I find this the most passive-aggressive overused phrase. It basically means "I don't like ....(whoever)" but by using "I can't warm to..." it makes it sound as if its some subsconsious -out -of -your-hands power forcing you not to like said person. Considering people pick apart every little thing contestants do and go out of their way to look for things to criticise, I cannot believe this is the case. Also, it makes it seem as if it is the person they are not "warming to"'s fault - as if they are too cold.

Why can't people just admit they don't like someone, even if they don't have a reason for their dislike? It's much more honest.

With the greatest respect....

Chel.

It is perfectly possible, if you have a modicum of intellect, to not empathise with someone, yet not dislike them. I can't say that I dislike any of the competitors or professsional dancers in the show. There are some for whom I have less sympathy than others. For example Abbey comes across as a down to earth girl who has a natural charm. I am of the opinion that Natalie is much the same having a wicked sense of humour. I warm to one more than the other, but that does not mean that I dislike either of them.

I someone dislikes a competitor in this show, they are taking the show far too seriously. That is not to say that it couldn't be improved with certain changes, but it is a light entertainment show after all.

I agree with this completely!

I agree with the OP. it's just a cowardly approach to making a personal criticism.

I think the OP has a point.

Overheard on tonight's thread:-

"I can't warm to ....."
"Nor me. I really hoped she'd go tonight"


For many posters Its dislike, couched in a coy term.

I couldn't warm to Abbey until this week, but this week I did.

Take the example given by TonyCollins above. I can say that I like all of the pros and professionals left in the competition- as people! But I can say, maybe flipping it around to a more positive sense, that I warm to Sophie more than the others!

I think I can sum this up with Dave and Karen this series. Dave is clearly one of the nicest people on the planet- can't dance to save his life, but gracious, kind, and fun. However, I really didn't get the humour of his routines, and thought Craig giving his Cha Cha and Paso "2" was being 2 marks too generous on both occasions!

At no point in me "not warming' to Dave and his dancing, and wishing every week his name would be read out by Tess and he'd be in the bottom 2, was at no point me criticising his character, which was peerless! Just because I didn't find his routines entertaining didn't mean I disliked him!

I agree with OP and there is a lot of people who use it.

Thank you! This is the kind of thing I was referring to which I see everywhere - you illustrated it better than me

IMO it used against one particular Celeb and I think many of us know who it is.

I've seen it usually levelled against Natalie and/or Patrick, and inversely about Susanna and Sophie, with Abbey somewhere in the middle of this thermometer of dance! It's definitely a subjective thing, which is why it possibly comes across as dislike, but unless someone openly acts obnoxiously or controversially, the worst it ever is is someone disagreeing with the judges' scores- never anything personal!

In which case, using the phrase 'I can't warm to Dave' would be highly confusing if what you meant was , 'Dave seems a lovely bloke but he's a useless dancer and is being over marked'.
There's nearly always a clearer, better, less ambiguous phrase than 'I can't warm to'. If people don't want to use it, perhaps the whole sentiment is better unsaid?

All right then. I really dislike Abbey and would have been delighted to see her go tonight. Is that better?

Well, look at it the other way. "Dave is a rubbish dancer, but he's a nice bloke and his dances are entertaining; I warm to him, so I'm going to vote to keep him in!"

If I'm going to take the opposing view "Dave's a rubbish dancer, alright he's a nice bloke but his dances don't entertain me- I haven't warmed to him enough to vote to keep him in!"

I admit, not everyone will be using it in this way, but not everyone who uses the term negatively is doing it from a point of personal dislike!

Whatever your view of Dave (or anyone else), expressing your position clearly, rather than using the weaselly 'can't warm to' format has to be an improvement because - apart from anything else- it's unambiguous?

I've seen it used mostly in a negative way - about all of the above couples! You've probably used it just to mean you don't feel strongly about someone but so many on this forum use it as a parade to hide the fact that they don't like someone, but don't have a valid reason not to like them. I completely disagree that its "never personal". I could go and quote all the posters that have used it in a personal way but that would make me eve more petty than I already am


Exactly!


At least that's honest! (If that's what you actually think) Like The Swampster says, if people don't want to openly show they dislike someone then why hint at it at all!

Oh I agree, as I say, there's little distinction between me using it in this context and someone using it for the very reason you're describing (and I must confess, off the back of this, I deliberately refrained from using the phrase "I can't warm to..." in a different thread, to avoid this ambiguity) But I think the point is you're can't tar us all with the same brush.

I think she's been a slow grower for lots of folk, but is now starting to blossom.

Dare I utter the 'J' word?

It's an interesting J! Certainly not the likes of Darren Gough or Matt Di Angelo as the ones who start slow and become good by the end, but in personality wise! I couldn't stand Abbey before the series started, but I think she's definitely softened as she's gone on and gotten into the spirit! Hell, I was just surprised she smiled after her Waltz in Week 1 given all the moody model publicity photos she did after the launch show!

I think I've definitely warmed to her! (Phrase used correctly!) x

Oh can I add another common DS phrase that is worse but used slightly less frequently? "Leaves me cold". Even more passive than "I can't warm to"

Perhaps Chelsee or Dani had similar 'J's'? I wasn't really aware of any of them pre SCD but all grew on me. It's one of the nicest things about SCD, being introduced to those you'd never notice otherwise or getting a new perspective on folk you had previously dismissed.

meh ..

I don't warm to Natalie or more particularly I really mean I don't warm to Natalie's dancing.

There, maybe that is a bit more specific, clear wording in case anyone thinks I don't like her personally. I have no reason not to like her, she comes across as a perfectly nice person, who has also coped very well with and come back from injury and illness issues.

Her dances are technically generally good, and while aware of this supposed training she's previously had ( I am not aware of the details ), I maybe give her slightly less credit than others, but it is ultimately not any sort of big issue for me.

On the night though I don't warm to Natalie's dances in an almost indefinable way. I never really have, they don't pull me in or now ever have me really interested in watching like just about everyone else left in. I am sure many of us have dancers we are just waiting to see again and others that we are much less bothered about, that doesn't mean we don't like them.

There are probably ( and I'm almost trying to analyse it as I write ) various things that draw me in to others such as : Sophie just intrigues me, she's a bit quirky and I have enjoyed watching her confidence develop and maybe become less self conscious. Susanna is a slightly older contestant who I have known only for her day job, and I enjoy watching her give it her all, sometimes a bit out there in being deliberately showey, but not in a way that annoys me really. And Abbey, she has seemed more and more as if she is having a ball, especially as she seems to feel and see herself getting better and thus she becomes more confident in a natural, pleasurable way. Then there is Natalie, and I just don't know, there is nothing in particular about her dances or her "journey" in this series that pulls me in and I am never : oh here's Natalie, what will we have this week, in the way that I feel with most others like I have named there.

I have certainly used the phrase "I don't warm to Natalie" and a kind of combination of all of the above is what I mean, but I'd prefer not to write even a fraction of it each time ! I certainly don't dislike her or am I being dishonest in any way. Others may have similar, slightly different or indefinable reasons for using the phrase, and yes some may actually be substituting it for dislike and just wanting rid of the person.

But OP, don't pigeonhole folk or assume you know how they really feel or what they mean, or make more clear that this might apply to some folk. Because if you feel it about everyone using the phrase, I just think that you are very wrong.

Thank you .
Very well said and well articulated too

I especially agree with your last paragraph .

Don't assume OP that you know what other people think when they say certain things and stop with the generalisations !!!!