that she'd either agree never to see him again or, if I overdid it, to enter a convent.
My daughter's approaching 12 and I have two younger sons and I'm currently perfecting the art of talking them into submission. 'Let's go to the bedroom for a chat', they now realise, means that they're going to have to listen to me for a LONG time. Usually it works, thus far.
”
Loving this. My mother perfected something we all called 'the look'. There were never raised voices in our house (apart from sibling squabbles) she didn't need to do any more than give us the look for us to know that we were on thin ice. It still works today now we are in our 40s.If I had a 16 year old daughter wanting to marry a 50 year old I wouldn't give permission but I would encourage the relationship in the hope that it burned itself out in the 2 years before 18. I have a suspicion this alone wouldn't be effective. Somehow I think her horizons would need to be broadened at the same time. But to be honest I don't know what else I could do.
As Linmic says my opposition is likely to make the proposition of the 50 year old more appealling.
I would wonder where I went wrong as a parent! But if my 23 year old daughter behaved like Charlotte I would also know that I had gone wrong as a parent.
Originally Posted by Pamthehound:
“If your 16 year old daughter wanted to marry a 50 year old what would you do?”
“If your 16 year old daughter wanted to marry a 50 year old what would you do?”
I'd say: 'That's ridiculous darling, you haven't even got your fake tits yet."
Originally Posted by lucygracie:
“i often dated men with a significant age difference than me but even I am creeped out by the fact that she was 15 when they met and waited till she was 16 to marry. It feels like grooming and that is WRONG. If they had met when she was 18 an adult in the eyes of the law and he was 55 wouldn't be over the moon but would not freak out.”
“i often dated men with a significant age difference than me but even I am creeped out by the fact that she was 15 when they met and waited till she was 16 to marry. It feels like grooming and that is WRONG. If they had met when she was 18 an adult in the eyes of the law and he was 55 wouldn't be over the moon but would not freak out.”
Yeah. I believe they originally met over the internet so he wasn't aware of her age (or voice presumably
).(Just throwing that out there. I'm not sure how much weight to put on the 'It can't be creepy because it started in an internet chatroom.' argument)
I've heard the usual rule-of-thumb is that the youngest person someone should date without it being creepy is someone half their age (round halves in your favour) plus 7 years. It's quite a harsh rule, but it captures the dodginess of proper grown-ups dating teenagers rather than it being about number of years gap as such.
While I love Courtney, the age difference is not something I would condone... but they are in love (IMO) so whats done is done. If it was my daughter, I would talk to the older man first and try and talk him out of it instead of her.
My daughter has been with her husband for many years, boyfriend, fiancé and husband but lots of us were surprised when they did get married many years after they met.
He is over 15 years older than her, we didn't care for him but he makes her happy, he now looks after her through an illness which might be long term and we are eternally grateful that it has worked out as it has.
I am worried about when we go and he might not be far behind us, but that is the future, it is working still for them and after so many happy years.
It might not be the same if she married someone else.
He is over 15 years older than her, we didn't care for him but he makes her happy, he now looks after her through an illness which might be long term and we are eternally grateful that it has worked out as it has.
I am worried about when we go and he might not be far behind us, but that is the future, it is working still for them and after so many happy years.
It might not be the same if she married someone else.
I would really rather she didn't but ..................it would all depend upon the guy in question and how I perceived the relationship.
Originally Posted by Pamthehound:
“Apart from killing the creep or doing everything possible to spilt them up.there is very little a parent can do.”
“Apart from killing the creep or doing everything possible to spilt them up.there is very little a parent can do.”
Not a chance in hell would I give permission for them to be married!
I would probably find myself under lock & key for a long time..I think some things are worth fighting for
Originally Posted by Pamthehound:
“Apart from killing the creep or doing everything possible to spilt them up.there is very little a parent can do.”
“Apart from killing the creep or doing everything possible to spilt them up.there is very little a parent can do.”
Only if the parent is inadequate.
Of course, if they were able to do their 'job' properly, their child wouldn't be trying to marry/be with a 50 year old because they'd never have got so close as to think they're in love with them.
Originally Posted by TwinklyStar:
“Only if the parent is inadequate.
