BB2. Do Helen and Paul fancy each other? To find out, BB locks them in a secret room together with no furniture except a bed, no nutrition except unlimited alcohol and no clothes except a PVC thong each. Helen's boyfriend, Big G, is brought into the house and forced to watch them on a plasma screen. After three days, when they have still done nothing more exciting than lie on their backs and talk about "stuff" that might happen one day, they are dropped into a pit of wolves and two porn actors are brought into the house instead.

BB4. Cameron asks if he can have a Bible to read in the house. BB introduce a shopping task where the housemates have to wear blood-soaked goats heads, stab each other with tridents, recite the seventh commandment backwards and sacrifice a virgin (Cameron) to Satan.

BB7. Nikki is voted out in an all housemates vote. She is allowed to choose one housemate (Richard) to go with her into a secret room; once in the room they are allowed to watch the other housemates on a giant plasma screen, and also to administer powerful electric shocks to Aisleyne at any hour of the day or night. Every time Aisleyne cries, they get a reward. Eventually Aisleyne is of no further use, and they are returned to the house, where the other housemates have to carry them round in a sedan chair while wearing loincloths for the rest of the series.

BB9. Because of a twist - a twist that 'rocks the house' - Rachel is put up for eviction in week 2. And week 3. And week 4. In week 5, in an extra-special twist, Rachel is the ONLY housemate up for eviction. Even so, five confused viewers vote for her to be evicted, allowing a cackling Davina to tell her that she is the only housemate ever to be evicted with 100% of the vote.

BB11. BB decides that Josie would be a good winner for them: humble, relatable, sure to be good in UBB. But fair IS fair. They promote, from day 2, the biggest twist in BB history: The White Room! Housemates selected at random will enter the white room, do some special tasks, and the winner will win the whole series!

The day before this twist, it is announce that Josie has a guaranteed place in the white room! BBOTS that night has none of the usual audience, just junior members of the Royal Shakespeare Company, still wearing their doublets and hose; they leap about with continuous joy (equity bank holiday rates have bought some extra zip!) and keep shouting things like "This certainly is the best thing I have ever heard in my life! I am not sure my constitution can bear so much unalloyed joy!"

Eventually Josie and three random items of furniture move into the White room. For tasks, they have to suck their thumb, eat a plate of food, and lie under a duvet. The chair, hatstand and clothes horse have no mouths and cannot move. Josie wins every task, and hence the whole series. The other housemates are bricked up inside the house and forgotten forever, except John James, who is allowed out in return for his testicles on a plate.

Brilliant.

May I?

BB10

This week's shopping task is centred on recreating biblical scenes with HMs wearing ridiculous outfits, beards and wigs, and the odd livestock brought in to trot round the garden creating mayhem. In one memorably hilarious scene, Noirin - who was voted for by BB viewers to play The Adulteress - is dragged into the garden and pelted with large rocks by Sree, Marcus and Siavash while Freddie sermonises nearby and Bea cackles malovently wearing an "I Hate Noirin" self-made sackcloth.

So popular was the bible task that a variant is repeated in BB14. This time, in a recreation of the Adam & Eve genesis story, Hazel & Daley are forced to wear skimpy loin cloths and placed in isolation with huge quantities of Stella 'wife beater' Artois. When the task descends first into debauchery then violence, Gina appears wearing a white wig & beard as God. She casts Daley out of the garden by the side door, where he runs into the sympathetic arms of Emma Willis. Hazel remains in the house to endure daily punishment from God (voiced by Gina but chosen by viewers) until she too is cast out, this time into the crowd throwing yet more rocks, and the distinctly unsympathetic gaze of Emma Willis' lovely but cold eyes.

Great thread - but I think you and Scarlett have been generous in hoping that task ideas are found by C5 staff outside the pages of the Daily Star!

Just another day in the BB10 house then...

BB1
(As that's one of the few I can remember anything about - probably because you always remember the first time. Like losing your virginity, only the first BB was more fun and infinitely more satisfying )

Nick is called to the DR to receive his 4th warning.
(1st warning received for smuggling a pencil and paper into the house, 2nd for smuggling in an A4 notepad and a three pack of biros, 3rd one for the cunning ruse of camouflaging an A3 sketch pad and a 36 pack of gel pens as a family size wash bag and the last (pre final warning warning), for sneakily concealing a fold up office whiteboard, easel and 3 chunky board pens in the lining of his suitcase.

BB decides that his punishment will be trial by jury in the form of a task. Craig presides over the court proceedings in his position as judge, and takes his position on a booster seat. He is wearing his judges wig,a black leather thong and a pair of dusty work boots.
The jury - consisting of the remaining HM's - retire for 6 hours but fail to reach a unanimous decision (though they do make full use of the refreshments (27 bottles of wine and 3 scotch eggs) and have a jolly good time arguing and trying out novel sex positions on each other. In the absence of any input from the jury, Craig (looking smug at this unexpected and most welcome turn of events) finds Nick guilty and sentences him to death by hanging.

The hanging takes place on the BB stage and is considered a massive hit by Richard Desmond. He states "It brought in a record number of viewers. The inclusion of the fireworks and naked women greased up and manacled to pigs really made it one for the family".
It's also exclusively covered by the Daily Star and includes a full colour 16 page commemorative picture supplement.
Last edited by The Finisher : 03-02-2014 at 21:17

Brilliant.

Surely wouldn't Nick be punished by having the hot water turned off?

BB5: Michelle and Emma return from the secret bedsit. All hell breaks loose. Trays are flying. BB immediately intervenes and tells Nadia, Emma and Victor to come to the diary room immediately. Once there, they are issued with semi-automatic weapons and sent back to the house to carry on.

Have just actually laughed out loud. Am supposed to be working.


Pure genius.

CBB4: Big Brother has set up a wrestling ring in the garden and put Michael back in his electric blue leotard. Pete, looking pished off even by his standards, is wearing George's recently discarded, very sweaty, siren red version. It fits Pete better, mind.

The quivering wreck tied to a stool in the middle of the wrestling ring (otherwise known as Tracey) is blindfolded. Pete and Michael take it in turns to tag each other into the ring to shout abuse at her. Swept away with the excitement of it all, Chantelle is doing unspeakable things to Preston, Dennis is doing unspeakable things to himself and Maggot looks bewildered.

BB7 - On the last day when Aisleyne is in the DR saying she wants to leave as she will finish last and will be hated, BB will set them a task to line up in the order the bookies have them as favourites and they get a prize when they are correct. Therefore nobody is shocked in the order their names are read out. Nikki leaves before the night even starts as she was pretty sure she was going to finish Top 2 and can't deal with the humiliation.

Every single word of that is hideous.

And that is too true to be amusing. They give them so much information these days that there can be no surprises at all. People have to invent "did you see his face" moments to make up for the fact that no one is ever even slightly surprised when their name is called out.

This is a great thread.


As a variation: Cameron is shown into a room with several dozen shredders with a book of the Bible in every one, and told he must answer a question correctly to stop each machine as it automatically starts up.
Cameron cries when the gospel of St Luke is destroyed as a result of him overestimating the length of Federico's penis.

.

Yes! This is exactly right. People say ' Aw man, did you see his face? He was gutted! Pure comedy gold!!' So you rewind your recording to see someone sat there with a deadpan couldn't-give-a-f°*k expression on his fizzog. No drama. No 'pure comedy gold'. Absolutely f*^* all. When there's nothing worth watching, people will force themselves to believe that what they WISH to see is actually taking place.