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The Strictly Come Dancing / Ikea catalogue |
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#51 |
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Join Date: May 2008
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#52 |
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Oh poor ASHLEETAYLRDAWSN but it is, isn't it? Was meant to be the new must have piece, but it's so boring. Although it's not helped by it's companion piece, the OLLAJWDAN which just screams look at me whenever it's shown.
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#53 |
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Join Date: May 2008
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Customers are advised that the TESSENCLØD will always be installed on the next day after delivery. If it appears that the installation is taking place on the same day, you've just not ordered enough items from our catalogue before.
We are not able to confirm at this time whether the CRISTÄÄL, the JÄCLIN, the FELTSZ or the BNDGRL will be withdrawn from sale until today. |
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#54 |
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Join Date: May 2008
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One of the ranges larger pieces, yet always a perennial favourite, the DAYVARCH ENSEMBLE has seen a sudden, marked dip in popularity this season.
Early market research suggests this is a consequence of moving the stylish hat feature from the centre of the piece to a little seen corner. |
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#55 |
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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IKEA is reviewing the stability of the JOODG range of shelving units. The idea was that these would slot together like jigsaw pieces, but customers have been reporting the tendency for them to break apart. Particular problems seem to occur if the LENN piece is placed next to the CRAYG. It is therefore recommended that these are only used with a DARSEE placed in between. The BROONOW piece also has an unpredictable level of stability.
Please note that the LEESHA and RLEEN have been withdrawn. |
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#56 |
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Join Date: May 2008
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Quote:
IKEA is reviewing the stability of the JOODG range of shelving units. The idea was that these would slot together like jigsaw pieces, but customers have been reporting the tendency for them to break apart. Particular problems seem to occur if the LENN piece is placed next to the CRAYG. It is therefore recommended that these are only used with a DARSEE placed in between. The BROONOW piece also has an unpredictable level of stability.
Please note that the LEESHA and RLEEN have been withdrawn. English Oak Pickled walnut |
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#57 |
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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CUSTOMER NOTICE
Due to an increasing number of customers vandalising the GÜMED, including removing the price-tag, attempting to physically move it to another part of the store, and hiding it behind the KARA, we would like to advice everybody that this season the GÜMED will always be paired in our stores with the CHŶNGVINSEFF. This has been agreed by management and should not be altered by anybody who is not a member of staff. Attempts to vandalise our store displays by insisting the KARA must always be displayed alongside CHŶNGVINSEFF may result in customers being asked to leave. Or at the very least, being asked to only shop in the Upstairs Section |
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#58 |
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Join Date: May 2008
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Ikea would like to apologise for the mistake which resulted in a food item being displayed on the DUBEKK piece of furniture.
In future, the only place you will be able to see our famous meatballs will be in our cafeteria |
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#59 |
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 7,239
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Although it hardly seems necessary, we would like to call your attention to a new item in our catalogue - the MÅNRÄ.
This eyecatching item is essential when looking to pair up one of your existing pieces. It has previously been shown to work with the KRVLÖV, the CHŶNGVINSEFF and is currently being exhibited alonside the SKÖRKH. We would warn purchasers, however, that placing it alongside the CRISTÄÄL may result in them losing valuable breakable objects and having to replace several windows. |
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#60 |
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Join Date: May 2008
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The Management would like to announce that after weeks of repetitive pleading, The KELLAH will be available for a limited period in the Blackpool store only. The Management would be grateful if this news could be kept away from owners of The KATKATCHA.
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#61 |
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4,684
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In an effort to make DULATT more popular, Ikea have added a handy knob to hang your coat on
Due to overwhelming social media response, Strictly IKEA today announces that not only the DULATT is being extended with this extra feature but from this coming Saturday the formerly thought knobless DUBEKK will also be equipped with the bonus feature. Strictly IKEA did not wish to comment on early reports of stained clothing that was hung from said bonus feature that are slowly emerging through the same social media outlets.It is rumoured that mostly vintage 80's style garments have suffered the fate, though the claims are still under investigation an insider reports. Quote:
Ikea would like to apologise for the mistake which resulted in a food item being displayed on the DUBEKK piece of furniture.
