Last night I had to take the tough, but right decision to have my lovely baby boy Brian PTS. He was mine and my partner's glossy black 'puppy' cat and we got him 6 years ago ( via DS.)

Some members on here know that my beautiful mum died (not expected) at the end of Feb this year, then my partner, my soulmate died at the end of March, a prolific DS poster and fan of BB. It's how we met, and a group of us became friends from 2007 onwards and we got Brian and Cally, his sister (a Tortie) from another DS member in June 2008.

Brian got run over in Sept 2013, broken pelvis and tail pull, but he came through it although incontinent and had to have his tail amputated.

He was a mummy's boy, but my partner loved him too. Recently Brian got constipated and got poorly, but that all got sorted while my partner was in hospital, beginning of March. With regular doses of lactalose he was able to 'go' regularly, and perked up a lot in the last couple of months. It's just been the last couple of weeks he had a urine infection and was uncomfortable weeing, so they emptied him and gave him antibiotics. He was ok for a while, eating, drinking, fussing etc but his wee was still yellow. This weekend he stopped eating and looked uncomfortable, took him to the vets and they said his bladder was too full again and it hurt to wee. So they emptied him again, under sedation while the vet took me into their office because I was crying so much, I think I knew then that it was days rather than weeks and, of course, I needed my partner, who had passed on 22nd March.. They said to bring him back Tues and gave me some relaxants for him.

So he spent yesterday with me, he was sat with me nearly all the time, and even though he was 'empty' he looked uncomfortable. We had lots of cuddles and I think he was telling me it's time. Took him to the vets 5.30 yesterday, he was full again and uncomfortable. They would have to do the same procedure each day as he was no longer able to 'go' by himself, so I had to make the ultimate decision. I couldn't let him suffer any more, and he was PTS while on my lap in his fleece.

I miss him so much, he was always 'there' but it was the right thing to do for him, and we had lots of extra time with him. He gave us both so much love, and was a great comfort to me when Mikeylb died (Brian got a second wind from somewhere, I'm sure, as he had been poorly, maybe we just needed more time together for comfort) He'd just had enough and wasn't going to improve this time. x

Today has been one of the worst of my life. A day when I would have turned to my mum, and my partner, the house is even more empty as my lovely boy is also no longer in it. How the hell does anyone deal with this?

I am so sorry and l know how badly it hurts. I had to have my beloved 24 y/o cat put to sleep last month and she died while i was holding her. All I can suggest is remembering the good times and that you provided him with a loving home whilst he was with you.

In view of the recent multiple bereavements and the immense emotional pain that has gone with that, it might be an option to have a counselling session with Cruse http://www.cruse.org.uk/. For what's worth, my own experience is to try to keep the usual routines going as far as is possible to provide some continuity and l found that the pain does recede after about six months or so. If you have any problems such as the onset of sleeplessness or depression then please go and see your GP.

You have my good wishes at this time.

I have no words of widsom but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you. Life can be so hard at times. x

Normally, I think people should come to terms with their grief over a pet in their own time, they will know when it is right to give a home to another.

However, on this occasion, with all that you've lost recently, I strongly advise you to go to your local rescue and offer a home to another cat, or cats, or a couple of kittens. They will not replace Brian but they will be characters all of their own and they'll find their place in your heart alongside your memories of Brian. In your particular circumstances, coming home to an empty house isn't, to me, a good way to go on.

There are hundreds of thousands of cats (and dogs, rabbits, guinea pigs...) who will never have the life, love and affection that Brian did... and even if you think it is too soon, you know you could make a difference to another little soul (or two) and in return, they'll help you absorb your grief and turn it into something more positive.

Please, this a post reaching out, as I lost my much loved mum (unexpectedly) end of Feb, and my partner, my soulmate (unexpectedly, although he was ill) end of March. I then had to take the (right) decision to have my lovely boy PTS. I was looking for empathy, support, suggestions etc somewhere other than family/friends.

I did not, and do not, want a discussion about cats being indoors/outdoors/lessons etc on this thread, it is inappropriate and could be discussed elsewhere. Thank you.

Thank you to those who gave support, to answer some I already talk to Cruse but they have nothing in my area, and am on a waiting list for other support.
I would LOVE to take on another cat, or animal that needs a home, but I still have Brian's sister (Cally, a Tortie) and live in rented accommodation which I will have to move out of soon as my partner is no longer with me, and it's too expensive for one.

My routines have been shattered as they usually involved my partner and both my cats, Brian took a lot of looking after but it was worth it. And, of course I no longer have the twice weekly phone call with my mum (She didn't live that close to me, although I visited when I could)

Oh, and I didn't add that I can't turn to my dad either as he is in a home with vascular dementia and has no idea who I am, although he likes me visiting when I can.

I know there are no easy answers, or quick fixes, I guess I just wanted to write it all down in the hope that I might gain some comfort with the replies. So thank you those who have shown me empathy, trust me it does help.x

I'm so glad you still have Cally to come home to. I can well imagine the hole in your life that Brian has left but with all losses, eventually we do find a way to absorb them into our lives and live with them. I lost a Mr Personality Cat at the end of January and I was in tears yesterday because I found something that related to him. It's early days for you yet, but you will get there because given time, that's what happens.

