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  • Strictly Come Dancing
The Strictly Come Dancing / Ikea catalogue
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RFS
13-10-2016
Originally Posted by mimi dlc:
“Dear IKEA Customer service
I was insensed to discover you have discontinued the WILJUNG.
I ask, nay demand to know why.
I wanted a WILJUNG and nothing else will satisfy me.
Please explain.
Actually forget the please.
Just explain.

Yours sincerely
Aggrieved Customer”

Dear Aggreived of the Internet...
Unfortunately a thread came loose on the extragantly displayed soft furnishings of the unit and ran rampant until baying mobs turned up at our doors waving pitchforks.

But please rest assured the withdrawn unit is being moved to our forthcoming Fine and Dandy catalogue - can we be so bold as to add you to the mailing list to appease your furrowed brow and pitchfork-calloused mitts?

Sincerely yours, with meatballs.
Monaogg
13-10-2016
Originally Posted by mimi dlc:
“Dear IKEA Customer service
I was insensed to discover you have discontinued the WILJUNG.
I ask, nay demand to know why.
I wanted a WILJUNG and nothing else will satisfy me.
Please explain.
Actually forget the please.
Just explain.

Yours sincerely
Aggrieved Customer”

Unfortunately, all the new season introductions come with SPØTLGT feature, which has proved to damage the WILJUNG. So this product has been withdrawn for health & safety reasons.
Artois
13-10-2016
Originally Posted by Monaogg:
“Unfortunately, all the new season introductions come with SPØTLGT feature, which has proved to damage the WILJUNG. So this product has been withdrawn for health & safety reasons.”

Brilliant!!
aggs
13-10-2016
Originally Posted by Monaogg:
“Unfortunately, all the new season introductions come with SPØTLGT feature, which has proved to damage the WILJUNG. So this product has been withdrawn for health & safety reasons.”

Our H&S Consultant, Mr Amaprophadockta, believes it was highlighted after the TMEKA was moved leaving more of the SPØTLGT available to fall on our other items.

Please be assured that your 15 Ikea pretty penny points deposit have not been wasted and will be put towards publication of a catalogue with the WILJUNG airbrushed out.
DeiseDays
17-10-2016
For customers wishing to check the ambience of the SCD IKEA design items they have invested in, we are please to launch the new TÆN-Ø-MÆTR.

The TÆN-Ø-MÆTR can be deployed to verify whether items from the IKEA catalogue are in harmony in your living room.

It is particularly suitable for checking whether a CRÆG-TÆN is compatible with a BRÜNØ-TÆN, LENN-TÆN and/or DÅRSËË-TÆN. The siren on the TÆN-Ø-MÆTR may inadvertently activate if two or more of these base units are located within a less than perfect design scheme. Customers may have to adjust the calibration dial on their TÆN-Ø-MÆTR according to the level of their personal investment.

Please note that the IKEA engineers are currently running tests to ensure that the TÆN-Ø-MÆTR can distinguish between a WÆK3-TÆN and a WÆK4-TÆN.

Owners of some of our vintage pieces should be aware that the TÆN-Ø-MÆTR may self-combust in the vicinity of a DØNNËË-TÆN.
mimi dlc
17-10-2016
Originally Posted by mimi dlc:
“RŮTHEFUD
This impressive Tallboy was originally a Limited Edition as part of IKEA's Olympic range, but positive customer feedback has resulted in RŮTHEFUD becoming a permanent item in the catalogue.
The RŮTHEFUD Tallboy is made from durable redwood.
It has large feet which make the item easy to move round, and if a sandpit is nearby it is possible to move the RŮTHEFUD over 8 metres with a single push.
If you turn the RŮTHEFUD around, you will see that the back side is very large and provides lots of storage.”

Product information:
Please do NOT try to balance your NATLI hatstand on top of your RŮTHEFUD.
Doing so may invalidate your warranty and cause an owchie
DeiseDays
17-10-2016
We would like to advise customers who have recently purchased a JWÅNN easy chair that the arms are prone to vibrational twitching, which can periodically reveal the upholstery underlining.

This disturbing carpet-level flashing can be stopped by forceful application of the NËËSLYDE mode, a design feature carried over from the defunct ØLLÅ range.
who, me?
17-10-2016
IKEA proudly presents its brand-new unit, the BALLSUP.
This new, slimline version with its rotating arm will grace any room. In the event of its performance temporarily failing, the BALLSUP is additionally provided with a matching accessory- the SHAKINCAPE.
maycontainnuts
17-10-2016
In your ittakstoo department i noticed the lorawhtmur was displying a couple of extra knobs on the chest unit. Is this only available in Scandanavian climate areas?
jan_butcher1
18-10-2016
Originally Posted by maycontainnuts:
“In your ittakstoo department i noticed the lorawhtmur was displying a couple of extra knobs on the chest unit. Is this only available in Scandanavian climate areas?”

Dfer
19-10-2016
Originally Posted by DeiseDays:
“For customers wishing to check the ambience of the SCD IKEA design items they have invested in, we are please to launch the new TÆN-Ø-MÆTR.

The TÆN-Ø-MÆTR can be deployed to verify whether items from the IKEA catalogue are in harmony in your living room.

It is particularly suitable for checking whether a CRÆG-TÆN is compatible with a BRÜNØ-TÆN, LENN-TÆN and/or DÅRSËË-TÆN. The siren on the TÆN-Ø-MÆTR may inadvertently activate if two or more of these base units are located within a less than perfect design scheme. Customers may have to adjust the calibration dial on their TÆN-Ø-MÆTR according to the level of their personal investment.

