...and adults of all ages and sexual orientation.
Hours of fun for all the family

IKEA is overjoyed to announce, that after 42 years in the making, we can finally introduce the ZOIBOL to the British market. Spawned by the more traditional JONNEBOL(now antique in status) - the ZOIBOL is a statuesque piece of work, which will command your attention at all times. Only available in black and gold at this time, the ZOIBOL is slim enough to sit in any corner, but by use of a clever lever, the legs can be opened to accomodate a FATBOI from the our successful JUNKI range. No doubt aided by the success of the JONNEBOL, we feel we have created a true conversation piece, indeed a piece that talks over anyone in the room. Its predecessor the occasional WINKY will continue in its current form - quirky and plain, it remains popular.

We are pleased to announce the return of the GMEDE to the show room after concerns about a fault in the manufacture.

The weak back panel has been strengthened, but owners are still advised not to over use the piece for a few weeks as there is still a slight tendency to fall to one side if stressed.

Strictly Ikea would also like to deny that the IVETAR will have any problem whatsoever if it should acquire a dirty mark.

The recent limited edition gold model appears to be very popular with many male customers

IKEA is embarrassed to admit that the new tartan upholstered DAVENKARN proved unpopular with customers and the item has since been withdrawn.

I almost forgot to stop pouring the hot water from the kettle while reading these and laughing so much, almost melted my FULLRTON melamine tea mug!

SCD IKEA wish to apologise to customers regarding the BENTØN. There was a mix up at the factory this week and the item released as a special James Bond anniversary tie-in was issued instead of the usual item. Admittedly customers did get a beautiful golden multi functional IVETA with the BENTØN but we assure customers this won't happen again.

Also customers expecting a delivery of a DARCEE this week at the Blackpool branch will have to arrange delivery from Brighton.

BIB -

In honour of our main distribution centre being located temporarily to Blackpool, for one week only we are re-stocking the KELLEH. This is a small, slightly immobile piece with the main feature being when opened it says 'Blackpool' all the way through. Luckily for purchasers, the KELLEH does think it is slightly better than it is, and has no trouble standing alongside the WITTLE. It has been seen to move slightly on occasion and nudge the LUKA to one side.

(NB: for those wishing to purchase the DXON it is probably better to wait until the distribution is moved from Blackpool as it does not work well in that environment for some reason).

IKEA would like to make it clear that the chair that Bruno keeps falling off was NOT purchased from them.
Any complaints should be sent to Argos

Emergency Safety Reminder: We are re-releasing the special AMRCNSMTH edition of the TOYNTN in celebration of SCD Ikea's return to Blackpool. We remind you once again that this beautiful, unorthodox piece should never, ever be placed within 10 feet of a LENN JOODJ item as the latter radiates feelings of outrage and unhappiness to everyone in the room.

IKEA regrets that due to further delays to our planned new store in Reading supplies of the locally produced and stored WAITE remains limited. Currently IKEA can only guarantee midweek delivery of the WAITE but would like to take this opportunity to apologise that deliveries during Halloween week were made with an inappropriate cover resulting in limited performance.

Following an unfortunate incident in the States, SCD IKEA has issued a product recall notice for the LNN unit. This longstanding favourite has developed a dangerous instability and has been known to explode, endangering innocent bystanders. Please return to your local branch for a full refund and complimentary jar of pickled walnuts.
If your LNN unit changes colour and emits sounds similar to 'gaahn' 'gertcha' 'wawnutts', leave the vicinity immediately and call the SCD IKEA disposal squad . Do not attempt to disarm the unit yourself

LOL.

SCD IKEA wishes to apologise to customers. Due to a design fault the HARDEE was redesigned as a teapot on legs this week. Please return for an immediate refund.

This thread is brilliant. If I'm bored,I just come to this thread and it cheers me up to no limit. Thanks.

Ikea are proud to announce the JANETALJAZ range of compact furniture .Made to fit a tiny apartment it can be rearranged to ensure two can sit at the same time if necessary .

Catalogue addendum: Customers may like to know that the CLNCEE now comes with ear plugs as an optional extra. While some buyers have no problem with the unit, a number of potential customers have noticed that it can emit an irritating whine that puts them off this elegant model.

This.

BIB - Note to manufacturers - do not EVER do this again !

SCD IKEA are pleased to announce a new addition to the catalogue. It's a 2-piece item called KUPPLES which looks best when placed next to the DALY. KUPPLES comes in a variety of sizes, shapes and colours to grace any room or decor. However it is not always advisable to put it too close to the JOODG range because it could easily be damaged by the flailing arms of the BROONOW or the exploding LNN.

Addendum: Some of our customers in London and the South-East have reported that when purchasing KUPPLES and DALY as a package, they have subsequently begun to speak in a strange dialect only normally heard somewhere north of Watford.

My favourite so far!

IKEA is very much aware that its Christmas advert is now one of the most discussed amongst viewers and would like to confiirm that this year's advert is being designed. This advert is usually shown just once in the run up to Christmas and runs for a full hour (John Lewis, eat yer heart out!)

The advert usually features some of the more popular items currently available, with seasonal music playing in the background. IKEA also tries to provide a glimpse of the year's full range of units towards the end of the advert. The advert always features a long standing favourite, the JOODG unit, usually adorned with some amusing seasonal decorations.

Sometimes we like to include some retrospective review of our more successful past units. The JLLHLFPNY and the DRRNGGH are particularly popular although unfortunately their original partner units the DRRN and LLIA are no longer available to accompany them. If we do decide to feature the aforesaid items, we will find suitable partner units.

Strictly IKEA are delighted to announce an upgrade to their popular compact seating unit KFG.
The premium seating unit has been renamed the KFMFG, and now comes upholstered in a stunning red fabric with gold accents and contrasting black castors.

On wooden parquet flooring, KFMFG can cover large distances with the lightest of pushes, with the smooth movement complemented by a faint Olé olé olé squeaking noise.

Please see our window display in our Blackpool store- KFMFG is displayed alongside our lovely window treatment ZUZNA- Gorgeous full length curtains in a hot spicy red.
Just open the windows to see how prettily ZUZNA wafts in the breeze