We have received some strange feedback for this item.

Quote: Eet was not a throw. Eet was a cape.

Can you ensure the FNNITY is stored away from any microphones as it has the tendency to squeak really loudly? Thanking you.

We are proud to announce a new product especially for use on Sunday evenings. It is the LENSLENS and is a most entertaining kaleidoscope of images that change weekly. Closely associated with the JOODG units it often displays eccentric behaviour by the unstable BROONOW. Best watched in conjunction with CLDIA but please ensure that the CLDIA is firmly seated to prevent mishaps.

The ASHLEE does indeed work in the ballroom, although it is difficult not to miss the handsome lines of the GETHN. When the very antique, highly polished but slightly off colour BRCE is finally phased out from SCD Ikea, it might the perfect time to re-introduce the GETHN to the catalogue as the perfect replacement for the worn out BRCE!

LOVE this thread :') please, carry on..

Product update:

After an unfortunate incident over the weekend it is recommended that the MYRZ is not to be used with a tablecloth. Reports of flailing drapery have been received leading to many ruined dinner parties.

Alternatively, it is suggested by the manufacturers that should you wish to decorate the MYRZ with a cloth it is better suited to a more rowdy evening than a genteel soiree.

Brilliant thread. Can't stop laughing. But disappointed that there is no PO(A)SH product in your shop.

Notice from The Management:

It has come to the attention of The Management that there are concerns about catalogue item GÜMED. The Management would like to reassure customers this item has been made the same way as all the other items on offer and has not been refined in the Chippendale factory. The lines of the GÜMED are due to the adaptability of the material used and the skill of the manufacturer. It is hoped that with increased work from the manufacturing staff the other items in the STRKLY 11 range will show the same improvement.

(NB: Customers should be aware that the MYRS is still showing a worrying tendency to look like a packing crate when it is brought into the showroom as a single unit but placing it next to the HAWAR does impart a certain charm. Work is still ongoing to remove the slight yet lingering odour of fish fingers from the CLFTN)

The VÄNESSÄ table cloth was discontinued due to lack of interest from the public . People bought the table cloth in expectation of a classy dining experience , but found it cheap and brash and gaudy .
Despite its designers thinking it was a beauty to behold it was deemed to be dull and heavy and lacked charm

The coordinating unit has been withdrawn with immediate effect. The drawers kept falling out.

I too love this thread - you are all so clever! Thank you! Keeeeep cataloguing......

Revived for another season are the popular sellers from our offshoot Strictly ITT catalogue, the ZOEEBLL and the WAYT.

The ZOEEBLL entertainment unit works well with the taller customer when ballroom positioning is required and has a reputation for success in Brazilian samba bands. Its versatility means that it can also be converted to a more compact system suitable for relaxing evenings at home and comes with a range of scatter cushions and throws which are compatible with those found in the main catalogue.

The main add-on unit to the ZOEEBLL is the WAYT, a classic tall unit which has been in the catalogue for 9 years now. Sadly due to record past sales and recent manufacturing cutbacks we have a seriously limited stock of the WAYT and it can currently only be purchased on a Wednesday in selected stores. Rumours that the WAYT incorporates a piece of technology formerly found in the BÖÖG are being investigated as it is thought this may have led to the retirement of the popular BÖÖG model.

Supplementary accessories for the ZOEEBLL include the KAHNHARDEE and the FNNITY, although customer feedback suggests these are not as successful as the WAYT partnership.

Well it was made from felts!

(Rather than from a finer fabric.)

Therefore more suited to a one-off garish occasion such as Christmas!

Have just come across this thread. Fantastic. Very clever people

IKEA would like to confirm that it is planning to add a new GLTTRBAWL embellishment to one of its existing products. Although this enhancement is not planned to take place until December, to coincide with the Xmas season, IKEA would like to make it clear that there is absolutely no truth in the rumour that it has already drafted designs to include this in the GÜMED. All options are still being considered.

IKEA would like to apologise that the KVINFRUMGRMSBY range was inadvertently exhibited in is pale unfinished state. As we speak the factory is working hard to ensure that all chests are henceforth only exhibited in the finished sculptured and varnished state. It is understood that the unfinished and pale state of the wood offended a few people and that a certain Russian import is looking for this naked version in order to colour it several shades of black and blue .

EDIT- the JLIEN / GLTTRBAWL combo and MYRZ /GLTTRBAWL combos did not get beyond the "back of a fag packet" draft stage

SCD Ikea is proud to introduce its latest bedroom piece: the ABICLSSI. Providing instant glamour, this elegant vanity table has tall thin legs which come in either half pink/ half white or medium mahagony. It is equipped with a 3-way mirror which is conducive to pouting and hair flicking. Its drawers are lined with silk and lace and, unlike on various pieces of the SCOOZ range, are not known to drop easily. It looks extremely good positioned against a slavic background, and has also proved popular with customers with sporty tastes. This piece, who seemed such a sure winner at first, has lately shown some worrying signs of wobbliness and some customers have also started questioning its depth. Ikea is nevertheless confident that it will remain in stock for a while and add well needed sparkle to its surroundings.

Love this one

SCD Ikea is proud to present the DARMD garden furniture range. These solidly built pieces including table, chairs, and statue can be firmly planted into the garden, and are able to withstand the toughest of weather conditions (except the heat of latin nights) so are suited to the cool of Northern Europe. For a more decorative effect the DARMD series can be teamed with the WHERE'SNICOLE? range of coverings including chair cushions and tablecloth. We advise that the DARMD range is designed as an outdoor range and as such is heavy footed for an internal environment.
Last edited by Ballroom-B. : 16-10-2013 at 14:47

IKEA acknowedges that it needs to consider more carefully the recommended placement of its furnishings following the DARMD fiasco. Customer feedback to its previous offering the QWNTN had highlighted that this chair functioned well when placed in an upmarket car even when driven at top speed, but was distinctly wobbly and difficult to move around when transferred indoors, even when placed beside the very classy NWBRRY, an item made of fine hazel wood and displayed to its best advantage in a large ballroom. In view of this it has shelved plans for similar CLRKSN, HMMND and MY models as simply not being versatile enough.

The prototypes for CLRKSN, HMMND and MY worked with wheels attached, but the designers found that removing the castors rendered the items nigh on useless.
Focus groups also complained that the upholstery needed to come in other fabrics, and not just denim, denim or denim.

Only connoisseurs of vintage models will have the vaguest idea what you're on about here.........

Coughs......

Half of this year's crop are so vanilla, that one needs to trawl the back catalogue to find someone worth "doing" !