Product update:
The JORJAMAE Foote-stool is now available with wheels and can be pushed from one end of the room to the other with minimal effort.
The upgraded product comes in a white leatherette cover which repels water and stains.

Also new this week:
The JOVARNNI watering can with adjustable sprinkler head.

Hi, I have a question for Customer Service -

I recently purchased the new JAAAAAAY unit and was initially pleased with its performance and refurbished appearance. However I have recently discovered that it becomes unstable at high speeds. It appears there may be a fault with one of the legs.

Is it possible for me to exchange my JAAAAAAY for a HAARIJUD? I feel a HAARIJUD might prove more reliable in the long run, but I am unable to find it in the current catalogue - has it been deleted?

Thank you for your query.

I'm sorry that you are having trouble with your JAAAAAAY.
Try wedging the headpiece of your JAAAAAY into the neck section of companion piece RLEONA to provide more stability

I'm afraid the HAARIJUD is now longer available from IKEA as we only have one item each year in our BOIBANNED range, although you may be able to pick up a second-hand one from the online trading site MKBUSTD.

New in for Christmas is an alien looking doll, she can be programmed to say many things including 'I don't like hugs' and 'I don't like humans' ) it is supposed to be a gimmick and is in that department, it is said to be going down like a lead balloon

Many thanks for your prompt response.

I have a RLEONA which I bought several years ago, at about the time the HAARIJUD featured in the catalogue. However I notice that the RLEONA now appears to have been restyled - in the current catalogue it is shown as more slimline than my model, and the top has been changed from red to yellow.

This seems a pity as the old red top was rather attractive, but the new colour is a brassy shade and makes the whole product look cheap.

Nevertheless I will try your helpful suggestion to jam the headpiece of my JAAAAAAY into the neck section on my RLEONA and hope that solves the problem.

The KANTON rotary washing line.
Suitable for all weathers.

Hang your hankies on the arms and let them dry naturally if the weather is warm and sunny.
If raining, bring your KANTON indoors and it will spin round to aid drying instead.
And spin and spin and spin.

As this item is made by VW there may be some unreliability in future performance.

IKEA wold like to apologise that the nostalgic styling of the KELNKVAN made so many people feel nauseated, however we would like to reiterate that under the faulty nostalgic styling there is the original steely interior

It is tempting to invest in a KANTON, especially as I have many hankies to launder. It is certainly an attractive product, indeed the best of its kind you have produced for many years.

However I am concerned about the longevity of the main constituent part. Although of course I would expect that the outer fittings will need replacing every year, I do not want to be lumbered with an outmoded and crumbling fixture that nobody has any further use for.

Can you assure me that the central strut will last for more than one season please? Alternatively will you provide a suitable replacement if the main component is found unfit for purpose next year?

The Manufacturers are unable to take any responsibility for the longevity of any of the ranges in the catalogue. Although it is always anticipated the item will stand the test of time, it has been shown that unfortuantely this is not the case and a number of items have had to be withdrawn in a way some of our customers find premature although we do always try to find suitable replacements.

For the longevity of the KANTON, please remember that it forms part of the DUBEKK range and not the DULAT so it is advisable not to press the SALSAMBDISOCHA button if you are looking to protect the product.

We hope that customers will be reassured that even if the DUBEKK range is removed from the PRODNCR category, we forsee that it could still find a role in another section of the catalogue.

We can always find fairly suitable replacements for any ageing fixtures. However, we do recommend that you purchase some GLLÏKSØN inflammable lino with a replacement item as it is possible they could burn the floor.

Customers are also warned not to stand between the KELNKVAN and any camera, as the product has a built in homing device which ensures that it moves directly towards any camera at high speed.

I'm also finding that a high pitched squealing sound is emitted by it after operation. Is there any way this can be prevented. I have found a red button, but it shuts down all my products at once leaving me rather dissatisfied.

Brilliant!

Dear Sir,

I am writing to complain about my KANTON, which has proved to be an extremely disappointing product.

In your catalogue the KANTON is clearly advertised as part of your classic DUBEKK range. I therefore felt confident that I would receive a reliable item which, while perhaps not the most up-to-date in its styling, nevertheless would deliver a good standard of workmanship and would operate in a trouble-free manner.

