So here it is:
PILLS and booze addict Matt Cardle has emerged from a month in rehab to sensationally reveal last night how he was just weeks from death.
The singer, who got hooked on mixing prescription drugs with alcohol after winning The X Factor, confessed: “I was so out of it — I was like a zombie.”
He finally realised he needed to kick his Valium habit after he repeatedly COLLAPSED in public, began to STRIP OFF on a train — and almost CHOKED to death when he threw up in his sleep.
The desperate star checked himself into a clinic after breaking down in front of his family on Boxing Day.
He told The Sun on Sunday: “The doctor said to me if I’d been left to my own devices for another three or four weeks I might not be here now.”
At the height of his hell the 30-year-old was getting plastered while gulping down huge doses of the anti-anxiety pills — which he first innocently took to conquer his fear of flying.
Whenever he was spotted, he lied that they were antibiotics.Matt said chillingly:
“I didn’t have my wits about me to even count how many I’d taken. It was a lethal situation. Towards the end I was so out of it I was asking people around me how many pills they’d seen me eat.
That is what kills people. It’s what killed Heath Ledger and Anna Nicole Smith.
Any time I started to feel stressed I would lean on the drugs and drink.
I was kidding myself thinking I had a handle on it.
That little word in front of the drug — “prescription” — gave it an air of safety for me.
But it’s the total opposite — they are so highly addictive both physically and mentally.”
Matt finally hit “rock bottom” at Christmas — when he broke down sobbing as his nephew gave him a present on Boxing Day. His brother begged him to seek professional help.
The next day the singer was admitted to the Priory clinic in Chelmsford, Essex.
Matt praised family and friends — including One Direction’s Harry Styles and Niall Horan — for supporting him during his battle to get “clean”.
The band were fellow contestants when he won The X Factor in 2010. Matt said: “We all went through a lot together and they have always been there for me.”
He told how his Valium and alcohol addiction spiralled last year after he broke up with his girlfriend of 18 months — dancer Sarah Robinson, 27.
The singer, who also blamed overwork, said: “I was burnt out emotionally and physically.”
He had been buying the pills online. Recalling the grim words of the doctor, he said: “To be told it is life or death, I was like, ‘Hold on a minute, how have I come to this? How has it got this bad?’”
During his spell in the Priory he ended up playing the bleakest gig of his life — to an audience of eight fellow patients on New Year’s Eve. Matt said:
“I took my guitars in with me and I had a little serenade for the guys in there on New Year’s Eve. I was still under heavy sedation. I didn’t sound great but they seemed to appreciate it. It was the weirdest gig I have ever done. But you have to hit rock bottom in order to come back. I definitely did that. I have never been in such a dark place.”
Matt told how he first took Valium in 2012 to combat his fear of flying as he travelled backwards and forwards to Los Angeles.
In the end he was taking four times the prescribed dose — washed down with booze. Matt said: “I never thought about suicide but I almost killed myself unintentionally.
“Once I woke up when I had been sick in my sleep. I was lying on my front but if it had been the other way round, it would have been a different story. It was a 50/50 thing.”
It was not until December — when he travelled to Essex to spend Christmas with his family — that he finally suffered a complete meltdown.
Matt told how on the train there he was “barely standing”. He went on: “I had already pushed it too hard and I passed out on the train — spilling beer all over myself. I started getting changed on the train and got half naked.
“I didn’t know where I was or what I was doing.
“All my sense of what was good and bad and right and wrong had gone out of the window.”
He managed to make it to a popular diner where his brother and his pals were waiting for him. Matt said:
“I remember getting to this busy restaurant. I saw my brother and his mates all sat there — and I just collapsed. My brother dragged me out to the garden and said: “This can’t carry on.” In the morning when I woke up all the pills were gone. I had eaten them all. I don’t remember how many I’d had but it was an empty packet.
I’d done 40 milligrams before I’d even got on the train — which is already far too much for anyone.
I was hurting head to toe. I was an emotional wreck. I could not stop crying.”
He found himself torn between spending Christmas with his family or immediately going into rehab. Matt said: “I tried not taking anything on Boxing Day but I was up for about an hour and the physical pain started. My nephew came up to give me a present and I collapsed crying. My brother took me into the kitchen and I took my pills, had a drink, levelled myself out — and got myself ready to go to rehab the next day.
“I just thank whoever is looking after me up there that I didn’t slip away and I am still here to talk about it.”
His four weeks in the Priory saw him weaned off the pills and the alcohol. Now he is looking forward to starting a nationwide tour in April. His new single Hit My Heart is due for release on March 31.
Matt said: “My fans have been so great — I just want to be able to go out and give it 150 per cent for them. I am completely sober for the first time in a long time — and I feel brilliant.
“I have had a long time caning it and partying.
“I feel sharper and healthier than I’ve ever felt in my life and I’m really relishing this at the moment. For now booze is an absolute no-no as part of my recovery.”
He said of winning The X Factor — when fans saw him duet with Rihanna: “There is a lot of pressure and expectation. You have just got to be vigilant and keep your wits about you and look after yourself. Leaving my record company and splitting from my girlfriend within a couple of months was a big blow to me emotionally.
“I have a very addictive personality. When I was taking Valium and having a drink I felt emotionally at ease.
“But ultimately I was trying to run away from how I was feeling in my head.”
Matt warned others to beware falling into the same trap.
He said of his pills nightmare: “I want to use what happened to me in a positive way to raise awareness of the dangers.”
VALIUM is the best-known trade name of diazepam, a sedative and relaxant useful where there is acute anxiety, writes Sun Doctor CAROL COOPER.
But like all drugs it has a downside.
Alcohol seriously increases the risk of side effects including sleepiness next day, confusion, poor co- ordination, falls, even aggression.
Diazepam is a downer, so makes depression worse.
It can take weeks to overcome withdrawal so should be used for the shortest time possible.
..until i get upstairs
