There have been some superb one liners and quotes on the soaps., I haven't seen any threads about this so here goes.

Some of my favourite ones have been :


"Norman Bates with a briefcase" - Gail on Corrie

"Bubblies in the fridge!" - EE

" it's like Jeremy Kyle without the fat people!" - Cora describing the Branning family setup .EE

"You might aswell leave the baby with Darthvader!" - Zainab talking about Michael Moon looking after Scarlet. EE


Now I want to add Emily Bishop on Corrie lying to Marcus and Marie -" Walter White has had a bad break !"

"Skirt no bigger than her belt, too much eyeliner and roots as dark as her soul" - Blanche Hunt on Liz McDonald.

I miss Blanche so much!

so many blanche quotes, that we all know and love, so i won't quote them.

betty to annie walker in the rover's when she had been accused of stealing out of the till:

'you can stick your best sherry mrs walker where the monkey puts his nuts.'


many from eastenders spring to mind, recent one liners include denise to ian, when ian said he had a golden ticket to keep his business alive if the market goes under:

'is that right willy wonka.'


the scene in ee when johnny came out to mick was very touching. loved mick's line to johnny:

'so you're the one we should have called nancy.'


Shirley showing her love for sharon describing her as a:


'menopausal Barbie.'


when linda and johnny were talking about breeding lady di nancy said:

'lady di, they are going to pimp you out.'

She's about as Jewish as a bacon sandwich- Good old Pat.

In Emmerdale this week,

Dan: Roses are red, violets are blue
Cain: A punch in the face or make us a brew

Gennie's birth scene in Emmerdale during the live episode had a fair few hilarious lines "I'm a trained vegetarian!"

Blanche's line about good looks and Deirdre/Ken not having them

In last night's Corrie, Tracey Barlow referring to Tina as David Dickinson's love child.

Lol ! I found myself agreeing with that!

One of my favourites is in EE when Mo visits Pat in the hospital and says to her: -

"You keep that chin up yeah? All three of 'em!"

Also Pat when gatecrashing Janine's farce of a wedding: -

"She's about as Jewish as a bacon saaaaaannnddddwich!"

"She loves a drama, that Gail. Loves a drama. Never happy unless she's got someone's hands round her throat" Blanche

Pat and Peggy drunk "Hello Philip, this is your aunty Patricia"

Brilliant

And of course "If only he'd worn slip on shoes"

(PF) "What are you, the local Eeyore?"

"So you're the one we should have called Nancy!"

(PF) "She's about as jewish as a bacon sandwich!"

"It's like Jeremy Kyle without fat people"

(PF) "He's bought me vaguely racist oven gloves!"

"Get outta my pub!"

(PF) "If only his heart wasn't so full of love! If only he wasn't such a romantic! If only he'd worn slip-on shoes!"

Pat - "Nosy old cow!"
Peggy - "Miserable slapper!"

Roxy: "Do us a favour love, I want the low down. Who's single, who's got a bob or two, and who's just here for the ride?!"
Dot: "Oooh I say!"
Ronnie: "What a miserable bunch!"


Carol: "If Mother Teresa walked through that door you'd find fault Dot!"
Dot: "Well that's hardly likely, she's been dead for ten years"


(PF)
Myra: No matter where they take us, we'll find our own way back"
Martha: " Aw! What's that from? The Bible?"
Myra: "No. Boyzone."

This turkey's dry enough to choke a camel. - corrie blanche

Max: Don't diss a dude's doo-dahs

Take your pick from this scene, one of the best ever cat fights
...'What you all starting at'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgkfYhRWaDI

"PEE ON THE STICK, BITCH!"
ED Chas to the red head lass, can't remember her name

Carmel off Hollyoaks at Jim's funeral thinking 'her Jim' had invented the words near, far, whereever you areeeeee when Our John Paul said it was from Titanic.

Another one when she said Jim we've been burglarized!

On Emmerdale when Chas asked Paddy about any pills for the morning for hangover. He said no Rhona's had em all!

I roared laughing when Paddy said that probably shouldn't have but it was so unexpected to hear him say that.

Bet and Rita's argument over t'Rovers. The whole scene was brilliant; can't fault the acting of both actresses or writing.

"If it wasn't for Len's money you'd be nothing more than a clapped out chorus girl"

"Better than a clapped out barmaid!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKgiZlMiK6Y

"You bitch" SLAP
"You cow" SLAP

michael describing joey:

'joey is a monkey with shoes!'

another line from the great much missed michael moon:

'there are two reasons why I walk around all aloof and superior. the first reason is because, clearly, i am, and second because people expect me to.'


michael refering to janine:


'she's getting her claws cleaned.'


loved kat and roxy's remarks when they were having a spat over alfie. kat refers to roxy as 'essex', and roxy refers to kat as 'walford.'

So agree about The Dark One.

His fantastic one liners are almost too numerous to count.

I just wish he was in the show now.

During the seige last year on Emmerdale

Bernice: He's (Cameron) eyeing me up to make a suit out of my skin.

Nicola: It'd be a bit baggy.

A couple from the early days of EE:

Arthur - "Are we having Dot for Christmas lunch?"

Pauline - "No, we're having turkey, same as always."

and...

Lou - "Pauline's been painting men in the nude?!"

Arthur - "well she keeps her wellies on - she has to have somewhere to put the brushes."