It is often said that men don't understand women, usually said by women.
As an illustration of this, last Christmas, after racking my brains to think of a gift for my wife, (she has more jewellery than Zsa Zsa Gabor), I bought her a £175 gift voucher for treatments at a beauty parlour.
Manicures, pedicures, facials, ex foliating, deep body massages, spa treatments, you name it, it was available.
Her initial reaction? Oh, I need beauty treatments do I? I'm ugly now I suppose. I know that I was a size 8 when we met, but I was 22 then, I'm 54 now and drifting toward size 14 and you don't like it.
I assured her that to me, she made Angelina Jolie look like the back of a bus, and I just thought that she might like to be pampered.
No dice, she gave the voucher to her two nieces.
Two weeks ago her birthday was approaching,.
At 54 with 55 looming, menopause was kicking in and she'd been getting night sweats occasionally, so had started wearing casual cotton trousers and tops in bed, to absorb the perspiration.
Bright spark that I am, I bought her some exotic genuine silk pyjamas which weren't cheap.
Apparently that was all wrong too, they'll be all creased up after one night, and sweaty, and she'd have to hand wash them every morning.
She carefully replaced them in the gift box and said go get your money back, I won't wear them.
I give up.

She sounds very grumpy. Most women would love a gift voucher for a bit of pampering at a beauty parlour.

Wow! You must know her, give her my love when you next see her.
Maybe it's her age, don't tell her I said that!

The second point I kinda understand, the silk pjs probably would make her too hot.

The first point I think she's in the wrong there. It's obvious you were just trying to please her and I think she needs to accept that and be grateful. It's probably best you sit her down and tell her exactly why you bought that gift voucher if she's still mad but hopefully she'll have forgiven you by now (not that you need it)!

sounds a bit ungrateful frankly, even if the presents are not wanted you can politely suggest why rather than criticism.

Aye, she sounds like a right misery OP. To be fair, NOT typical of most women!

Has she always been like this or is this a recent thing? Supposedly (I wouldn't know, being a bloke) the menopause can cause stress and depression in women.

Well neither of those gifts would float my boat either. I don't mind pampering myself but I don't like other people fiddling with me at all. I'm always hot in bed so I'd prefer cotton to silk.

My husband bought me a job lot of books for my birthday which was fab as I do read a lot. He looked on Amazon at the stuff I've looked at and the books I'd bought this year so he used that to work out what sort of books to get. I appreciated the effort he put in. He's bought tickets for me to see Jack White in November as an early xmas present.

Perhaps she is just being a bit grumpy but do consider the possibility that she might have a particular gift in her mind that she thinks it is time you should be giving and you have now got it wrong twice. Just a thought.

Ditch her mate, sounds like a right auld boiler, you're well out of it.

Find a newer, younger, firmer breasted model, [ those from Russia are very highly regarded I'm led to beieve, and very cheap to run ] they will be much more appreciative of your well intentioned blandishments.

Probably a good time now to ask her what she wants for Christmas this year, since the guesswork isn't producing results.

Ahh, but then you might get the 'you never surprise me' answer.

Seriously, some people (men and women) just don't react the way you would like them to. I do think the OP's wife sounds a tad ungrateful... perhaps discuss it with her and see what she would prefer you do in future.

Is she normally the type who would like a spa/beauty treatment experience. If she does then it's odd, and a little, ungrateful, for her to reject the gift. If she doesn't then she is probably wondering what made you buy it. I wouldn't like that sort of thing either.

Same with PJs. Silky stuff isn't nice to sleep in if you get very hot (as us ladies do at certain times). It would just make her feel even less sexy.

That is really ungrateful. It was a lovely idea.

The silk PJs, well I suppose she has a practical reason for not being able to wear them if she is getting all hot at night due to the menopause and felt the silk would make it worse. But it's still a nice idea you had.

I'd forgive the PJ return, but accusing you of thinking she is ugly because you bought her a spa voucher is a bit nuts. Most of us would just appreciate the gesture.

Oh Christ!
It would appear that I've done my usual party trick, and shot from the lip, (or keyboard), without thinking things through.
I can't blame all those who've labelled her as an ungrateful bitch, it's certainly how I portrayed her, but that is far from the truth.
I'm no paragon of virtue, and I can't be a barrel of fun to live with.
I've spent a lifetime trying to impress on her that although I'm not always right, I am most of the time.
The fact that she still puts up with me after all these years is a source of amazement to me really.
The older that I get, the more cantankerous I get, and the nineteen year age gap no doubt makes me seem more like a miserable old git to her.
The undeniable fact is that I'd be lost without her, but fortunately, if she knows it, she doesn't show it.
I've returned the PJs and got the money back, next week we'll visit some of my family in the Loire Valley and I've told her that we'll go into Le Mans, she can have anything she wants, then we'll have dinner at La Baraque a Boeuf, she loves the duck in there.
Peace has been restored chez nous and everything in the garden seems lovely again.
Once again I'm M'sieu Nice Guy.

See, you do understand women really

Well, I'm a woman, and I'd absolutely hate it. Sounds like hell on earth to me.
We are all individuals, you know.
OP, why not just ask her for suggestions or for a 'wish list', then you can choose something off the list.

Exactly, pathetic stereotyping of all women in this thread.

Ha ha, well done.

I do think that people expecting a present (which is surely most of us at times) must either settle for choosing their own or ask for a surprise and be prepared to be grateful that someone has gone to the trouble, even if the surprise turns out to be something like a pet turkey. Personally I am all for the precise list and getting what I really want.

Tut.

Women eh?

Get in that bloody kitchen and make my tea you bleedin' lazy bints!

Then I want my socks sewing and a bit of how's your father later on an' all.

I don't complain if it only lasts 26 seconds, you should be bloody grateful I do not put a bag over your 'ead - and you have a fat arse an all.

Etc.

Can I have him when you're finished please lol

He sounds like an awesome man. I'm not jealous at all.

OP silk is not good, I have no idea why men like it so much. Cotton is much better.

Have you tried asking her what she would like? Or would she be offended by that too? lol

My husband will always ask me if I have anything that I want for birthdays or Christmas or anniversary, and I will deliberately not buy myself anything when those times come around so that I can have some suggestions for him.

I suppose it's less "romantic" to tell your husband what you want, but the way I see it is I get something I want and it's less stressful for him. Sometimes he'll throw in a surprise gift as well (something I didn't ask for) and I appreciate that too.

We don't have a lot of disposable income so often our anniversary will just consist of going to a nice restaurant and exchanging a small amount of chocolate that each of us likes (he like dark, I like Lindt).

Are you a good cook, Jean-Francois? Sometimes I'll ask my husband to make something special for me on my birthday or Mother's Day, like perogies or spaghetti with meatballs. Not gourmet food but something he does well.

WOW!! I think she was very ungrateful in respect of the voucher...it was a lovely gift. As for the pyjamas - well maybe they weren't suitable for her, but she could have been a bit nicer about it.

A right old boiler? You dumb jerk wad, I doubt that you'll live long enough to get a woman half as good as her.
Find a firmer breasted one from Russia?
I've done a lot of things in my time, but I've never been reduced to paying for a hooker.

It's not that I LIKE silk W. Cat, I guess it is that we have been conditioned to believe that silk is good, and more desirable than other materials.
e.g. gold preferable to silver, diamonds preferable to rubies.