There was a young 'lady' called Helen,
Had the cut of the jib of a felon,
When Matthew, he fought back
By insulting her rack,
She did strangle him dead with her melons.


There was a young hobbo called Ash,
Who was smitten with her who takes cash,
He's as dull as a turd,
And quite dirty, I've heard,
There's a coupling would lead to a rash.

Awk I was going to do one with 'Helen' and 'melons'. I won't bother now

Very good PatsyLimerick at Limericks!! I enjoyed it!

A Scottish miss, name of Danielle,
Is a Catholic glamour modelle
She may have her mockers
For flashing her knockers
While saying bad girls go to hell

A mean old woman called Pauline
Created a hell of a scene
She dropped a bomb
With her killer nom
And now she can no longer be seen

Her Momma din raise no fool
But she was a bit of a tool
It wasn't hard to hate her
She was simply a 'statementer'
And she was incredibly cruel

Then along came Barry Scott
Who swiftly wiped out the lot
What will we do now then?
When the TV clock strikes ten
This years BB's gone to pot!

There was a young man, name of Steven,
Who wept and declared he'd get even,
With anyone who,
Had the impudence to,
Bite the hand that was feeding poor Steven.

Lovin' yer work!

A young girl called Ashleigh from Derry,
Was rarely inclined to be Merry,
She started off dour,
But now she's just sour,
Toya's arse has a new dingleberry.

There was a young scouser named Mark
who was up for a bit of a lark
when he couldn't do his hair
poor mark went spare
& thought he would have to hide in the dark.

There was a Scots lass called Danielle
With tats like a Border spaniel
She was very pure and about smut did whine
Except when she purred on her sexy chatline.

There was an irish lass called Ashleigh
Who often spoke very rashly.
She has a facial expression akin to a slapped arse
But is sharp enough to see the truth from the farce.

There was a comical scouser called mark
Quiffed and a bit of a bright spark.
He minces around with his arse in the air.
His only worry, his ridiculous hair

Not a limerick, but...

The 'face that launched a thousand ships' by name
Fair Helen from the streets of Bolton came
She found her fame through red-top kiss and tell
And now in Borehamwood she raises hell

With cohorts three she sits in majesty
While others from her presence tend to flee
In efforts to avoid the foul abuse
That freely flows when she is on the juice

With free pass in her hand she saunters on
Though kinder souls so dearly want her gone
Perhaps tonight some changes may occur
For there may be a grand surprise for her

Yes, what I think that most would like to see
Is the loss of that same pass she got for free
One final loss of temper, one last fight
Could, better still, see her removed tonight

There was a smart alec called Ash
He liked to hang out with trash
His mate always yellin'
A harlot called Helen
Neither will be winnin' the cash

There is a guy Ash from near Phuket.
Whose cock was so big he could suck it.
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin.
If my ear was a fanny I would **** it.

A stylish young housemate called Mark
Gave Jale brows thick and dark
When the housemates said "No!
They really must go!
You must just be having a lark!"

Now Mark was exceedingly hurt
His petulant answer was curt
"You know less about style
Than a Jeremy Kyle
Layabout dishing the dirt!

There was an actor called Chris
Who threatened to fill the kitchen with piss.
Once he was made the power housemate
He sealed Pauline's faith.
And continued to rumble the other's fakeness.

There was a young fella named Marrkk,
Whose brrrain was the size of a quarrkk,
But if yous takke the p*ss,
He's "NOD 'AVIN' THIS!",
His 'aircut's his f*ckkin' trademarrkk!

*Scouse accent implied.

Borhamwood is a place in a city...
A place that some find kinda shi*ty...
They never tidy up, their gobs are full a muck, and this is the end of my ditty.

Dah Dah....ill get mi jacket

Jales been called a maggot and a slug
She responded well with just a shrug
The housemates are mean
Always causing a scene
While some of them are horrid and smug

Very good.

There was a young girl called Kim
who appeared to be incredibly dim
She tried to be cool
But was nobody'. fool
I hope to fu*k she dont win.

The housemate that we know as Toya
Can rant just like The Destroyer
Her voice is so loud
It can frighten a crowd
And scare off a potential employer

There once was an unlikely fox
Whose faith seemed ...out of the box:
Takes the Lord's name in vain,
And from clothes she'll abstain,
Now she's coveting her neighbour's ox

Lawl

These are ace.

Some HMs were sat on the grass
Talking about Helen's free pass
They were feeling quite mellow
'Til she started to bellow
And the others shot out of her ass