In future, the only place you will be able to see our famous meatballs will be in our cafeteria |
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#62 |
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 121
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Strictly Ikea is pondering adding a new piece to his popular WAZROBBD range: the NATTALI. Previous items have included the sporty ÅSTIN wardrobe and the small RÄTCHELL entertainment unit which both suffered from being launched the same year as top seller tv stand TÅM. The RIKKI, a very slick product, also never reached his full sales potential due to his unfortunate placement in- store next to the gardening section which featured a couple of unexplicably popular garden gnomes.
Addendum: the DIVIO chair, although a very versatile item, was never part of the WAZROBBD range due to noise-related problems ( screeching, squealing and recurrent chiming) whenever put under spotlights. |
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#63 |
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Lytham St Annes
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SCD IKEA would like to remind customers of the DELLØLØ from our 2009 range.
This highly decorative high end piece made of the finest Italian wood was found to be very popular particularly with discerning gentleman buyers due to its style. However it was found to be unstable particularly when being moved but placing it to next to the reliable DUBEKK piece rectified the fault albeit for just a short time. Do not place in the vicinity (of the now discontinued) DIXØN piece due to style clashes. |
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#64 |
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 13,043
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Quote:
Strictly Ikea is pondering adding a new piece to his popular WAZROBBD range: the NATTALI. Previous items have included the sporty ÅSTIN wardrobe and the small RÄTCHELL entertainment unit which both suffered from being launched the same year as top seller tv stand TÅM. The RIKKI, a very slick product, also never reached his full sales potential due to his unfortunate placement in- store next to the gardening section which featured a couple of unexplicably popular garden gnomes.
Addendum: the DIVIO chair, although a very versatile item, was never part of the WAZROBBD range due to noise-related problems ( screeching, squealing and recurrent chiming) whenever put under spotlights. |
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#65 |
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 7,239
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After receiving literally 2 emails, we have decided to issue a statement regarding a piece originally planned a couple of years ago - the SKTTISH MDGIT.
Although there was a tentative plan to introduce such an item, things never progressed beyond the design stage. All initial sketches resulted in an object that was impossible to assemble, would be exceptionally high maintenance and had no obvious function. We had to conclude that to bring out such an item would be counter-productive and not cost effective and as such, all plans have now been scrapped. On the plus side, designer Bjorn Stupid is out of therapy and hopes to be back with us soon. We hope he does not hear of the recent enquiries as it could set him back months. |
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#66 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: East Yorkshire
Posts: 1,248
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Quote:
Strictly Ikea is pondering adding a new piece to his popular WAZROBBD range: the NATTALI. Previous items have included the sporty ÅSTIN wardrobe and the small RÄTCHELL entertainment unit which both suffered from being launched the same year as top seller tv stand TÅM. The RIKKI, a very slick product, also never reached his full sales potential due to his unfortunate placement in- store next to the gardening section which featured a couple of unexplicably popular garden gnomes.
Addendum: the DIVIO chair, although a very versatile item, was never part of the WAZROBBD range due to noise-related problems ( screeching, squealing and recurrent chiming) whenever put under spotlights. |
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#67 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,275
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Quote:
Ikea would like to apologise for the mistake which resulted in a food item being displayed on the DUBEKK piece of furniture.
In future, the only place you will be able to see our famous meatballs will be in our cafeteria
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#68 |
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 13,043
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Quote:
There are plans to introduce a nostalgic piece to the WAZROBBD range. The GETHN is now some five seasons old and while some may find it rather bland and inoffensive, others admire its understated charm and rugged veneer.
