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Old 07-10-2013, 10:19
coppertop1
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Customers may well be surprised to learn that the SOFEE has indeed the same well reinforced pelvic floor as the SOOSANA but this fact has not been judged to need advertising so far. It has only just now be appreciated that this fact is important to customers.

The VNESSA range however is now equipped with a loudspeaker so that all prospective customers will be informed about it on a regular basis, it is however worth noting that the VNESSAs floor has has only been tested twice but due to the age of this product it is feared that addition testing may cause irredeemable damage

( Omg, even I need brain bleach now , enjoy )
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Old 07-10-2013, 10:30
aggs
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Customers should also be reassured that a further addition to the strong floor range is the FULERTN. This has been tested by owners of the HARDEE and found to be extremely sturdy, even though of a later model than the VNESSA.

Footnote:
Customers wishing to purchase the FULERTN are advised to wait until next weekend. After an incident over the weekend with the new feature on the DULATT some work is needed to get it back in the showroom.
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Old 07-10-2013, 11:09
Kmc1978
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Customers should also be reassured that a further addition to the strong floor range is the FULERTN. This has been tested by owners of the HARDEE and found to be extremely sturdy, even though of a later model than the VNESSA.

Footnote:
Customers wishing to purchase the FULERTN are advised to wait until next weekend. After an incident over the weekend with the new feature on the DULATT some work is needed to get it back in the showroom.
The FULERTN also comes with a highly laquered finish and an unusual addition of a helmet.
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Old 07-10-2013, 13:03
perdiedumpling
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Customers may well be surprised to learn that the SOFEE has indeed the same well reinforced pelvic floor as the SOOSANA but this fact has not been judged to need advertising so far. It has only just now be appreciated that this fact is important to customers.

The VNESSA range however is now equipped with a loudspeaker so that all prospective customers will be informed about it on a regular basis, it is however worth noting that the VNESSAs floor has has only been tested twice but due to the age of this product it is feared that addition testing may cause irredeemable damage

( Omg, even I need brain bleach now , enjoy )
It is recommended to place the VNESSA on a wipe-clean surface in case of leakage.
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Old 07-10-2013, 13:21
Jan2555*GG*
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Are you looking for decorative rather than useful? Look no further than the WAGG. This thin statuesque item has been designed purely for decorative purposes & should not be put under too much pressure in case it breaks under the strain. Should over time the WAGG prove to be popular & more efficient than first thought we will bring out a more useful robust item.
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Old 07-10-2013, 23:29
SaraV1308
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It is recommended to place the VNESSA on a wipe-clean surface in case of leakage.
Loving the additions to the ikea catalogue. I just wish I had such a good imagination and writing style.
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Old 08-10-2013, 00:31
tabithakitten
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Looking to entertain?

Look no further than this season's BENTÖSHÖÖT. A piece of two halves, it is at once slender and well-rounded, classic and contemporary, sensible and off the wall.

One half will fit into any crevice, look beautiful and perform any function asked, the other half will make a huge statement in any room you place it in and be the talking point of the evening.

Both halves make a charming pair and move surprisingly well together.
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Old 08-10-2013, 09:09
duckylucky
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Customer service notice for Ikea customers

Ikea have issued a warning about the ÅRTEMKULLA cushions . They are being recalled due to over use of dye and the deep tan colour . They have been found to leak and stain the white furniture when thrown in a slouchy manner on a sofa .
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Old 08-10-2013, 09:36
Kmc1978
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Customer service notice for Ikea customers

Ikea have issued a warning about the ÅRTEMKULLA cushions . They are being recalled due to over use of dye and the deep tan colour . They have been found to leak and stain the white furniture when thrown in a slouchy manner on a sofa .
This is due to a manufacturing error where Ronseal was used instead of the usual dye.
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Old 08-10-2013, 09:36
coppertop1
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A welcome addition to the catalogue is the CLDIA. The modern clashing colours are juxtaposed with Victorian heavy fringing. The CLDIA can be firmly fixed to any surface with addition of the heeled appendages which will cause it to firmly cling to the nearest upright thing
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Old 08-10-2013, 11:40
Kmc1978
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IKEA is reviewing the stability of the JOODG range of shelving units. The idea was that these would slot together like jigsaw pieces, but customers have been reporting the tendency for them to break apart. Particular problems seem to occur if the LENN piece is placed next to the CRAYG. It is therefore recommended that these are only used with a DARSEE placed in between. The BROONOW piece also has an unpredictable level of stability.

