Customer Notice: Please do not leave the KANTON WUZROBBED cocktail cabinet near balconies as it has been known that a few cabinets have fallen backwards from a great height.


Please note all items in the KAYKAY WUZROBBED range start at a minimum of £40 and even during sales we can only promise a £1 discount.
A free LENNTEN comes with each KAYKAY item purchased.

Product Update

Strictly IKEA are please to announce that we expect the GEEGEE JORJA will remain available to our London customers after very positive reviews and endorsement by our West End sister company CRÆG-DÅHLNG.

Just in time for Christmas, Strictly IKEA announces the launch of our new TØTES-EMØSH decorative fitting.

This sentimental companion piece is sure to draw at the heartstrings and elicit empathy when attached to many of the items in our range.

Customers have reported pairing the TØTES-EMØSH with the GEEGEE JORJA unit and CRÆG-DÅHLNG endorsement, as well as with the JÅYLIØNÅ and GLÍTTA-BÅLL ensemble, with heart-tugging effect.

Customer Enquiry:

Do you have a HELIJAZWUZROBBED in your range at all?

(for those unhappy that this particular concept didn't feature in the premiere FINL showroom of the year)

Customer Service Reply

Dear Valued Customer

Thank you for your enquiry. We have received several requests to include this particular item in our range, but we regret to inform you that production has ceased for this year.

We would like to reassure loyal fans of this elegant model that the very similar HÉLÅN-ÅLJÅZ piece will be on view in various showrooms during early 2016.

We believe that the harmonious presentation of this graceful design will guarantee further CRÅGTEN, LËNTEN and BRNØTEN reviews and may well reach PËRFËKTSCØRS performance levels.

New on the menu in the Ikea Cafeteria is a delicious confection of Sour Lemon Pie topped with an abundance of extra sour Vitis Vinifera.

We recommend serving this to your guests on the JÜGES teaset. For maximum effect sit it atop the GÜDMUM cake stand although the REVLHØRWD platter also displays it particularly well.

Customers who are experiencing disappointment with the CRÆG-DÅHLNG unit may need to purchase a GÜRN-FÅYCE attachment to maximise its potential

To celebrate the opening of our latest branch in Elstree, SCD IKEA have launched a range of children's toys for Christmas.

Choose your favourite from...

The JORJA Tiny Tears doll.
Comes dressed as what would be a Disney princess if we could afford the licencing deal.
Pull the string on her back and she squeals “Amazing!!”

The KAYTE Weeble .
Place her on any flat surface and watch her wobble charmingly.
Comes with an interchangeable wardrobe of dozens of gorgeous dress to suit every occasion.

The KELLI action figure.
This exciting toy has spring loaded feet and long lasting Duracell batteries.
Comes with precisely three outfits, none of which fit properly.
Receive 2 Danish pastries with every KELLI purchased.

The JAAY teddy bear.
Dressed in a cute checked shirt (not removable)
Poseable wafty arms.
Dynamic quivering lower lip.
(Note that the JAAY is not designed to be a standing toy, only a laid back one)

Bravo!

Customers reporting a less than PËRFËKTSCØRS experience for the CRÆG-DÅHLNG and GÜRN-FÅYCE ensemble should check that they have removed the SPÅTØØLISTIC and THÜMB-ÜP attachments.

Our new chef Zhae and his assistant our Leona have perfected a delicious Raspberry Tart which they would like to proffer to Cræg with extra raspberries.

Served on the HÅRRDCHESË platter, also from the JÜGES range, this proves a festive treat.

Generally enjoyed best when served with our INYËRFACCË squirty cream.

SCD IKEA Press Release.

As we near Christmas we are facing an unprecedented demand for our signature meatballs with cowds gathering outside the store shouting their orders in for our tasty Frikadeller.
Thousands massed outside our Elstree branch on Sunday evening yelling “Balls! Balls!!”

(Please note that our Frikadeller are made with pork, not veal. There have also been demands for “Bullocks!”)

