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D'Limericks thread |
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#1 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 18,703
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D'Limericks thread
There was a young 'lady' called Helen,
Had the cut of the jib of a felon, When Matthew, he fought back By insulting her rack, She did strangle him dead with her melons. There was a young hobbo called Ash, Who was smitten with her who takes cash, He's as dull as a turd, And quite dirty, I've heard, There's a coupling would lead to a rash. |
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#2 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,257
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Awk I was going to do one with 'Helen' and 'melons'. I won't bother now
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#3 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 3,587
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Quote:
There was a young 'lady' called Helen,
Had the cut of the jib of a felon, When Matthew, he fought back By insulting her rack, She did strangle him dead with her melons. There was a young hobbo called Ash, Who was smitten with her who takes cash, He's as dull as a turd, And quite dirty, I've heard, There's a coupling would lead to a rash. ![]()
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#4 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 787
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A Scottish miss, name of Danielle,
Is a Catholic glamour modelle She may have her mockers For flashing her knockers While saying bad girls go to hell |
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#5 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 20,498
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A mean old woman called Pauline
Created a hell of a scene She dropped a bomb With her killer nom And now she can no longer be seen Her Momma din raise no fool But she was a bit of a tool It wasn't hard to hate her She was simply a 'statementer' And she was incredibly cruel Then along came Barry Scott Who swiftly wiped out the lot What will we do now then? When the TV clock strikes ten This years BB's gone to pot! |
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#6 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 8,690
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There was a young man, name of Steven,
Who wept and declared he'd get even, With anyone who, Had the impudence to, Bite the hand that was feeding poor Steven. |
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#7 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 18,703
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Lovin' yer work!
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#8 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 8,690
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A young girl called Ashleigh from Derry,
Was rarely inclined to be Merry, She started off dour, But now she's just sour, Toya's arse has a new dingleberry. |
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#9 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,381
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There was a young scouser named Mark
who was up for a bit of a lark when he couldn't do his hair poor mark went spare & thought he would have to hide in the dark. |
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#10 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ireland
Posts: 19,590
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There was a Scots lass called Danielle
With tats like a Border spaniel She was very pure and about smut did whine Except when she purred on her sexy chatline. There was an irish lass called Ashleigh Who often spoke very rashly. She has a facial expression akin to a slapped arse But is sharp enough to see the truth from the farce. There was a comical scouser called mark Quiffed and a bit of a bright spark. He minces around with his arse in the air. His only worry, his ridiculous hair |
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#11 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: London
Posts: 4,903
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Not a limerick, but...
The 'face that launched a thousand ships' by name Fair Helen from the streets of Bolton came She found her fame through red-top kiss and tell And now in Borehamwood she raises hell With cohorts three she sits in majesty While others from her presence tend to flee In efforts to avoid the foul abuse That freely flows when she is on the juice With free pass in her hand she saunters on Though kinder souls so dearly want her gone Perhaps tonight some changes may occur For there may be a grand surprise for her Yes, what I think that most would like to see Is the loss of that same pass she got for free One final loss of temper, one last fight Could, better still, see her removed tonight |
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#12 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 5,554
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There was a smart alec called Ash
He liked to hang out with trash His mate always yellin' A harlot called Helen Neither will be winnin' the cash |
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#13 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 305
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There is a guy Ash from near Phuket.
Whose cock was so big he could suck it. He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin. If my ear was a fanny I would **** it. |
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#14 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: London
Posts: 4,903
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A stylish young housemate called Mark
Gave Jale brows thick and dark When the housemates said "No! They really must go! You must just be having a lark!" Now Mark was exceedingly hurt His petulant answer was curt "You know less about style Than a Jeremy Kyle Layabout dishing the dirt! |
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#15 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3,656
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There was an actor called Chris
Who threatened to fill the kitchen with piss. Once he was made the power housemate He sealed Pauline's faith. And continued to rumble the other's fakeness. |
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#16 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 10,236
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There was a young fella named Marrkk,
Whose brrrain was the size of a quarrkk, But if yous takke the p*ss, He's "NOD 'AVIN' THIS!", His 'aircut's his f*ckkin' trademarrkk! ![]() *Scouse accent implied.
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#17 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 4,806
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Borhamwood is a place in a city...
A place that some find kinda shi*ty... They never tidy up, their gobs are full a muck, and this is the end of my ditty. Dah Dah....ill get mi jacket
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#18 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 7,903
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Jales been called a maggot and a slug
She responded well with just a shrug The housemates are mean Always causing a scene While some of them are horrid and smug |
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#19 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,082
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Quote:
There was a young man, name of Steven,
Who wept and declared he'd get even, With anyone who, Had the impudence to, Bite the hand that was feeding poor Steven. ![]() ![]() ![]()
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#20 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,008
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Quote:
Not a limerick, but...
The 'face that launched a thousand ships' by name Fair Helen from the streets of Bolton came She found her fame through red-top kiss and tell And now in Borehamwood she raises hell With cohorts three she sits in majesty While others from her presence tend to flee In efforts to avoid the foul abuse That freely flows when she is on the juice With free pass in her hand she saunters on Though kinder souls so dearly want her gone Perhaps tonight some changes may occur For there may be a grand surprise for her Yes, what I think that most would like to see Is the loss of that same pass she got for free One final loss of temper, one last fight Could, better still, see her removed tonight |
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#21 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,082
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There was a young girl called Kim
who appeared to be incredibly dim She tried to be cool But was nobody'. fool I hope to fu*k she dont win. |
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#22 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: London
Posts: 4,903
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The housemate that we know as Toya
Can rant just like The Destroyer Her voice is so loud It can frighten a crowd And scare off a potential employer |
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#23 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,235
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There once was an unlikely fox
Whose faith seemed ...out of the box: ![]() Takes the Lord's name in vain, And from clothes she'll abstain, Now she's coveting her neighbour's ox
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#24 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,337
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Quote:
There once was an unlikely fox
Whose faith seemed ...out of the box: ![]() Takes the Lord's name in vain, And from clothes she'll abstain, Now she's coveting her neighbour's ox ![]()
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#25 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,586
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These are ace.
![]() Some HMs were sat on the grass Talking about Helen's free pass They were feeling quite mellow 'Til she started to bellow And the others shot out of her ass |
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