Even so, you've had a lot to cope with and I hope things gradually even out for you now. Take care of yourself.

I just want to convey my sympathies for all your losses. I can't show true empathy because my parents are alive and healthy and I don't have a partner - I have 3 lovely cats and lots of friends and family. I can understand, a little bit, what you are going through because I lost a much loved cat 3 years ago (not to a car accident) and was completely devastated without any other losses to deal with.

Your whole routine and way of life has changed, even having to find somewhere else to live, it will take a lot of adjusting. Can your GP arrange any counselling? Or is that the waiting list you refer to? As a health professional myself, with a psychiatrist brother, I find it shocking that there always seem to be such long waiting times for all forms of psychological support. I find, when grieving, it is easier to talk to someone 'neutral' who will listen with patience and kindness rather than talk to someone close who may feel pressure to comfort you and make you feel better. Some can be a tad unsympathetic with regard to pet losses.

I am sorry for some of the rather inappropriate replies on this thread, they must be hurtful at such a terrible time for you. I remember receiving some rather insensitive and rude replies when I posted about my cat going through her cancer treatment and then, subsequently dying. There were far more lovely, kind, sympathetic posts from some fantastic posters (including via PM) which I really appreciated and they made me feel that other people did understand what I was going through. The kindest posters often don't post much (they're the silent majority) but they read and some will PM.

Take care of yourself. Like Normandie says, I'm glad you have another cat to still look after. She's probably grieving a bit too, in her cat-like way. I know my Bernard did after my Tabitha died.

Sorry to hear of your losses Poblet.
Best wishes to you.

I'm not a cat person - but I do know what it is like to lose a treasured pet.
If it is any help I recently saw a post on another forum which said that their souls stay with us - they don't even realise anything is different. Whether it is bunkum or not it's a nice thought. My dog has a terminal illness - though she is quite well at the moment. When she goes I will probably be seen out with a lead and talking to an invisible dog
Loss doesn't pass I find but the hard edge does. Plus eventually sometimes you can compartmentalise it which helps.
Take care

Oh my goodness, I am sorry to read about not only your poor pussycat but also your dear Mum and partner

You made the right decision and you were there with him until the end, for which I'm sure he was very grateful!

Best wishes

This is very true, even though it will seem impossible right now

Oh shit Poblet I don't believe it. How much can one person be forced to go through so much? Have a huge hug from me. It is so hard when we lose our wee ones. Take care of youself xxx

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It really is some comfort to me, Yes, I am going through the 'hard edge' at the moment and I have to deal with it. This is one of the ways I am doing so, these replies really help in that.

I am so sorry for your losses Poblet. Makes my heart beat sad that you're going through so very much. This may be the internet and I don't know you but your OP broke my heart and I couldn't just read and not say anything x

Oh Poblet, I wish I could give you a hug. As someone said time is really what helps most, I wish I could suggest something else.

OT, could we please leave any comments on the merits of indoor cats to another thread?

Thank you. And virtual hugs are good.x

This means a lot, thank you.

It's rare I come in here anymore. My husband and I been through some stuff (illness) over the past few years, and even if we had got over the death of our last dog (just before my husband got ill) we're still not in the right place to have another.

Anyway, something made me look in today. Poblet, I am so sorry to hear of everything you have been through. I hope as time passes you will start to recover, feel better and reconnect with the obvious strength you have within you. All my very best wishes to you.

There are a couple of others on the thread who I feel should perhaps consider learning the fine art of timing.

Oh Poblet, I'm so sorry for your losses, no one should have to endure all of that. Life can be unbearably cruel at times but you will get through this, day by day. I promise it won't always feel so horribly raw x

Poblet What a horrible time you are having lately. It's almost too much to bear.

We had to have one of our much loved cats put to sleep last weekend. We are very sad and haven't had all the extra awfulness you have had on top.

Anyone thinking about posting on this thread about cats being kept in etc should first go an read some of Poblet's previous posts. If they then still come here and post anything other than sympathy they are heartless morons.

Poblet

I am so very sorry for what you have had to go through - to lose so much of your family in so short a time is inconceivable and my heartfelt sympathies are with you. Look after yourself xx

Cats aren't my thing and I have strong views on all sorts of cat issues. However it wouldn't occur to me to use a bereavement thread as a soap box.
Irrespective of any opinions, as a fellow pet owner and human being, my heart goes out to the OP.

Poblet - just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear your news.

If you would like a "safe" forum, where nobody judges and everyone is so understanding - you could try http://www.petlossmessageboard.com/?forum=62448

I've poured my heart out so many times on there and people have been really helpful and kind. They also do candle ceremonies and remembrance threads.

Sending love and good wishes. x

A number of posts have been removed from this thread. This isn't the thread to discuss the merits of keeping cats in or out - apologies to anyone that has quoted a post that has been removed and additionally added a message of condolence; you will need to repost that separately. Any further posts on that topic will find their posting privileges revoked.

To Poblet, we're very sorry for your losses and wish you every strength in getting through your current situation.

Thank you for posting this.