What if it is exactly that?

You meet someone and you have a gut sense that you dislike them ... then you try to analyse it to explain why you dislike them ... but maybe that explanation you come up with is just an excuse or a legitimating device to make you feel better and justified in disliking them ... because you can give your "reason" for disliking them.

So at the end of the day maybe the "reason" is just an excuse for justifying your own gut sense of disliking them. Actually you can see it in many posts - a poster will create a long list of why they don't like a given person ... some of which is entirely irrelevant.

I think the key to personal development and growth is that once you identify these so called reasons you can question them to determine whether they are valid or invalid. Of course not everyone is keen on self-development (they are happy with their status quo).

Well said, or I'd maybe more say instinctively "don't warm" to someone rather than "dislike", although it might stretch to dislike on occasion.

One can try one's best to analyse it and give "reasons" as I did with Natalie. But it more "just is" we are separate human beings that have almost indefinably not felt drawn together.

Personally I don't have a problem with the phrase, the one that really annoys me is "the haters" used by some just because another forum poster doesn't agree with their view point. I dont t "hate" anyone but there are a couple that I just can't "warm too" but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the technical aspects of their dances but I have been referred too as a "hater" to me that is a much lazier use of the English language than saying you can't worm to someone
There is a difference between that in definable gut feeling of "doubt" ( probably not the best word to describe it) about someone that you just can't put into words and disliking someone

Yes fair enough: "don't warm to" doesn't necessarily mean you dislike them - it's just one of those shades of the English language lying between "dislike" and "neutral".

I think we can all recognise as social beings we don't all automatically get on with everyone else and at the heart of it it's probably emotionally based - then we use our reason to justify our emotional reaction. Of course we can change our feelings - the more we learn about the "other person" - our feelings could completely reverse, remain the same, or become more trenchant.

In some professions we have to learn to separate our actions from our feelings (e.g. education, research, medicine, law etc) - but ultimately it is our feelings that makes us human.

Because it woudn't be more honest. Yes, I'm sure some people use it as a passive dislike, but for me the phrase is far closer to "I was open to liking this person but I am repeatedly failing to get any emotional response from their dancing."

I think many of us want to grow to like people on this show, people we may barely have heard of before. Part of the magic of Strictly is its ability to create and grow that performer-audience bond. But sometimes it happens, often where you don't expect it, and sometimes it doesn't. I was favourably disposed to our Olympians last year, but didn't warm to either. I didn't dislike them either, but I just didn't feel for them. Whereas say Dani I'd heard of her character but not her, but thoroughly enjoyed her dances and partnership - I warmed to her. Ditto Mark this year and Sophie, Susanna (or at least Kevin!) and Abbey (who I hadn't expected to warm to).

It's a personal thing. It may be heavily influenced by a performer's charisma or performance, but at the end of the day it's a person-person reaction. But not warming to someone for me is not at all the same as disliking them. Natalie and Patrick both look to be delightful people, full of humour and talent. But their dancing is not winning me over in the same way that Abbey's or Mark's has. And I wish it did, but it just isn't.

And the way you have just expressed those views is so much more interesting and informative than if you had simply said, for example, "I just can't warm to Natalie".

I don't see anything wrong with the expression. It usually means that someone hasn't done anything in particular to make you dislike them but there is just something about their personality that leaves you cold.

I can't warm to...:

I know someone is great,talented, good looking etc. no reason to hate that person but can't like her/him because perhaps I so envy them and am jealous of them but don't want to admitted it.

Something like that?

I've used it about Patrick. I don't dislike him, he seems a perfectly pleasant chap, but I haven't felt any burning desire to know more about him or see his VTs. I don't feel any connection with his dancing, and because of that I've been slightly baffled by his high scores. I shrug and accept that the judges are seeing something I'm not. I don't vomit when he comes on screen or sit with a Patrick voodoo doll in my hands waiting to stab his legs, I just don't find him as interesting or engaging as some of the others.

And if I typed that on a show thread - which is when I've used it, when Patrick has been dancing, as I don't go looking for opportunities to diss him - we'd be into the results show by the time I'd finished. So I used the relatively inoffensive short-hand of "I can't warm to him". If anything I use it to suggest a slight failing on my part, not his: he obviously has qualities that other people appreciate, so there must be something lacking in me that I can't get that.

No, not necessarily. I 'can't warm to' Abby or Natalie, but I think Sophie is great. Why does every negative opinion about any celeb always have to be brought back to 'jealousy' by some posters?

It's not a case of liking or disliking someone to me. They maybe perfectly lovely but their dance/persona doesn't warm me or bring a smile to my face.

I think this year we've had some great celebs on the show and the only one who I can truly say I couldn't take to is Dave .. To the point where I couldn't bear to watch him on ITT or his routines on the show in the end.

I don't see anything wrong in saying I can't warm to someone..I really don't.

I feel it's a failing on my part too .... Especially if the celeb is very popular with others and I'm in the minority.
Can't warm to Natalie and Artem but in no shape or form do I dislike either of them. I've watched them on ITT to try and alter my opinion but it's just not there and feel the same about their dances.

Tisay, why is a failing on your part. I genuinely don't understand all the distaste for saying "I can't warm to...".

I don't see it as a cover up for hating someone, I don't see it as passive agressive. Moreover I centainly don't see it as a character flaw in you, me or anyone who feels this way. I am baffled by the whole debate

I totally agree

I can't warm to Claudia's clothes. As a presenter she is great but I detest her styling. Is that ok?

LMAO Stef

I cant warm to Abbey & Aljaz I dont like them at all

...Natalie and Artem.

I don't think I need go on about it.

delete

I hate Brendan and Sophie. Just do. Sophie is judged way too high but she can't dance an just cos Brendan says someone is a good dancer doesn't mean they are!

Yah, my post last night was admittedly a little OTT - it's been a long week! I don't at all think that everyone using that phrase uses it to mean the same thing, but many posters are using it to mask their dislike of someone.

It's not a huge thing - I didn't expect so many people to agree/disagree with me. More like a personal pet peeve.

I cant warm to Susannah because I don't like her. I cant warm to Abbey, but think she is OK and sometimes do like her. The reason I can't warm to Susannah is because she comes across as being very desperate and thinks that she has it in the bag well that is the impression I get. But Abbey doesn't have an over rated opinion of herself and sometimes can be very endearing. But overall I do like Natalie. I like Patrick too, but don't think he is brilliant.

I use the phrase 'I can't warm to' because I dont want to say dislike or hate. Im sorry but I shall continue to use it. I can't warm to Abbey. There Ive said it again and Im sorry if it offends people

It doesn't offend me, I can't warm to Abbey, Susanna or Sophie. They are all so overmarked and overrated. I like Natalie and Patrick, that's it.