Just released for Christmas is the Strictly IKEA YÃHBØØSÜCKS-2Ü mp3 player.

This delightful gadget comes preloaded with a reinterpretation of the classic "My Way" by the chart-topping duo CÜTE-JÆ and GÖDDESS-LEØNA.

IKEA is pleased to announced the launch of the JOODGES toy dolls - a perfect gift for your youngest this Christmas and the latest addition to the JOODGES range. Once the string is pulled on the back of the doll, it delivers a few signature phrases.

We have launched 4 dolls to begin - the REVLHRWOOD, the DRCY, the LENN and the BRNO.

The DRCY is perfect for girls and by far the most beautiful of our range.
Main Catchphrase: 'The Boys are right'

The REVLHRWOOD comes in two modes - 'DARLLING' and 'THUMS'.
Main Catchphrase 'That CHACHACHAAA was a disssastter'.

The LENN is the vintage item in our collection and comes with a number of modes - the 'Pickled Walnuts' and 'Wellie' modes being just two.
Main Catchphrase: 'SEVEN!'

The BRNO was made in Italy and is the most flamboyant item in the range.
The BRNO has no set catchphrases - it can end up saying anything.

We had planned to also launch the RLENE, ALSHAA and DNNY.
The DNNY was considered to be too loud and customers did not like the 'Yeah Baby' catchphrase and so this will not now be launched.

The ALSHAA was set to be launched but was poached by a rival store.

We plan to launch the RLENE at a later date but currently it is considered too old for our customers and it had a worrying trend to become overheated and emit hot air when used by men.

Warnings:
If the string is pulled too frequently, the LENN may suddenly become grouchy and start snarling which has been known to upset several children. Leave for a few seconds and the LENN should return to normal.

The DRCY has been known to shout when placed next to the REVLHRWOOD. Also do not switch the DRCY onto 'JOODGES dance' mode - as it can become unstable as a result.

Care should be taken when using the BRNO. It has been known to start flinging itself in all directions. This has not yet caused any injuries and IKEA considers it still safe for customers but recommemd customers keep their distance when using.

We also hope to launch the HELN doll to our Barbie range. A beautiful looking doll although customers should be aware that the legs are not for bending.

Unfortunately, the ANEETA raggy doll has suffered in sales due to the mistake on our part of placing it next to the GLYB brand of teabags, which inexplicably kept knocking the ANEETA to the floor.

GLYB teabags! *snort*

Not recommended for younger children. Parental supervision recommended. The manufacturers accept no responsibility for the expanded vocabulary.

I always thought of that move as the "Triple F", for Flying [redacted]

Strictly IKEA has decided to withdraw from sale the MÆRY-BÆRRY unit.

Customer surveys indicated that inclusion of this unit from the BÅYKE-ØFF range could increase the popularity of our Strictly products.
The initial performance of this design proved acceptable using pre-recorded settings.
However, a pilot trial revealed that in real-life situations the MÆRY-BÆRRY exhibits a flustered demeanour and can emit incoherent sounds.

Customers who received a test version of the Strictly version are advised to reattach the MÆRY-BÆRRY to the HØLLÍWÜD base from our BÅYKE-ØFF range.

Customers are reminded, no matter how many times of asking the LŮKÏPÖPOO range will not be available again in the UK. A version may be found in a similar outlet to IKEA in America.

It is with some sadness that IKEA would like to announce the retirement of our RLEØNA doll.

We have found this piece the perfect companion piece to the JAAY teddy bear and HAARI toy drum. Customers will have limited opportunity to find the RLEØNA doll in selected showrooms during January and February.

We would also like to say goodbye to our ØLA poseable figurine. Unfortunately, the ØLA had an unfortunate defect, meaning various pieces went into the undesirable KNEESLYDE when in close proximity to the ØLA. We are aware that some customers will miss the CATSOOT outfit, and would like to reassure customers that similar will be seen on TWOTTR.