I'm sorry you've had such sadness recently. You will gradually feel better but it is very difficult to cope with the loss at first. Hope things improve for you - on here, we do all know how you feel.
So sorry, I know how hard it is to lose one but to lose two so close together must be absolutely heartbreaking. I know it's hard to imagine but in time you will look back at all the happy times with a smile, maybe a tear but you will be able to think about the good times, impossible though it seems right now x