Please note that the LEESHA and RLEEN have been withdrawn.
Previously part of the JOODG range, the LEESHA is now available as part of rival Argos' budget range alonside the CWEL, WALMS and HOLDN
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Old 10-10-2013, 08:44
Alli-F
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Previously part of the JOODG range, the LEESHA is now available as part of rival Argos' budget range alonside the CWEL, WALMS and HOLDN


That's just mean, I love it.
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Old 10-10-2013, 15:04
durnovarian
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Previously part of the JOODG range, the LEESHA is now available as part of rival Argos' budget range alonside the CWEL, WALMS and HOLDN
Took a while but got there in the end! Genius.
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Old 10-10-2013, 15:27
flugella
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A new addition to the IKEA catalogue this season is the ROBNSN medicine cabinet. This antique piece was first developed nearly half a century ago (or so the designer tells us) but shows no sign of losing its appeal. A very stable piece, some owners have claimed it can be somewhat robotic in handling, especially when moving sharply but this does not detract from its general suitability for placement in the bathroom or busy surgery. Reports suggest it functions well in emergency use, although this has not been tested when paired with the GARNZ operating theatre equipment. Local hospitals are however looking forward to road-testing this pairing in busier emergency departments.
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Old 10-10-2013, 16:43
*Topaz*
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Are you looking for decorative rather than useful? Look no further than the WAGG. This thin statuesque item has been designed purely for decorative purposes & should not be put under too much pressure in case it breaks under the strain. Should over time the WAGG prove to be popular & more efficient than first thought we will bring out a more useful robust item.
In order for the WAGG to appeal to the mass gullible - sorry the mass market we have decided to go on an all out promotional blitz. The WAGG will now come with two vital accessories to enhance it's appeal and usefulness - the CROUCHY is one of our more successful, famous support pieces, so in promotions it will be mentioned in every sentence as the WAGG to help it gain brand recognition.

The efficiency of the WAGG will also be enhanced by another vital accessory the ALLJAZZ - this is one of our newest, most stunning accessories - we feel in appearance it will compliment the WAGG perfectly and can give the illusion that it's better than it actually is.

Due to these vital additions to the WAGG we have decided to inflate the price - the price will remain the same even on days when it doesn't perform well.
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Old 10-10-2013, 17:27
lechatnoir
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How, have I only just noticed this thread? Very clever and funny!
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Old 10-10-2013, 21:00
coppertop1
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The DVNDKAN wardrobe is being redesigned for the Spanish market whilst retaining its usual leather external covering. The chest is being brought forward whilst the arms are being arched. There will be an optional cape and the whole cabinet will emit ole noises at regular intervals . IKEA have great hopes that this wardrobe combination will truly become one of its classics.
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Old 11-10-2013, 07:19
Kmc1978
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IKEA is considering recalling it's still temperamental model the VAUN chest ottoman. It comes with our scarf rack, the NATLI. Placed in an old house the top opening door will open and close with random chopping movements. An axe is mounted on the outside. While trying to move this object the wheels may become jerky and the NATLI sometimes gets dragged behind. If placed in a more upmarket location like New York however, the VAUN oozes charm and sophistication.
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Old 11-10-2013, 21:41
StrictlySC4
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Customer Service Notice:

The CRAYG is being recalled for temporary amendments. The legs need the addition of new support to render them stable. Each leg will be amended separately and the CRAYG should not be unavailable for more than a few days.
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Old 11-10-2013, 23:47
ysbryd y ddawns
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Urgent recall notice

The new Frida ITT sofa has been withdrawn from sale due to the ineffectiveness of the D*lio centrepiece. In short, a complete waste of space.

All designers are working around the clock in order to rectify the fault during the week.
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Old 12-10-2013, 11:34
tabithakitten
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Further apologies

There appears to have been confusion regarding two identically named products - both mistakenly called the RLLY.

These products could not be more different in form and we accept full responsibility for the consternation and disappointment that this error has caused.

Please accept our assurance that we do understand your chagrin when the wrong product arrives and instead of an elegant, decorative, slender piece of limited function (with inbuilt calculator), you receive an enormous, loud, empty unit... of limited function.

To amend this confusion, we are calling the second RLLY product the FNNITY and it will now be stocked only in our warehouses at the back.

That should free up a lot of space.
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Old 12-10-2013, 11:58
mimi dlc
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Ikea would like to apologise to those customers who wished to buy a BROOS this weekend and were disappointed that the item had been temporarily withdrawn for Health and Safety reasons.
We hope that you were pleased with the recommended substitute item TESSNCLAUD.

Early feedback shows that this item seems to perform even better than BROOS.

At the moment, Ikea are undecided if TESSNCLAUD will become a permanent item in the catalogue, although we have been told by many customers that BROOS is past its sell-by date and should be removed from stock.
Ikea are pleased (after a fashion) to announce that BROOS will be available again from this Saturday for a limited period only, as the product is being removed next week again for an overhaul.

As a special offer, if you buy a BROOS today, you get a free remote control with mute button and FF function
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Old 12-10-2013, 14:03
mimi dlc
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After Quality Control checks, the CHŶNGVINSEFF display unit has been withdrawn from sale after 9 out of 10 customers rated CHŶNGVINSEFF as rubbish
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Old 12-10-2013, 14:32
duckylucky
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The DELLØLIØ sofa throw is being discontinued from the Ikea range . It was found to be lacking in functionality and more for show . Costumers complained about the throw being a waste of space .
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Old 12-10-2013, 14:44
mimi dlc
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The DELLØLIØ sofa throw is being discontinued from the Ikea range . It was found to be lacking in functionality and more for show . Costumers complained about the throw being a waste of space .
An additional problem was that the DELLØLIØ sofa throw tended to leave make up marks all over your sofa
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