The constant Quoting of meaningless statistics on Sky Sports News e.g. Mourinho's away record on Sundays against teams with more than three vowels in their name.

Also Christina Patterson, Carole Malone and Julia Hartley-Brewer on the Sky News press preview are all insufferable.

They way programme makers really milk a pre-recorded interview where somebody begins to cry:

*Person struggles through to the end and finishes the interview*

*Camera stays focused on them, sometimes dramatically zooming in on their face, in prolonged silence, almost as if it's implied that they should cry, rather than just cutting away from the now-completed interview*

*Wait 5 more seconds aaaaand...yep, the tear rolls down the cheek - producers have their money shot, cut back to main story*

Maybe this has been mentioned already, I don't know, but when a car stops on a main road, and the driver just opens the door and steps out, NEVER once glancing in the rear-view mirror.

The way the presenter always has to have a go themselves or "help out" when they're explaining something. Countryfile is particularly bad for this. It's not enough just to show somebody doing some art or craft or painting or job or whatever, the presenter always has to have a go at it themselves for some reason, presumably to show the great viewing public that it's not that easy. Or they're always having to be seen "helping out", ie make some token attempt at it, berry picking, cake making, river dredging, you name it. It's just daft. Just tell me, I'll understand.

Michael Portillo also does this sort of thing on his railway shows, but I'll let him off because I like his programmes. And I like choo-choos. Especially steam ones.

Actually I like Countryfile as well. Especially Anita Rani. And her off Blue Peter that's on it sometimes.

Many of the people on consumer rights shows, some of them really were born yesterday, and chose to ignore multiple 'red flags' because they wanted to take shortcuts and get things on the cheap. Like when they've featured:

* People expressing surprise that the item they bought for a fraction of its RRP, on a chinese website ends up being fake!

* People who buy a motor from a shifty looking 2nd hand car dealer for a great price then find out (who'd have thought!) it developed huge problems and they cant get a refund.

* people buy luxury brand perfumes from a car boot stall, are told its excess stock that's why its so cheap...and then develop a skin condition when they use it as its counterfeit!

How at this stage of life they don't have an inkling of 'this looks dodgy', 'you get what you pay for' or 'if its too good to be true it probably is' I'll never know.

Although it's not TV related, a similar thing is the "Christmas theme park".

The Daily Mail seems to run a story like this every year. Somebody sets up a Christmas theme park in a field in the middle of nowhere and it's always the same story, rubbish grotto, crappy presents, rubbish rides, elves seen having a fly fag, etc. And the parents say something like, "Oh, my children's Christmas is ruined, we paid £60 for tickets for this", etc. Why did they go? Did they think it was going to be like Lapland or something? You'd think they'd have got wise to it by now.

TV related in that one was featured on Have I got news for you last week, including a couple who took their caravan to stay for the weekend, only to find they'd seen it all in half an hour

So exactly like every driver that's ever pulled up in front of me on my bicycle then. Faultless realism, I'd say!

Oh come one. A press preview? That's bloody impressive soothsaying is that. Any chance we could get them to predict the lottery numbers too?

Did they think Derbyshire in mid November would be a crisp, white, winter - wonderland?

Mind you that particular "Blunderland" was in Bakewell - they should've been able to have a perfectly nice weekend there anyway!

They're not pretending its live. They're acknowledging that it is shown on a particular date. They're hardly likely to say "On the show we're recording in about half an hour's time we'll have a new champion. See you then!" We will see Rachel tomorrow so what's wrong with saying so?

Would you also have Hootenanny announce the chimes of Big Ben with "It's 2.37 on a random December afternoon; Happy New Year everybody!"?

There are apparently a surprising number of viewers who are unaware that the Strictly results show on Sunday night is recorded the night before, right after the live Saturday night show, even though they've been doing it this way for years. The result is not difficult to find out on the internet late on Saturday night, there is even a thread on here that gives out the result.

However the BBC cover themselves on this one by always making sure that on the Sunday night show, when the presenters talk about the Saturday show, they always say something like "Let's look back at Saturday night", and not "last night", as would be natural to say if the results show really was live on Sunday night. If you were talking to somebody on Sunday about something that happened the night before, you'd say, "Did you hear what happened last night", you wouldn't say "Saturday night". But by not saying "last night", I suppose they can claim that they are not deceiving the viewers by implying the Sunday night show is live when it isn't.

I still think it's a bit iffy though.

And they always have a perfect parking spot they can drive straight in, no having to reverse in or park several streets away

Zombies in TV films and shows - they spend the whole time feasting on the flesh of the living but never once do you see a zombie going to the toilet for a crap. Why is that? Eh?

And for those people - do they really think that, if it was live, Naga Munchetty would be able to present BBC Breakfast News (in Manchester - the show's made in London) on Monday, or that Laura Whitmore could be at the MTV Europe Music Awards (in the Netherlands) whilst she was being voted off?

Ben Fogle always has to "have a go too"

Most interviews on UK tv now are just terrible, usually because only 2 minutes or so is given to the discussing of a complex subject.

Constant interruptions, talking all over the guests' answers with a million other questions and irrelevant anecdotes of the presenter's own personal experience or views, or even just totally inane, insincere comments (hi Lorraine Kelly...). Or a million gushing compliments, if they're a precious, big, famous star.

Likewise, TV reporters throwing words into the subject's mouth - they can't just ask the relevant questions, they just HAVE to present pretentious implications. An example, something like ''So you think young children should be failed by this country?'' to an MP who's cut education funding or something.

You're a reporter. You're just supposed to get us, the public, answers to relevant, undramatised questions.

Female continuity announcers on BBC1 and BBC2 who have squeaky voices that make them sound like nine year old girls at primary school. Whatever happened to good old RP (Received Pronunciation). OK that's maybe going too far, but it now seems to be the fashion for continuity announcers to have "cuddly squeaky" voices. Probably all straight out of Media Studies "uni".

Nah, that's your telly. You need to invest in a decent speaker system! All the current BBC announcers are bass baritones on loan from one of Gareth's choirs!

Cos nothing makes fascinating telly like parking a car and walking three blocks to where the action is! We've already got people complaining that modern dramas are too slow. Heaven knows what they'd say if they had to put up with realistic traffic issues.

In 24 hours in A&E the way they lead you to think someone has died only to reveal they didn't.

Better than the other way round, surely?

You are quite correct, but it still looks ridiculous.

There is a better alternative, and that is to not show the parking. Start the shot with the protagonists approaching whatever it was they were aiming for as they arrive on foot.

Better directors already use that approach.

Showing a car arriving at its destination rarely does much for dramatic tension.

Yes, and in the latest series they're getting worse. Wish they'd ditch that syrupy muzak too.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this in the previous 56 pages (which I've not read!) but it's annoying when nobody finishes or even starts a meal. It just sits in front of them getting cold!