((()))

Are they spring mounted tho?

Following a high level of customer queries over the last week, Strictly IKEA wish to confirm that the SNWDN wardrobe from our 2008 catalogue will not be re-stocked. Whilst SNWDN was very popular with some customers, feedback showed that it was over-priced and the extended legs proved unwieldy. It also has a tendency to meltdown if placed near the CHAMBRS unit which replaced it in our stores following a controversial customer survey.

We will however retain the hugely popular BACFL promotional material for this item.

Please note that for safety reasons we can now provide a fire proofed version of KFMFG. However this extra safety feature.is only available with the red and gold accent upholstery.

Note also that the ZUZNA curtains are made in a quite heavy fabric and can therefore also be used as a floor covering if so desired.

Strictly IKEA would like to add that the BACFL is currently two for one with the MPPTS as part of the SHTSHDÅNZ special offer.

A number of customers have noticed an intermittent fault with The KOHL unit and have contacted our Customer Services to complain about a low grumbling noise which escalates into a high pitched whine coming from it on what seems to be weekly basis.

Our Technical Support are looking to this, but in the interim suggest placing the KOHL in a separate room to the combined JOODJES desk unit as a temporary fix.

SCD Ikea would like to apologise for the recent technical problems associated with the BROOS antique entertainment unit.
At the moment it is unclear if this is a temporary software problem, or a irredeemable fault with the hardware.

Technical support information will be released soon and will either involve a reboot or THE boot.

Customers who have purchased the SMGSANNA unit from SCD Ikea are invited to return the unit to your nearest store for a full refund, following a high number of reports that when placed in the same room as the JOODJES units, the head on SMGSANNA drops towards the chest, causing the eyes to roll up a la Princess Di. Customers have reported that this induces bouts of extreme nausea.

Ikea would like to issue a correction.

Apparently our Humberside branch (location :Kevin, Grimsby) announced that they have never stocked any ARJENTYNTANGO. Closer checking of their inventory has revealed that something resembling this item has been available in the past.

The designers have been hard at work (apparently their best inspiration comes while in the pub) and are preparing to launch their Autumn/Winter 2014 range here at Strictly IKEA.

As a special treat (we had to shut them up somehow) here are a couple of sneak previews of the delights to come:
An addition to our popular Humberside range and sister piece to KFMFG, the JWANN is likely to prove popular for those liking a touch of Northern style.
We are also proud to announce the addition of a TRYSTN to our Celtic range, this has many pre-orders from female customers already.

Sadly due to malfunction we have had to withdraw the WINDSR as the back kept falling out after repeated load testing. Also leaving our shelves this season will be the CHŶNGVINSEFF (due to a problem processing payments made by a major brand of credit card) and the JMMY variant of the JORDNWARE range. The latter has been discontinued due to it's inability to remain quiet despite various applications of oil and WD40.

We would also like to confirm all speculation that the BROOS has indeed been withdrawn from circulation although we are baffled as to why the DUBEKK is still available. We are hoping that the DULATT is out of stock in the warehouse.

Love the bit in brackets- I was a bit slow to catch on!



Customer surveys revealed that 9 out of 10 thought that CHŶNGVINSEFF was rubbish.
The 10th was unable to answer owing to excessive drooling

This forum has thrown up (yes) total brilliance on occasion over all the series.

But for me, this thread ranks as the best, funniest and cleverest of the lot. Absolutely classic.

After the Red Carpet teaser of our new catalogue, we would like to recall all 2014 models of our long-standing item WAR DRB.

It seems that it has a tendency to become two-tone on the rear and also frequently disintegrates into unflattering tassles of wood. Its ability to accommodate a larger customer is also being called into question, although we are aware that this is a known fault.

Our designers are hard at work on a replacement model which we hope to roll out on Sunday.

Catalogue ammendment:

Customers should be aware that the Trophy Cabinet currently in the cataloge as MRRY is now being renamed the JYDI* to avoid the disappointment of customers expecting delivery the rumoured but not yet in production prototype ANDI.

(* in the short term, the JYDI will be supplied with brackets to fix the legs firmly to the floor while the workshop resolve its tendency to appear to jump in the air at moments of excitement).

The earlier versions of JYDI were topped off in a rather garish dyed blonde finish.
This has now been replaced with a much more stylish silver topping

IKEA would like to apologise for the fault in unveiling the GINEFRR unfortunately the curtaining around the bottom failed to fall off but quality control would like to reassure everyone that this fault has been recifified and all future curtaining on all pieces will fall off as previously experienced with many of our more famous pieces such as the KREN and CHLSEPETT

A more minor reason for the CHŶNGVINSEFF's withdrawal was the inexplicable tendency of the JYDI to roll towards it, no matter where it was positioned in the warehouse.

To be on the safe side, therefore, the ALJZ, the KVLEV and the newly introduced TRYSTN will all be stored in separate warehouses to the JYDI to pre-empt any similar malfunction (in case the leg brackets do not prove strong enough). Testing with the DUBEKK has not produced any such effect (indeed, one could swear the JYDI moves in the opposite direction despite its currently fixed legs).

Greatly looking forward to the unveiling of the THOM! Slimline yet rugged good looks, expected to be popular

There have been some quality control problems with the THOM- no matter how well secured it seems, the top keeps coming off

True, but this I find is not necessarily a problem as the model still functions satisfactorily. The legs are sturdy, well-turned and support quite a heavy load. They are hinged halfway down, which facilitates manoeuvering it into a small space. Also, with the top removed, it is more easily lowered into a horizontal position for ease of polishing. Then, when fully buffed up, the top may be replaced and the THOM admired once more in its entirety.

Anyone wishing to fully appreciate the THOM should ensure they are not the owners of one of our earlier pieces, the BRUKS. In the warehouse it had been noted that the 2 pieces tend to gravitate towards each other with the BRUKS always managing to hide the THOM from direct view.

THOM's manoeuvrability is particularly useful for those who need to carry their furniture up several flights of stairs. They might also like to ensure that they order THOM in the wipe-clean waxed finish- any drooling over THOM can be easily wiped off to restore THOM to its original model condition.

As well as the upright, there is also a chest version of the THOM available which is most appealing. It looks most inviting when made the focus of attention and laid in the centre of the room, preferably upon a plush carpet. Its handsome features may then be admired at close quarters.

customers wishing to replace their worn out KAHNHARDEE are recommended to have a look at the recent addition to our catalogue, the JWANN.

JWANN comes from the same Northern design stable as perennial favourite KEVNFROMGRIMZBI.

JWANN features all the beloved attributes of KAHNHARDEE.... hypermobile, can spin to and fro whether you want it to or not, plus a stunning ivory veneer feature always on display.
JWANN will overshadow any other piece of furniture in the room.

JWANN comes with a free TV in case you feel the need to put your foot through the screen of your existing one.

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