But we are pleased to confirm tomatoes are now available again in our restaurants following the recent shortage due to our supplier delivering to the wrong address.

IKEA are mystified by this review, they have never stocked any such product and all its stock is present and in good working order.

IKEA often notice that people who mistake their products are not able to distinguish between quality products and imitation ranges.

The ANDREE in particular has its imitators and its limitations and it has been found that some fans of the ANDREE are unable to distinguish quality products from cheap inferior orange varnished imitations.

IKEA would politely request that any such fans would look closely at any item they have purchased and ensure that they have not been sold a pup. IKEA is not responsible for any such purchase and wish purchasers of any such item good luck, but would reiterate that in no way can IKEA be held responsible for their failure to be able to distinguish quality from cheap imitations.

We regret to announce that recent attempts to mount the KRSTI on the BRNDNPROP base unit have failed because of a crossover design malfunction.

The KRSTI model will no longer be available in stores. Management have not yet decided on whether the BRNDNPROP base unit is still fit for purpose.

May I suggest that the BRNDNPROP, along with the whole DUBEKK/DULAT range, should now be withdrawn from sale? They are dated, increasingly dysfunctional and not attractive to the public these days - nobody wants to have to look at this kind of thing in their own home.

I'm sure the popularity of the new GLBB is indication enough that people want a smooth, streamlined product with good lines, not these weirdly-shaped stained-oak items with their annoying tendency for the dial to get stuck in one position when functioning - see THSGRL, HAAHAAMAAAARVLS etc.

Perhaps you should continue to look outside the traditional UK/Commonwealth manufacturing area for replacements. I understand that even your recently-introduced British-made KVN , which seemed such an innovative product when first introduced, is proving less popular than expected. I certainly don't want one in MY house!

Sadly the GLB low level table has to be recalled.

The innovative design feature of invisible strings are proving to be a safety hazard.

Everyone shall of course receive a full refund.

The addition of an optional mirror accessory to the PEEDÜR cardsharp model has had mixed customer reactions. While the initial reflection function received good reviews, movement of the PEEDÜR base unit can result in synchronicity issues.

Despite some initial 5-star reviews, we would like to warn customers that the PEEDÜR performance may not actually meet such high expectations.

Sadly the KAROL metorological gauge has been withdrawn. Despite considerable input from the PASHA upgrading unit the gauge proved impossible to budge from the lowest possible scale reading.

I can confirm that my KAROL gauge remained stuck on the "Sunny" setting regardless of the weather outside, so I have regrettably returned it for a refund.

Limited edition: For a limited time only, try our new and improved DIGTALSPI FOROM. We think you'll love our blue gingham finish. Whether it's actually improved or not we can't tell; neither do we know how long this will be available now. Your memories of the time spent with this edition of DIGTALSPI FOROM are sure to be collectors items!

Customer Service Announcement

We have been advised that, despite the addition of the JOODGES endorsement, the PEEDÜR has been shown to possess serious timing issues, coupled with a rictus grin which is a severe design fault. Please return your PEEDÜR at he earliest possible opportunity and it will be exchanged for a nice slab of cheese.

Dear Customer Service Department

I would like to enquire about the cheesey options for your exchange scheme.
I'm quite partial to a bit of Stilton, but I wonder would Blue PEEDÜR cheese be a step too far?

dear customer services, i would like to return this JÅYLI - BÉBÉ model.

i tried this out based on the rave reviews but you did not make clear that it is oversized and the wood is rather high maintenance, requiring a great deal of feeding, polishing, and otherwise tending to in order to function effectively. it may win a design award but if it can't stand up on its own two legs without a companion piece to lean on and support it: its useless.

please donate my £3.50 refund to the development of sustainable forests.

Dear Sir,
You must have made a mistake when ordering on-line as this is not the wooden item you were expecting.

It is actually one of our limited edition confectionery or biscuit items available in the run up to the festive period (or FYNAL as it is known in Sweden)

JAYLI- BEBE… A self explanatory Jelly Baby.
This is our most Wanted item at the moment but we have had some complaints that customers have overdosed on the JYVE flavour, with resultant dizziness, vertigo and nausea.

PEEDUR … A Jelly Hasbean. Comes in orange flavour only. Available in CANS.
This line rose in popularity once the manufacturers realised that the Price was wrong.

JORJA … a liquorice it-takes-all -sorts

HELUN …a midget gem style sweet

JERIMI … a very long thin stick of rock. We plan to bring out a special variety with Blackpool written through it if there is enough demand

KELLI … an assortment of Wine Gums, Cola bottles, Sherbert drops and other Queen Vic related items

JAMEELYA … a jammy dodger

KATI-ANTON… a samba dodger

Gobstoppers and Acid Drops are also available but we are still deciding on the best brand name to choose...

Thank you so much for alerting me to this new range of confectionery.
It has brought much pleasure to this household although we have not been brave enough to sample every item from the selection. One or two of them look like instant indigestion in a packet.

It must also be pointed out that this item is high in additives and E-numbers which can, sometimes, cause over excitement if consumed in greater amounts than advised.

The tomato flavour ÅNSLY did not prove popular. Nor the somewhat bland DNEL. Hence them being discontinued.

Awww My favourite sweetie


Very witty!

Also discontinued is the OGOGO sherbet dab, as 2 hands are essential.

Customer Service Update

For customers who missed out on our PEEDÜR product return amnesty, we are pleased to announce the release of the HÏYDE-ÅLL fix.

Customers can deploy the HÏYDE-ÅLL fix for instant release of a low-level vapour cloud that will camouflage any dysfunctional operation of the PEEDÜR unit. This crafty smoke-and-daggers approach by our design time will increase the lifespan of the PEEDÜR unit by extending the JOODGES endorsement.

I think the DUBEKK is very attractive and I would love to have one in my home to work alongside my FNCÉ model 😉😋😍😚

Please never discontinue the DUBEKK.

The classic lines of the DUBEKK mean that it continues to be a favourite with many of our customers.
We are confident that the upcoming promotional event in our Blackpool showroom will show the DUBEKK to its best advantage, and look forward to renewed customer interest in this vintage piece.

I've also been very keen on the DUBEKK range, not only because it consists of some extremely elegant and poised pieces, but also because it is made in Britain, unlike most of your other items.

It is therefore with some concern that I have noticed IKEA's attempts to introduce a more exotic LATINO range. I quite liked the JYVE model, where the KAYTEA companion piece twirled rather nicely round a solid DUBEKK centrepiece. My children had lots of fun spinning it round and round (as they did with the British made VENESE WULS model) but the later LATINO pieces were poorly grounded and the legs were a bit creaky at their hinges. I'd really prefer if you could dump this range and concentrate exclusively on the 'Made in Britain' models (despite some of the problems I had with the KAYTEA QWIKSTEP companion piece, having to constantly stop and restart it).

As an addition to the confectionery range above, the KATI-ANTON samba dodger now comes in RUMBABA variety. Recent reviews have shown that despite the Latin flavour, this latest item is proving to be a bit of a hit.

Following the success of the RUMBABA, the IKEA restaurant special this week is an AMÆRICÆNO SMÖÖTHIE addition to the KATI-ANTON range. Customers are sure to enjoy the slow, slow start and quick, quick finish engineered by our FØXTRT design team

Could customers returning the Blackpool Plodding DØNKËY they received instead of SKÏPPÏ the Bush Kangaroo please form an orderly queue at the Customer Service Desk.

The WHOLE NEW WORLD design team would like to apologise for this error.