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CS - In Anticipation of the Coming Funeral Cliches


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Old 03-06-2014, 20:17
Boldilocks
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-- It will be raining.

-- Tracy/Mary/Norris/Beth will say something wildly inappropriate and will be told to "have a bit of respect."

-- Drunken Peter will show up.

-- Carla will arrive at the packed funeral and silence will fall and all eyes will turn to her. She may or may not make a comment that she knows they're all talking about her, or invite them to "have a good gawp".

-- No expense will be spared, though Tina was essentially penniless. Rita's chequebook comes through one last time.

-- Rob (as the least appropriate person) will be asked to say a few words. ("Tina died as she lived: gobby").

-- There will be no family presence or anyone close to Tina that would actually be at the funeral outside of the regular cast (Tommy/Graeme/Xin).


Thinking of making it a drinking game, but don't want to get too bladdered!
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:21
Lucy Lou
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Thinking of making it a drinking game, but don't want to get too bladdered!
Sounds like a good game surely Fiz will be at the forefront and do the eulogy?
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:24
trevon1
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Rita will probably sing. Maybe "Don't cry for me Argen...TINA!"
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:31
Boldilocks
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Rita will probably sing. Maybe "Don't cry for me Argen...TINA!"
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:34
Lucy Lou
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Sausage rolls and ham sandwiches back at The Rovers for the 'do' afterwards.

Tim will show up to the funeral wearing a football shirt or something else totally inappropriate much to Sally's embarrassment
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:36
sorcha_healy27
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Lizz will moan about how she were her best barmaid
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:37
trevon1
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Sausage rolls and ham sandwiches back at The Rovers for the 'do' afterwards.

Tim will show up to the funeral wearing a football shirt or something else totally inappropriate much to Sally's embarrassment
Love it! Especially the sausage rolls and ham sandwiches!

I think all of Boldilocks' predictions will come true, especially "have a bit of respect!" No way does that line get left out!
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:39
Uncle Quentin
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I'm not a fan of funerals.
I find they always tend to be miserable occasions.

I've been to quite a few, none of them have been much of a laugh to be honest.

It's even frowned upon if you start cracking a few gags, as I discovered when I got thrown out of my Nan's funeral.
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:50
trevon1
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It's even frowned upon if you start cracking a few gags, as I discovered when I got thrown out of my Nan's funeral.
Gags at your Nan's funeral? Tsk, tsk Uncle Quentin. I hope you did not pull the one where you dress up as your favourite dictator.
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:58
Uncle Quentin
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Gags at your Nan's funeral? Tsk, tsk Uncle Quentin. I hope you did not pull the one where you dress up as your favourite dictator.
Good grief no, my old Nan really disliked Pol Pot.

I went in my Hitler costume.
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Old 03-06-2014, 20:59
Purves Grundy
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Rob will deliver the eulogy and use it to drop not so subtle hints that Peter's the killer.
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Old 03-06-2014, 21:01
Pandora.
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Rob will help carry the coffin, no doubt.
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Old 03-06-2014, 21:02
trevon1
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Good grief no, my old Nan really disliked Pol Pot.

I went in my Hitler costume.
And they threw you out? Some people are so uptight at funerals!
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Old 03-06-2014, 21:02
SteveOwen
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Rob will probably be forced to act as pallbearer.

Someone (Rita?) will break down in tears during the eulogy and be unable to finish it.
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Old 03-06-2014, 21:05
Lucy Lou
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I think all of Boldilocks' predictions will come true, especially "have a bit of respect!" No way does that line get left out!
BIB:...its soap law

......also Tracey will say something inappropriate, in bad taste and very loudly with a smile on her face
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Old 03-06-2014, 21:13
Uncle Quentin
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And they threw you out? Some people are so uptight at funerals!
I know mate.
You'd think having a laugh was a crime wouldn't you.
My Nan was terrified of Hitler during the war, she spent the next forty years droning on about him, so I thought she'd appreciate the gesture.

I was a pall bearer too.
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Old 03-06-2014, 21:27
ForGodsSake
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Carla will start getting stomach pains and be rushed to hospital...
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Old 03-06-2014, 21:43
trevon1
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I know mate.
You'd think having a laugh was a crime wouldn't you.
My Nan was terrified of Hitler during the war, she spent the next forty years droning on about him, so I thought she'd appreciate the gesture.

I was a pall bearer too.
Awww, it does sound like you were just thinking of your Nan.

I'm guessing it was the sieg hiel salute as you were carrying the coffin that threw everyone over the edge.
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Old 03-06-2014, 22:03
Uncle Quentin
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Awww, it does sound like you were just thinking of your Nan.

I'm guessing it was the sieg hiel salute as you were carrying the coffin that threw everyone over the edge.
You're spot on Trev, there was a serious lack of humour at that funeral mate.
I thought me being blind drunk, in a Hitler costume at 11am would have added to the occasion, made a day of it like, but no, there was no pleasing some people.

Fifty notes I paid hiring that from Freddie Starr as well, money I won't be seeing again.
You begin to wonder why you make the effort.

Then, when we had to drop her in into the hole, I suggested we put her in upside down, because she spent every night drinking bottles of Barley Wine, so she'd like that - but that was my red card out of there.

Honestly mate, you can't do right for doing wrong.
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Old 03-06-2014, 22:17
wavlovr
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Eyes down for the Tina Bingo Drinking Game
Deidre will shout "Tracey" at least twice when her daughter makes some tactless comment. And Deidre will also mention Blanche loving a good funeral.

Please please don`t let Johnathan Harvey write the funeral ep. It will be so full of cliches.
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Old 03-06-2014, 22:19
eveningstar
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I think all of Boldilocks' predictions will come true, especially "have a bit of respect!" No way does that line get left out!
Along with 'It's what Tina would have wanted' or 'Tina wouldn't have wanted you to feel like this/do that/blameyourself' If the words are spoken by Fiz, insert aawww at regular intervals.

Names of the deceased can be changed as needed for future funerals.
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Old 03-06-2014, 22:36
trevon1
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You're spot on Trev, there was a serious lack of humour at that funeral mate.
I thought me being blind drunk, in a Hitler costume at 11am would have added to the occasion, made a day of it like, but no, there was no pleasing some people.

Fifty notes I paid hiring that from Freddie Starr as well, money I won't be seeing again.
You begin to wonder why you make the effort.

Then, when we had to drop her in into the hole, I suggested we put her in upside down, because she spent every night drinking bottles of Barley Wine, so she'd like that - but that was my red card out of there.

Honestly mate, you can't do right for doing wrong.
Wow mate, it sounds like you put a great deal of effort into your Nan's funeral. It's horrible that you didn't get the appreciation you deserve. Tina certainly doesn't have anyone in her life that cares enough to dress up as a historical figure at her funeral or be so considerate as to want her final resting position to reflect how she spent all of her nights.
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Old 04-06-2014, 15:09
Janet Plank
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Rita will probably sing. Maybe "Don't cry for me Argen...TINA!"
Brilliant, trevon1.
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Old 04-06-2014, 15:13
Belligerence
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- Someone reads Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep.

- Michelle is seen folding her arms (mark of respect).

- Steve or Dev make a passing comment, portrayed as 'funny', but really isn't.

- Whole street is outside, staring at the hearse like they've never seen one.

- Roy's Rolls is closed. Factory given day off.

- Someone who isn't invited/welcome to the funeral barges in through the doors during service. And makes a scene. Probably Peter.

- Curly Simon cries.
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Old 04-06-2014, 15:18
Kazza81
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There will be a toast and speech at the rovers, like what Stella did over Sunita's death and opening of the rovers.
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