It has been suggested that this was because unlike all other self assembly items which have indecipherable pictorial instructions, with the GETHN you were shown one that someone else had made earlier. |
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#69 |
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Where there's caffeine
Posts: 5,816
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The GETHN was a surprisingly popular item, considering it was assembled from 2 wire coat hangers, 4 empty loo rolls and a length of sticky back plastic.
It has been suggested that this was because unlike all other self assembly items which have indecipherable pictorial instructions, with the GETHN you were shown one that someone else had made earlier. Love it!
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#70 |
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 12,110
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The new SUFEE range comes in elegantly pale shades and despite slim elegant legs is well able to cope with heavy loads due to a concealed reinforced bottom. However recent reports of a tendency to land heavily suggest that its companion piece the BRNDN is not quite a supportive as it should be and have resulted in the BRNDN requiring reinforced arms.
Thank you for this, Clever coppertop x |
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#71 |
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 10,922
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Quote:
The GETHN was a surprisingly popular item, considering it was assembled from 2 wire coat hangers, 4 empty loo rolls and a length of sticky back plastic.
It has been suggested that this was because unlike all other self assembly items which have indecipherable pictorial instructions, with the GETHN you were shown one that someone else had made earlier. ![]() ![]()
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#72 |
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 15,736
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In the toy range from 2009, the MATTDI has been withdrawn as it has a tendency to come to a complete full stop at a crucial moment. Anyone paying for this item can have their money back with no questions asked.
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#73 |
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 10,922
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Due to its now very limited availability we are rushing out a replacement for the GETHN. We hope that customers will appreciate the similarities between the new ASHLEE and the popular GETHN. The ASHLEE will look just as lovely in your ballroom as the previous model. We appreciate that the ASHLEE could never completely replace the much loved GETHN but was the only thing available from the factory at this time.
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#74 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 13,043
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Press release
After the positive reaction to test model TRNBUL, and the runaway success of the follow-up item – the compact HOLLINZ, Ikea are proud to announce the release of the latest model in their NOOSREEDRS range: The SOOSANA entertainment centre This is the first item in the NOOSREEDRS range with the alternative “curvy” profile which was so unsuccessful in our competitor’s models FFLIPPS and GARAWY. However, as their standard model KASTL also bombed, we are confident that their collective failure was due to an inherent design flaw. SOOSANA has many features which means it will appeal to entire family. It features an attractive “chest of drawers” design: both the chest and the (occasionally flashed) zebra print drawers scored very highly with our male focus groups. It travels extremely well, coping admirably with thrice weekly commute between London and Manchester, merely needing a little extra undereye concealer on Thursdays. SOOSANA is particularly suited to use near the Breakfast table, although customers are reminded that repeated early use is only possible if the batteries are put on Recharge before 8pm It comes with a Kevlar reinforced pelvic floor which renders the item impervious to damage by children. It also features an integral autocue, making bedtime story reading a doddle. |
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#75 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Where there's caffeine
Posts: 5,816
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Quote:
Press release
After the positive reaction to test model TRNBUL, and the runaway success of the follow-up item – the compact HOLLINZ, Ikea are proud to announce the release of the latest model in their NOOSREEDRS range: The SOOSANA entertainment centre This is the first item in the NOOSREEDRS range with the alternative “curvy” profile which was so unsuccessful in our competitor’s models FFLIPPS and GARAWY. However, as their standard model KASTL also bombed, we are confident that their collective failure was due to an inherent design flaw. SOOSANA has many features which means it will appeal to entire family. It features an attractive “chest of drawers” design: both the chest and the (occasionally flashed) zebra print drawers scored very highly with our male focus groups. It travels extremely well, coping admirably with thrice weekly commute between London and Manchester, merely needing a little extra undereye concealer on Thursdays. SOOSANA is particularly suited to use near the Breakfast table, although customers are reminded that repeated early use is only possible if the batteries are put on Recharge before 8pm It comes with a Kevlar reinforced pelvic floor which renders the item impervious to damage by children. It also features an integral autocue, making bedtime story reading a doddle. |
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