Of course, if they were able to do their 'job' properly, their child wouldn't be trying to marry/be with a 50 year old because they'd never have got so close as to think they're in love with them.”
“Only if the parent is inadequate.
Of course, if they were able to do their 'job' properly, their child wouldn't be trying to marry/be with a 50 year old because they'd never have got so close as to think they're in love with them.”
This is a great point..Why didn't I say this
Originally Posted by Pamthehound:
“Apart from killing the creep or doing everything possible to spilt them up.there is very little a parent can do.”
“Apart from killing the creep or doing everything possible to spilt them up.there is very little a parent can do.”
...a 50 year old woman or man?
To be brutally honest, I would feel that I'd failed as a parent (which is probably why she is seeking a parent 'substitute' in the first place).
It also depends on the person, their relationship history, whether they're a parent themselves, how long they'd known each other and how they met. Also their finances, health, profession and domestic security.
However my main advice would be to persuade my daughter to wait until she was at least eighteen. Legally I'd be her guardian until then anyway and would also insist that they had a course of counselling with a relationship specialist.
Originally Posted by An Thropologist:
“ Loving this. My
mother perfected something we all called 'the look'. There were never
raised voices in our house (apart from sibling squabbles) she didn't
need to do any more than give us the look for us to know that we were on
thin ice. It still works today now we are in our 40s.
If I had a 16 year old daughter wanting to marry a 50 year old I
wouldn't give permission but I would encourage the relationship in the
hope that it burned itself out in the 2 years before 18. I have a
suspicion this alone wouldn't be effective. Somehow I think her horizons
would need to be broadened at the same time. But to be honest I don't
know what else I could do.
As Linmic says my opposition is likely to make the proposition of the 50
year old more appealling.”
“
Loving this. Mymother perfected something we all called 'the look'. There were never
raised voices in our house (apart from sibling squabbles) she didn't
need to do any more than give us the look for us to know that we were on
thin ice. It still works today now we are in our 40s.
If I had a 16 year old daughter wanting to marry a 50 year old I
wouldn't give permission but I would encourage the relationship in the
hope that it burned itself out in the 2 years before 18. I have a
suspicion this alone wouldn't be effective. Somehow I think her horizons
would need to be broadened at the same time. But to be honest I don't
know what else I could do.
As Linmic says my opposition is likely to make the proposition of the 50
year old more appealling.”
Haven't you heard of Gretna Green? Thousands of English 16/17 year olds have been going there for centuries as they can get married in Scotland without their parents' permission.
My 19 year old sister who was an alcoholic was dating a 50 year old Hells Angel - himself a heroin addict and alcoholic...which didn't go down too well .
It was no faerie tale and my poor father who was 51 at the time, dropped dead from a cardiac arrest without warning in the middle of a fight with her over this man.
A few weeks later, my sister's 'boyfriend' was found sitting on a bench in Southend-on-Sea...dead as a dodo from an overdose.
It was no faerie tale and my poor father who was 51 at the time, dropped dead from a cardiac arrest without warning in the middle of a fight with her over this man.
A few weeks later, my sister's 'boyfriend' was found sitting on a bench in Southend-on-Sea...dead as a dodo from an overdose.
I actually think it's pretty sick, when I was in my early 20's I used to get a train home at weekends, I started to notice this young guy always sitting beside me, we got chatting, he was at stage school & also getting the same train, we got on really well, we'd chat about bands, what plays he was studying & so on, until one day he asked me out on a date, I was shocked, I couldn't imagine dating someone almost 10 years my junior at that age. I let him down gently and 15 years later we still chat by email every now and again and he's living a very happy life with his boyfriend.
16 is far too young to make such huge life decisions at 26 I still felt too young to marry, finally bit the bullet at 32.
16 is far too young to make such huge life decisions at 26 I still felt too young to marry, finally bit the bullet at 32.
I'd advise her to wait until she was 18 and I wouldn't bring her up to think that she had to be married to have sex.
It only makes its worse to protest sadly ..I would try and reason with her ,but depends on the man she was marrying too .I would think alwaysd in my mind though It won't last .Sadly for Doug Courtney will be a very different girl in a few years I think
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