Please note that the IKEA engineers are currently running tests to ensure that the TÆN-Ø-MÆTR can distinguish between a WÆK3-TÆN and a WÆK4-TÆN.

Owners of some of our vintage pieces should be aware that the TÆN-Ø-MÆTR may self-combust in the vicinity of a DØNNËË-TÆN.”

Love it 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
RoseAnne
22-10-2016
It has come to our attention that some users of the ANTØN unit have experienced a strange fault.
It seems that playing music on the new JBRØWN system causes it to swivel about on its castors and fling open its casing causing it to push any units from the YUNGPRØS range out of their usual places. It will also try and position itself under the HØGGER lamp if you have one.
Please refrain from playing the JBRØWN unit in its vicinity to prevent this embarrassing fault, especially when having guests over. Strictly IKEA will repair the unit to ensure that it remains motionless when YUNGPRØ units are being displayed.
davegold
22-10-2016
The JBRØWN is turned on with the up switch. The full instructions are as follows: Get up, (get on up), Get up, (get on up), Stay on the scene, (get on up). The manufacturers are not liable for any injuries caused while getting on down or using it like a sex machine.
Gill P
22-10-2016
Thank goodness for this thread (and the NAT one)! A bit of humour is what we want, not all this negativity/

I love the concept of furniture!
latinloulou
22-10-2016
Originally Posted by davegold:
“The JBRØWN is turned on with the up switch. The full instructions are as follows: Get up, (get on up), Get up, (get on up), Stay on the scene, (get on up). The manufacturers are not liable for any injuries caused while getting on down or using it like a sex machine.”

Brilliant!!
mimi dlc
22-10-2016
Originally Posted by davegold:
“The JBRØWN is turned on with the up switch. The full instructions are as follows: Get up, (get on up), Get up, (get on up), Stay on the scene, (get on up). The manufacturers are not liable for any injuries caused while getting on down or using it like a sex machine.”

Customer review of JBRØWN unit
Wo! I feel good, I knew that I would, now
I feel good, I knew that I would
So good, so good, 'cause I got you
So good, so good, 'cause I got you
So good, so good, 'cause I got you
mimi dlc
22-10-2016
Important : Product recall
The BRENDN storage unit has been recalled for safety reasons while a defect is investigated.
The chest section is too tight and the unit makes wheezy noises during use.
Customers who need something to display their ANSTAYSHA anglepoise lamp can borrow a GORKE side table.

Please note : the bottom drawer of the BRENDN is designed to stick out at the rear of the unit. This is a design feature and not a defect.
Fred.
22-10-2016
Originally Posted by Gill P:
“Thank goodness for this thread (and the NAT one)! A bit of humour is what we want, not all this negativity/

I love the concept of furniture!”

Love this thread - and the NAT one too
Amethyzt
22-10-2016
Originally Posted by davegold:
“The JBRØWN is turned on with the up switch. The full instructions are as follows: Get up, (get on up), Get up, (get on up), Stay on the scene, (get on up). The manufacturers are not liable for any injuries caused while getting on down or using it like a sex machine.”

BFGArmy
22-10-2016
Exclusive to IKEA's U.S stores, the GLB shower. Regular visitors may remember the GLB range of products appearing in UK stores last year before their sudden withdrawal after an exclusivity deal was signed in the US.

The shower is a contemporary Russian design, very good to look at and comes with some innovative features. Among these is the fact that the shower does need turned on and off - it automatically does so when put in the TNGO mode.
Monaogg
22-10-2016
We would like to announce that due to a bout of sickness, production has halted on the BRɆNDN companion piece normally available with the low arm ÅNASTÅCA chair. The GØRKÅ alternative is offered for this week only. Please note the decoration is only on one side, but it does compliment the back panel of the ÅNASTÅCA chair well.
mimi dlc
22-10-2016
Originally Posted by BFGArmy:
“Exclusive to IKEA's U.S stores, the GLB shower. Regular visitors may remember the GLB range of products appearing in UK stores last year before their sudden withdrawal after an exclusivity deal was signed in the US.

The shower is a contemporary Russian design, very good to look at and comes with some innovative features. Among these is the fact that the shower does need turned on and off - it automatically does so when put in the TNGO mode.”

Customer feedback:
I purchased a GLB shower cubicle recently.
I am most disappointed.
I expect to feel refreshed and clean after a shower.
After the GLB shower, I felt dirty.
Is this normal? Should I have turned down the SLEEZ feature?
BFGArmy
22-10-2016
Originally Posted by mimi dlc:
“Customer feedback:
I purchased a GLB shower cubicle recently.
I am most disappointed.
I expect to feel refreshed and clean after a shower.
After the GLB shower, I felt dirty.
Is this normal? Should I have turned down the SLEEZ feature?”

Dear Customer,

Unfortunately the SLEEZ function comes as part of all GLB products and cannot be removed.

Please note several products from the RMBA and RGTINTNGO range may also have this included as standard - as well as a special 'Gaucho' setting for the RGTINTNGO.
aggs
22-10-2016
Customer feedback:
I noticed a strange smell from the GLB RGTINTGO bed base. I saw that the SWTY PÅMPUS dail was at maximum. When I tried to turn this down, my LËNN bedside cabinet became extremely agitated, rocking on its castors and making gertcha squeaking noises, knocking all my loose change to the floor.
What do you suggest?
mimi dlc
22-10-2016
GREKG
Engineered wooden flooring.
Totally rigid and unbending
Golden red pine
May have some bounce but not when you expect it
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