However upon unpacking my KANTON on Saturday, I realised at once that it is in fact part of the inferior DULAT line. This is immediately apparent from the tacky colour scheme and poor finishing. When assembled, the KANTON is unattractive, old-fashioned and a bit wonky. Nobody wants to look at this sort of thing!

Worse was to come however - when in operation, the KANTON exhibits a worrying instability. This seems to be a result of the central unit's inadequacy - it simply isn't strong enough to hold up the outer fittings. The KANTON tends to shift about on the floor in an alarming manner; it wobbles; and indeed it appears ready to topple over at any moment. Surely these are Health and Safety issues?

I shall be returning my KANTON to your store for a refund. While I have your attention, may I take this opportunity to suggest that it may be time to retire the whole DULAT range? It is no longer acceptable to foist this kind of tat onto an unsuspecting British public, if indeed it ever was. I understand that cheap foreign imports that fulfill the same function are now readily available. Perhaps it is time to look into these before your reputation is damaged any further.

Yours,

a disgruntled customer

Customer service reply

Har Har Marvellous!

Updated customer services reply

Apologies for the earlier email.
It seems that the designers of KANTON have been at the cooking sherry.

WARNING:
IKEA is withdrawing the previously popular product TONIONI due to toxic emissions. The noxious BLLSBLLX has been known to turn grown women pale and send them running for the nearest exit.

I recently purchased a PEEDÜRR Little Pony after seeing it featured in the IKEA catalogue. I have to admit I am somewhat disappointed with my purchase, and can't help wondering if airbrushing is involved in creating more pleasing images in the catalogue to convince potential purchasers to part with their hard-earned cash.

On taking the PEEDDÜRR Little Pony out of the box, I couldn't help but notice the deep colouring, which was somewhat more intense than I was expecting. In fact, I was sorely tempted to put PEEDDÜRR straight back into his box.

Nevertheless, I decided to test the functionality of the Little Pony. I set the function to QUICKSTEP, one of my favourite moves for this type of product, and observed as PEEDDÜRR went through his paces. The high-stepping result threw me somewhat, and I had to double-check that I had selected the correct function switch. I have never seen a Little Pony lift its knees so high, and I wonder if PEEDDÜRR has been fitted with the DORKY DRESSAGE function in error.

I am returning my PEEDÜRR Little Pony for a refund as it has not lived up to my expectations.

Would other customers advise me to purchase the IKEA PEEDÜR Pirate?

A Confused Customer

With regard to the IKEA PEEDÜR Pirate, there has been so little demand for this item since its promotional display, not even the manufacturers would advise you to buy it.

If you are set on purchasing an item from this range, we would recommend the PEEDÜR cardsharp as this seems to be the most durable and the one least likely to be forming part of a large IKEA PEEDÜR bonfire at the end of the series.

Thank you for your advice on the PEEDÜR Pirate. I have spoken to some family members and they have told me that this model tends to shed large amounts of hair and has a somewhat stompy action. My sister says the PEEDÜR Pirate is too big for its boots. I might buy a Captain Pugwash Pirate intead for a more authentic experience.

Customers who purchased the KRSTI - which was soon obsolescent - will be relieved to learn that it can have its life temporarily extended by affixing it to the BRNDNPROP, thereby securing the placement of its wayward feet and continually correcting and rectifying its position.

The Strictly IKEA Corporation regrets to announce the withdrawal of the ÅYNSLËË cookware range. Despite its initial popularity, the ÅYNSLËË tendency to deviate from the assigned recipe has left customers uncomfortable with the finished result, especially when the product starts to shake, rattle and roll.

The companion NÅTs range is expected to remain a favourite with customers and may make a reappearance as part of our Chrsitmas promotion.

Customer service announcement

If you have purchased our ANDRAY fondue set, please be aware that this is a purchase for life. It cannot be returned for a refund after a few months just because you feel you have had your money's worth out of it.

We are aware that it emits a droning noise, but that is no reason for us to consider a refund. If you were daft enough to buy it based on its shiny exterior, then you have to put up with all of its annoying habits.

hello i have noticed that almost the entire SUCHKNTS range has been largely missing from the store this weekend. about time too. its old, outmoded, poor quality, and i do hope you won't be re-stocking it anytime soon.

The sprinkle action of my JOVARNNI watering can is malfunctioning and is now just dribbling around the edges. I may have to give it a good going over to rectify this.