For those eagerly awaiting the add-ons to the JMURI, the JAMI arrived this weekend as planned but the ANDI experienced a delivery delay.

This add-on is coming via Valencia then Paris. It's stay in Valencia was longer than originally anticipated due to unprecedented demand. We are still waiting to see how long it will take to come through Paris. I wouldn't bank on it's arrival this weekend though. This may be enough to ensure that the JMURI stays on our shelves another week. We'll keep you posted. The good news is that if the ANDI add-on does have a fairly lengthy stop in Paris, it will definitely be bound for London following this. Whether it comes anywhere near our warehouses is another matter.

Customer review of JMURI rowing boat:

It was a load of rollocks.

Good one!

Now in store!

The ANTON/WOODY barn dance character, the latest addition to the Toy Story range.

We also have some reduced priced stock of the same product, as it has been incorrectly labelled as, BIGJESSIE,

Chuckle - nice one!

Customers anticipating purchase of any items in the brand new HALUWENE audio-visual range, please note that tests have identified potential problems syncing sound to visual display, leading users to question whether the two are meant to correspond at all. This can be corrected by add-on purchase of OWSINGR earplugs.

NB: Any difficulty in use of the SCTT and JMURI is, as ever, due to integral product issues and not related to any compatibility with HALUWENE items.

New to this year's catalogue...

The MEH collection.
A range of totally forgettable items in blond, dark and redwood.
Guaranteed to make absolutely no impression whatsoever on you.
Feel free to return these to store at any time, assuming you can remember where you put them

Mimi really not new to this years, sadly the strictly IKEA catalogue has always had a quite a few MEH, if you wait long enough however they will eventually become GRRR. perhaps this is why they seem new this year?

We have had to recall the HAMND from sale. Despite being a popular item due to it's extra deep upholstery and FUNNITY interchangeable covers, we are sorry to announce a fault with the feet.

In the catalogue, the feet on this item are supposed to come with plenty of swivel to enable positioning of this imposing piece, however the feet appear to be staying resolutely fixed meaning the HAMND cannot easily be moved around the floor.

As a quick fix, IKEA will be fitting ALJAZ castors to the HAMND sofa this weekend.

Then of course there is the MILS (not, I hasten to add anything other than Man I'd Like to Slap!)

Available in an unnatural Wood finish, it boasts a number of features - It's easy to dance round, has a very gay finish and boasts a Radio, too!!

Unfortunately this item has proved to be very popular, mainly because of the radio which is incorporated in the model. The company are trying to work out a method of restoring the status quo as far as the catalogue is concerned without much luck so far.

New for Halloween- The is week only!

The PASHE feather duster. Use the fluffy head on this handy piece of cleaning equipment to get rid of all those pesky spider webs in the corners.
Comes with free FLAK floor mop

Also for one week only.

The BRENDN under bed storage unit.

Accept no imitations - this storage unit has reinforced drawers, guaranteed not to split during use.

New in Store!
The DUBEKE dog basket. Comes complete with stylish black and white fur rug, diamanté collar and matching feeding bowl.
Purchasers may also wish to consider the accessory pack for just £5.99 including the Train Your Dog the MURI Way training manual, housetraining pads and tea bags.

Due to popular demand (well one person) a matching collar & tie accessory for your dog is in the pipeline.

Strictly/Ikea Announcement

Although Strictly/Ikea designs and sells appliances, we wish to announce that this does not include the KHAU 'marital aid'. We understand that this item is available from some internet suppliers via mail order and delivered under plain cover.

We do supply batteries and chargers.

Can you advise what level this device goes up to? Shocked, of Scotland.

We can supply no definitive information, but on the evidence available it appears to go up to 11 (at the very least!)

Having scoured the Warehouse, we have found an obsolete DLRUP which features the prototype KHAU. Our technicians are now working on recreating the automatic safety cut off feature of this early device.

Customer review:
I am returning the BRIJ broom that I bought last week. I am most disappointed to discover that despite your advertising, it does not make me fly.
The free Duracell dancing bunny KEVN did not make up for the lack of flying.
In fact, it made me go quite green with nausea.

Product recall

IKEA management are recalling the HAMUND curtains with integral fan for wafting. Unfortunately the fan setting was set incorrectly to hurricane, not gentle beeze.

As an apology to any disappointed customers, IKEA will provide a photo of Alijaz in his britches in recompense

IKEA Frequently asked questions.

Do you use real Wood in your furniture?
Yes- a significant number of our customers like Wood, many more than you would expect.
We use Wood for its solidity, reliability and the fact that it never changes.
We source all our Wood in the East End of London , buying it from Walford Forest.
Some people find Wood a little dull although the SALLSA Wooden item was very flexible and bouncy.
One drawback of Wood is that it is unpredictable when varnishes and stains are applied. It is difficult to obtain a deep mahogany colour with Wood, it tends to remain pale or with a slight ginger tone.

Do you use manufactured wood?
Yes- we use a lot of MDF which comes from the TOWIE factory in Essex.
MDF is much more adaptable then Wood, and depending on CV used during the design process, MDF can be used to produce a footballer, an actor, a dancer or a DJ. Designs in the pipeline include a rocket scientist and a brain surgeon.
The D in MDF stands for “density”- the extreme denseness of MDF is both a curse and a blessing. Despite its hardness, it can tear very easily.
MDF can take a lot of staining products, various colours include bright orange and streaky brown.
Once a protective coating is applied MDF is very waterproof.
A protective mask should always be worn when working with TOWIE MDF as it can get right up your nose.

What other materials do you use in your furniture?
Certain items may contain silicone, usually a couple of handfuls.

:d :d